꒰ 2026年10月04日 ꒱
Today has been ok so far. Yesterday tired me out with waking up at 6am to get ready for my SAT and then spent the rest of the day playing with my best friend and my boyfriend for a little. My boyfriend has been giving me mixed signals and I genuinely cannot tell if he still likes me or he's only just saying he does because he has no idea what to do with our relationship now. I'm unsure myself, I still love him a bunch of course but I can definitely feel the connection between us is drifting and I really don't know what to do. I want him to stay but I don't want him being with me and unhappy with it he says he loves me and reassures me but even that isn't even enough anymore. I don't want to be seen as some chore to him. I don't know how to get him to love me like how he did before. Anyways I called with my best friend I was able to just vent to him about everything and he definitely helped me feel better, he even told me he might send me the official Spamton plushie and I'm excited, I feel bad he's spending so much on me, but I'm going to make it up by making him a ton of gifts and sending it over + making rentries and sharing all my robux I earn from comms ❤️‍🩹 I love my older brother he's honestly the only person I feel safe to tell everything to, I told him way more things of my past in detail than to anyone ever and knowing how similar pasts we have, it's easy to bond over these things and overcome the trauma together. He makes me feel safe and genuinely included in everything I'm so thankful for the times he speaks up for me when it's hard for me to and how he genuinely just stands up for me. I wish my boyfriend did that more often honestly as of recent it feels like my boyfriend prioritizes in impressing others and trying to be more nonchalant, when I know he's the most chalant guy ever and I end up being dragged into it and turned into the butt of the joke and catching literal fucking strays. It hurts when I end up having to defend myself most of the time, yes I want to be independent, but I wish I had a boyfriend who is willing to stand up for me . The few times he had I came off as begging for him to do it, and my older brother literally did it without me asking over a dude that's been clearing showing signs of possesivness to me 😐 a lot of the times too if my friends join the game or were in a ggame where everyone is interactive he ends up kinda leaving me to hang out with them and I always feel awkward because w tf am I supposed to do. I shouldn't even tell him why I'm getting upset sometimes when the answers are right at his feet and he knows I'm a overly sensitive person ontop of having bpd. I hate it when he asks if we just wanna "play something else" when it's not "hey do you wanna join" or try and make an effort to include me like what I do for literally him. I have been more overwhelmed because we've been talking less and especially since he has college and I'm scared that there's going to be someone who's going to tske him from me. I already mentioned this fear multiple times to him. I'm scared he doesn't like me anymore I think I've just became the whiney insecure girl I was when I was with my last ex and I'm going to be the cause of the downfall of my relationship. I wanna die
Someone stole my rentry layout form /Bonaparte and I'm mad because tf do u mean "no I'm not" when I ask you to change it nicely. And ofc they're some fucking weirdo pedophile freak larping as a communist DIE DIE DIE DIE /SEPTUM UR A LOSER UR A LSOSR

꒰ 2026年10月05日 ꒱
I'm so cold. I'm so tired and my head hurts I hate school . I wanna message my boyfriend but he always makes it feel like I'm bothering him wjen I message him like ok I guess I won't talk he's always busy w something and immediately makes the conversation to something else like bro can u pls tell me you love me for a few more minutes like wtf just say u dont gaf about me . J can't stop thinking about deltarune and spamtenna and suselle . I can't wait to go home and plah more deltarune with my friend I love doing the voice acting it's so fun m
I love my boyfriend I love him somuch I need him so bad I want him to stay forever I need him he's actually my everything I miss his voice I want to hear him I want to talk to him I love him I miss his face I missqhen he used to talknto me super sweetly I want hom to just tell me sweet nothings I likr it when he uses that voice on me I actually feel like a doggy I genuinely need him I want hkm to rpaise memore I hate initiating I want him to just give ittome i think imgonna fucking die. I wanted to call today with him but I dont think he remembered os imsad I wanthkm rigjtnkw

꒰ 2026年10月06日 ꒱
My prayers have been heard I received a cute message this moening I feel good and way better than how I've been feeling recently. I also met a hetalia fan at my school and she's super cool, she's apparently seen my content and I'm so embarrassed, but its fun that they recognize me ❤️‍🩹
J called with my boyfriend today it was so much fun I love him he's so cute and kind and handsome I love him so much I love it when he talks so sweetly to me I actually love it so muhc I genuinely had my prayers listened to thank you Karl Marx for making me extra happy I love my boyfriend so much I can't wait for tomorrow it's gonna be a year and 8 months of us being together

꒰ 2026年10月07日 ꒱
We barely talked today and it was an anniversary ok. ok. I'm sick and I lost my voice as well ok
HE WAS PLAYING ROBLOX THIS ENTIRE TIME 😂😂😂 😂😂😂😂😂😂 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 why do you hate me 😂😂😂😂😂 I'm going to cry in the shower 😂 you knew I wanted to spend time you knew I was basically free this entire day
It pisses me off that someone can be this fucking oblivious
im not putting allat shit I wrote just now fuck you #yolo #bigshot Im starving myself again I think I foundmy happiness

꒰ 2026年10月09日 ꒱
Ohhhhhhhhh ifeel so sick rn my head ache is worse and I genuinely just can't talk. I had so much fun yesterday with my bestfriend I'm so thankful that I have him he honestly is way more mindful and caring than most people in my life. He taught me so much and made me grow into a better person. I can't wait to play the multiplayer deltarune mod w him I'm so excited and the gifts he's sending I can't wait to unbox those

rhrhrhrheehehehehehehehegeggrhehereslltb ilvoehim osmuch imgigglignsonuch hecalled me dolly itseverywhere

꒰ 2026年10月10日 ꒱
Today was very fun I got the PHONE CHARM AND IT'S SO CUTE THANK U COCOOO I also did a commission again and they really liked their comm so I'm so happy ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I also got to see my boyfriend post after AGES everything had been so good. I also made tiramisu with my mkm. But I feel dizzy from the medicine still sob sob sob

꒰ 2026年10月11日 ꒱
I think I'm going to go fuckint insane if I continue to hear my dad talking about some far right bullshit just talking in general outside it's going to be 2 in the morning soon I've been having my headphones in since 12 he wont stfu im. Tired and sick I'm. Pissed off he refuses to believe I'm sick and makes fun of me and it makes me mad. If I was born a man maybe he would treat me seriously and listen to everything I say

꒰ 2026年10月12日 ꒱
Holy shit the world revolving is the best thing Ive ever listened to I'm seriously tearing up toby fox deadass makes the best music known to man

꒰ 2026年10月13日 ꒱
I FUCKING HATE JEVIL FUCK YOU I CANNkt WIN THIS BOSS BATTLE but its ok because his ost is so good I love the world revolving. As much as I hate him I love him lowk I redid /drowning just for gim ❤️‍🩹 I called with my friends for a while I streamed my deltarune gameolay and we played roblox I love deltarhne so much oh myogd. The spamton plush arrives to my home today. At noon. I'm so ducking scared. Coco told me there's pipis inside because the official plushies put pipis inside I'll rip the pipis out
Good day today I call with boyfriend and my abuse goblin is here.

꒰ 2026年10月14日 ꒱
Spent half the day doing nothing when I had to fo my French essay. I did it🎉🎉🎉☺☺🐤 smile j play with my friends so fun. I really like jevil and I hate him because I cannot beat him but he's a reallt interesting and cool character so I love him

꒰ 2026年10月15日 ꒱
I'm irritated I'm irritated I'm irritated stop making excuses then freak out from the players in the server but don't want to leave what do u want I hate people like that make up ur fucking mind If ur scared and then leave me by myself half the time

꒰ 2026年10月16日 ꒱
Yesterday was so busy I had so much fun though I called with all my favorite people separately, and I got to meet my boyfriend's friend at his college, but I don't like how they were implying that will kept touching them a lot and shit. I've been overthinking a lot of the stuff they told me that will does that he doesn't tell me at all and I genuinely started getting sick and I had to play it off and act like I was laughing on call. Boiii I was so close tocrying 😂😂😂 dont leave me 😅😅😅😅 I blocked that annoying brazilian kid though I'm fed up w him I got tired of playing patient nice girl I hate when they come and complain to me or only go to me to vent just to only ditch me later. I hated when he forced me to join games w him and never defending me or spoke up for me when his friends were so nasty to me. I didn't like that idea that his girl friend who sees me as competition thought I would "take him away" and I know 100% that he didnt tell her that I had a boyfriend and I'm older than him so I had her hating on my ass for no reason on top of trying to be like me. Like ok. Whatever I got done and my breaking point was probably when he just lied thst he went to bed and he blocked the girl because I know 100% he didn't 😂😂😂😂 yeah don't drag me into this shit I'm not your therapist I hate when he goes to me and treats me like I am. I am not someone to rely on for mental help. Do not come to me. I'm not well as well and I dont run to you telling you that I'm cutting myself or drinking when I am in need for attention. I'm pissed off I hate him so much leave me alone go away ur a weirdo he always objectifies me and is loek a fucking nationalist so whatever. I like playing with coco today we got to pinks boss battle and I played a lot of epic minigames YAYY
I think i'm going to shoot myself andlet my brain splatter everywhere on the walls

Even if its ajoke it's noteven funny literally wtf I thoughthe wasn't ahandsy kindof guyand I ekep being told he's touching them kverandover anywahs why r u touching someonrlikr that if you already have a girlfriend literally ewhat thefuck I donteant to be cheated on for the second time im actuslly sofick now ejy doesthis always happen tome im afucking cuckold haahahshssahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahahahaahahahahahhahaha😅😅😿😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Everything is actually over, 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 none ofthid actually feels real ny chest hurts super bad jt only gets worse by the minute I can't even get amd j thin kmy life isjust over I don't want to go through anothrt ccri situation I really don't wnat to I don't want to tell coco anything and have him do something plus I still feel bad for making himso involved eith my issues with ccri before I don't want a repeat of that. Genuinely where did I mess up I csntevrn tell if somethints genuinely happening behind my back or not and howits being all rubbed in my face i'm actually a joke imso embarrassed hrs niteven tslking to me he only responded bc they said something in the gc and hesonly talking inthestipid gc I'm actually so over this
Everyone pissingmeoff I hate when people ignore me I hate when people do shit knowing itll make me uncomfortable stop I hate this all I hate my boyfriend stop touching others weirdly when ur fucking dating someone everyone wants to talk the second I give up and want alone time go away
Thank go d for mybig brothe r. He knows how to handle things and calm me down

꒰ 2026年10月17日 ꒱
Holy shit dhde imso scsred my boyfriend is just gonna kil me he's gonns leabeme bro I regret sendintthat paragraph i peobablt overreacted ishouldbr just waited it out and eltmy emotions pass again I accidentally reopened discord whemhe was online and Imgonna killmylesf
Ok everything ok ✅✅✅ everything was a misunderstanding and he's going to toak to his friend to get them to stop with the weird jokes and stuff YAY!Ilove lmy boyfriend!!😊😊 I forgot to mention yesterday I got my spamtenna and suselle keychains my big brother bought me they're so cute I'm so thankful for my big brother these r the cutest
I plan to sned him things too I got some cash and I'll probably order him the official tenna plush with some spamtenna things as well
ugly disgusting thing I'm bringing with me to the Oktoberfest I'm going to tomorrow . I love going to Helen and that one antique shop there

꒰ 2026年10月19日 ꒱
I fucking hate my sister she makes everything about herself and she never can help out. I shouldn't be washing your dishes when head 20 while you just lay there doing fucking nothing. When I'm too tired to feed the dogs or when I'm not home i shouldn't be the one having to feed them immediately because u just wanted to sit around playing games being full of ur self. I asked for help on where the puppy's wet food was and all she was doing was sitting on the computer playing games and telline me to fuck off. Move out then you lazy ficking rapist I hope the world eats you alive you're the only person who I wholeheartedly believe should be messed over in our messed up system. I hope everyone exploits you and treats you like shit like what you've done to me.

꒰ 2026年10月20日 ꒱
lm sobbing the stupid stuff my friend sent me the TEXT WAS PRINTED ONTO THE LITTLE CARD SO NOW I JUST HAVE THIS MESSAGE ON IT.

꒰ 2026年10月23日 ꒱
I get my boyfriend didn't wanna talk because hes sick but jeez don't treat like everything I'm doing is boring and giving me attitude when I try and make everything more funon call 😒😒 I know you dont know just tell me up front what the fuck you want I don't wanna play no guessing bs like if u didn't wannna call in the first place you could've just said if you didn't feel like talking then don't call and then give me some sort of attitude . Watch him play roblox later after I asked what he wanted to do
Ok Ignore that I was pissy for no reason,ok I'm making a jevil cosplay for an anime convention near me in November 🤤🤤🤤 I have the cape, pants, suspenders, the scythe kinda I added the little yellow ball at the end, but I need to spray paint the part where I hold it to be the stripe pattern or maybe using tape I might do tapr..... I have an old shirt that I dont use anymore to dye ot drools

꒰ 2026年10月25日 ꒱
Imgeninhelt sowet right nowlookingst my boyfriends photos i love himaomuch he's sohandsome dude I genuinely wonthe jackpot allthst is mine 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 letme hit pls 🤤

꒰ 2026年10月26日 ꒱
Om FRICKIN SICK. whatever senior skip is tomorrow but I have my band concert later tomorrow too sobsob sob I had to go to school either a stuffy runny nose and a horrible headache and my dad wouldn't pick me up early like usual because "I miss too many days" hes been pissing me off I found his twitter around a week ago and he's just disgusting. He also made a comment about me being borderline anorexic with my boyfriend on call to hear and it really frustrated me he clearly knows I had been starving myself so why joke about it . #ok

꒰ 2026年10月29日 ꒱
I'VE BEEN SICK THIS ENTIRE WEEK FAHKKKKK Whatever I've been at home sleeping and I woke up today on my PERIOD TOO. Sigh. I got a bunch of things tho so I'm happy I got /cuba and /dreemurr and I redid a lot of decor for my rentries so YAY!! I miss my boyfriend though he's visiting family in Poland so we haven't been able to talk much sbo sob. He's going to come back and beat me and force me to make him Pierogis and then become a slavic nazi . HOME JOKD JOME JOKE HOKE JOKE. I miss hom it's ok I need to work on my Jevil cosplau omg and I found out yesterday AND ONE FINALLY PUT MY FAVORITE ALBUM ON SPOTIFY and I've been listening to and one since yesterday I'm so happy
I wanna mke a Lancer rentry so bad he's actually my baby I wanna be girl dad like queen. I love lancer he's so precious but idk what URL to make it😿i need /lancer NOW. Whatever I'll probably get /lancers instead when I can claim for more urls soon YAY
I hate my dad I hate my dad I hate my dad I hate my dad I wasn't disrespecting you. I told him the day before I'm not going to school because I'm still sick my head hurts I can't stop coughing and my nose is still stuffy and running. If your ego is hurt because I didn't go to school like you demanded then you need to get a reality check dude just because you're a man and my father I am not required to listen to every word you have said. Tf. You didn't listen to ME when I said I'm sick I'm not going to school and I don't feel good. He never lisrens when it comes to my health especially when its my mental health. I'm not physically and mentally well and he won't do anything about it on top of not letting me go to a doctor to see if I can be diagnosed with autism. I want to be sure and he refuses telling me I'm a "normal girl" and believing doctors is a scam. But when it's a man who has it like elon musk he defends all his shitty actions on him being autistic or when its my cousin who has Aspergers they all tell me to be more patient with him because he talks a bunch around random stuff and isn't good with social stuff. Dude. I'm not even fucking joking when I was with him I quite literally was just like him except I couldn't really talk because talking isn'tjustmy thing 😐 but they only recognize it when it's a man but refuse to believe that a girl might have autism. And if I dont, then I guess I don't but let me atleast have the chance to see a professional so I can know whatever tf is wrong with me and why I feel so out of place from everyone else. It's not me being shy atp because I struggle with holding eye contact I lose my voice when I have to speak in public when I do talk to people I don't make sense at all like I struggle more speaking in person and wording stuff than online . I only can have a few interests at a time and most of the time they have to relate to each other like history (deltarune is the exception for once) and when I find an interest I have to make it my personality or I'll feel like I'm not a big enough fan. I hate certain sounds and textures to the point if I hear or feel it I genuinely cry from how bad it is. I get overwhelmed very easily and I tire myself out if I'm out in public for too long. I struggle with tone and I take things too literally . BRO PLS. I know there's more to autism but these are the stuff that I've noticed from myself that always seems different from other people PLEASE LET ME GET A DIAGNOSIS SO I CAN JUST PUT AN END TO THIS. also I was told even on the medical side to this it's harder for women to get diagnosed with autism FAK fak fak yepp and this is code rotted.

꒰ 2026年10月30日 ꒱
I'm on my period and I can't beat it and nnn is two more days, it's so over for me. I'm deadass not gonna survive this once my period isover

꒰ 2026年10月31日 ꒱
Staying home again for halloween the second time because I have no friends to go with #lol I literally went out of my way to ask as much as I could with everyone I knew and they either said theyre going with other friends or they're "not doing halloween" and then overhear them talking last period with their group of friends on going 😐😐😐 this is why I hate my irl friends none of them wants to do anything w me and I doubt the plan on going to the anime convention will happen. I might go alone with my dad and my bunass sister so wtv
My friend sent me the files to download Undertale yellow I might play on my own since I was originally just watching my other friend play and voice acting the dialogue with him. I'm literally so bored kill me
I hate trots I hate trots I hate trots I hate trots they're genuinely the worst kinds of people on this planet. They make nazbols look smart I swear to fucking God as much as I try and avoid infighting and in the end we agree on the big idea they're just genuinely fucking stupid they need to go. They got me feeling like stalin dude I also hate these "leftists" or "communists" who sah some bs like I love my country but hate my government and is still in some way patriotic to their country. You are a slave to the nation and you are a nationalist I HATE that saying so much. The goal of communism is the classless, STATELESS, moneyless society. Stop being patriotic to something you cant control it irks me so much talkin about some I love my country and hate my government!! When theres nothing to be proud of when your country is founded upon war and killing some sort of minority beforehand this goes for every nation and I don't believe in these invisible borders. Tiktok communists vs theory who will win. Plus with this half these people r so fuckiny performative I can tell when someone has READ the theory or they only just looked at the words and said they read it. Wallahi bro stop flexing how much you read to act more intelligent and read with the motivation of wanting to educate others and benefit society. Also these communists wjo still defend religion in some sort of way too like die bro. Dont only criticize Christianity criticize every religion in the entire world like judaism islam hinduism idfk hellenism whatwver religions out there they're all shit and they all turn you into cattle worrying more about what will happen to you in the afterlife and what you can achieve there instead of focusing on how YOU cna change the world now. It makes me so mad I hate these people no I won't respect ur religion and if you mention it to me I will call it stupid idc I'll respect you as an individual but I'll make it clear I won't encourage ur cattle mindset

꒰ 2026年11月01日 ꒱
Pissed off I don't care that your halloween ended bad because you trashed somebody's house and then go on to tell me it's ok that all my friends chose their friends over me and intentionally leaving me out. I'm pissed I'm mad at everyone I hate selfish people o hate people who only think of themselves only I hate people who don't care about others I hate self centered people om grossed out I hate this stop shutup I'm actually so irritated everyone is making me mad

I'M FUCKING CEYING BIG PENIS TENNA IN UNDERTALE YELLOW

꒰ 2026年11月02日 ꒱
I'm gonna cry my puppy has grown so much over these past few months she's no longer a little baby she's so precious to me I love goose and I love maverick he's so cute he has such pretty eyes I wish they got to meet my puppy boy doc I miss doc so much it hurts
I'mso irritated none of my school friends had answered my messages none of them came to school barely anyone is at school and we aren't doing any work literally what is today I doubt it's senior skip day bc it was literally last week i'm actually irritated and no one will answer me on what's up 🫩
I hate people who procrastinate on shit when it deals with other people.literally why r we doing stuff last second and then making people wait on you that is one of the things that irk me like crazy other than liars. I hate liars and I hate people wjo make others wait forever. I was talking about it with my best friend because unfortunately his friends are like that which I cake understand eith people in my life. It genuinely takes a lot to hold back my frustration on every time I gotta wait for someone when I thought it was the standard to be at least 5 minutes early on everything. I do my best to be 5 minutes early whenever it's going out or something because I cannot fathom the idea of making someone wait on me. It makes me look unreliable and rude because I do not care for the other person's time. I'm so over these people and this is why I'm irritated like 24/7 because I'm always waiting on someonr who cannot grasp the idea that time is limited and they can take all the time in the world to do some bs AND THEN they don't go through with something they promise which on top adds to why I get even more irritated because you just lied to me. Fakfak fak fak fak never ask me for shirt unless ur 100% sure you're able to do it and if you unexpectedly cant tell me beforehadn so i'm not waiting on ur ass 😒 people do not understand basic decency and respectjng others
Today has been fun I made sushi with my mama and she took me home early from school because of the Senior skip day....my dad wasn't as mad as I expected he was chill about it thank god
My mom gave me the cutest bra and panties set ever im so in love thered so many bows and lace on it I'm actually blessed I look so good in it I would've sent my boyfriend a pic but that counts as cp since we r both minors.... Sigh.... It's not even meant to be in a sexual way I just love showing him anything cute I'm wearing so 😿💔
New favorite gif

꒰ 2026年11月03日 ꒱
I slipped down the stairs. My foot hurt. S so bad. 😿.
I'm genuinely so irritated rn

꒰ 2026年11月04日 ꒱
Fuck you I hate feeling like you only talk to me when you have nothing better to do it makes me so mad you get my hopes up for no reason i hate it don't ever call me yourfucking doggy it really made me mad when he maderhst comment to me I'm not your dog stop treating me like one

꒰ 2026年11月06日 ꒱
i hate people I hate people no way they act like it's horrible just to sit at an empty table im at because my table was gone.... Girl bye God fucking forbid I sit at your apparent assigned table when it's the library 😐😐😐😐 genuinelt #ok
Ending of undertale yellow pacifist route had me sobbing like a fucking baby on call with my best friend we were genuinely just sitting there snotting and crying it's genuinely like putting a dog down oh my god that was so sad

꒰ 2026年11月07日 ꒱
No way I woke up tomy anniversary to my mama. Assumingly really drunk screaming and shouting at everyone in the house like idc if she's yelling at my sister she's a literal asshole she deserves it but oh my God I was trying to sleep and all I hear is yelling. Literally I'm tired of her drinking 😐 we were supposed to go out today to spend time and now we probably aren't because she's drunk. #ok
Whats with people taking my layouts after I asked for everyone not to. I'm being petty now and im just deleting the shit being stolen and replacing I can do this all day bc I'm fed up with these losers taking my work. Like omfg just ask for a commission from me instead of stealing my art if you like my work that much I know my prices aren't even bad I try and make it cheap and I literally have alternatives other than money for people who can't spend money 😐😐😐 I even have free templates I genuinely cant anymore I'm tired of people who take my shit I don't understand anymore I try and be nice I try and be understanding but it happens everyday and when I even message them they say some bs like no. I'M STILL MAD ABOUT THAT LOSER WHO TOOK MY NAPOLEON RENTRY LAYOUT OMFG DIE
I made a cute rentry for me and my boyfriend and I'm so obsessed with it but I cannot think of tv tropes that fit us and my boyfriend barely gave ANYTHING TO HELP. 🫩

꒰ 2026年11月08日 ꒱
Im getting rentry commissions left and right I am so so happy 🤤🤤🤤 I finally realized the reason why I was getting none was because I wasn't advertising enough on my Pinterest that I do commissions ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 ever since I started linking my commms page with all my posts and having it in my bio I've been getting a butt ton I didn't relize my work was that popular gulp
"God im so white" youll never guess what you fucking are dipshit what am I supposed to do make you tan when you aren't hello what ur fucking polisj you'll never guess what you'll see when you look at your skin. I made this because I felt bad that the commission I got came out not what we were expecting I didn't have to edit that photo I didn't have to do that at all so why r we nitpicking every detail when you know i'm not a fucking artist there is no point in changing the skin tone of England when im being so deadass there is no difference . I get that the commission wasn't accurate to you but you could've been a little grateful that I rushed to do a whole rentry layout just to gift you something extra but you couldn't even put in a little effort to seem thankful for anything which pisses me off. You didn't even do anything for me which just says a lot and all I expect was something written to me like what I do for you every month. Why is everything about you it's always about you you you meme me me oh me it's really frustrating. I can't even tell if whatever I made yesterday you even care about it I doubt you did because you didn't seem excited in the slightest and all you had to say was something that went wrong with the page. Like ok . I doubt we'll even spend time today because you're ao busy with some shit but whenever I am I still try and make it to where I still can spend time with you I'll literally call you so we can still do things together while im working on whatever but I can't even get that out of you because you treat me lik im some distraction. I don't even talk a lot. This is literally why im so irritated all the time because I dont feel like I get the same effort back in this relationship sometimes I swear I don't even ask for a lot all I want is a heartfelt message and to spend time on that day. Is it that annoying that I still celebrate monthiversaries literally tell me I will stop if it literally bothers you that much I do it to show that I care about our growth but if you see it as something stupid then I'll just stop. I still remember that comment you readon calland it felt targeted like something about red flags in relationships and celebrating monthiversarieswht was that the first thing you read and you didn't give any comments on it like what you did to the rest of them I haven't forgotten thay im so fed up with this all . And he never realizes what he does wrong when it's so obvious sometimes he rarely apologizes and it actuallyis just so frustrating I don't like begging for an apology and I want him to just he genuine with me for everything he does instead of feeling forced into it. I don't even like the comments he makes about me anymore don't talk about my body as if that's the only thing you see of worth now im not showing you my underwear i don't like having sexual conversations anymore it grosses me out I don't like feeling like that's what he only sees out of me . I don't like the implied sexual things at all it feels so dehumanizing I dont even know why I went along with it I already have a hard time controlling that and he knows I have a lot of trauma from that shit. It was fine before when he actually cared about me but it feels like he just wants to see me in a way where it's only sexual I hate it so muchmi don't want you to do stuff to me because I dont want to be only watered down to that in just cryingon m y bathroom floor now I'm just so done with everything
I tjonl thos is an episodr killne I want treatment so bad

꒰ 2026年11月09日 ꒱
Ots so overform e my boyfriend is genuinely going toendmy lifeand heactusllthates me imsosick imactuslltsoscsred wjt is he messaging methstbat 5am I literally woke up feeling scaredand wheni checked my phone I sawthat dude
I'm so irritated never letting that person commission me again not only they were so difficult to work with they hardly gave me any info on what they wanted and then went on to take the commission completely recolor irritated which is like whatever it's urs but then they remove the credits I don't want them removing 🫩🫩 I'm sorry but I literally said to them if they didnt like it I can always fix / change anything all they said was make it more colorful and by that I thought they wanted me to make the green and purple from their oc to be more intense. Omfg just pissing me off and then it says that they did all of that like bye BYEEEE. Immediate block bro whatever I got an ok url since they didn't have anything in their url list. All nothing burgers
I want my boyfriend right now I feel disgusting when I get out of my episodes and think about thestuff I wrote and thought about him. I don't hate him at all I literally hate myself so much I can't accept I'm happy for once and always turn it into some sort of mess. I got scared when he messaged me this morning I keep looking back at it I didn't mean to hurt him and I do nt wanna mess up my relationship especially after this far he's my everything I can't live without him he's my favorite person I feel guilty for putting him in this situation I dont lik e letting everything he does affect my emotions this easily it's genuinely so horrible having a fp but I lovehim somuch I frel sick iloveyin he's so cute my boyfriend so cute os cute I love him j hate when people get weird with him i hate people who seem too close to him I dont like jt at all I love him ok insoubd fuckint insane I need to die

꒰ 2026年11月10日 ꒱
Ok ok ok ok #ok ok #ok #ok I donttrust that person anymore after that weird ass bs they pulled to make me paranoid of what my boyfriend was doing . Theu lowk be playing together which is something I have to beg out of my boyfriend since he's always busy with something. So quick to do something when I have to cancel plans because I'm sick s# ok #ok#9ok I'm just going tokill myself im actually goign to just throw up more why does the worst always happen to me genuinely wtf why . This is why I hate having a fp im done im done im done im done im done yah yy yay yay 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉e🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉e🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🛑🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 and my shit is being copied again and im more upset now
LMFAOOOOO DUDE GENUINELY WTF HAPPENED WHY R WE BURGERS IN THIS. I feel like a burger playing this yume game but idc it's lowk addictinh im living my asakiku dreams ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I
Im irritated why did he join he can go play with his friend literally bro omfg he already upset me enough today let me
It feels like im with ccri all over again and Im going insane it hurts too much I hate feeling like something is happening behind my back I hate always stressing out over everything I hate feeling like Im some secret I don't like this I can't trust anything and anyone everyone is lying to me wndbthey genuinely all just hateme im genuinely the worst I don't understand why i thought I could have someone who would actually like me yhrtes probably been so many things I dont know about happening behind my back . Please let me die in my sleep so I dont wake up anymkre im so tired of being miserable everyday
I talked with my boyfriend I feel better now I love him. I sent the person whose been copying my stuff a message on strawpage and I hope it sent since strawpage sometimes hides messages

꒰ 2026年11月11日 ꒱
I'm crying the twitter posts about the deltaelections r so funnt . Me and my friends all voted for queen because we are LIBBING OUT 💙💙💙 WE WILL HAVE A QUEEN WAVE AND SHE WILL BRING US THE REVOLUTION 💙💙💙 I love pretending to be a liberal when it comes to queen this is really fun thank God I'm not an actual liberal 😊🩷 my stomach hurts so bad rn though I missed yesterday and today because I've been throwing up. I hid under my bed yesterday to hide frommy dad and it worked
My dad is making me so mad do not come into my room telling me I'm eating garbage when I basically hadn't ate all day and yesterday i'm sorry I'm eating tortilla chips dude omfg stop trying to call me fat and make fun of the fact I've been vomiting nonstop. Literally die I wanted to cry when he kept telling me that I'm just eating garbage i'm just tired and hungry and then he wants to order food that'll have pounds of grease and oil in it .literally die

꒰ 2026年11月12日 ꒱
I think I'm just gonna die I'm actually so scared my heart genuinely hurts I'm gonna throw up I feel stupid and dumb I'm actually being played in my face dude
Listening to the Pinkerton album set me back to when I was horribly depressed in 2023-2024
I dont even know anymore I don't know who thats to I cabnot tell nothing actually feels real right mow im scared to talk to him now
Yeah it was definitely at me #yolo I'msobbung eigjtnow but lowk gotta play it off because I genuinely just can't be negative any longer
I physically cannot listen to across the sea right now that actually had to be done on purpose wtf
No one believes me when I'm sick I can be throwing up in front of them and they still don't believe me my dad is more worried about me missing school than actually getting better.drag my dead body to school when I kill myself I dont care anymore you only worry about school you dont care about me as a person you dont care if I get better you refuse all sorts of help that I need you neglect my mental and physical health and then wonder why I trust my online friends than my own family who can't even talk to me without getting mad at me for crying. How stupid is that I can't even cry in front of my family without either getting yelled at or made fun of for being a crybaby. I genuinely don't want to live it's so hard to go everyday and they never believe me they dont want to help me they don't want to give me the mental health support I genuinely fucking need. School is the least of my worries when I feel miserable everyday I get up. I want medication so I stop having horrible mood swings I want someone to actually talk to I'll rather have someone who actually listens to me idc if they're only doing it as their job as long as someone listens to me and can help me with my struggles instead of mocking me in my face everytime I freak out. I'm just so exhausted and I want my boyfriend I just want to leave this house everyone never believes in me they only see me as a lazy failure who'll probably kill herself in the future. My mom always keeps mentioning how I'm going to fail and no one will be there for me and once I turn 18 she's not going to be a mother to me anymore. Not like she always been she only wants to mother when she feels like it and I have to be her bootlicker just for her to treat me kindly. No one in this house except my sister knows how she groomed and molested me. No one knows how I've been also groomed and molested by one of the boys in this neighborhood who was way older. No one knows I've been groomed online and had multiple unhealthy relationships online. I just want to have a place where I can just cry without being judged and to be treated with patience and understanding my struggles. My boyfriend does as much as he can online but I hate having to run to him all the time and making deal with all my burdens. I just want it to be over with. Ill never be seen as anything more but a lazy crybaby who doesn't fit in with the rest of the family. I

꒰ 2026年11月14日 ꒱
I love my boyfriend I missed his voice so much I love spending time with him I like it when hes sweet to me on call I get embarrassed but I like feelint liek tjay I t actually makes me feel alive 🩷.
I can't stop staring at the photos of him my heart hurts from how much I love him he's so handsome my beautiful bot

꒰ 2026年11月15日 ꒱
I JUST GOT OFF CALL WITH MY BEST FRIENDS I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH we all got matching avatars coco got rouxls I got lancer and lowkey got king and we all played and called which was so fun since its hard to call with lowkey because he lives in Germany and our time zones💔💔💔 it was so fun though I spent most of my day playing with them and I did a commission earlier and earned some robux ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹