Happy fuckin birthday, you think to yourself, not sure where you figured you'd be at nineteen, but it wasn't in some shoddy apartment alone with a bottle of bourbon that you didn't want to drink in the first place.
thinking to yourself how lackluster the reality of “Real life” was you begin to drain the bottle one disgusted expression at a time.
At some point your inebriated brain decided that you oughta take a piss in the flower bed across the street, you never had liked the look of that shady gardener anyway.
As you make your way across the street for a brief moment you hear honking and see headlights, your last thoughts are, “Fuck It”.
Next thing you remember is white, white so bright it's blinding only worsened by the pain of opening your eyes, you begin to wonder just how fuckedup you were you'd only drunk little bit prior to last night maybe you shouldn't have pushed yourself?
Eventually the hammering stops long enough for the realization that you're in a hospital dawns on you, followed by the fact that you must have been hit by a car. That, or a very angry Rhino judging by how you felt.
Eventually the sound of concerned charter in the hall perks your ears up and you listen in. “... be alright?” a female voice says. “we aren't putting him down, it just looks bad, mostly bruises and some broken….”
and like that the voices disappeared for the hall. We aren't putting him down you wonder? The hell does that mean, is this hospital also a vet clinic?
Deciding you didn't care enough to explore the thoughts more in your condition you fall back to sleep thinking about the hospital cliches from all the B-flicks you'd watched over the years, you hoped somebody you knew would visit.
when you next wake you hear the same two voices but this time they're in the room with you, the male leads off with an irked tone. “it's the damndest thing, the bloodwork came back, he's had his shots he's scrawny but not unhealthy, and nobody on the street he was found in has apparently not seen him before.”
Groaning and opening your eyes wondering why the hall your doctor is complaining about some animal you try to adjust your vision and told your head up.
Maybe you're still fucked up maybe all the talking about an animal has messed with your head, cause it's the oddest thing, cause looking back at you is what appears to be a Six foot something Doberman in a lab coat.

yeah, I must be pretty fucked up, you thought to yourself, no other explanation, that it I'm dreaming. Though if this is a dream I wish it would hurt less. Then the Doberman looks at me, and somehow the Giant bastard starts speaking.
”Finally awake there?” Good good. Seeing the concerned expression on my face he started by reaching out to scratch my head, if I'd had more energy and wasn't still trying to figure out whether I was dreaming or not I might've resisted.
As it was, the feeling of paws running through my hair wasn't the most unpleasant. “there there boy, I'm sure your owner is searching frantically for you.”
owner you thought, just what was this guy, dog? Doctor getting on about? I wanted to ask him but my brain still felt like mush that's seen better days and my throat hurt so I let it pass.
”I'll be back in a bit boy, we will be taking you to our kennel hear in a bit where I'm sure your owner will find you.”just what the hell was he getting on about. Taking his hand off my head he left me setting in the bright white room wondering just where the hell I was and what drug had I taken to end up in this mess.
Laying back down hiding my head under a pillow I waited, hopefully this bad trip or dream would end, if it did I was never drinking or taking anything stronger than Tylenol ever again.
As it was within.. maybe an hour a new face showed itself, now there is something about an hourglass figure in nurse scrubs that just makes a man happy and I'm no exception even as I traced the figure all the way up and found myself stating down what had to be the sexiest…. Otter I had ever seen.
and while I was basking in her figures Glory she caught me by surprise and unceremoniously pulled my white blankets off revealing my bandaged ribs and lack of.. any other covering.
now I'll tell anyone who will listen that I'm a grower not a show-er, but between the cold air and the headache I wasn't much of either. Even as I turned red and covered myself which only earned me a queer look from the otter.
“Sit up boy,” making a rising gesture with her hands before tugging on my shoulder tell I was in a sitting position. Before I could say anything she was turning my head left and right shining lights in my eyes and checking my heart. Had I really gone insane?
Giving up on talking which seemed to be alluding me I tried to relax, didn't need them thinking I had high blood pressure on top of everything else. If I could say one nice thing about the doctor's I was dealing with, it was that I had always associated them with cold hands, for them this was not the case.
Her soft paws ran over my body, from feeling my throat ribs stomach and so on. Her touch was pleasantly warm and soft and she hummed an oddly familiar tune as she worked before she finally stood and smiled radiantly at me.
“Alright boy. You're lookin healthy enough for the kennel, let's get you dressed and down there, May be your owners already waiting on you.
Next thing I know those soft paws are helping me pull on soft white cotton pants and a similarly white shirt. As I move to button it myself she looks at me with a mildly shocked expression before Running my head. And scratching me behind the ear.
“Wow, you're a smart boy aren't you” i eyed her wondering if i was on the brunt end of some practical joke but the otter girl seemed genuinely astounded. Maybe it was the painkillers but something in my head wanted to yell at me that I was taking this too well.
Then she got me again as I was pondering how the hell I was actually supposed to react to an upright Doberman and otter being medical staff. she snaps a collar around my neck.
Now i would maintain that I'm a pretty even tempered person but this was getting pretty damned ridiculous, if my tongue didn't feel like it was made from fat leather I would have given her a piece of my mind then and their. But next thing i know she's trying to pull me along behind her.
pulling back against her I furrowed my brows. Now if been cool up till now cause I figured I was fucked up in ways beyond my imagination. But there was no damn way I was getting walked around like an animal, I had rights damnit!
now the Otter was a slim figure, but she looked to have an inch or so of height in me, but more than anything I think she was shocked by my sudden change in temperament. the leash dropped out of her hands and with it I took off.
My ribs pained me like hell but then again most everything hurt. As i hurtled into the hall I came face to face.. or face to chest with the surprised doberman, hanging left I took off down the hallway running past several stunned faces, none of them were human.
the hell!!? I thought to myself, I either just ran past the world's largest lumberjack, or that dude was a bear. running as confused shouts broke out behind me i came to a double door at the end of the hallway. And when I crashed through i came to see something that turned this off dream, into a nightmare. Down the hallway, rows of prison like cells all home to…. People?
They looked up at me dumbly not like I was an escapee but like I was just some mildly curious spectacle. Just as I was about to continue running however the doors behind me burst open and I felt a faint sting in my back.
As i looked at my shooter blankly my mind began to falter. Dobermans can't use guns I thought to myself, they're already scary enough. then everything went black.

End of prologue.

If the first time I'd woken had been unpleasant, then this time around was the end all be all of hangovers… though…. If… the Otter and the Doberman has been. A dream. Then this was the real hangover and I was at home. .. right?
Slowly cracking my eyes open I was pleased to find myself in a comfortable darkness. That at least didn't cause an excess amount of pain, but the moment I tried to sit up my ribs ached in protest to my movements informing me that I wasn't getting up easily.
Looking around though, it was rather easy to confirm this wasn’t my room, no grossly incandescent alarm clock, and a general lack of well… anything that resembled my room at all, no pc.. Nothin. But when my eyes finally adjusted the final sign i wasn’t home was where the light source came from. It came from a hallway separated from me, by bars.
The hell did I do to end up in jail? My first thought was that I’d really done it, I’d gotten so blasted that I’d really fucked up, public intoxication maybe? I hope that was all, I’d been stupid. Sitting up slowly I set in the darkness letting my eyes adjust.
Slowly the other side of the hallway came into focus and it too was lined with bars, though I couldn’t see past them it was still too dark. but at least the walls to either side of me were solid. Not like some old west jail you always see in movies.
But man if I wasn’t already the type to be paranoid, this didn’t do me any favors. I wondered if I’d lost my job or worse. Then, the apathy set in and fat tears began to roll silently from my eyes. It wasn’t fuckin fair, i had buddies who drank themselves silly all the time and got away with it, I drink once and next thing I know I’m in prison.
Like that the rest of the night was wasted tell the sun rose. When it did and natural light began to pour into high windows in the cells the sights i saw disturbed me. In the cell across from mine was a woman, maybe a bit older than me sleeping who began to stir with the light, I watched from my seat on my bed watching with my back against the wall.
When she finally woke, I was both glad to see another person but also confused, prisons didn’t put men and women near each other, and more than that she was in the same white cotton get up that i was in.
I tried waving at her but she only looked at me dumbly like she didn’t understand the expression, but when I moved to use my mouth. I realized that my tongue wasn’t moving at all. In fact it hurt a fair bit. Reaching into my mouth what I found surprised the hell out of me, the entire left side of my tongue was surrounded by gauze, and it felt like I had stitches running down the side of it, as if I’d bitten my tongue nearly in two the hell had I done?
Try as hard as i might the memories just weren’t coming, but then the doors at the end of the hall burst open and the most colorful woman I’d ever seen waltzed in… and as my eyes focused I realized that I was looking at the mascot for fruitloops given woman form, replete with beak and feathers. This was just too damn weird.
She called out, “Breakfast time” and as she passed each cell she placed two bowls in each of them. Eventually she also passed my cell and briefly locked eyes with me before saying, “not feeling well boy? Eat up ok?” The she slotted into my cell a plate and bowl as well.
I looked from her to the bowl warily, as much as i’d like to be in shock things were coming together, I remembered waking up in the hospital to a similarly odd site. Of an Otter, and a god damned doberman treating me. Had i finally gone insane? Looking across the hall the woman was digging into the bowls with gusto, the one of water and the other, fake egg? Like the stuff they sold and Mcdonald's that they tried to pass off as eggs? I didn’t really like eggs to begin with, but just eggs and water, the hell was that?
Then something else dawned on me, there had to be six or seven other humans in cells in this hallway, but other than the sounds of eating, not a word was spoken, I could grunt if I wanted too but I at least knew why I couldn't speak, I wasn’t sure of the others.
Looking again at the girl across the hall I noticed that one of her legs was in a cast, which helped me to the conclusion that, I was still in a hospital. Though not like one I’d ever seen. The fact that the hospital appeared to be inhabited by animal people however was beyond my ability to rationalize or comprehend. The morning other wise passed by quietly, I noticed that my food was different from the woman across from me, only liquids, one was obviously water but the other looked like some sort of broth?
At least they didn’t expect me to eat solid food with stitches in my tongue, though it did beg the question how hard I’d been hit. Between my ribs mouth and scuffed up arms, it must have been pretty hard, maybe I was lucky to be alive at all.
Then the first family showed up. It was weird, too weird, a family of… Lizard people showed up, they reminded me of.. Some sort of exotic salamander, one was obviously a woman with two kids, and as their voices entered the hall the woman across the hall shot up as if struck by lightning, she looked way too excited to see something that I’d only ever seen in low budget movies.
Though when they saw her and she them smile broke out and they waved one of the staff over, the same colorful bird lady from earlier to let her out. Hugging the woman all three of the the salamanders seemed glad to be reunited as the mother spoke “Amy we were so worried when you got out, oh I’m never letting you out of my site again” As if a fully grown woman needed to be watched at all times?
Eventually the whole group left and there I was just trying to figure out what the hell I’d just witnessed. The only thing I could compare it too is well, when I’d been reunited with a cat that I’d thought had run away. But.. Human’s weren’t pets, no there was no way, this seemed like i’d been tossed into a reality show and I was the biggest sucker of all time, I quickly looked around for a camera but couldn’t find one.
as the day wore on i witnessed similar scenes all day A family of rabbits picked up another human, a Lone bear, picked up a similarly husky girl from a cell two down from mine and a Elephant came through as well and picked up another person. And each reunion was as Sickeningly heart warming as the last as if Hallmark had scripted them all.
Eventually it felt like I was the only one left. Just me the Toucan and the walls. She walked over and talked to me at the end of the day, she had a nice figure, an exotic sort of beauty, i mean I never thought I’d find a beak cute but she made it work. She cooed at me, apologizing to me that nobody had shown up to claim me but I didn’t deign to respond still confused by the ridiculousness of it all. Then the otter came back, I could hear her talking with the toucan though hardly.
“.... Trouble….. No chip…. “ then the toucan spoke in a much louder voice, apparently not one for subtlety. “Should I call control to pick him, up? We can’t keep him here indefinitely?” The otter sighed audibly, “Yes, if he’s still here in the morning, give them a call, careful with him though, he was trouble yesterday.”
With that the Otter left, not without staring daggers into me as she passed by though. I guess I may have pushed her yesterday when trying to make my valiant escape, though… it wasn’t exactly my fault. She had tried putting me on a leash I rationalized. It was only natural to try and get away.
At some point night fell, and with it my willpower i fell asleep still sitting back against the wall.
I woke up with someone holding my arms to my sides while someone else was fixing something around my neck, when my eyes shot open i came face to face with a none other than what looked like a Rhino on steroids backed by a lynx. It was going to be a long damned day.
So I had two options I could struggle and pick a fight with a Rhino or I could roll with it, I wasn’t too sure the Rhino liked me all that much and picking a fight with him seemed like a good way to stay in the hospital. Which, hardly seemed worth it at the time.
so next thing I know i’m being led by a leash by a Lynx and a Rhino, out of the hospital as different furs eyed me as if I was some odd spectacle, maybe word of my attempted escape had gotten out among the staff.
When we finally get out of the hospital they load me into the back of this van with a cage in it, and if things couldn’t have gotten any weirder the Lynx pets my head calls me a good boy and promises me a treat when we get to their building. Just what the hell do they think I am?
We finally arrive after a while the two in the front chattering all the while. The Rhino turns out to be named Billy, and the Lynx is Lara, and they both seem amused that a human my size could have caused so much trouble, much to my indignation.
Though i resolved to get revenge on the Rhino when he said he thought he was there to pick up a joe, not a Jane. Now that was just rude
Then the car stopped and when they let me out of cage. The building before me made me want to crawl back in, in big letters on the front window read. “Adopt a human month” Just where the hell was I?

Chapter 3, the pound

Ya know, I’d never assigned much me among to, “being in the dog house” until it became a literal experience.
And yet here I was again sitting behind bars this a prisoner up for adoption. At this.point I almost felt like i would have taken real jail over this goofiness.
And I'll be damned if I didn't know how I was going to explain any of this if I ever got back home.
I probly spent an hour or so I'm my cage before Mr. Rhino showed up again soap and towel in one hand and a leash and collar in the other.
Alright boy, let's get you washed up into some better clothes, don’t want you stinkin up the place and not gettin taken in.
His voice was low befitting his size but he spoke with a surprising amount of gentleness.
Now, I've entertained some Kinks, I mean who doesn't but.. I knew where this was leading and I was fairly certain I wanted none of it. The issue was, I wasn't much more willing to pick a fight with a Rhino either.
So next thing i know this guy is putting a collar around my neck and I'm still to froze up to do a thing about it, cause once he's stating next to me I realize I'm face level with a chest made of iron.
I mean it's not like I entertain any thoughts of being tall. I'm 5’1” but at least even the taller people I knew we're only on the average did of tall, this guy had to be over 7 feet.
So my desire to resist was quickly squelched between his size and my still aching Ribs and to a lesser extent tongue. Supposedly those stitches would come out soon.
So letting myself be collared and pulled out of my “room” or cell more like. down a hallway. The place was painted up in friendly pastels and they kindly enough used regular light bulbs instead of those blue lights some places favor. But the cells filled with humans managed to remind me up that this was some odd iteration of incarceration.
we end up in a room full of shower heads though at least it had stalls with curtains, I had the momentary thought of “don't drop the soap”
for a moment i think, he's gonna let me take a shower and take me back to my cell, but boy was I wrong.
I hear behind me, “alright let's get you washed up and next thing i know this dude's popping the buttons on my shir like I'm a kid who hasn't figured out the concept yet.
Now I move to protest but when I grab his arms it felt like i was trying to move boulders and all I managed to do was earn an odd look and what might have been and irritated puff of air from his horned nose.
I wouldn't call myself a coward but that look alone cowed me. I could see why he was tasked with this part of the job.
So If i couldn't stop him I'd have to employ a second tactic. Cutting him off I did the last two buttons myself giving him a look of, “I've got this”
this of course only manages to bring out a hearty chuckle from the guy which sounded like somebody grinding two stones together, I'll be damned if even his laugh wasn't intimidating.
“Smart boy I'm impressed” he says as if he's speaking to a baby taking its first steps before he starts petting my head with one of those leather mitts he calls a hand. Though they were surprising soft and warm. Kinda like the worn gloves my gramps on the farm always wore.
Then the dreaded part came as again I was exposed unceremoniously, I had been commando since the hospital but I was hoping my earlier display would have convinced me i could have undressed myself.
As I stood naked before the great beast of a man, the stark reality of what humanity has devolved to was becoming evident. Mute was one thing, but reduced to pets was a hard pill to swallow.
Then he placed one of his large hands on my shoulder pushing me to sit on a stool he proffered. Sitting down covering my groin with my hands I looked up at him for a moment, and felt, very small.
he began to unwind the bandages around my chest giving a long whistle when the splotchy purple coloration that had taken to my ribs revealed itself. Then I heard the sound of his arm grabbing the showerhead.
As he lifted the showerhead and began to douse me with a warm deluge wetting my hair and body as I sat awkwardly in front of the Rhino.
Then his free hand began to work suds into my long hair. The flowery smell of the shampoo beginning to pervade the air.
Again I was amazed at the tenderness the Rhino was capable of his warm hands running my scalp pausing whenever he came across a tangle gently pulling it apart instead of yanking them.
I felt an odd mix of embarrassment and comfort. It was odd to be bathed after so long of bathing myself, it was almost more intimate than the nakedness itself.
hooking the showerhead to a bracket on the wall. Before both of his hands moved on to lathering my back and shoulders. His touch might be causal to himself but the strength of his hands felt like a deep massage.
enjoying the moment I allowed myself to forget for a moment i was trapped in an alien world populated by animals.
when he reached my bruised ribs his hand ghosted over the mottled flesh hardly causing me to wince at all. Then without warning he spun me about stool and all with what appeared to be no effort at all.
As he washed my front I came to notice a low noise, and after a moment i realized that he was humming a low tune that poured like gravel from his throat.
So here I sat being washed by Billy the humming Rhino unsure of how to handle the situation. Steadfast in covering my groin a wave of relief rolled over me when he didn't force the issue though he made a quizzical expression at me.
I didn't care if I was acting abnormal for a “human” or not. There were some things that I wasn't willing to reveal if I didn't have to.
Then abruptly the water was turned off and he began drying me off with his meaty paws rubbing me down before giving me a hearty pat on the shoulder. Then he pulled out a small bundle of clothes that I snatched to his surprise and began pulling them on. A sweatsuit, but it had to be at least two sizes two big.
Again a large paw ruffled my hair as a hearty chuckle sounded behind me “sorry boy, that was the smallest male size we had on hand, we usually deal on bigger breeds since this area is Rural, though I doubt you know what I'm talkin about.
Reattaching the collar to my throat he led me out of the shower room into a smaller room of a decidedly pink theme and produced a hair brush. I rolled my eyes inwardly, this situation was decidedly ridiculous, humans might be pets but if he moves for a bow in hitting him i thought.
Again I was impressed however by my large captor. He clutched the small brush in his large hand gingerly as if he feared breaking it. Steadily brushing my mid back length hair out again humming as he did so.
I was beginning to hear the old “Don't judge a book by its cover” proverb in my head as I wondered at the Rhino.. or Billy being anything other than a brute.
thankfully he didn't move for any accessories but he did eventually stand me in front of a mirror where i got the first look at myself in a couple days.
the left side of my mouth was still puffy where I'd bitten my tongue. And the sweatshirt hung down just over my knees. Though i maintained I ought to lodge a complaint over the fact that my collar was a purple, a girly light shade at that, but somehow I didn't think the Rhino would care too much
My hair hung damp around my shoulders and my face still note a forlorn expression. Billy however bore an expression as if he was regarding his handiwork and trying not to smile.
“well cuty, I doubt you'll make muster for farm work, but you look pretty adoptable to me”
With that i was led to my cell. To await an adoption, and to plot an escape. “Now behave you rascal, and there'll be a treat in it for you.