kristopher gavin betole
Gavis Bettel. An enigma of a man who is known for his many talents and honed comedic skill. The latter being one of the reasons he holds the position of Jester for GULID TEMPUS.
Standing at an impressive height of 180cm, Bethole towers over a good few of his guildmates. Despite this, Mr. Gavin is still quite youthful at the age of 27 years old, essentially he still has much to learn. The spermo arts are lost on him. Yet, this has not stopped him from getting in touch with his roots.
Fun Fact Of the Day.: Gavis Betoloina does not know how to tie his hair up. This induces huge amounts of sweat on his forehead.
(RingFitStream - Gavis Bettel Youtube 2023)
The past of Gavina Bettolina is a mystery even to him as recounting it..causes him immense pain. At this point it has been blocked out from his mind almost entirely..or was at least. One day in the Guild Hall, Gavieiola Betelegeuse wlaked into the kitchen, ready to cook himself a meal, contrary to what people might think.
Gavis Bettel. You think him a man of patheticness? Oh. That is a fool's mindset. Gavis Bettel happens to be my one and only rival. The sexyness exuding from that man cannot be compared unless to Spermo Banzoin. The great of all time.
Despite his posistion as aaaaaa Jester, Gavinlvin Bet is quite...appealing and sexy as stated before. Essentially. he is the greatest husband of all time. To deny this fact would to be be denying my existence. That in itself is a sin. To deny me is to deny Hakka. The ultimate housewife of all tmie. You cannot stop him.
You cannot stop me.
Your lust for me is lost. I see you in the chat.
Pathetic.
This "sexy" appeal of Gavis Bettel is quote evident when he sings songs for the angels above, otherwise known as his "Unarchived Karaoke". THe passion that man puts in with his vocals is second bar to none to one of the greatest spermos of all birds of all time. The angels love Gavis Bettliona, who beg to hear his voice once more.
"oh god betsy youresss osfufkcing sexyyyyy" the angel cried
"lv loyouf uso fucking muhchh betll lomgmg g f=please love me e" the angel cried a lot more
"what" bettel replied, simply lost on their feelings of lust, after all he is a simple man and does a marvelous quick scope.
just bettel things. i suppsoe.
As stated before, Bettel not fully comprehend the true nature of their lust nor could he udnerstand his own. After all, sometimes the greaste beastts that we must fight are oursevles. After all, Bettel's type in people was ****
....How cute. So that's what he likes.
Unfortunately, if you are one of an impure heart, you will be unable to decrypt what was said.
Reflect on your words.
I see all your sins.
Deny me and lie and face my spear. Not Vespers.
Not me.
Hakka.
Understood?
Nontheless, when preparing his food like a good little guy. Phantom tugged at his shoulder. Phantom being his "mascot" or his "dog" or "plaything" persay, no one knows what's inside of him. Some may have even spotted teeth although this matters not at this point in the story. There will be time for a gjinka for almost everyone.
Phantom's time is not here yet.
The the ltitle dog was trying to alert him about the prescence of the Omega Chad Supreme who was studying under the tutileage of master gigachad the fourth axelina syrious, the great master doctor of all time.
The Omegea Chad Supreme who entered the room was none over than his arch nemesis, Machina SEX Flayon. Now, hear me. Do not misunderstand this for the original pilot of GULID TEMPUS, Machina X Flayon. This is Machina SEX Flayon, who is a verson of Flayon who **.
He is also incredibly buff and features a handsome yet..rugged attire. Essentially for those you deep in the sauce. He would be an ikemen. So attractive. Yet he cannot match Gaviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis BEtlasaurus rex.
"YO dafuckins poppin bettelman?" the extreemly charimsatic nad overeall very AHNDSOME machina SEX flayon asked.
Bettel held his tongue for a mere second then spoke in a rushed tone.
"Uhhh not much buddy just cooking some food, you?"
MachinabugsnaxFlayon scoffed in response "NONE FOR US, damnNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
The MadHot Jester raised an eyebrow "dude whats this guysf ucking problem lol" then....the purpel man paused for a simple momenet...
"Wait...What did he say...?"
"Us?"
"Even I know FLayon doesn't have friends outside of Guild TEMPUS" Bettel mumbled to himself.
but then. he saw it.
Behind Machina SEX Flayon stood a man cloaked in ** color, he poked his head out and instantly shocked the jester.
THere, Gavis bettorlina could see, that sexy man infront of him...he could only ask one thing.
"Damn...he has big hat just like, hey who are you buddy" bettolil asked
the man blinked in response before smirking
"They call me, The Thricler" and the man in a [censored] suit tipped his hiat towards Gavin Bettelgoose, "how evil could one possilby be?" he muttered under his breath
G-Man shook his own high heeled shoes at the sight of these two...or at least...the was supposed to be.
Suddenly.
Machina SEX Flayon was nowhere to be seen and only a note remained in his place.
Bettelman looked atht enote left by Machina SEX Flayon and agaped his mouth in response.
"sorry technically i fall under memoew so i cant be a *****"
Before the Jester could catch his own bearing, the Thrciler apporached him with a smile on his face.
"i've come to recruit to the tumblr sexyman universityi"
Bavis Gettil bit his lip.
"What.....? That doesn't make any sense. Why could they recruit m-"
He stopped, remembering the words of that smol pilot dude, Machina X Flayon
BETTEL YOU COUNT AS TUMLR SEYXMAN ANYONE HOULD DISAGRE EIWT ME AN SIDIOT
the words machisax flayon continued to echo in his head.
THE ORIGINAL DEFINITION OF AT UMBLR SEXYMAN REFERS TO A CHARACTER TAT IS CONVETINOALLY UNATTRACTIVE IN NATURE, BUT THEY RECRIT A BIG ALMOST CULT ILIE FLOLOWING ANYWAYS
"BUT! THAT DOESNT WROKA NYMORE BECAUSE THEARE TWO FUCKING TYPES OF TUMBLR SEXYMAN. ONE THAT IS CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE BUT IS A MESS PERSONALITY WISE, AND THE OTHER ONE WOH IS NOT ATTRACTIVE BUT IS PRETTY ENDEARING PERSONALITY WISE INN ONE WAY OR NAOAHTER
"oh shut he fuck up flayon" bettel screamed at top of his lungs, even shocking the courcler who was standing next to him
"Well?" The Fivecler asked ever so gentely. "Are you coming or not?"
Bettel furrowed his brow, sizing up the man with his eyes.
"Gently caress, dude. Why should I?"
The Sixcler laughed in response.
"Ha ha ha ha"
"We have free health insurance and dental"
bettel bit his lip again.
"Not enough to get me you asshol"
"we also have goth girls xenomorphs"
""oh"
bettel immediately took of the sevenclers hands before he was knocked out almost after immediately.
KLJAHLKHSA:FSAKLFASLKFHASLKFHASLKFHALSKFHLASKFLSKAH FLKSAHFLKASGH FLKSAJ FLKASH KLF:ASH KL:FAHS LKFHSA LKHA:S LKFHASLK:GFH ASLKJGHASL:KGHASLKHGALSK:HGALKSJHG LKAS HGLA:JKSH VOHA"FAS
Gavis Bettelollololoololol awoke in a midst of a vacant space with...no perceivable ligiht whatsover. Why could he see? Its fucking gavis bettel dude stfu
"Where am i?" the funny purple jester man spoke yet no responded..not yet immediately. THat was....until HE showed up again. An old flame if you will.
"Ah, it's a pleasure to see you again, I never thought we'd meet again like this."
A pale, young looking Japanese man stepped out of the shadows, his hair almost looking like cotton candy.
"you..." bettel whispered before the young man followed up with his introduction
"It's me, Bagelto Billnyda, don't you remmber? I would have thought one such as yourself who is a paragon for despair would be able to realize that."
"nonononoo i remmeber just uhh ur sthick was completly differenet it was more abuot hop"
In an instant, Bettel felt a sharp immense pain in his stomach, one that could even be felt across all the tmielines in the Bettelverse.
L"LGUGLDSHSDLGHKSDG"SGSDHKLGSDGLURHGRHGRH"...
it was his old mentor, Zans Kaw Piee Rite Oversoul
"watch what thef uck ur ytping"
Bettel shook his head in response, trying to get the image of a voice long since gone out of his mind.
"Baba ba ab ab babab ab aba bab abababbabab
"go the fuck awya zans. LAVE ME ALONE"
"BAbabababab aba ba b BABbabababAbbab
"LAVE ME THEE FUCKK ALONNE"
zans was gone.
Bettel immediately focused his attention back on this so called "Bagelto"
"ok dude what the hll do youg uyes want from me, i just wanted the perks none of this shit"
Bagelto COmida blinked before losing himself in laughter. HAHAHAH
AHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEHAEHAEAEHH
"To become a sexyman, we shave see what makes you tick. Why are you that why that you are? Only then you can become a true symbol for despair. Let me be stepping for you."
"jesus are u ok??? wtf" bettel replied
"I'm more than okay. As long as worthless trash like me can serve purpose for you. For your despair. I'd want nothing else."
(This guy might need therapy) Bettel thought to himself.
Bagelto COmida then slipped on a bananawhich went flying into Bettel's face INSTANTLY knocking him out again before he awoke over a scene of his younger self.
"THere you are you little ***" Bettel spoke even though the babytell could not see him at all.
THere stood a younger Bettel, around his teens and he appeared to be somewhat...malnourished and wearing a shirt that said
"IVE SURVIVED MULTIPLE MOVIE PLOTS"
Which seemed endearing at first, although when you think about it..it is often...concerning.
What exactly has this man been through? No one knows. No one knows. Not one bit.
Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tock. Tock. Tock. Tock The clock marched on, as Young!Bettel got his gothic drop out, howwllly fuuck this mans got fucking style
Bettel nodded in response, "Hey I like what I am, I guess maybe we all have a little goth inside us"
Bettel left out a soft smile, one that he hadn't let out since he saw how beautiful Leson was.
"yeaaah you did, little buddy"
Young!Bettel then stepped out of the shadows once more, with Bettel2 his twin brother giving a confused face in the background.
"Hey where u goin" bettel 2 said
"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh get some fast food real quick"
Bettel 2 made a "teehee" pose then tilted his head before going completly monotone
"dude what its 5am"
"Fuck you." Bettel replied.
Bettel2 replied back
"u suck!"
the brothers hugged each other, it was clear that theyw ere close. Bash brothers day and night. Forever, the would support each other. But then Bettel2 had to watch YOUNG!Bettel leave.
This caused a tear or many tears to erupt from our Bettel (as we know it)'s eyes.
"bettel2 is a cool dude i love my brother" quite wholesome. this is why everyone WANTS you bettel
Bettel, unaware of the fourthwall, tilted his head in response almost like Bettel2
"wat"
"stfu"
Bettel then went on again to observe the scene of the crime. The crime of his younger self outdoing him in drop. FOR NOW.
"Haheheheahaeheahehahhahehah"
"I see se e se e that you had quit ehte roughh childhoood", the sixcler plainly said.
"yeah lifes a bitch and then you die, but hey i like mint chocolate chip ice cream" bettel mumbled.
THe sevencler blushed in response, "Wh..w-wha..t.....What a guy.....Ooooooo mmm g"
Bettel then moved past the Eighcler to monitor his younger self's movement, then he saw it. The man himself.
"It's allll badman"
There he was, the public bully and enemy #1 of TumblrMan HighSchool.
Saul Badmoonmoon stood there telling Young!Bettel to give him his money.
Young!Bettel perked his cat ears up in response "hey i watched you you. you you're you're youre slippppinnnn spermo"
Paul Badman instantly broke down in tears, almost as if he was crytyping on the internet.
"what hte ufck hwy osuhldska, say thaw,t habo ut me, you hat fucking hate me so much, youre sufsckofukcing soryr, whyosudhlfukcing do thatmoe me, hat ewyeou,dsf, dsfhjdsfdlskhgsd Ffkfhds"
Young!Bettel looked towards the camera like he was in a popular mainstream movie
"Hey, what's up with that guy, right?" "There's someone right behind me, right?"
Clearly, he cannot handle the seriousness of his own life, therefore he must cope with jokes. Just like how Machina SEX Flayon copes his with strange humor.
What a tangled web we weave.
Maybe in the end, we're all spider" Young!Bettel thought to himself.
"We all have big abdomen or at least I do" Paul Badmoonmon furrowed his brow in response
"fine , dlkelav ,e me fucking al one" and he went away. forever.
NICE JOB YOUNG BETTEL!
Young!Bettel had more work up his sleeve though, the greatest of all leaders was at his school. His mentor. ZANS Kawpori te.
"Baba ba ba bababa ba ababab"
he's younger here. He uh..looks the same. That won't stop people from thirsting for him.
Bettel2 went away. idk to go play a game
Young!Bettel got his combat stance ready.
"I'm ready, Master."
BAb aba ba ba babbababa baba
(Translation: Fool, you cannot handlt he power of a Tumblr Sexyman, it will consume you. I will help you out, or else. You will have a good time.)
Bababababbababababababa Baba babab bababaBAba BABaabABAbabbaabababa
"dude what the fuck are you sayin i dont get it "
Zans cried in response
"i dont know...i dont know bettel its just..been rough lately."
"Oh shit, really? What's up dude?" Young Bettel asked in response.
"I..i dont know..ive just babab just been wbabaw working on stuff bababa and it's just..not working bababa out hoe I wan bababab want it to, y'know?"
Young!Bettel turned his head to look behind Zans, it...didn't look like anyone was bothering him...not at all..Not yet anyways..So why? Zans usually had it all together.
"Anything in particular?"
Zans instantly instants.
he become instant ramen.
fucking hilarious.
he was gone.
Young!Bettel shrugged his shoulders then went into the school. Today he had an APA formatted essay to complete. Everybody hates those. No one. likes those.
After all
We're only human.
Young!Bettel was in more of a....puzzle solving mood today. That was when his best friend.
"hey" "its me wheatelybranflakes"
Young!Bettel gasped in response "HEYY BUUDDY how you've been?" the young gothic prince of all time asked
"Not much life fucking sucks"
"oh shit my bad" YoungBettel said and he left
"What ups with everyone today?"
Young!Bettel made a faster pace through the school today, aiming to anger every teacher he could. After all, if he could not confuse his own friends or teachers, how would he become a Tumblr Sexyman of all time?
Then.
Then.
Then.
Then.
Then. He came.
The one and only
then.
then.
thud.
thud.
it's getting closer
THUD
THUD
THUD
THUD
"oholly fuck fuckk whats that"
THUD
THUD
"hwyyyyyyy its me big floppa, the rapper."
"oh damn it. my arch nemesis"
Young!Bettel could always rap, but not against this beast..this master...Last time they met in battle, Big Floppa took the life of his one and only friend before Wheatley had a bad day
Bingus. May the mother of Elysium bless his soul.
"I havente forgotten what you did last time you fucking ashsole" Young!Bettel screamed out in anger in a hushed tone.
His 1/2 blood werewolf 1/2 blood angel 3/4s half turtle 85/92 half DUCK part of his body BOILED in rage.
"What are ug onna do about it" Big Floppa scoffed at him.
"you have no power here. you have nothing to your name"
Young!Bettel had a smug look on his face...What? Even NORMAL Bettel was surprised by this..What???? Was I that cool?
Young!Bettel then approached BigFloppa
"you got no game funny cat man. u got floppy ass ears"
Instantly, Big Floppa felt a new feeling he had never felt before.
Love.
Love.............Why though? Even he did not know. "You suck, you stupid idiot" big floppa said in a hushed tone.
Young!Bettel smiled in response, he did like being insulted for some reason, this would continue on into adulthood.
BigFloppa then did his signature "uuuhmm aeetooooo""...."annooo"..."Bettel-san...wa..suki"
Young!Bettel just walked away. "wtf leave me alone"
big floppa then turned into his dust. His rapping career. OVER.
Bettel then turned to look at the 11evencler
"dude what is this i cant even follow it"
"shut up its trying nto show you someeething"
"............."
The funny purple Jester man...gave no response after all, this was only the beginning of his awakening.
Flash forward.
Regis Altarebear has sent out Gavis Bettel and Machina X Flayon (before his premature death at the hands of Machina SEX Flayon) to go recruit new members at the guild.
"hey uhh this is more recent dude"
"..............yeeee" the 12cler replied
He watched on as the two made a bumbling attempt to capture the body of Banzoin Hakka, my descendant. The funny PURPLe BIrbo man put up a good fight, but he failed to call upon me. i was there you see. in his spear.
Then, that was when it hit him. his tumblr sexyman radar WENT OFF. that early
"what? i dont remember this at all are you making this shit up"
"No, he's not. Look a bit closer" bagetlo comida replied
"dude ur still here"
"All for the sake of despair, i'll do anything. I'm sorry, someone as aesome as me shouldn't get in your way"
"weird" bettel said then said again so tewice then.
There, Gavis Bettel age (26) met MAGNIAS DEZMONDIAS the 12th.
A radar was found on Bettel's body, beeping. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep Beep
"TUMBLR SEXYMAN FOUND"
"HAVE HIM JOIN OR ELIMINATE"
Bettel shrugged in his response before he went up to talk to Magnias diizizizziziziziziiiadmonite.
"hey dude are u a tumblr sexyman"
"I guess" magnias deezyweszy replied
Bettel then took out his whip and challenged him to a battle
"I need to you bring you back with me" machina x flayon gasped then die
he ded.
machina sex flayon alive now and went away
Magnias Deziezyeaouwasaurus brought out his..HANDS...his greatest creation....Bettel swung at him..but the power level between the two was immense.
That was...until......Magnias Dezzasaur revealed the Tumblrman Sexyman logo on his thigh.
"i'm already a part of you guys dude" the alchemist spoke proudly
"oh shit sorry my bad' bettel chimed in response but then immediately was confused...where was his?
his manager appeared behind him
"you dont wanna know bettel"
"but where eles could it be"
his manager pointed in a specific direction
"oh"
"well, hey good thing its just my elbow"
"couldnt be anything else" bettel laughed
"hahahahahahahaha"
"if you thought anything else you'd be a fucking pervert"
"couldnt be me" hahahahahahahaha"
That was the 2nd Season Arc of Bettel Gavisiiisiisirisrusrisrisrisi meeting one of the original founders of the Tumblersexyman sex man #12 34 MaGNIAS GREEN PURPLE BLONDE DEZMAN.
AD BREAK
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ACT III: The Tumblr SexyMan War Of ALL TIME
in this world. everyone is DED except for those with the sexyman logo on their body.
naturally, this leaves Gavis Bettel alive
magni dezmond? idk he killed everyone fuck
gavis bettel then approached the council of sexyman
"hey guyswhats up"
that guy from bob is pscyho was there. his name. Megan.
"dude are u still scamming people "
"im looking for bob have u seen him"
"oh yeah hes a good boy. uhh no . i dont think so"
"fuck"
ACT IV:
ACT 83:
Bettel had lost himself in lust, a feeling that he thought he would never experience again.
For you see.
HE LOVES THE COOKIES.
specifically the thin mint cookies. that is where his desire started.
Simply seeing the box would cause him to lose it, to blank out and then...everything would be gone.
Then he woke up one day with all his thin mints gone.
"Duude what teuf cuk i didnt evne eat you..."
bettel started to cry
his fans outside the window
"omggg hes fouckign hooooootot"
they were right. he is pretty hot. a good guy. i mean he sings well too. great voice. really funny. great comedic timing. babygirl type. i mean. has it all. but its ont about that.
then he realized what happened
his thin mints wanted to meet his desire
they had turned
into an anime girl
"um hii"
they said in unison
"whoawhat" bettel squinted in response
"we wannwaa meet you back half wayy if thts okayy"
"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" bettel continued on for 5 hours
"ok"
the thin mint anime girl smiled, she had also put on gothic clothing and went to a couple of stores while he was doing that
"okay! Are you ready?"
Bettel couldn't believe his ears. "what? is this happening?"
She thing bit his neck before tearing apart his flesh
"AFASHASAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
bettel screamed out in agony, "oh god this is what they meant by rreturning hte favor"
he sat there for hours, as the thin mint anime girl consumed him and then bettel found himself in the thin mint world
There, there were a bunch of playing FPS Games while consuming thin mints all the time.
"ok" bettel said
Real!Bettel looked at the rest of the TumblrSexyman academy
"i still dont get this"
The 100cler replied simply
"The fact that you don't get it it makes you sexx y"
"..........?" Bettel was confused....he couldn't make any sense out of this.
"you are a very nice guy and very funny, but only possibly by you examinign your flaws you always watch yousrelf all the tmie. its very impressive. I really like your streams, i think you are very comfy. when you get really loud, it makes me very happy. when you fail in the game. i start to cry tears of happiness"
but then 2 hours into an fps stream u pull off like 5 quick scopes in a damn roowwww"
"Jesus chriiisit"
Bettel sniffed "sniff"nisff"
'tahnks"
THE END