this is a rentry i wanted to create after reading someone's else rentry about their identity during their life! note that: not everyone feels the same or are invalid for feeling like the same as i did ♡

hi! my name is satick and I've been using this name since 2022 but my other names are: Vitalasy, Randy and Ro
my pronouns currently are he / she, i really like that people use he him on me but i prefer feminine terms (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

trigger warning for csam and pornography

its not recent that I've been identifying myself with masculinity but during my whole life I've been extremely feminine. using female leaning clothes, makeup, watching feminine shows / movies etc — I was born a female (afab) and that never bothered me much until i was sa'd by a older girl, i never blamed her for anything because i was into pornography at a young age

after that year, i started to have thoughts about "what i was" or "what i liked", i had relations with girls around my age when i was little (7-9 years old) but i always thought that was cute because they were girls as well. around 11 years old i started to identify myself as a male, not in a trans way, but i always liked masc characters in shows, i liked the masc voice in music and i couldn't listen or like any female characters in shows because it would make me feel really upset about myself and that made me miserable for a long time.

at 12 i finally discovered about the lgbt community and i knew that my mom and my dad would never accept me if i was "disordered" like that. i found out i was trans at 12, and since then i always asked people to use he him on me even though i still really liked to be referred as a girl (feminine terms), what i was, was really fluid and i was always scared to tell others about what i was
in the same year (probably the three last months) i stated I was a trans Male, he him pronouns and masc terms only and i tried everything to use the most baggy clothes ever just to pass, but during that time, I was really depressed because of situations in my home, so my parents never accepted what i was and called me disordered so i never opened up about it ever again to them. i had many flags during the years (2021—2024) i had many identities, contradictory or not, because i was trying to find myself.

currently i am 17 years old and i identify myself as a femme transMale bisexual (female preferred) and aroace :-)
i am extremely feminine with long hair and feminine clothes, i am not trying to pass anymore because i really dont need anyone to tell me what i am! i appreciate everyone who were in my life and supported me during my journey ^_^ i do feel dysphoric about how i currently look, but there is no reason for me to be miserable about it ever again, one day i will tell my mom about it, and i will do top surgery because the most thing that makes me dysphoric is my chest, but while i cant do much about it, i won't cry and feel miserable with my body :-)
its valid to someone feel bad about themselves just like its valid for someone don't feel bad about how they look!

i really like how i look and how i am currently, please be safe and don't stay down because of your body ♡ i love you. you are not less trans for being feminine