Our Adventure Will Never End

Source: https://twitter.com/lordroach_/status/1447561129450872840
Entry 7 A Past Already Past　 感情考察(後) Part 2

My right-hand takes hold of my left arm. I’m shaking, I know I’m shaking, I’m trying to not shake. It hurts. I know it hurts. My breaths are short. I’m panicking, I’m at least conscious enough to recognize this. That took too much mana… I wouldn’t be surprised if I pass out. Am I alone? Is she here? There it is… It’s an endless abyss of dread that is slowly overwhelming me. Kronii’s domain…her world. She might show up any second. C’mon Ame! Stay conscious, stay focused, you’re here for a reason! My eyes still trained forward…this is…what?!

“I-it’s…a lobby?! What…what the hell? It’s a bar! With a lobby! A lobby with a bar? Semantics…” So this is the end of time? It’s…not as imposing this… time…wherever I am. I look around the lobby, spying a mirror and a hall to the left of it. Further to the left, turning around I see a large gate. What the heck? It...it's bright...it's....oh...OH! I can see a bench! I can see me! The desert? THE DESERT?! Where… what is this…
Th-that’s it! I didn’t receive 37564’s memories! I…saw the future?! I…ok Ame, put the thinking cap on. You weren’t here before; you saw yourself arrive in the future. Or was I here before... SHIT! I don't know! Did I loop? Is this a time loop? Did I just create a loop? No it can’t be…right? I would’ve recorded something like this… Then…ah! Perhaps I’ve done this before unintentionally! Kronii and I were in her dark, silent world when I gained consciousness last time I was here. Kronii did not summon me. I... then I…came of my own free will? I, however, didn’t know that this was where I was going to end up. I…I may have gone forward in a dead timeline. Since I’ve proved Ina’s theory as correct by ending up here…the first time I arrived at the end of time was unbeknownst to myself because I wasn’t aware I was in a dead timeline.

What a creepy feeling that is…I left behind a dead timeline…one I was just working in. What was it…what was I doing…I guess these aren’t very important, the bigger picture is. Hmmm…why did she have my watch… because I gave it to her. Yeah…she said I gave it to her. That final investigation…I don’t remember everything… but I think I was…what was I doing? I am too reliant on my diary…I should commit things to memory better. Oh well, no not like it matters. It’s the end of time. I have to beat Kronii…How can I beat her? Can she even be beaten? She’s a concept…how do you stop that? What are you doing doubting yourself Watson...You made your choice, there is only one thing to do. One of us will live, one of us will fall. The winner will continue the cycle. The loser liberated from duty. My vision gets hazy. My eyes heavy and full. The weight of my words pull down on me. Do I take her burden and carry it until the end...or does she "free" me and carry the burden herself... I walk towards the wall in front of me, noting an exceptionally large closed door next to a strange looking panel. It's labeled from top to bottom as

MONTH
DAY
YEAR
TIMELINE

Interesting...What mechanism could this be? Time travel, in some way or another, obviously Ame. Thank you for the commentary brain, now try coming up with a better idea! Sighing I return my focus to the panel. I assume I could input any date and timeline on this and then...travel to it? Is that what is behind this door? Some sort of time travel device? Well... lets give it a try.

MONTH 12
DAY 25
YEAR 2030
TIMELINE 1

I await...something...anything. An indication that I put things in correctly...but nothing. Hmm...perhaps... scratching my head, I move towards the timeline and change it to "37564". I am met once more with silence but an answer this time. These are dead timelines...ergo...there is no where for the machine to travel to. Only Kronii can travel to dead timelines...and those privy with the knowledge to...but now that leads to the question of what Kronii needs this machine for. Why would this be here? It truly is a hydra. For every answer I claim, ten more questions replace the last. Well...lets not call it just yet. I need to see if this thing actually works...if my theory is correct so... Once more, I reach down to the timeline panel and punch in "1137." A dinging noise springs my ears to life and the door next to the panel opens up. I walk slowly towards it, hoping not to see any unwanted...any other unwanted guests here... but the room is empty. In fact...this doesn't look quite like a room...it's a bit more like an elevator. I stare along the cylindrical walls of the elevator, taking note of all the spinning gears that are in the wall...that make up the wall...there are gears on the wall. I look down and the floor seems to be glass...or some sort of similar clear material. Below the floor is an endless chain of gears that spiral down, this looks incredible... It's like...an elevator that takes its passengers to various points in time...to any timeline, well...assuming the timeline exists. Pretty creative...I'm gonna make a mental note of that. I turn away from the elevator door and walk back to the panel.

"Well...I suppose I have some method of escape if things with Kronii go south...it's not pocket sand...but it'll do! Anyways...why is this here? Why would Kronii need a device to time travel? Why is there a bar here? Why is any of this here?"

I stare at the panel, awaiting an answer that will never arrive. I sink down, crouching, putting my head into my thighs and breathe. I haven't given myself a second to rest. A second is an amount of time I don't have. But I give myself that moment of rest anyways.
Hey Kronii! Would you mind just stopping this and fixing the timelines? It would make my life so much easier! I don't think she'd listen to that...I think...she's probably long past the point of words. The crushing loneliness of spending 99% of your time alone. I guess...that kinda does explain her behavior. Nobody other than the perfect being could be the warden of time. Only perfection itself could carry that weight... Someone so unfaltering. Someone with such an iron will. Maybe once upon a time she was a normal girl like me...a normalish girl like me...And here I am at the end of time...no ideas...no plan...no nothin'... Just doing what I do best, running from my problems...I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and let the darkness envelope my imagination. It's like I'm curled up and floating in a pool of emptiness. When did you stop dreaming Kronii? Does your imagination no longer run wild with thoughts of what could be? Or do you close your eyes and just see the dark? Has that darkness just gotten darker? Would that be like being dead? Do you care if you were dead? How would you even know if you were dead or not if you aren't a person? I guess underneath the darkness of the universe for eternity it eventually stops mattering...Is that sad? I think it's sad... My heart aches...these feelings are too overwhelming... What if I just kept my eyes closed...would I stop feeling this eventually? Maybe I really should have just died a long time ago... Would I know if I died? Would I realize that I died or would I stay in that pool...returning to the void... Have I been dead? Am I even me anymore? I clench my legs tightly, silently...

“You made it…Or you will make it…eventually.”

My ears pick up that sound. A ripple through the pool of darkness, a shining light to lead me home, and an all too fearsome noise to accompany it. Snap Did I...fall asleep? I hear footsteps behind me, her confident stride pressing into the floor, the sound of it echoing throughout the room. Where is she going? She's not walking towards me...at least directly towards me

“I’ll…make this?” I respond faintly.

“Well…you did make it in the past and you’ll make it again in the future.”

“The future?”

“Does this at all look like my style Amelia?”

“Well the mirror…kinda…”

“You put it in for me…so I’d have someone to talk to at the end of time…”

“I…put it in…for you?”

“Correct.”

“When will it happen?”

“The next reset.”

“The next reset?”

“Yes Solid Snake, the next reset.”

“So then…you and I…”

“tu fui, ego eris.”

“I see…I... suppose I always had my suspicions...I mean...heh... I can time travel too.” I pick myself up off of the floor and finally see her. Perfection She is the living definition of it.

“My previous teacher... was you Amelia... and now I am yours. The cycle…Continually devouring itself and being reborn…It’s named after me by the way…ouroboros. I suppose… at some point I was jealous of your myth…wanted my own little note in their history…”

“THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE FANGS! YOU’RE A SNAKE! AHEM Sorry...just connected the dots…”

Kronii stares at me with a slightly disgusted face…She probably thought I already knew…I guess there were a few tells… her tongue game was... Jesas Ame! Get back on track! Kronii knows all of this, why does she know it. If time reset…Kronii shouldn’t have knowledge of something that no longer exists. That's gotta be... logic or something... Well we have been chatting like buddies so far…I don’t see why we can’t continue for the time being. Kronii makes herself some sort of drink and takes a sip of it. Her face reflexes back for just a moment...heh...to strong huh?

“Kronii…why do you know this…”

With a deep, heavy breath…Kronii shuts her eyes, her face reverting back to her stoic look. She grabs her left elbow with her right hand and turns her head towards the empty desert. “You told me…a long, long, long time ago. Amelia, the time lord in her final days or I suppose you were the concept "Ouro Kronii" and I the concept "Amelia Watson." I...I wanted…to be the final one…the final lord. I didn’t want you to experience that again. No more...no more...” Her words heavy, they hang out of her mouth, not looking to travel far.

“I…I died? The universe…time ended?”
She nods her head. “It ended, just like someday this universe will end to. But I wanted to do more than end it. I wanted to sever the connection that bound us to this curse. This eternal damnation to spend our entire lives alone…save for but a small part of time where we interact with humanity.”

“You were with her at the end though…”

“We only appear at the timelines end…to be trained as the next lord of time. When the universe resets we ourselves are reset…save for the training we are given. The only memory we keep of the previous universe. You... we... are born perfect. There is nothing beyond our capability; then we wait…holding out for the creation of the universe and start it all over.”

“How did you retain the knowledge of the cycle after the reset then?”

“I cheated. I forced my way forward with the machine you're standing by.” Kronii crosses her arms, staring coolly at the bar counter. Her face is somber…I…I never thought I’d see her make that face again. I look back at the time machine...I guess if she wasn't the timelord yet...she couldn't utilize her timelord abilities...

“She was my best and only friend…I didn’t want her to have to go through all of this again…so… well you know what I’ve done.” Kronii’s shoulders slump, she takes and deep breath and looks out into the gate, staring at the desert. Maybe her eyes are on the other me out there that’s gone…

“But…isn’t that…”

“Isn’t what Amelia? I have done all of this. ALL OF IT. For you.” Kronii screams at me, throwing her drink at the wall. I can hear her voice strain itself, the amount of passion built into her words…Such a quick change of mood!

“But…but it’s wrong Kronii. To rob the lives of all those who exist…for me… Not those who just exist...but those who exist in other timelines! That’s just cruel…how could you ever rationalize that?! Did you stop for a second to think about how I’d feel? I’m not your Amelia Watson. I’m my own person. I have my own beliefs and ideas!” I send my feelings back to her, no matter what she thought, this can’t be justified.

“Ame…”

“No! Don’t Ame me! Kronii! This is insane! I…I can’t allow this to go on any longer. I have to go back and change this history. I’m sorry Kronii… but I can’t accept this…gift. I can’t accept you. If you would represent the end…death…then I will represent the beginning...life. I will let the cycle continue, I will chase after life because...because I love it! If you would still usher in the end…then with all my might shall I oppose you…” I clear my throat and stare at Kronii, I feel the flame of passion burn in my heart.

“Why do you put others above yourself? Why do you choose to follow a cycle that does nothing but leave you as a single survivor in a universe full of people who will never think beyond a single day? The crushing loneliness, the unforgiving pain that it brings you! It is absurd to think that their meaningless existence only serves to push an idea that life has meaning! Stuck repeating the same tasks over and over again! There is no meaning! There is no integrity! There are no rules! The absurdity of their actions for their absurd creators!” Kronii’s gaze pierces my soul…I…I can’t…fuck…No more. I’m gonna give it to her. This isn’t your story Kronii! It’s mine! I clear my throat and remove my jacket. I unbutton my collar and make myself more comfortable. Breathe Ame. In and out. Relax. Respond to her. Tell her what you feel. Show her you are not the lost child she found all those years ago. Show her how much you’ve learned on your Journey so far. Show her that you have grown up. She might listen if you reply tactfully and eloquently. Alright, let’s do this Ame! I slap my cheeks and let loose!

“Because those people deserve to live their lives out. They do not labor for nothing! They enjoy life! I’ve seen it! I’ve seen their cities full of life and laughter! I’ve seen their accomplishments as they cleverly domesticated fire, as they created sounds to form speech and music, as they built civilizations, as they told each other tales of legends and myths of humans before them, as they conquered the seas and as they entered the skies and space! From a cup of noodles sitting on a table in a living room in Tokyo to the stars and beyond; they are always pushing forward, always achieving the impossible! It is not condemnation to repeat the same tasks only to start over with every reset! The struggle of life itself is enough to fill their hearts! How can you not imagine them anything other than happy Kronii? You must acknowledge this as the truth as they have. They know the certainty of their fates; they know they will die! And yet they still conquer the truth! You have to believe that they are happy! I know I am and that is ok!”

I am met with silence. I can hear my heart beating in my chest. I’m fighting backing all these emotions that are boiling up inside me. The air is still and calm. I can reach her! I know I can! She isn’t rebutting anymore! Kronii stares into the distance, the end of time…it’s sort of calming now. Did I get through? Is she…has she changed her mind?

“AND WHAT ABOUT MY STRUGGLE AMELIA?! WHAT ABOUT MY SADNESS!? MY SORROW!? MY SUFFERING?! MY DESPAIR!? AN ETERNITY SPENT WAITING TO DIE! AN ETERNITY SPENT WAITING TO TRAIN MY SUCCESSOR TO DO THE SAME!”
Kronii fires back at me, looking for something. I think she’s looking for someone to listen to her. Someone to be there for her and to tell her everything will be ok.

“The struggle is beautiful Kronii! Our struggle is beautiful! You won’t end my journey. You won’t end OUR journey!”

Kronii stares off into the distance, still silent.

“I…I…I don’t care anymore…just…go…leave me…alone…”

Tears fall from my eyes, I’m at my emotional breaking point…I can hardly see what’s in front of me.

“DON’T GIVE UP KRONII! DON’T GIVE UP ON ME, ON YOURSELF, ON HUMANITY!”

“IF I ACCEPT YOU, THEN EVERYTHING I’VE DONE WAS FOR NOTHING! I FAIL! I…I…AM PERFECTION! I AM PERFECT! I...I...UGH.” Her voice begins to choke up, she coughs in a fit and the final shot lands in my hands.

“IT’S OK TO FAIL! FAIL KRONII! LEARN FROM YOUR ERRORS. LET IT SPRING GROWTH WITHIN YOU. IF YOU WANT FALL TO THE DEPTHS OF DESPAIR, FALL! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE TO PICK YOU BACK UP!”

We shout at each other until our throats give out, fighting an emotional battle.

“Kronii?” I call one final time out to her. No anger or malice found within it. No more sorrow, no more happiness. No more smiles, no more frowns. No more hope, no more despair.

Just Amelia.

Just Kronii.

With Passion and Purpose:
Entry 6 Floating Future View:
Entry 8