The Lord is My Refuge, Part 1
[Recommended Music: https://youtu.be/TQ713X_OE8c?si=hXf60sZ4M7M-DezH ]
Sally McCathy sits awake, staring at the ceiling. It was just at the break of dawn outside of her guest room at the Mitsurugi Dojo. Sleeping had been difficult and focusing on her studies even harder as a sense of creeping dread bled into everything she did. She had slowly made trips back and forth to retrieve important things from her apartment, still not cleaning it up and unwilling to ask anyone to do it for her. Scattered about the traditional Japanese room were her study books for Hiragana, Katakana, and the doorstop of a book she had on Kanji with many dogeared pages and bookmarks for important pages. Her workbooks for writing these moon runes out sat near a low table, the low Japanese kind she always found showcased her diminutive height all too well. Americans were supposed to be tall, strong, bold, and brave: traits that Sally couldn't find in herself most of the past few days.
It had been a week since school had changed: the Surveillance, the security, even heroes being sent to watch over the school to avoid another break-in or death. It went from where she went to earn her redemption to a low-security prison in her eyes and made her not want to wake up. At the same time, her mind ran with every paranoid line of thinking of what she did asking a man as evil as Desolator for help. It was a knot in her stomach, a feeling of doom that followed her every step like a specter. This must be the kind of weight that followed Chihiro every day of her life, yet she was cracking after just a handful of days. She curls into herself more on her futon, her hair tied up in a loose braid over her left shoulder as she shifts to sleep on her side and looks at her phone.
5:00 AM
But she quickly looks at the texts Noah sent her, reminding her that his father was happy to take Chihiro to Sunday morning mass with them. It gave her a flicker of a smile at the thought of the ritual she'd become used to. In a way, the Catholic way of doing things made her feel closer to God with all of the rituals it practiced, if nothing all the pageantry helped her think about her situation less.
The more time she got away from the past and future, the better. Facing it head-on felt akin to walking into traffic and her legs locking up to stop her from taking a step too far and ending up dead from it.
Chihiro sniffs the air around the stove and wrinkles her nose: it's leaking again. She sighs while waiting for Sally to wash her hair in the bathroom and shuts off the stove: she was always so slow to wake up, usually just scrolling on her phone or reading her bible. The lack of urgency was at least understandable. She'd not had a good week, or a really good month, or a good year so far. For how much faith she had in her god, it seemed to grant her little solace.
The girl grabs some flint and steel to start a fire in the pit and readies the pot of Miso stew to warm, cutting the fish into smaller pieces to be put on skewers to keep herself busy before Sally finally showed bedraggled self. Her long brown hair was tied in a loose ponytail while she wore her nightgown, a smooth white dress that went down just past her knees. She made an effort to sit properly at the low table, in a pigeon-toed position like Chihiro had been trying to get her to do instead of leaning on a wall and eating. Sally of course sat with her legs on top of each other.
"Good morning, Sally-chan"
"Morning Sensei" Sally greets back grunting at the uncomfortable position
"More of that soup? And why are you using a fire pit?" the American asks
"Because the stove is broken again. I'll have to make do until I can find someone to fix it" she says, ignoring the implication that her cooking wasn't very good. She felt... defensive for once like a spark of fire was catching in her soul.
"So you have a gas leak!?" Sally says in horror
"Only if someone decides to turn it on and use it"
"Yeah, I get it. And the microwave is busted too so I guess we're stuck roughing it"
"Indeed" Chihiro says as she pours a bowl of soup for Sally, and hands her one of the skewers
"And I must ask you to make sure you take your shoes off at the entryway. You're dirtying the mats"
"And unlace my boots when I'm just coming in to grab my phone or some books??"
"Yes: Or perhaps wear some sandals instead of your hiking boots"
"You live in a fucking forest: I'm not getting some rash on my ankle just cause I'm lazy"
Chihiro gives a strained sigh, summoning up more patience from her deep reserves.
Sally looks away from her host with guilt. Neither wanted to speak to each other as they ate, Chihiro feeling like a poor host for nagging her guest. She should be lucky anyone would have the bravery and compassion to live around her and make the dojo less lonely.
Sally flagellates herself mentally over her social misteps: The Japanese were different and this wasn't just someone else's house. This was one of the last things Chihiro had to remember her parents by, and to dirty it like she did would be like pissing on their carpets. She was lucky not one, but two people could put up with being close to her.
The girls shared glances as they ate the simple meal: It was tenuous but there was a vague trust between the two. Chihiro knew Sally's secrets and could at least try and help her through the feelings she'd resigned to the torture of since her quirk acted up. Sally found a friend and was a steady student to boot. Her progress was slow with the art of the sword, but she had the spirit to learn. The gun nun had even said she wanted to teach Chihiro to handle a gun someday as a way of saying thanks.
As Sally wipes her mouth with a napkin, picking at her bowl of soup, she looks toward Chihiro: "Hey... would... you like to come to mass tomorrow morning? I-I... promise it won't be weird for you to come, you can't take communion but I think..."
She gulps: "I think it will give you peace to observe"
"...I would only be a burden and a distraction" Chihiro says, a look of distant fear on her face.
"The people at Kawaramachi are nice, they won't... they'll let you listen in peace, even if they recognize you" Sally says
"I just... I just..." she stammers, wracking her brain for the right Japanese words to save Chihiro's soul.
"...Would a trade be to your liking, Sally-chan?"
"Huh"
"There is a shrine near here. If you accompany me there, then I will go to your place of worship happily"
"N...." Sally starts, before biting her tongue. She's strong in her faith, she doesn't need the blessing of an idol. But at the same time, Chihiro was asking her to do something for once. This was her chance to try and make things right.
Besides, God would be getting the last word to her. Jesus would agree if he was in Sally's shoes: to understand the lost and the damned is the Godly course of action.
"I'll... do it"
Chihiro smiles slightly: "Thank you: allow me to clean up after breakfast then we can head out"
"A-Actually, I want to do the dishes" Sally says
"I'm the host, it is my-"
"I've been here for a week and you've even handled my laundry: Please, I need to earn my keep somehow"
Chihiro gives in, letting Sally handle cleanup while she dons a kimono with a wakazashi pattern on it and packs a bag with her essentials. She contemplated bringing her sword, but she had a feeling the gods were generous enough to grant even a wretch like her one peaceful day out.
Sally had avoided shrines visits in her stay in Japan. She didn't believe in Pagan gods, let alone ones from the other side of the world. She had God, the creator of everything watching over her: what would a fox or a dog statue do for her even if it was really a divine being anyways?
Chihiro had never been interested in seeking the approval of the Abrahamic God, for they would see her sins and turn as pale as they should. She found more comfort in shrines and spirits. However, she could only make offerings to cleanse the souls of those she killed, not for herself as there was no point in the act. She was so steeped in sin that no amount of cleansing could ever grant her a peaceful afterlife. A pair of oni would be waiting for her when she died to enact her deserved tortures and that was the fate she had made peace with.
The two girls walk along the paths down the mountain, ending up at an isolated road shrine after 2 miles. Chihiro takes an offering out of her bag: bird seed and some money. She sits in a praying position, silently offering her prayers for one of the many she killed.
Sally kneels beside her and takes her packed offering out, trying to not express disgust as she follows suit. It felt wrong, like having to use a boy's bathroom or go a day without wearing a bra. Still, she sat in the posture of prayer and closed her eyes.
"Who or what is this shrine even to?" Sally asks with a hard-edged voice
"The crows: so they can disperse blessings to others" the girl answers like its common sense
"...Did you pray for something?"
"Yeah"
"What was it?"
"...To not go to hell"
Chihiro nods solemnly, letting the American go back to her own prayer. The two sit side-by-side for minute after minute, well after Chihiro had requests to be sent to the Gods via the crows.
"..H-Hey, Sensei" Sally asks
"Yes?"
"Where do you think animals go when they die?"
"To be reincarnated dependent on their deeds in the life they lost"
"...The first thing I ever killed was a cow. It was old, and dying. Mister Jenkins saw me being a bit unsafe at the range and he invited me to his property with my parents"
"I thought I was going to have a fun little tour, maybe get to see his horses and even ride a pony...b-but..." Sally freezes up, caught on something.
"...He had prepared a lesson for you" Chihiro says in a sagely tone.
"Y-Yeah. He brought me to his barn... and... and showed me Bessy.. his oldest cow. She was losing her teeth... thin... looked miserable"
"He grabbed my wrist and pointed my right arm barrel at her head.. while she was in her paddock. Said... said she'd want her body butchered so... I had to blow her head off"
"..And did you?"
"...I froze up, I couldn't make ammo, I couldn't think..."
"I just... looked into the cow's eyes. And they stared back"
"What did they say?"
"To just do it" Sally says with an audible choke
The moment sits as the girls keep praying at the pagan crow altar, the flap of wings around them.
Chihiro stands, and gathers her bag. She lays a hand on Sally's shoulder:
"Time to go, heaven's messengers must work unobserved"
Sally opens her eyes and dusts her skirt off, being led away by Chihiro's hand. Two emotions mixed in her like a vile stew: Weakness and uncertainty. 'It was just a demon from the shrine' she thought, but an intrusive guest in her thoughts with the voice of a certain mirror devil spoke in her mind:
'Your not invincible, emotionally or physically. The best anyone can do is to just keep going past their darkest days'
Her angel crept into the introspective episode, his words beaming like the warmth of spring:
'Everything will be ok, God has a plan for everything, and your faith through this means you are strong because you're facing this: Even Jesus faced the temptation to join Satan and you're resisting the urge just as he did'
Sally manages to carry herself with a slightly better posture as the two walk back to the dojo, looking for a suitable western-styled dress for Chihiro to wear to church once back.
Sally felt a gnawing in her stomach as she walks down the steps in the finest dress she grabbed from home, a boater hat on her head while her hair stood tied into a long braid resting on her right shoulder. She dressed well, probably over what she needed to today given her choice of a yellow dress that went just past her knees, a white cardigan, and even breaking out the antique lace gloves her mom used to wear. Chihiro was no different, save for a wider hat with a slight veil Sally had fashioned to it to hide the girl's distinctive red eyes.
It wasn't hunger, she had eaten plenty.
It wasn't schoolwork, as she'd been able to keep a pace of studying despite her panic attacks at school.
Her subconscious looks to the forest to give her the answer she was looking for: they must be watching her and looking for another way to destroy her mind.
She shakes her head and puts on a smile when she sees Noah, being a gentleman and keeping the door to the backseat of the Abram's car open. At the wheel was his American Father and to his side was his Japanese mother, who waves back at the two.
"Just follow along, Miss Mitsurugi. I've been doing it for years" she jokes, prompting a nod from Chihiro. Sally had coaxed her into a sky blue dress with cute puffy sleeves and that went down to her mid-femur with white tights under it to keep a pure and innocent look. The white satin bows putting her short hair into pigtails offered even greater cuteness, and Sally's face showed some obvious pride in her work.
"Well, isn't she just adorable Noah?" Sally asks her angel
"Of course! Chihiro-chan was cute before but this is a whole new level. Was the veil your idea?"
"Yeah, figured her red eyes could be covered up"
Chihiro sits silently as Mr. Abrams parks his car: "You're free to sit in the back or with us near the front Mitsurugi-san. Whatever is most comfortable for you"
"..I.." the black-haired girl says as Sally stands by her side
"You should sit with us, Sensei" Sally asks with a smile, noticing her enthusiasm spread a bit. The troubled girl is able to convince herself she is in control enough to ignore the stares of many of the congregation at the new member under the veiled hat.
The 5 sit cozily near the front, all proudly singing except for the newcomer to the congregation. In many ways, she was looking for a way to deny herself this kind of false salvation. she cannot be saved, and praying to a foreign god was unlikely to grant her friends and family the peace she can only hope to offer them in the afterlife.
The minitster talks of heaven today, and of the trials needed to enter: To live as a man named Jesus did. He talks about Jesus for a long tim with a powerful voice:
"And so I ask you, congrgation: in this age of stability, can we not thank our God-Given quirks for granting us blessings of fortune in our lives? Some still ascribe a scientific origin to them, but it is plain to see that quirks are a gift... as well as a test"
"A test young heros like Mr. Abram's and Ms. McCathy will have to endure daily: to not misuse their blessing"
"Every quirk is tailor-made for the use: No matter how miniscule or destructive the effect, it is GOD's test to us whether to control it and master it, or let it run loose like a wild animal!"
"We have ALL had that temptation!" The young(ish) Japanese man says with gusto.
"To let loose, test our limits outside of safety, to take what should be earned with the power of our blessing"
Chihiro looks on as Sally and Noah, and his father listen attentively while his mother lays her head on her husbands shoulder and listens less attentively. She could sense the looks from the strangers, like her corruption was oozing into the church and informing all the other churchgoers of her sins and her unworthiness to be here. Yet, she was sandwiched between Sally and Noah, and neither seemed like they were going to get up and let her escape.
It was stupid to think any of this would bring her closer to anything but that all-too familiar guilt. If it was a weight, then she deserved every gram of it. Probably double for lapsing in her devotion to the gods her family observed as true and seeking external help from Sally's way.
All she heard was empty preaching from a man who knew nothing of true tests of resolve: Even Sally should be able to see that he's speaking like a deceiver. Yet the American clung to every word her said like it was driftwood in a shipwreck. Chihiro directs her gaze to the floor and considers just leaping over the seat and leaving to clear her mind of all of this while the preacher starts a rite called Communion.
The process of communion involved everyone lining up in front of the priests, received a small cracker that was dipped in wine on their tongue. She didn't look at the people doing it or understand what the priests were saying: it wouldn't matter even if she pushed herself to try and understand it. They were words of comfort that she didn't need or deserve.
[Recommend Music: https://youtu.be/wmynvG0PszU?si=6UtokZvR_oHlupkQ ]
A woman glares down at Chihiro with a face twisted by barely contained anger. She looks over her posture, wracking her brain for any church rules Sally had mentioned to her last night before the obvious hits her.
"...Mitsurugi Chihiro, is that you?" she demands to know, her tone far too hostile to be just asking.
"Yes" she says on instinct, like she was leaping onto a vengeful sword. She was looking at the mother of a young student of her parents, a girl named Yuzuki. A girl she killed and left the mother grieving. Of course, there was no choice but to leave at this point. There is nothing she could say or do to ever atone for her sins. Even committing Seppuku would offer no purification for her deeds.
The woman's eyes speak of pure, unbridled pain as they bore into her: "...Get out. I'm not letting you kill all of these people like you did Yuzuki" she says, following it by balling up her hands and gritting her teeth with a sharp glare. Chihiro looks to the ground and simply nods: it was for the best, what she should have done before anyways. She might have ruined her whole day for nobodies gain, so it was pointless to cause any more pain.
She's stopped by Sally's hand on her wrist as she is about to exit the sanctuary. The whole congregation stares in stunned silence, except for a nervous Noah and his parents who are readying themselves to defuse a verbal battle.
"Don't run just because of them, Sensei: You have control of your quirk, more control than anyone here can claim" Sally says firmly
"Control?! Are you insane!?" A younger man says as he rises out of his seat.
"Mitsurugi is a danger to anyone around here McCathy!"
"Shut up Haruto! She deserves absolution more than anyone else!" Sally snaps back with righteous fury. Noah flies to her side and holds her back.
"Sally is right!" Noah says declares in a much kinder tone.
"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him-
“I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." Sally finishes as she puts her arms down. Noah notices her expression relax as Haruto still stares at Sally.
"She took more than 77 lives, that cursed child was locked away for a reason" He says
"I had to watch my parents get buried because of her: Because she couldn't obey the rules of God and control her quirk"
"...You cannot convince me it was God's plan to have left me and so many other people devastated.. and... empty.." He says, starting to tear up
Noah approaches him, practically radiating with light as the sunlight catches off of his wings. It was a shot out of a movie more than a real image as the angel took the man's hand gently clasped it between his own:
" In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace"
"If Misturagi-san is not allowed to listen to the good news, if she sees us as hostile... then we aren't doing the best we can to be followers of Christ"
Noah looks to the rest of the crowd: "Mutant, villain, killer, God made us all with the ability to be better, and to help others find better ways to live"
Sally gulps as she feels it in her gut: Chihiro slipped her grasp. She was too busy listening to Noah speak and admiring his way of preaching that she must have been overwhelmed. She looks through one of the stained glass windows ahead of her, basking in the multicolored light as feathers dance in the air.
Perhaps it was the will of God her grip gave out.
She puts her hands together, and with the churches eyes on her, sings, the churches pianist quickly picking up her tune: https://youtu.be/U0HKMgm3QGs?si=7VbNNe9qbl9nPptt
["Amaaaziing Graaaace, How sweet, the sound..."]
[That saaved, a wretch, like me!"]
["I oonce, was lost, but now, am found"]
[Was blind, but nooow, I seee]
Chihiro had retreated. Walking home was fine.
She'd be fine.
As she put one foot in front of the other, she could hear a faint song coming from the church, with a piano tune. It was Sally who led the tone, singing loudly. She'd never heard the American's real singing voice before. It gave her pause for a moment, as her ears couldn't tune out the lyrics:
["Though maaaany, dangers, toilss, and snares,"]
["I have, already come!"]_
["Tis Grace that brought me safe, thus far,]"-
[And Grace, will leead, me home"]_
As she stood on the sidewalk listening to them go on, a part of her wanted to go back. It was a tiny, easily deniable spark in her soul. But this tiny speck in her soul, practically shouted in Sally's voice: "I miss you".
...Yet, the weight of her guilt was not something she was willing to simply stop carrying, to drop at the church of a foreign god like she was dumping burnable trash.
But maybe someday she could have Sally help her perform the grape juice and crackers ritual: If nothing else to soothe the American's soul in preaching to another. She walks home, a smile dancing beneath the sunhat under the gorgeous sunlight.
Takara Tame waited near the front gate of the school for Sally to arrive. She waves to some of the students as they pass by her, a particular general course student looking at her for a few seconds. Her eyes focus on his until she forcefully rips his gaze away.
Satoru frowned toward her: "It's weird when you stare at people like that, Takara-san. Especially you since your eyes can digitally zoom and enhance"
"How did you know?" the gynoid asks
"Simple: was looking up hardware for robots online and I saw visual sensors just like that for way too much money"
"My creator is very good about finding me the best parts, but... I've been having some heating issues recently"
"...Like a clogged fan or something?" Satoru asks with a confused expression.
"I already verified my software and it's clean, I just... keep getting these feelings of warmth in my chest that my diagnostics can't explain" Takara says as she looks out for Sally
"W-W-Well, I'm sure your creator can handle-"
"She's out of town on a maintenance call for a big client..." the android says as she droops down
Satoru blue screens for a moment: this had to be a honey trap, there was no way it wasn't. Yeah, this was the one acceptable female-adjacent thing in this school(of course it was a fucking robot and not the literal definition) that he could hold a conversation with. She seemed almost invincibly patient as her segmented chassis craned its neck to look up at the sky. Was it sexual harassment to call her well-built? If he was being filmed what for? There was a camera every 10 feet in school now-
"..I just feel a bit lonely with how Sally's been" Tame admits with a sadness-twinged synthesized voice.
"And it feels like I'm failing in my duties to help her"
"It's your class's fault things are as bad as they are for all of us. Maybe you can't fix her, ever thought about that black pill?"
"I bet she's just a bit moody or on her-"
Satoru is interrupted by a parting crowd of students glaring at a student wearing a full-headed white headscarf, her brown hair bouncing behind her in short braids. Sunglasses cover her eyes, the kind airsoft kids and mall ninjas wear. The rest of her face is covered in a medical facemask as she clings to her schoolbag and looks at the security cameras defiantly like she's in a spy movie.
Tame sighs: "She won't take medicine, she won't go to therapy... she won't even move back to her apartment"
"My treatments are as accredited as they come so... so please, Satoru"
"Am I... the problem? Am I defective? I don't want to wait for after I come out of stability mode or maintenance mode, I'll miss too much!" she says in a show of frustration and anger.
Two voices take up the boy's attention, the part that reminds him she's not just a hero course student but with 1-D alongside the fact that she is a WALKING, TALKING, ROBOT. Just like emotions like happiness are just Neurochemicals, her emotions aren't real. She was just simulating a human and would probably start bugging out the second he did something... like a paradox.
"Hey Tame-san: solve the Banach Tarski Paradox for me"
Tame giggles, the comment seeming to liven up at what she must be perceiving as a... joke?
"Well, that depends on what axiom you want to use, Tani-san. If we assume an Axiom of Choice is being used then it can be proven, since we need to be using non-measurable sets that don't have volume in the sense we usually think about the concept and would require an uncountable amount of choices to construct both balls from the one that was cut up in the first place"
Satoru looks at the robot girl and stammers, not seeing a convenient way out of the social situation. A part of him didn't want to screech at her like he would any hero course wastrel-
"Oh! I need to catch up with Sally-chan! See you later Tani-san!" she says as her skirt flutters in the wind, her swift legs catching up to the masked-up girl. Satoru stands in place and collects himself.
"G-Good for nothing tin-can ass sexbot..." he grumbles as he heads to class.
[2:00 Last Night]
Sally rests on her futon, curling in on herself and trying to quiet her mind enough to sleep. Chihiro forgave her and the church would let her come back. Her usual sinking feeling about school was setting in, having to get watched by a ton of cameras made her feel like a cornered animal. She takes deep breaths in and out, trying to forget about it as best she can so she can at least be well-rested.
Then she heard something rustling the grass, just outside the dojo's grounds. Her eyes automatically open and her quirk springs to action, loading rubber 9mm's as she feels around for her purse with all of her specialty rounds. She quietly rises from her covers, walking in a crouched posture to the sliding door to the outside. Her keen ears could still just barely hear something out there.
Except she knew damn well that the animals usually stayed further away: it had to be a someone
She slides open the door a crack, seeing someone moving from tree to tree. They carried something that was probably made of metal given the sounds it was making, which meant they could be armed. She lets a shot loose from her right arm which echoes in the night air as a warning to whoever is trying to rob Chihiro or harass either of them. The intruder scampers away in a panic, but it's too dark for Sally to tell who they are easily.
Chihiro opens her door to the inside of the house her, sword ready as she has a robe loosely tied to her:
"Are we under threat?"
Sally shakes her head, but shakes anger:
"I am: I need to be more careful, and switch rooms"
Chihiro looks over Sally as she still sits crouched by the door, slightly shaking as her eyes are wide with fear and her face is twisted in an angry snarl. She looked like an angry wolf ready to pounce on hikers that were harassing it. She kneels to touch the girl's shoulder and looks her in the eyes, her stoicism not breaking:
"Do not chase after them: It will only confirm their fear of you"
"W-What?"
"Attacking and chasing your observers only confirms that you are the monster they think you are, Sally-chan. I can see it in your eyes: you want to hurt them very badly. Resist the urge, because two acts of sin do not make a righteous act" Chihiro says, Sally trying to avoid her gaze.
"But they're... going to try and watch us, then... and then... catch us" Sally says, trying to keep her fury down as her Japanese struggles.
"Then we must show that we are not a danger"
Sally nods to her Sensei, her tired eyes wanting sleep while her whole posture screams that she is on guard still.