tuesday, 12.16.25

its my birthday im offically 17
i hate my birthday

monday, 12.15.25

ate food just to throw it up
i really miss my daddy. i want my dad to comfort me. come home please dad i need you. ill kill myself if you arent here for me soon. day 3.

sunday, 12.14.25

its 8am i woke up 4 times last night, now i feel like im going to throw up. worst sleep of my life.. is it because i didnt eat or drink anything yesterday?

saturday, 12.13.25

worst day of my life

thrusday, 12.11.25

i only went 2 days this week to school. i am dissapointed in myself immeasurably.. im sad. and tomorrow im missing because we dont have fuel in the house (hot water). i cant go to school without a shower id feel disgusting

am i dissapointing people?

tuesday, 12.9.25

bro i cant tell if im sick or something but i do NOT feel good. not even that i dont feel good actually dont let me lie.. i just cant BREATHE Like why the HELLL i was fine this whole morning now after and during brushing my teeth i dont feel well and i have to take very deep breaths to breathe.. i think ill DIE and DIE and... DIE...!!

wait i cant die i have to play roblox with my girlfriend first

12:11pm :: my daddy gave head pats i really like head rubs but nobody need to know that because im nonchalant .. "youre not nonchalant" the world says yet i say i am in pure joy

saturday, 12.6.25

dude im crine i stared vr chat today and it has to be one of the corniest and funniest things i think ive ever played other than those roblox lgbtq hangouts or people genuinely roleplaying up in avatar catalouge..

but i spent like 2 hours on the game, i have a kaiser character and im super kewl!!! alot of people added me already on the game but theyre all furries... one of the mods got mad at me because i was stalking their conversation.. Like omg sorry im nosey... and dude there was this guy singing and he needed to QUITTT like actually QUIT.... Then i was joking about phantom pain and phantom sense with some guy and lowkey I got kicked from the server.. i thought it was funny cuz i PERSONALLY laughed about it.. BUT WHATEVER

wednesday, 12.3.25

having people to vent to really helps a person i feel like. i vent to my friend who i dont really talk to often today-- i just dont want to be a burden to anyone but what he said i feel like really helped me :) i dont want to be a bother to people or to my girlfriend, so i feel like me talking to someone else for once in awhile helped. he said i should talk to my father about how i have been feeling but i dont think i could fathom up the idea to do that and put pressue onto my lovely dad like that! i love him so much and feel like he deserves so much more than me. been thinking about relapsing and suicide, but talking to him and getting EVERYTHING off my chest really did help alot. even if i still seem demotivated quickly at alot of things now, im just happy to talk to someone.

he made an idea stand out to me, i would say that i am a "burden" and dont want to be one to people while talking about my issues to them, but he said "Well, if lexie wanted to talk to you about her problems, would she be a burden to you?" and i said no.. well he lowkey clocked me because i am honestly just hypocritical when it comes to me and myself. i dont people to worry about me, yet i will worry my soul out to others.