KRONII IS A USELESS LESBIAN AND MUMEI IS A DENSE MOTHERFUCKER: THE ANIME: THE LIGHT NOVEL: THE POORLY WRITTEN SERIES OF SHITPOSTS

Preface

Mumei was messing with Kronii during the Hololive Halloween party, "Come to the light, Kronii."

"Okay," Kronii inched up to Mumei. Mumei backed away. Kronii inched forward again. Mumei inched away again.

"You are my light, Mumei," Kronii explained, proud of her pick-up line.

Mumei cocked her head in confusion before looking at her Halloween costume again, "Oh yeah, my lantern. Here, follow my lantern."

Kronii was left somewhat dumbfounded as the group made their way out to the frozen lake. She looked around as it not only seemed like Mumei didn't recognize her advance, but neither did anyone else. As they were dancing around, Kronii didn't feel into it at all. After a solid rejection like that, how could she?

She meandered to an empty corner of the ice, and made a gesture of a broken heart to the air. Something whistful she could remember Mumei's rejection by.

Unfortunately, Gura spotted it, "Aw, why the broken heart, Kronii?"

Kronii nearly jumped, "Ohhh, ahhh, uh, hahaha," she tried to think of some way to deflect, "He-he-hey let's dance! Wooo!" She spun around Gura, "Triple axel!"

The party continued on as some time later, Fauna took Mumei to the side, "You're usually so easily embarrassed, how did you handle Kronii saying a pick-up line like that?"

"Huh? What pick-up line?"

Fauna blinked, My god, Kronii, I feel bad for you.

Chapter 1: Just a Regular Off-Collab

Kronii was visiting Mumei's place again, but today she had different plans. Today was the day Kronii was at least going to tell Mumei. Just super simple. Just straight up tell her she liked her and wanted to go out. That's it. That's all she had to do. Easy! Super easy!

She knocked on Mumei's door, "Heeey Mumei."

Mumei popped up, "Oh, hi Kronii! You finally woke up!"

"Oh, heh, yeah."

She paused, noting that she suddenly had frozen up, Oh darn it, how did this go again? What am I supposed to say?

Kronii's eyes darted around the room, as her brain tried to stall for time to figure out exactly what it was her brain wanted to say again, "So, uh, Mumei, there was something I wanted to tell..ask? You? I guess?"

Mumei looked up with her cute, innocent, angelic eyes, "Hm?"

"Well, it's, uh, you, I mean," Kronii was starting to shake out of anxiety, "I like. I'd like? I mean, uh? You? I mean."

She waved her hands and laughed nervously, her voice chattering, "Wait, let me start over, I mean."

Mumei got up and put both of her hands around Kronii's hand, "Kronii, you don't have to be so nervous to ask something like that."

Kronii's eyes lit up, "Oh, hoho, oh, r-really? You mean?"

"Yeah, your hands are freezing and you're shaking! You can just get another blanket, I don't mind! In fact, let me get one for you!"

Kronii froze, "Huh? What?"

"I mean, you're shivering! You should have told me you were cold! You get anxious over the silliest things!"

She saw Mumei going away, "No! Wait, that's not--"

Mumei came back with a blanket and draped it around Kronii, "There, is that better?"

Kronii looked despondently at the floor, torn between continuing with her confession, which would involve having to explain why she was shivering, and also hoping that Mumei would have the attention span to--

She sighed in a dejected tone, "Yeah, that's better, thanks."

Chapter 2: More Stupid Corporate Single Awareness Day Garbage

She might have been single every other Valentines Day, but not THIS Valentines Day! Kronii had an idea! It was a good idea! A great idea! The greatest idea!

Kronii looked down at the box she was holding. It was one of those stereotypical red heart cardboard chocolate containers.

Just have to hand this over to Mumei. Simple as.

She looked at the box again.

You know, I'll only have so many times a year I can possibly even meet Mumei in person. I have to make this count. And just straight up giving her such a cliche box like this? Would she even go for that?

She looked out the door, And I'd have to carry it over to her? What if someone sees me? What am I, some sort of normie carrying heart shaped boxes on Valentines? And what happens when the others start questioning going all "Oh Kronii, what are you doing with that box of chocolates, huh?"

She sighed, trying to think of what to do, Oh, I know! All that matters is that I give her a few chocolates, I don't need to give her the box! It'll be fine. It'll be fiiiine.

Kronii took out a few chocolates and without thinking stuffed them into her purse. She went out to meet Mumei and the others. She tried to put it out of her mind for the rest of their get together. She knew she'd have a chance to give them to Mumei at the end of the date--collab--whatever!

The group went to a small restaurant, and afterwards, of course, they looked to Kronii to pay.

As she was waiting in line, she looked over at Mumei. So small. So fragile. Just so gosh darned cuuuuu--

"Uh, ma'am."

Kronii piped up as she spun her head back around, "Oh! Uh, right."

"That's $50."

"Oh, uh, yeah, uhm," she was still looking over at Mumei as she fished nervously around in her purse for her billfold. As she pulled it out, some chocolate balls came out and rolled onto the counter.

"Oh, uh!" She watched them roll off the counter as she fumbled for a fifty to end this embarrassment quickly and dropped it awkwardly on the table.

They were already on the ground in some dirt. Kronii looked at them with dejection.

"Receipt?"

Kronii sighed, looking at the lost chocolates, "No. No that's alright."

She walked over to the entrance where everyone was waiting.

Mumei asked, "Did you pay in chocolates?"

Kronii froze, Oh come on, she saw that?!

"No, that's, it just fell out!"

"You keep chocolates in your purse? What if they melt?"

"I don't USUALLY keep chocolates in my purse, they were for you!"

Kronii froze, realizing what she blurted out.

"Ew, why would I want purse chocolates?"

"Whoa, wait, what? 'Purse chocolates'?! That's a thing?"

Mumei shook her head, "Is this like the Subway thing? I don't get your tastes Kronii."

Kronii gave a mile long stare as she looked at Mumei join the rest of the group, "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

Chapter 3: Just Another Stupid Year Where I'm Yet Another Year Older Again!

Kronii was at the New Years party with the rest of Hololive this year, and like last year, a lot of the cast was drunk. Her plan was perfect. She was going to go right up to Mumei and kiss her, and if it didn't pan out, then she could just blame it on alcohol or something! Yeah! Perfect plan! Perfection!

In fact, they had already been drinking and Bae's voice was already pretty slurred just like last year. Now was the perfect chance.

She slid over to Mumei on the couch.

"Hey there Mumei, what's someone like you doing here?"

Mumei giggled, "I'm here for the party, just like you, silly."

"Oh, really?"

She froze, and downed a little more of her drink for some courage, "Haha, what a coincidence. Me too."

Mumei giggled again. God, she was so cute.

Alright, let's do this. One smooth motion.

She enacted part two of her plan.

Kronii looked over at Mumei, "Hey, Mumei, look over here a second? You, you got something on your chin."

Mumei started wiping at her chin, "Huh? Where?"

"No, I mean, look towards me."

Mumei spun her chin up and towards Kronii, "Do you see it?"

Kronii leaned in to kis--

AH-CHOO!

She sneezed right in Mumei's face.

"Ew! What the, Kronii!"

Kronii panicked, and put down her drink, "Ah! Ah, no, I didn't!" She reached for a napkin, "Here!"

Mumei grabbed the napkin, wiping her face.

Kronii calmed down again, "Well, uh, you got that stuff off of your chin doing that at least, ha, ha. Sorry about that."

"No, that's alright, don't worry about it."

"Yeah," Kronii swirled her glass around, "Yeah, I won't."

As she stared into her drink she thought, Maybe next year.