Hai my name is Saint & this is my more personal diary as of 09.18.25 (*´ ᴗ｀)

If you have somehow found this diary & you know who I am, PLEASE just ignore it & don't share it. This is very personal.

𝟶𝟿 . 𝟷𝟾 . 𝟸𝟻　,,　I hate myself so much oh my god．I relapsed last night & passed out from all the blood．There goes my 1 year of being clean down the fucking drain．I'm scared to tell anyone but i'm also scared of someone finding out．I feel so guilty & disgusting ，I hate how I feel when having to hide this．Why am I so stupid．All I can think about is how disappointed my dad would be right now．I can't stop thinking about how he could've been watching me do it．I don't want to disappoint him I feel so horrible．I know my mom would sob if she found out I did it again．What is wrong with me why did I do this．What happens if my aunt finds out ，she would probably try to send me to an asylum or something．I'm so fucking stupid．

𝟶𝟿 . 𝟷𝟿 . 𝟸𝟻　,,　Just cut again．I did so many multi－swipes ，I love how good they hurt．The bloody tissues are so pretty too．I'm so glad I found this blade it's doing so well 🙏🏼

𝟶𝟿 . 𝟸𝟶 . 𝟸𝟻　,,　I have been wearing my dads shirt for the past few days because it's the only shirt that covers my cuts．I have to go somewhere today so I have to change & i'm really nervous because what if I can't hide my cuts with a different shirt ？(ToT) Wish me luck．

UPDATE BECAUSE MY MAMA GAVE ME ONE OF HER SHIRTS & IT'S PERFECT ！IT COVERS THEM PERFECTLY OMG FUCK YEAH．

𝟶𝟿 . 𝟸𝟸 . 𝟸𝟻　,,　I want to cut myself again．I have every opportunity to & I know it will feel really good but I hate the aftermath．I hate that guilty feeling so much ，it makes me wanna rip my stomach out．I hate how much I enjoy doing this．I'm getting into my old habits again & I don't like it．God I want to curl up & die．

Okay so I cut again but like i'm having trouble finding places to cut (ToT) I have like no more space to cut myself where I can hide it properly．UGH ALL FOR THAT ;-;

I cut on the other shoulder but midway I was thinking like how am I gonna cover the right shoulder if the left side of my shirt keeps going up ，it'll just expose my other cuts (ToT) I'll figure something out．

𝟶𝟿 . 𝟸𝟹 . 𝟸𝟻　,,　I threw up my breakfast this morning & it was really scary．I felt like I was going to pass out because of it，which that always happens & it's so fucking terrifying．I hate throwing up so much I hate having emetophobia with an ED ugh．I'm just gonna have to push through it．

Peeling scabbed over cuts hurts so good．I want to cut more but I don't have anywhere else thats easy to hide．Fuck my stupid baka life．💔🫩🥀

I don't think cuts are supposed to have pus ．．．I really hope they're not infected ，I don't know how to take care of them at all bro (ToT)

I want to fucking kill myself why did I ruin everythig why do I have to be episodic rn．Wtf is wrong with me I want to fucking die I hate myself I hate myself so much．I just want everything to be better why is my life so fucking shit I just wanna curl up & die I hate this I hate everything．

𝟷𝟶 . 𝟶𝟷 . 𝟸𝟻　,,　God it stings so good．I figured out a better way to cut with this small blade I've been using．It's much easier to cut on the looser parts of my skin & it makes the cuts much deeper which is really nice．They are literally bleeding through my shirt bro (ToT)