cop anon

Ghoti

everyone said it would never happen but you did it!
you passed police academy
the written portions were a breeze but training was tough
it took a lot of interviews and getting passed over for being a 'humie'
blatant discrimination
but you finally got a job!
your first assignment is traffic enforcement
simple, low risk
frees up another officer to 'do some heavier lifting', as the chief said
clearly you still aren't respected, but you'll earn it in due time
its your first day on the job
you find yourself sat on the side of freeway nestled behind a billboard
morning rush hour made it impossible for anyone to break the speed limit but as the parking lot that is the road begins to open up a lifted truck comes roaring by
showtime
you flick on your lights and sirens and come screeching out of your hiding spot in hot pursuit
the driver is quick to pull over, not much of a chase
you exit your car, ticket book in hand and approach the truck
it might as well be one of those monster trucks they have at derbies
the wheels alone come nearly up to your shoulder
you stop next to the driver window and have to crane your neck to see the wolf leaning out of the window

"Ma'am do you know how fast you were going?"

"Hun' if I knew it was you pulling me over I'd drive this fast every day!"
she's got a thick southern drawl

"Please don't do that ma'am. If you get too many points your license will be suspended."

"Well now wouldn't that just be something awful, how would I be able to pick up cute boys like you in my big 'ol truck?"
you bite the inside of your cheek

"Yes ma'am, please drive slower. May I see your license and proof of insurance?"

she leans back into the cabin of the truck and starts fumbling around.
"You're so nice and courteous its so cute 'hun!"
you don't reply.
She finds her documentation and drapes her arm down for you to grab it.
you strain to reach it but the truck is too high.
when she sees you struggling to reach she giggles and leans further out the window so you can grab hold of her paperwork.
you snatch it with a "Thank you, ma'am" and head back to your cruiser to run her license.
after you close the car door your pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration.
first your coworkers and now even the people you're ticketing.
will the condescension ever stop?
at least she didn't get mad and curse at you.
would that even be worse at this point?
you run her through the system and everything comes back clean
no previous tickets or warnings, insurance is good, car isn't stolen.
you write up a warning and head back to the truck.

"Alright ma'am you've got a clean record and I don't want to ruin it today so I'm only writing you a warning. Please drive safer from now on."

you reach up again to hand back her papers with the warning.
"Aww thank you so much honey, you're not even gonna search my truck?"
you lower your arm again.

"Is there something in your vehicle that I should be concerned about?"

"I ain' sayin' that, I'm just sayin' you should come up here and check it out is all. I just got the seats redone. It's all kinds of spacious in here with the bench seats. I could even rev the engine for you if'n you'd like- the boys love that!"
you frown.

"I don't think that would be necessary ma'am. Please drive safe."

"Aww ain't you just a little gentleman. I wish all the cops were sweet like you."
she finally leans down again to take the papers.
you're compelled to fill the awkward silence with the first thing that comes to mind.

"Thank you ma'am."

She giggles again and revs the engine before taking off.
You should have ticketed her for having straight pipes.
You kick yourself all the way back to your cruiser
She never once acknowledged your authority!
She just demeaned you the whole time and called you cute!
And you thanked her for it!
today is going to be a long day.