I Still Love You

Even if it was because she was lying in bed, it felt nice to be out of her wheelchair.
Her parents moved her bed into the piano room, and after a very...admittedly childish fit, they agreed to move Sunny into the piano room too.
The layout of the room made putting beds in there a bit tough, but it was doable. The piano was moved closer to the corner of the room near the window, most stools and the plant were moved to the right side of the room near the door, as Sunny and Mari's beds were placed in the corner left of the door. And under the excuse of saving room, their beds were placed side to side, so Mari could crawl between them.
Maybe it was cruel of her to move him into that room after all it must have meant for him.
Maybe it was heartless to keep him near her when it was clear seeing her was a permanent and painful reminder of what happened.
But Mari knows what Sunny might do if left alone. It was clear as day to her that Sunny hated himself for what he did. He wouldn't visit her room while she was in the hospital, the sobbing wreck he became when Mom and Dad made him see her, hearing him tell her it should have been him, that he...She couldn't leave him all alone where he could easily hurt himself or worse, while in a place she can't get to all on her own. She needs someone else to get her upstairs, if both of them were home all alone, and his room was upstairs, he could so very easily...
And she wouldn't be able to stop it.

Mari decided to roll her torso over to look at Sunny in his bed.
Sunny had his back to her, facing the wall. She could tell that he was still awake, the way he was shifting slightly.
"Sunny?" She decided to call out, gently.
He seemed to be ignoring her, which made her feel a little sad.
Mari scooched herself forward to the best of her ability, and wrapped her arms around Sunny. She felt him shiver, but he seemed like he was okay with this right now. She moved her blankets over him, to keep him extra warm.
Sunny wasn't...much different from how he was months ago, appearance-wise. But besides that?
He didn't speak, let alone emote as much anymore, she hadn't seen him smile once, it was clear he was avoiding his friends, and they were avoiding him.
His friends. Their friends. Aubrey, Kel, Basil, Hero...

Whenever she thought of them anymore, she was choked up with feelings she can't describe.
Aubrey had screamed at Sunny in the hospital. She'd yet to apologize for it, and Mari can't tell if she ever intended to anymore.
How she changed...Aubrey still looked up to her, and Mari still enjoyed her company, but it was clear she had nothing but scorn for Sunny now.
Kel was...a good kid. He tried to understand, and he did try to be there for Sunny a little, but...he had his own things to deal with.
He moved on. His new activities and hobbies have caused him to splinter from them, and get new friends.
Basil...saw what happened. Something feels weird between him and Sunny now, and it's like they're avoiding each other now.
They were good friends...Sunny felt like the only person Basil could open up to, but now he seemed more closed off then ever.
Hero...she only heard the end of it. Sunny looked up to him so much, so for him to say those things to him...
She couldn't be upset with him for it. Hero just couldn't hold it in. She just wishes he trusted her enough to tell her how he really felt.
Mari started shivering, wavering emotions threatening to overwhelm her. Sadness, fear, regret, anger, despair, bitterness...

She tightened her arms around Sunny, using him as an anchor.
None of them had forgiven Sunny.
She understood. She really did.
Part of her still felt furious over the broken violin.
Even if he had messed up during the recital, the fact that he tried so hard would have meant the world to her.
Some days she cursed Sunny's name when her legs hurt bad enough for her to cry.
Why did he push her? He could of tried backing away, or going around her. But he instead shoved her away, like he...
None of that...meant she couldn't still be upset with them, right?
Sunny was her little brother. Sunny was their friend. Was one mistake really going to make them act like the last few years didn't happen?
She forgave him, she really did. She still loved him. Why couldn't they?
Maybe she was just being selfish...She doesn't know...

Mari tightened her arms around Sunny, trying to let her negativity melt away into his warmth.
Her little brother. Her closest friend. Her dearest sunshine.
She just wished...the clouds would finally clear, and she could see her Sunny again.
"Sunny?" She called again, in as soothing a tone as she could manage.
Sunny still didn't stir.
"Sunny, can't you look at me right now? Please?" She begged.
She felt him shake, which told her to let go. He soon rolled over to face her, cliff-faced as always. Eyes as empty as always.
Mari forced a smile on her face. "Sunny, I was worried you'd fallen asleep. I wanted to talk to you."
Sunny always avoided her. Bedtime was the only time she could ever get him to open up, even a little.

"How was school today? I know you didn't go yesterday, so I imagine they gave you extra work, huh?"
Sunny gave an ever so slight nod. She wished he'd give more definite answers. These one sided conversations took a surprising amount of energy from her to decipher, since Sunny didn't like speaking much. And these last few months felt like an exam on how much she knew about her little brother.
"You probably have a lot of work to do...Oh, I know! How would you feel about big sister coming to the rescue, and helping you out?"
She already knew what his answer was before he shook his head. He didn't want to burden her anymore. He'd probably be happier if she ignored him.
"Really? Are you sure? Those problems seemed pretty difficult...We could solve them at the kitchen table, and I could bake some of my cookies for us?"
There was the bait, and she could see his eyes light up a bit before he closed them. A little bribery never hurt, especially if it caught her a Sunny fish.
After a few seconds of silence, Sunny opened his eyes, clearly open to the idea.
"Hehe, figured you couldn't resist. I'll make this batch more delicious then the last."
Sunny let out a sound, one of resignation, maybe?
"Sunny, I..." Should she say this? She should really be careful about what she says to him. What if she says something really wrong?
She decides to say it. "Sunny, It makes me feel sad that I have to find reasons for you to want me around."
She felt him shiver as he looked down. Her gut twisted horribly, but she felt that she had to say it.
"Goodnight, Sunny. I love you." She whispered into his ear, hoping it would soften what she just said to him.
Almost unconsciously, she wrapped her left arm around his back and over his head, as she kissed his forehead.
She didn't know when she picked up this habit, but she always did it before they went to sleep nowadays.
She closed her eyes, expecting to drift off into sleep, her dear brother in her arms.
...
...
"Why?"
"Hmm?" Mari should have expected this question. It would have been more unusual not to hear it.
"Oh, Sunny...I love you." Mari assured him, opening her eyes to look at him.
A look of inconsolable sorrow was carved into his eyes, a look that used to make her shy away in the past.
Mari gave another smile, as she moved to kiss him on the forehead again.

Only...something different happened.
Mari felt alarms going off in her head.
She had just enough time to think "Wait, I shouldn't do this" before she did this.
Instead of moving up, she moved forward.
And put her lips up to Sunny's, and gently parted them.
She could see the shock on his face as she gave him a deep, loving kiss a brother and sister should never share.
She looked into his eyes, trying to convey something to him. Love? She doesn't love him like that, he's her little brother.
But she does love him. And she still pressed further into his mouth.
In a moment of clarity she decided to move her hand a little, giving him a better means of escape should he not want this.
Pushing as deep into his mouth as she could, she started pulling and sucking on his tongue, causing his eyes to go wider in shock.

Okay, now she was taking this too far. She cut it short by pulling his tongue into her mouth just a little, before pulling away from him.
She could feel a trail of saliva from his tongue and hers fall onto the pillow between them.
The look on Sunny's face was priceless, life that she hadn't seen for what felt like years return to it.
She felt an odd smile on her face. Embarrassment? Fear? Excitement?
"Do you believe me now?" She decided to ask rather shamelessly, her voice shaking.
"I-I..." Sunny barely got out. There were tears in his eyes, and the look on his face, the way he slightly inched forward, how shaky his voice was...
If there was a time to backtrack, now would be it. Mari had gone too far, and done too much. This wasn't okay, and she knew she'd regret this later.
How could she deny him?
Mari inched closer, ready to show him once again, how much she...
...
...
Sunny fell asleep, Mari pressing him against her chest like she used too. She could feel his steady breathing against her.
She knew that she had to do something drastic if she wanted to help Sunny.
He was on a downward spiral. Things would only get worse, and nothing she did conveyed to him she still loved him, that she forgave him.
But that? That was a bit...too daring, even for her.
But she had to do that. It was the only way she could think of to convince him that she still loved him. What better way then a kiss like that?
Hehe....The only way? Maybe that fall did do more then break her legs. Maybe something in her head broke, too.
Oh well. Mari would forgive herself this time, as long as she kept this promise to herself that she wouldn't go any further then what she did.
This...was going to make a silly memory for them to look back on in the future.
Or a source of embarrassment and shame that both would rather forget.
Either way, Mari closed her eyes as she fell asleep to the gentle and soothing rhythm of Sunny's breathing...