Session in the Senate: The Grain Tax
Often times, a whole lot of nothing happens in the Zetan Senate. Constant arguments and loops about useless matters that have no relevance to the course of events in the Republic. But every now and then, something interesting happens.
Tiberius Marcellus is proposing a bill that will change the tax of grain by 1% internally. He is giving a long and boring speech about how important this is when suddenly, the old Senator named Marcus Pulcher wakes up from his slumber and realizes who is speaking That bastard
"TIBERIVS MARCELLVS! I, MARCVS MARCIVS PVLCHER OBJECT TO EVERYTHING YOU ARE SAYING YOU UGLY OFFSPRING OF A COW!"
The Senate gasps, as this was against all things proper and right
"YOU, TIBERVS MARCELLVS, I HAVE PROOF NOW! PROOF OF YOU HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH ONE OF MY CHICKENS! BRING HER IN APPIVS"
"Wait just a minut-e-e n-now, Pulcher, what does this have to do with my proposed bill?"
"EVERYTHING YOU FOOL!"
Chicken is brought in. Senate breaks into commotion
"HERE SHE IS, MY DEAR ROMA. YOU VIOLATED HER YOU HEATHEN. TAKE HER TO THE PODIUM!"
Bawk Bawk Bawkkk
"DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE SAID? SHE SAID YOU FUCKED HER!
Gasps and commotion
"I did no such thing, you have gone senile old man?"
"NONSENSE, APPIVS, TRY TO FEED HER NOW" The old man walks up to Tiberius as the Chicken refuses to eat the grain
"GOOD CITZENS OF ZETA, DO YOU NOW SEE WHY THIS MAN OF UNNATURAL TASTES WANTS HIS BILL? HE WANTS TO DRIVE US GOOD FARMERS OUT OF BUSINESS FOR HIS MANY GRAIN FARMS."
"Preposterious accusation! This man is clearl-"
The Master of the Horse, Gaius Atilius Barbo has remained silent this whole time but now he speaks in a monotone voice
"Silence both of you. I have sat here listening to this the entire time and know a thing or two about this event"
Commotion
"While it is not true that Tiberius had intercourse with that chicken, this man has had intercourse with many chickens."
Gasp and Commotion
"Silence, dear Citizens, for I am not one to care to much about what this degenerate does in his free time with his own chickens. What is true about all of this however is the Tiberius and some other conspirators have poisoned the grain feed to the chickens of Pulcher. Indeed, I have been waiting for the old man to pull a stunt like this for quite some time now as it is the perfect time to expose this"
Holds up a piece of the gain
"This grain right here has arsenic in it, that chicken refused to eat it for a reason." walks over to Tiberius
"Tiberius Oppius Marcellus, you are under arrest for treason against the state, Guards led the degenerate away."
"You cannot pass this judgement without the senate permission or a warrant. This is outrageous!"
"Silence, you filthy animal for a warrant has just been passed as you were waiting here. Zeta will decide you fate"
"BUT-T WAIT TH-THI-THIS IS A LIE, I TELL YOU, A LIE" he screams as he is dragged away
"Now, Pulcher. I am sorry for not telling you this early."
"IT IS ALRIGHT GAIVS. MAY ZETA BLESS THEE."
"Quite."