Esoteric Shitpost Defense Methods

Chinese girl threads. The bane of /jp/.

It is unknown exactly why wanting to be the Chinese girl has drawn the ire of the anons of /jp/. Perhaps it's because of trannies, the vague threat of a politically-charged incursion onto the board. Maybe it's due to homosexuality, if men are turning into Touhou girls then that makes people who like Touhou girls faggots by proxy. Maybe it's simply because the 'jay forgot how to take it easy.

In any case, Chinese girl threads still manage to persist. This isn't because of stubbornness, but rather a unique charm placed on each and every thread from the very start. No one knows where it comes from, no one knows how it works. The only thing we know is that the commandment that all posters must abide to:

"Thou shalt not shitpost the Chinese girl threads."

You may be wondering what failure to abide by this simple rule will entail for a poster. One such example can be seen with a user whose post had the number 47465301, calling the users of the thread "faggots and phoneposters." A very rude remark indeed, certainly not taking it easy. What did he get?

He, or rather she, got turned into a fairy. This did not entail any notable powers or change in personality, rather simply a change in physical form and strength. What was once a proud, tall anon who faced every problem headstrong found her entire body shrinking, her masculine features disappearing in seconds, replaced by the smooth skin of a precious, tiny, loli fairy.

We have not figured out what fairyanon has been up to recently, but it is believed she is still coming to terms with the reality of her new situation. Supposedly, a notable difficulty for her has been reaching the top, or even middle, shelf and opening pickle jars.

Another such poster, number 47409683, posted a comment "You are a dissappointment to your dad." She had suffered a very similar fate to the previously mentioned poster, being cursed to walk the rest of her days as a helpless, powerless, tiny fairy.

The story for her turned out much more pleasant. Being a dissappointing NEET himself, anon found that her life had massively improved after becoming a fairy. She had re-kindled her broken relationship with her parents, now becoming their adorable daughter. She found new confidence as people found her childlike looks absolutely adorable. The last we've heard of this anon, she was considering becoming a model for children's fashion. A noble goal indeed!

You may be wondering at this point, dear reader, if we understand that shitposting in Chinese girl threads will turn us into little fairy girls, then why are we, the Chinese girl posters, not shitposting in our own thread? Do at least some of us not wish to turn into tiny, precious, adorable fairies?

Well, one of the posters in the thread had decided to try exactly that. He was being subtle at first, making quotes of phrases that were never said, then eventually getting more aggressive until finally the curse decided to act upon him.

Apparently, it had found out exactly what he was doing and chose to make him into the form of an ugly old alcoholic. The curse apparently can extend itself into turning you into minor male Touhou characters as well, including one 'snake youkai'. In this case, Anon had simply turned into one of his disguises, and was incapable of changing form like he could.

Snakeanon refused to comment further on his situation. All we can tell you is that he seemed rather dejected.

It is believed that the curse may have an awareness of motivation. Its goal is to prevent shitposting within the thread, and it accomplishes this by cursing outside shitposters with the fate of becoming a little fairy girl, and deals with inside shitposters by making them older and fatter men than they were before.

Rest assured, reader, that we have not given up on attempting to crack the curse, naturally so that we can all become cute fairy girls. Care must be taken in its research to not end up on the wrong side of it. If you see silly arguments within the thread, you may be rest assured that is simply another experiment in tackling a definitive method of fairyification.

And, if Chinese girl threads are not your cup of tea and you wish to express that in a non-easy way, then let this be your warning. It's your own fault what happens to you if you attempt to shitpost in the thread. Then again, maybe you should give it a try anyways. Who knows, being a cute, dainty little fairy could be a lot better than whatever miserable life an unironic shitposter must have to lead.