꒰ 2026年10月04日 ꒱
Today has been ok so far. Yesterday tired me out with waking up at 6am to get ready for my SAT and then spent the rest of the day playing with my best friend and my boyfriend for a little. My boyfriend has been giving me mixed signals and I genuinely cannot tell if he still likes me or he's only just saying he does because he has no idea what to do with our relationship now. I'm unsure myself, I still love him a bunch of course but I can definitely feel the connection between us is drifting and I really don't know what to do. I want him to stay but I don't want him being with me and unhappy with it he says he loves me and reassures me but even that isn't even enough anymore. I don't want to be seen as some chore to him. I don't know how to get him to love me like how he did before. Anyways I called with my best friend I was able to just vent to him about everything and he definitely helped me feel better, he even told me he might send me the official Spamton plushie and I'm excited, I feel bad he's spending so much on me, but I'm going to make it up by making him a ton of gifts and sending it over + making rentries and sharing all my robux I earn from comms ❤️‍🩹 I love my older brother he's honestly the only person I feel safe to tell everything to, I told him way more things of my past in detail than to anyone ever and knowing how similar pasts we have, it's easy to bond over these things and overcome the trauma together. He makes me feel safe and genuinely included in everything I'm so thankful for the times he speaks up for me when it's hard for me to and how he genuinely just stands up for me. I wish my boyfriend did that more often honestly as of recent it feels like my boyfriend prioritizes in impressing others and trying to be more nonchalant, when I know he's the most chalant guy ever and I end up being dragged into it and turned into the butt of the joke and catching literal fucking strays. It hurts when I end up having to defend myself most of the time, yes I want to be independent, but I wish I had a boyfriend who is willing to stand up for me . The few times he had I came off as begging for him to do it, and my older brother literally did it without me asking over a dude that's been clearing showing signs of possesivness to me 😐 a lot of the times too if my friends join the game or were in a ggame where everyone is interactive he ends up kinda leaving me to hang out with them and I always feel awkward because w tf am I supposed to do. I shouldn't even tell him why I'm getting upset sometimes when the answers are right at his feet and he knows I'm a overly sensitive person ontop of having bpd. I hate it when he asks if we just wanna "play something else" when it's not "hey do you wanna join" or try and make an effort to include me like what I do for literally him. I have been more overwhelmed because we've been talking less and especially since he has college and I'm scared that there's going to be someone who's going to tske him from me. I already mentioned this fear multiple times to him. I'm scared he doesn't like me anymore I think I've just became the whiney insecure girl I was when I was with my last ex and I'm going to be the cause of the downfall of my relationship. I wanna die
Someone stole my rentry layout form /Bonaparte and I'm mad because tf do u mean "no I'm not" when I ask you to change it nicely. And ofc they're some fucking weirdo pedophile freak larping as a communist DIE DIE DIE DIE /SEPTUM UR A LOSER UR A LSOSR

꒰ 2026年10月05日 ꒱
I'm so cold. I'm so tired and my head hurts I hate school . I wanna message my boyfriend but he always makes it feel like I'm bothering him wjen I message him like ok I guess I won't talk he's always busy w something and immediately makes the conversation to something else like bro can u pls tell me you love me for a few more minutes like wtf just say u dont gaf about me . J can't stop thinking about deltarune and spamtenna and suselle . I can't wait to go home and plah more deltarune with my friend I love doing the voice acting it's so fun m
I love my boyfriend I love him somuch I need him so bad I want him to stay forever I need him he's actually my everything I miss his voice I want to hear him I want to talk to him I love him I miss his face I missqhen he used to talknto me super sweetly I want hom to just tell me sweet nothings I likr it when he uses that voice on me I actually feel like a doggy I genuinely need him I want hkm to rpaise memore I hate initiating I want him to just give ittome i think imgonna fucking die. I wanted to call today with him but I dont think he remembered os imsad I wanthkm rigjtnkw

꒰ 2026年10月06日 ꒱
My prayers have been heard I received a cute message this moening I feel good and way better than how I've been feeling recently. I also met a hetalia fan at my school and she's super cool, she's apparently seen my content and I'm so embarrassed, but its fun that they recognize me ❤️‍🩹
J called with my boyfriend today it was so much fun I love him he's so cute and kind and handsome I love him so much I love it when he talks so sweetly to me I actually love it so muhc I genuinely had my prayers listened to thank you Karl Marx for making me extra happy I love my boyfriend so much I can't wait for tomorrow it's gonna be a year and 8 months of us being together

꒰ 2026年10月07日 ꒱
We barely talked today and it was an anniversary ok. ok. I'm sick and I lost my voice as well ok
HE WAS PLAYING ROBLOX THIS ENTIRE TIME 😂😂😂 😂😂😂😂😂😂 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 why do you hate me 😂😂😂😂😂 I'm going to cry in the shower 😂 you knew I wanted to spend time you knew I was basically free this entire day
It pisses me off that someone can be this fucking oblivious
im not putting allat shit I wrote just now fuck you #yolo #bigshot Im starving myself again I think I foundmy happiness

꒰ 2026年10月09日 ꒱
Ohhhhhhhhh ifeel so sick rn my head ache is worse and I genuinely just can't talk. I had so much fun yesterday with my bestfriend I'm so thankful that I have him he honestly is way more mindful and caring than most people in my life. He taught me so much and made me grow into a better person. I can't wait to play the multiplayer deltarune mod w him I'm so excited and the gifts he's sending I can't wait to unbox those

rhrhrhrheehehehehehehehegeggrhehereslltb ilvoehim osmuch imgigglignsonuch hecalled me dolly itseverywhere

꒰ 2026年10月10日 ꒱
Today was very fun I got the PHONE CHARM AND IT'S SO CUTE THANK U COCOOO I also did a commission again and they really liked their comm so I'm so happy ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I also got to see my boyfriend post after AGES everything had been so good. I also made tiramisu with my mkm. But I feel dizzy from the medicine still sob sob sob

꒰ 2026年10月11日 ꒱
I think I'm going to go fuckint insane if I continue to hear my dad talking about some far right bullshit just talking in general outside it's going to be 2 in the morning soon I've been having my headphones in since 12 he wont stfu im. Tired and sick I'm. Pissed off he refuses to believe I'm sick and makes fun of me and it makes me mad. If I was born a man maybe he would treat me seriously and listen to everything I say

꒰ 2026年10月12日 ꒱
Holy shit the world revolving is the best thing Ive ever listened to I'm seriously tearing up toby fox deadass makes the best music known to man

꒰ 2026年10月13日 ꒱
I FUCKING HATE JEVIL FUCK YOU I CANNkt WIN THIS BOSS BATTLE but its ok because his ost is so good I love the world revolving. As much as I hate him I love him lowk I redid /drowning just for gim ❤️‍🩹 I called with my friends for a while I streamed my deltarune gameolay and we played roblox I love deltarhne so much oh myogd. The spamton plush arrives to my home today. At noon. I'm so ducking scared. Coco told me there's pipis inside because the official plushies put pipis inside I'll rip the pipis out
Good day today I call with boyfriend and my abuse goblin is here.

꒰ 2026年10月14日 ꒱
Spent half the day doing nothing when I had to fo my French essay. I did it🎉🎉🎉☺☺🐤 smile j play with my friends so fun. I really like jevil and I hate him because I cannot beat him but he's a reallt interesting and cool character so I love him

꒰ 2026年10月15日 ꒱
I'm irritated I'm irritated I'm irritated stop making excuses then freak out from the players in the server but don't want to leave what do u want I hate people like that make up ur fucking mind If ur scared and then leave me by myself half the time

꒰ 2026年10月16日 ꒱
Yesterday was so busy I had so much fun though I called with all my favorite people separately, and I got to meet my boyfriend's friend at his college, but I don't like how they were implying that will kept touching them a lot and shit. I've been overthinking a lot of the stuff they told me that will does that he doesn't tell me at all and I genuinely started getting sick and I had to play it off and act like I was laughing on call. Boiii I was so close tocrying 😂😂😂 dont leave me 😅😅😅😅 I blocked that annoying brazilian kid though I'm fed up w him I got tired of playing patient nice girl I hate when they come and complain to me or only go to me to vent just to only ditch me later. I hated when he forced me to join games w him and never defending me or spoke up for me when his friends were so nasty to me. I didn't like that idea that his girl friend who sees me as competition thought I would "take him away" and I know 100% that he didnt tell her that I had a boyfriend and I'm older than him so I had her hating on my ass for no reason on top of trying to be like me. Like ok. Whatever I got done and my breaking point was probably when he just lied thst he went to bed and he blocked the girl because I know 100% he didn't 😂😂😂😂 yeah don't drag me into this shit I'm not your therapist I hate when he goes to me and treats me like I am. I am not someone to rely on for mental help. Do not come to me. I'm not well as well and I dont run to you telling you that I'm cutting myself or drinking when I am in need for attention. I'm pissed off I hate him so much leave me alone go away ur a weirdo he always objectifies me and is loek a fucking nationalist so whatever. I like playing with coco today we got to pinks boss battle and I played a lot of epic minigames YAYY
I think i'm going to shoot myself andlet my brain splatter everywhere on the walls

Even if its ajoke it's noteven funny literally wtf I thoughthe wasn't ahandsy kindof guyand I ekep being told he's touching them kverandover anywahs why r u touching someonrlikr that if you already have a girlfriend literally ewhat thefuck I donteant to be cheated on for the second time im actuslly sofick now ejy doesthis always happen tome im afucking cuckold haahahshssahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahahahaahahahahahhahaha😅😅😿😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Everything is actually over, 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 none ofthid actually feels real ny chest hurts super bad jt only gets worse by the minute I can't even get amd j thin kmy life isjust over I don't want to go through anothrt ccri situation I really don't wnat to I don't want to tell coco anything and have him do something plus I still feel bad for making himso involved eith my issues with ccri before I don't want a repeat of that. Genuinely where did I mess up I csntevrn tell if somethints genuinely happening behind my back or not and howits being all rubbed in my face i'm actually a joke imso embarrassed hrs niteven tslking to me he only responded bc they said something in the gc and hesonly talking inthestipid gc I'm actually so over this
Everyone pissingmeoff I hate when people ignore me I hate when people do shit knowing itll make me uncomfortable stop I hate this all I hate my boyfriend stop touching others weirdly when ur fucking dating someone everyone wants to talk the second I give up and want alone time go away
Thank go d for mybig brothe r. He knows how to handle things and calm me down

꒰ 2026年10月17日 ꒱
Holy shit dhde imso scsred my boyfriend is just gonna kil me he's gonns leabeme bro I regret sendintthat paragraph i peobablt overreacted ishouldbr just waited it out and eltmy emotions pass again I accidentally reopened discord whemhe was online and Imgonna killmylesf
Ok everything ok ✅✅✅ everything was a misunderstanding and he's going to toak to his friend to get them to stop with the weird jokes and stuff YAY!Ilove lmy boyfriend!!😊😊 I forgot to mention yesterday I got my spamtenna and suselle keychains my big brother bought me they're so cute I'm so thankful for my big brother these r the cutest
I plan to sned him things too I got some cash and I'll probably order him the official tenna plush with some spamtenna things as well
ugly disgusting thing I'm bringing with me to the Oktoberfest I'm going to tomorrow . I love going to Helen and that one antique shop there

꒰ 2026年10月19日 ꒱
I fucking hate my sister she makes everything about herself and she never can help out. I shouldn't be washing your dishes when head 20 while you just lay there doing fucking nothing. When I'm too tired to feed the dogs or when I'm not home i shouldn't be the one having to feed them immediately because u just wanted to sit around playing games being full of ur self. I asked for help on where the puppy's wet food was and all she was doing was sitting on the computer playing games and telline me to fuck off. Move out then you lazy ficking rapist I hope the world eats you alive you're the only person who I wholeheartedly believe should be messed over in our messed up system. I hope everyone exploits you and treats you like shit like what you've done to me.

꒰ 2026年10月20日 ꒱
lm sobbing the stupid stuff my friend sent me the TEXT WAS PRINTED ONTO THE LITTLE CARD SO NOW I JUST HAVE THIS MESSAGE ON IT.

꒰ 2026年10月23日 ꒱
I get my boyfriend didn't wanna talk because hes sick but jeez don't treat like everything I'm doing is boring and giving me attitude when I try and make everything more funon call 😒😒 I know you dont know just tell me up front what the fuck you want I don't wanna play no guessing bs like if u didn't wannna call in the first place you could've just said if you didn't feel like talking then don't call and then give me some sort of attitude . Watch him play roblox later after I asked what he wanted to do
Ok Ignore that I was pissy for no reason,ok I'm making a jevil cosplay for an anime convention near me in November 🤤🤤🤤 I have the cape, pants, suspenders, the scythe kinda I added the little yellow ball at the end, but I need to spray paint the part where I hold it to be the stripe pattern or maybe using tape I might do tapr..... I have an old shirt that I dont use anymore to dye ot drools