THE TALK
Featuring: Koreans and their boyfriends
In a dimly lit warehouse, a girl stood next to a whiteboard covered by a white sheet. In front of her on rickety chairs, four other girls and four boys sat tied to their seats.
"I suppose you're wondering why I gathered you together here today." Edith directed the question at her friends and their boyfriends. "I see what's going on, and I can already imagine where it'll go at this rate, so I believe we need to have this talk."
"Not just straight up kidnapping us would have been nice, Eddie. If you wanted to talk to us, you could have just asked instead of whatever the fuck this is supposed to be. Tell us what this is really abou—" Maxine's words of displeasure got stuck in her throat when Edith revealed the whiteboard.
On top of it, written in large letters, was the subject of today's meeting: THE BIRDS AND THE BEES. Below it in dense font was a series of notes, definitions, tables, charts… and illustrations.
After the initial shock, the room erupted. Some just blushed shyly, some cackled, some got very vocal, drowning the room in a cacophony of protestation that was cut short when Eddie summoned some gags from her pocket dimension to silence the loudest ones.
"This is what we will talk about today! I'd rather spend an awkward hour now than become an auntie to your kids before we even graduate!"
"Biology class exists and besides, nothing like th—" One of the boys, broke his silence and started to voice his objection, but his only reward was getting gagged too and getting Edith's angry rant directed at him.
"SHUT UP, CHRIS! You think you're so god-damn smart and your grades are great, but how come you never actually put all that stuff you learn into practice?! All those ethics lessons and hero classes and yet you decided to go solo against the fucking Five of all people?! People got hurt because you IGNORED what you were taught in class, so no fucking way I'll trust you to actually fucking put in practice what you learned in biology class. You go all 'nooo, we do nothing like that' but I SEE how you stare at Faith when you think no one is looking." Those words resulted in Faith visibly turning an even deeper shade of red before she buried her face in her hands.
"And before that, you stared like that at Nene-senpai! In your chuuni fantasies, you might believe yourself to be above all this, but you're just an ape like all the other boys. Honestly, letting you skip a grade was a mistake, because even if you have the school stuff down, emotionally you're definitely middle school level. If no one talks any sense into you, you'll only understand your urges after you've already acted upon them. Your dad doesn't seem to do that, so I will, because I don't want to see my friend hurt any more than it's necessary." Chris didn't have an answer to this string of jabs directed at him, so he decided to just shut up, listen, and get this over as soon as possible.
"Why am I even here? I'm not dati—" Junichi was the next one to earn a gag.
"Mister Tsundere here thinks he can protest? Another one to deny his feelings. You act like a little kid pulling the braids of a girl he likes. You keep throwing insults, but it's obvious to fucking-everyone that you're into her and vice versa. You'll call her a bitch one moment, only to look at her longingly the other. If you really hate her, then how come you go to see her all the time? You're a fucking obsessed pervert, is what you are. You get off to this game, don't you? This push-pull bullshit you do. Arguing one moment, only to get in heat the next one. I would be shocked if you took even a second to consider what you're doing until post-nut-clarity came and slapped you in the face, but even then, you'd probably just go back to playing angry again…" Edith sighed and shook her head.
"But what can I expect from a high-school dropout. Do you even qualify for that title if you didn't get into high school in the first place? Shit, you couldn't even keep a job in a convenience store. How low can you go? Are you even human? Honestly, I can just pray that nothing permanent like a kid comes out of your relationship until Max gets to her senses and dumps your sorry ass for good." Junichi burned with anger, but no solid solution came to his mind that wouldn't end up with him in jail.
"Now that we have that out of the way, can I remove your gags and continue in peace?" No one protested to the prospect of having the gag removed, so Edith re-summoned them to her pocket dimension.
"Are you sure you aren't just projecting your own sick fantasies on us? Is this all because you're lonely since you yourself have no boy—" Max got cut short once again and the gags returned, this time even on those who didn't utter a word.
"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! You skank, listen here, I do this for your own good!" Edith shouted angrily while pointing with a marker, basically stabbing it in the other girl's chest. She then took a breath to calm herself down, and returned to the whiteboard.
"So, the birds and bees…" The next couple of hours that the meeting lasted were very awkward.