The gest of the note was asking why I didn’t publish my work in a manner where I could be paid for my talent. He told me what a wonderful writer I am (which he had several times before) how with just a little bit of effort and perhaps a good editor my stories would be commercially viable. He gushed over my description of an especially gruesome scene in one of my stories. He loved some tepid violent rape scene and how I described someone’s death. I haven’t posted this story here and may not. I didn’t like the story myself and haven’t wrapped around how to fix it. As I said he is a passionate fan who reads everything I write many times. He constantly gush about my talent. Frankly, I don’t see what he sees and I certainly do not agree with him that I could be an author published for money.
Even so getting paid to write doesn’t that just sound fantastic? My con sensor went off right away and I told him politely "I’m not interested in that." I thought he was just spreading the bullshit a mite too thick. I have seen them the self-publish book sites for on-demand sales on all the favorite books stores and online sites. You only pay them XXXX.XX amount of bucks and they do all this wonderful crap for you. Then an extra charge here for editing, another fee for registering it with Library of Congress. Thar is gold in them there pages – or so their ads go. Oh, yes you will get rich - not! I explained to him I didn’t have the funds for such an endeavor.
He replied that it wouldn’t cost me anything to publish online at a site called Smashwords and gave me the link. Against my better judgment, I checked out the site and realized this was where my author friend published his digital version of stories. I read their rules and quickly realized that no my stories weren’t acceptable for the site. Then I thought I could write stories that are acceptable though and publish there. Surely I can tone down sex and violence or at least put a lot of more story in between the sex and violence.
You know write enough for an actual book-length story filled with all my deeply depraved thoughts. Write the Great American book of murder, rape, and mayhem and get rich in the process. Then my mind kicked in and I knew that was just a pipe dream. Then I had the other thoughts as well.
Oh, I did think about it but I reason and logic overtook greed! I thought it over for maybe thirty or forty seconds and decided I didn’t desire to do that either. First, I know that I’m not that good a writer. Second, I am perfectly content to write and publish at the three sites I use and not receive money for the work. I’m not writing to make money. I have a life and I have a past life and don’t want either picked over by adoring fans or malicious individuals with some vindictive agenda. I don’t wish to be a famous anyone I enjoy revealing what I do here or to individuals in just what amount I chose. I certainly wouldn't fancy being an in print author having to hawk my books on talk shows and risk the ridicule of my past being paraded before me on one of them.
I know some like the limelight and would thrive under such exposure. I’m not a person like that. I ran away from home at a young age to get away from father’s unwanted attention. I worked as a prostitute for over ten years, I was robbed, raped, beaten and treated poorly by customers, pimps and other whores alike. I learned early that not many whores have hearts of gold, that no pimp is going to be nice to you and the most johns are not nice guys. I had no idea how to get out of that life.
I meet Jo and my life slowly changed. I would move in with her and be happy as could be. I still worked the streets and something would happen on the street and it would dawn on me I wasn’t good enough for her. I would leave without a word to her. Later we would drift back together and again I would move in. This pattern happened over several years until one day she announced, "Move out again don’t ever come back."
It took years after we were committed to each other for me to just get off the street. I now have a good job and productive life. I’m happy and blessed and while I want to write about things – I don’t want to jeopardize what I have. The anonymity of writing on these websites is the only way I really care to do this. I don’t want the exposure of my life or especially my past life shown to people. Particularly those around me.
I have friends now that know nothing of my past and even being on this site or the other two, runs the risk they might find out. I’m just not that brave to make myself a target that could destroy my happy life. Some of you, others are probably good enough to publish. Perhaps you don’t mind having prying eyes look into your past. I think then maybe it would be a good deal for you. If you don’t mind the possibility of negative comments not only about your writing but your life then maybe you should go for it. As for me I will just keep doing what I’m doing I think.
What are your thoughts on actual publishing for money?
Millie
just 90 lbs. of dynamite Big Bada Boom!
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