to the people who i loved...

L
you were my first. first to certain things. not everything, but certain things. our relationship was plantonic, but honestly, I wouldnt have cared if it turned romantic. I wished we could have explored further though. you may have been the first for me to experience "love," yet of course, maybe not, as I'm still confused to what I felt back then. even so, I remember feeling extremely happy when I was with together with you. when i see you smile at your favorite foods, when you tell me about your day, when you wanna share or do things together, when I see your eyes crinkle into crescents as we lean in close to just say something silly, all of that... I just wish if we were a little older, could things have been different where we were still together like we were kids? would we still be together like we promised? I still love you, wherever you may be now

C
fucking hell, you made me feel so flustered, so fucking weak. it should have been illegal for what you made me feel. i thought I knew infatuation, but God, you made it felt like it wasn't. you just knew how to make me turn red. so effortlessly too. it was so stupid, but I wouldn't have mind any other way. I wouldn't have mind because I would've wanted to experience it again. I missed you

E
you damn fucking bastard. I loved ya like you were a lil sibling. still do. I even saw pieces of myself into ya. I wanted to protect ya. ig now tho it was just my savior complex acting up. I enjoyed our talks, enjoyed a few our game play, enjoyed a few of our calls, I enjoyed a few of our late nights. you may be the 5th person who ever saw my face. fucking hell kid. I feel like a jacksss for hurting ya, triggering your abandonment issue, and ig u were right in a way. in the end, I did hurt ya. I didn't mean to go offline without any warning. didn't mean to act as if nothing happened. I wish I recognized my toxic traits sooner. I wish I could have asked how ya were feeling. I wish I didn't doubt my instincts smth was off about ya