Guzzler vs John: First Strike
"Dammit!"
At the Anti-Goon Squad, John Anonymous was furious. John Furious, even.
"Every where I go... Guzzler evades me! No matter how many times I think I know where he'll be... he ISN'T!! WHAT THE HELL DOES HE KNOW THAT I DON'T!?"
"John."
John turned, and he saw the Guild Leader of the Anti-Goon Squad, Demarckus Basedz, walk straight towards him. He hasn't been at the Anti-Goon Squad for an entire week.
"Yes, Mr Basedz?"
"Your apprentince, Angooio, and I... we discovered the true goal of Guzzler."
"True goal...? A-And where's Angooio!?"
Basedz just continued.
"You've been expecting to find the bastard where women would be... but he's after... men."
"WHAT!? WHERE'S ANGOOIO!?"
"Angooio went after Guzzler on his own, John. I failed to stop him."
"NOOOOO! ANGOOIO ISN'T READY! I-I TOLD HIM NOT TO...!"
"Take this, John."
Basedz gave John a map.
"That's where Guzzler is. I pray you get to him before Angooio."
John snatched the map in hand and ran straight out into the night.
"THANK YOU, MR BASEDZ! ANGOOIOOOO! I'LL SAVE YOUUUUUU!!!"
It was quiet. Too quiet.
At Kissy-Kiss Tower, a forgotten make-out spot for adventurous couples on the edge of the world, John appeared. He had dashed from all the way across the continent, to corner his nemesis. And save his apprentice.
"GUZZLERRRR! ANGOOIOOOOOO! WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUU!?!"
"Right here, JOHN!"
John turned, and he saw Guzzler. And next to Guzzler, a still body covered in cloth laid on the ground.
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
His body brimming with consumed sexual energy, flaring up in an orange aura, John dashed and pounded the ground where Guzzler stood, only for him to disappear in a burst of white liquid.
John wasn't paying attention to Guzzler. Only Angooio.
And as he lifted the veil from his apprentice's face, he saw that all color was gone. All that remained, was a shriveled husk. John had tears in his eyes.
"G-Guzzler...! WHAT DID YOU DO!? YOU BASTARD! WHAT DID YOU DO!!!?!"
Guzzler appeared in the moonlight, some distance away, and he licked his lips.
"Didn't you figure it out? I guzzled. Your little friend couldn't take it... the dome sent him to a better place... and that will be YOUR fate, John!"
A sphere of sexual energy formed in John's hand, and he let loose a gigantic flash in Guzzler's direction.
A dome of white liquid with a hazy purple aura formed over Guzzler, and it boiled as the pure energy washed over it.
"Yes, John! It's time for us to battle! I'VE LONG AWAITED THIS!"
Guzzler spread open the dome just like he would his cheeks, but John was already waiting for him just outside, silent fury on his face.
"ANTI-GOON FIST!"
A fist covered in orange energy slammed into Guzzler's abdomen, and he was sent flying into the air.
Glee covering his own face, Guzzler reoriented himself in the air, and looked down at John.
"Insemination Poltergoonst!"
Guzzler held out his hands, and bullets of the white liquid with the hazy aura streamed out of them.
However, they did not land anywhere near John. Instead, they went straight into the structure the cumbatants fought on.
"FOOL, GUZZLER!"
John let loose another blast of pure sexual energy, and Guzzler braced for impact with another sphere, and it once again boiled, yet Guzzler remained fine.
"THAT WON'T SAVE YOU THIS TIME!"
Orange energy flared up under John's feet, and he sprung into the air, flying through his own energy beam. Nearing the sphere dome, he swung at it with one of his great veiny arms, and it blew open, leaving Guzzler undefended against his next attack, archnemesises hung in mid-air.
"DIE!!"
John swung his other great trunk of an arm down onto Guzzler, but it never connected.
John watched as he hit some bizarre gargoyle-like being, made of stone. It had suddenly appeared, and likely traveled to Guzzler's dome while he was delayed via firing the energy beam. And when he looked at its head... it had Guzzler's face. It groaned, and spoke out in a high-pitched voice.
"...S...a...v...e...d...a...d...d...y..."
"WHAT!?"
John looked below him, and from the tower itself, more beings of stone emerged.
"Do you like them, John!? The world itself bears my young! Bear witness to the Spawn of Guzzler!"
"TCH! So THAT'S what you were doing...!"
Guzzler let loose a splash of hazy liquid from his hands, and John was disoriented himself. As John regained his bearings, he was surrounded by the Spawn, and Guzzler was nowhere to be found.
They spoke in unison.
"Saaaaaaave daaaaaaaaddy!"
John growled.
"HIYAH!"
One by one, John smashed each demon with his limbs covered in orange energy. They tried to surround him, but he was too fast, too strong, and had too much stamina.
Suddenly, Guzzler appeared behind John, and struck him in the back. John didn't even flinch, and backhanded Guzzler, sending him straight into the tower, and he crashed through several floors.
Covered in the hazy liquid and gravel from Guzzler's Spawn, John took a second to prepare his next move. Yet, he was disturbed.
Something was tickling him.
"Heeeeeeeeeeellllooooooooo!"
John's shirt itself was turned into Spawn of Guzzler! It sprouted the shape of Guzzler's face, and formed arms of cloth, and attempted to choke him!
Flexing, and covered in sexual energy, John utterly and completely destroyed his own shirt.
The oily substance he was soaked in caused his muscles to gleam in the moonlight.
"Oh, John... you're such a specimen! Completely beautiful!"
"Guzzler... you BASTARD... all of that... just to take my SHIRT off!?"
"Of course!"
John smirked.
"You retard."
John began to inhale, and orange energy emerged from Guzzler and was sucked into his mouth.
So much sexual energy was coming off of Guzzler, and John grew immensely in power.
"NEVER GOON FORCE!"
Wings of sexual energy sprouted from John's back, and the veil of pure energy covered him entirely.
"DIE, GUZZLER!!!"
"SPERM DEVIL FORCE!"
Covered in an armor of hazy white liquid, Guzzler braced as John plowed his great, meaty fist directly into his face.
Over and over again, he pounded and smashed Guzzler, and finished him off by blowing him away.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH~!"
Guzzler moaned as he landed in a bed of flowers several miles away.
And John wasted no time. Rushing as fast as he could, John would ensure that he would finish off Guzzler HERE and NOW!
"GUZZLER! THIS IS THE END!"
"Nomt quimte, Johmn bamby."
"WHAT!?"
Guzzler was eating the pollen of the flowers he landed in! He swallowed. He was truly lucky for this to have happened to him.
"Pollen is sperm, too, honeybuns!"
John knew that he would use this as a chance to escape. He couldn't let that happen.
"NEVER GOON ROAR!!"
Instead of meeting the blast of orange energy head on, Guzzler swirled pollen and flower petals around him, and the beam left nothing but ashes in its wake.
John stopped firing his lazer, and saw no traces of Guzzler.
Perhaps he had destroyed him? A hopeful thought.
But deep down, John knew. Guzzler was still out there.
He may have won the fight... but Guzzler won the war.
John burned with fury!
"GUZZLERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
"I'LL CHASE YOU DOWN TO THE ENDS OF THE EARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTH!"
And, in the wind, he heard... a faint moan.