That MtG tournament at the not-so-local game store was supposed to be your whole day.
You couldn't possibly have expected your buddy Leon to get matched up with the one guy in the building whose card collection is worth more than your car.
Sure you could have stayed and watched, but Leon took getting rolled over like that as a sign to cut his losses.
You have nothing to do, but you don't want the trip to go to waste.
You're just sort of aimlessly wandering around town looking for something even vaguely related to the hobby you'd built your friendship on.
On his phone Leon finds a second hand store nearby that specializes in old, rare and obscure books and games at internet competitive prices.
"Luciano's Classic Literature and Collaborative Fiction. Sounds exactly like the kind of store that sells cool old nerd shit."
"It says they have a 1st edition copy of Codex Seraphinianus for 300 bucks. Wow, AND a copy of Barlowe's Inferno, 'inquire price on location'"
"Yep, it's exactly that kind of store, unless 'collaborative fiction' means something gay and retarded, they're probably going to have stuff like AD&D 2e supplementals"
"you wanna go check it out Anon?"
Sure, you have no clue what those books Leon was so excited about are, but they must be neat if $300 is a surprising price.

Luciano's is not the dirty, dingy, dusty second hand store you had pictured.
It's a surprisingly well lit, spacious, modern and clean.
The first thing you see walking in is a sizable display shelf filled with nothing but copies of Stephen King's Needful Things in various states of wear and from multiple releases.
And a sign proclaiming that you get a 10% discount on any purchase if you trade in a copy.
This place has a specific audience and they know it.
The "Codex Seraphinianus" is fucking weird just from the cover, featuring a timelapse of people fucking on a bare mattress while merging together and transforming into a crocodile or alligator.
It's displayed in the front counter, in a lit case which shifts through various tasteful color temperatures.
That's a hell of a coffee table book.
Behind the counter, there's an elevated, much more ornate, display case with a book open to a painting of a procession of desiccated. twisted, tormented people being followed by vehicles that resemble, or may be, giant heads missing their noses, leaving open holes. in their faces like a skull with flesh.
DOOM has nothing on this. It must be the aforementioned Barlowe's Inferno.
Leon was right, this store is fucking cool.
It must have been converted from a warehouse or something because there's enough room for their stock to be on shelves arranged in concentric circles with pretty wide aisles between them.
Most of the stuff they have is more expensive than either of you is willing to drop on an impulse.

They have a 'Best Value!' section at the back of the store though.
Most of what's there is "Ultimate Guide to Yu-Gi-Oh for 2003" type garbage.
But there's a shelf for defects and defaced books, which contains a volume substantially larger than the rest, it's actually a rule book for something, neat.
It's a corebook for a game called Realms Obscura. A fitting name seeing as you've never heard of it.
Opening it, you see it's full of edgelord, magic with a k sigils and runes. Someone liked this game well enough to do this to their copy, or hated it so much they tried to summon esoteric powers to dispose of it with extreme prejudice.
You decide to flip through it, assuming the former to be the case.
Realms Obscura is a world where Right Makes Might, your place in society is everything. Here, a peasant, no matter how strong of hand, or skilled with tools, can never best a noble, even one whose indolent lifestyle leaves him weak and portly.
That doesn't bode well for how fun the game is to play. That tagline is killer though.
You call Leon over, telling him you found something worth looking into.
Such a peasant, however, can through means of his choosing. earn or coerce the respect of his peers and find himself changed into a better leader and fighter each step of the way. Eventually he will be able to make quick work of his former oppressors and ascend to a higher status
"Okay, this is pretty cool, I wonder why it didn't catch on."
Characters, called Agents from here forward, have their skills and talents represented as a small number of marks under a category rather than by an arbitrary number
For example. An Agent with two marks in Perception will always fail to notice an Agent with three marks in Stealth under situations where both are applied
This does not mean that the Agent with Stealth can be hidden in the open, in broad daylight, because the Agent with Perception will not be subjected to a test of their skill.
This kind of sounds like how stats work in Vampire: The Masquerade.
What year was this released?
Flipping to the front, making sure to keep your thumb on the page you were just reading, you see this book was published in 1988.
Leon picks up on the same point of note, asking "Did White Wolf copy this after they were sure it went bust?"
"This is big, Anon, this place doesn't know what they have. We can pick up a piece of tabletop history for... $40? Really?! Just because some asshole scribbled in it?"
With that you rush to purchase the book
Leon spends the drive home finding more information about Realms Obscura, discovering that its author, Ken Kerrymore-Corey (Why do the guys behind this kind of stuff always have names like that?) created the game to sell in his own game store in a small but affluent Massachusetts town, a family business that usually sold hand made board games, mostly things like chess, or crokinole.
He was trying to expand his market to the rest of the country, he had 1,600 copies of Obscura printed, sold an unknown number of copies, around 300, to stores around the country.
The rest he kept to sell locally or hold in reserve in case he suddenly got demand for the game through word of mouth.
The Wikipedia page is titled "Death of Ken Kerrymore-Corey."
A sensationalist news article was published in the local newspaper claiming that Kerrymore-Corey was stockpiling "Thousands of Occult Manuals for Children."
This prompted an ad-hoc protest comprised of concerned parents and religious fundamentalists who were appalled at his audacity to do so, so close to Salem.
An unidentified member of the crowd used a Molotov cocktail or other incendiary device to start a fire on the property.
The fire trapped Kerrymore-Corey inside, and he was killed by a structural collapse of the building.
The rest of the article is about the impact the case had on Massachusetts Fire Code and safety regulations, Clearly the reason the article meets notability guidelines.
Posting a thread on /tg/ revealed more information, while most of the replies were along the lines of

go post your arg somewhere else faggot

a poster claimed their father went to high school with the author.

oh shit my dad was in english class with the guy who wrote this
my dad told me about him when he read the story in the paper
he was always talking about LotR in class and was straight A student in english
his parents used to design games for milton bradley until they moved back to MA because his grandmother was sick
that's why he had the game store
I guess he wrote obscura to combine his passions?
sorry I can't help more
shame it was vandalized
post PDFs if you can

Hearing all that, it would be a disservice to the man to just leave his game on the shelf as an occasional hipster-ass conversation piece.
You have to at least figure out whether the game is actually good or not.
Leon asks the question you were just about to.
"You up for testing this out when we get back, bro?"
Hell yeah, it feels wrong not to, and that guy's waiting for scans anyway.
The rest of the drive is uneventful aside from a few mocking comments about the stupid kids or whoever filled the book with all the Satanic bullshit.
As you pull into your driveway, the thought occurs to you:
Hey, what if this is the specific copy that pissed all those people off?
"Nah, we're nowhere near Massachusetts, if that one still exists it was probably scooped up by some Salem Witch Museum or tourist trap."
As you let Leon out so you can park the car in the tiny single bay garage attached to your house, he asks, "What, you spooked, bro? It's just a book some edgy kids used for their LARP."
They seemed pretty serious about it, considering the whole appendix for "house rules" was filled all the way to the back cover with wax stamps of sigils and symbols you hope were drawn with primitive dyes.
In the short time it took you to park, Leon already went upstairs and helped himself to one of the shitty macrobrews you keep in your fridge to offer to company, and made it back down to the game room you'd made out of your partially inground basement that the garage attaches to.
He didn't even bring one to offer you.
Not that you drink them anyway.

"Alright, let's crack this bitch open."
Leon says, simultaneously referring to the book and his soulless light lager.
It's pretty quick to get started, because once you dug in, it became obvious that some founding White Wolf alumnus 'Took inspiration' from Realms Obscura, and you're already familiar with the Storyteller system. It's a little odd rolling Sword N' Board style stats instead of well designed abilities with planned archetypes, but it works well enough.
You try to build the most reasonable, well considered character you can for the purposes of letting the game put its best foot forward.
This results in the most boring human paladin you've ever seen, with no effort put in to differentiate the necessary fluff from yourself.
Leon does the exact opposite and builds a "Kobold Solar Druid"
Kobold? What are you. a furry?
"The book was published in fuckin' 1988. Kobold still meant 'Especially Dirty Goblin That Lives in Coal Mines'"
"If a nasty gremlin with a love-hate relationship with the sun is playable, that Corey guy was a mistreated genius."
Honestly, great idea. Leon's always been better than you at thinking outside the box like that.
The game's weird, by default the GM, referred to as the Author doesn't get to decide where or how you start. It has to be rolled from a table for a location on an included map and setting.
Selling maps and scenarios must have been Ken Corey's intended income stream.
It IS a really nice map with a lot of artistic touches, care and consideration put into it.
You have to roll a d20 for the row and a d10 for the column.
Back then that would have meant rolling the same weirdly labeled d20 twice.

As the dice hit the table, there's a blinding flash of red light and your ears begin to ring.
Several thoughts rush through your mind behind the overwhelming tinnitus.
What the fuck?
Was there a Satanic IED in that book?
Oh god, is this what being dead is like-oh, no it's getting better.
As you shake away the flashbang effect you realize... you're outside and it seems different.
And you're wearing armor you're sure you didn't purchase from amazon in a bout of poor judgement you don't remember for some reason.
The intense suspicion you've been isekai'd is hard to kick despite the obvious absurdity.
Your train of thought is interrupted, however as you hear Leon's voice shouting and cursing from a cluster of nearby bushes
You scramble over, thankful that if this is your life now, you're at least not alone.
You rummage through the thorny plants, completely missing the orange lump partially buried in the ground behind them.
"Aaa, what the fuck is going on?"
"Anon, are you OK?"
"Am I in the fucking ground?"
In the ground? You look up from the mess you've managed to shred your hands on trying to find the source of Leon's voice.
That orange thing over there must be on top of him
As you try to lift it out of the hole, you hear
"Ow. Fuck! AAAAGH" as it wiggles, and let it go in response.
Whatever it is, it IS Leon.
You change your strategy and begin digging around the edges to reveal that what you'd tried to yank up was part of his lower body.
Continuing, you uncover his arm, then his head, he somehow got buried just below the surface on his side.
He coughs and spits, and manages to breathe out
"Anon... why the fuck..."
He coughs again, several times.
"...did you try to pull me out by my fucking leg?"
You help him to his feet... claws?
As you do he says "I thought something was trying to rip me apart!"
"Why are you wearing that LARP shit?"
"And how did you get so much taller... all of a sudden."
"And holy fuck am I cold!"

You ask him to calm down and listen.
There's a chance. A CHANCE. That that Obscura book killed both of you.
"What?"
You weren't finished.
Through some confusing magic or some bullshit you've been transported into the world of the game.
"Like Jumanji? Really?"
Uh. Yeah, let's go with that assumption. That's preferable to taking the isekai bus.
"I turned into that stupid fucking goblin I made, didn't I?"
Kobold actually. Leon, formerly a reasonably fit, light haired man in his mid 20's is now a 4 foot tall orange lizard creature in a scratchy-looking plant fiber loincloth and crop top thing. With markedly 'womanly' features below the waist.
He moves his hands down reflexively in a vain attempt to cover himself.
In doing so, he comes to a realization.
"My dick's gone! Fuck! I didn't roll a girl Kobold, did I?"
Taking a good look for the first time, you realize he has huge balls which extend past his loin cloth.
You try to restrain your laughter as you assure him that he didn't, you can tell. Failing to maintain your composure during the comma.
"Don't look at them! Are you some kind of fag?"
You think to yourself, with him looking like that, maybe.

Brushing that unbeckoned though aside, you decide you should try to find shelter.
"I think we should do something about your fucked up hands, dude."
"I can't have you getting some crazy fleshrot infection. I don't think I can fight off a fuckin' stiff breeze on my own like this."
Oh, right. Damn.
Wait.
Don't sun worshippers have a free daily minor heal?
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I might as well try. I can't make things much fucking worse, can I?"
He puts his hands on yours, after you hunch over a little to help him reach.
His piercing blue reptile eyes glow slightly and an orange aura surrounds you and concentrates into your hands
An air current from nowhere blows upward from between you, causing your hair to shift slightly
And makes the reddish-tan crest that stands in for Leon's hair to flap a little bit.
Suddenly, your hands feel like you just dunked them in a deep fryer.
He cast the wrong spell!
"I can't stop it! Shit. Fuck. I'm sorry!"
The burning subsides as quickly as it began, and you're totally fine.
Both of your hands feel better than you recall them ever feeling. It's like the feeling of cracking your knuckles, but it's the whole hand.
This is the coolest shit ever.
"Did I make it worse? Dammit. What are we going to do? Ugh! Retard!"
You're fine.
Unironically, without hyperbole, better than ever.
That's a turn of phrase you'll treat with more respect going forward.
If that's what counts as a 'minor' heal, you're both scared and curious about the real healing magic.

Alright, so about that shelter, your chances are good you'll find something at least serviceable.
It would be unusually bad design for that starting location table to be full of places with nothing of interest nearby.
There might be one or two, but in a 200 item table, that's a 0.5% or 1% probability.
A half percent chance you're fucked is still a little off-putting to think about in a situation of life and death.
In the time it took for you to figure that out, Leon already ran off looking.
He shouts from the side of the dense, tall bushes you started on.
"Hey, Anon, there's a huge fuckin' temple or something over here. Will that work?"
Uh, yeah, probably.
It's much harder for you to get through the veritable hedge than it was for Leon.
He's much smaller and your armor gets in the way.
The temple is a genuinely huge structure of grey, carved stone with writhing vines of many shapes and sizes issuing a perhaps even more diverse range of flowers in every color you can imagine adorning its cracks and crevices.
The temple has an entranceway that resembles Classical Greek architecture, but appears to have been carved in place into the side of a small mountain, of which the entirety seems to have been subjected to a massive earthworks to render it a single massive block.
How did you miss that?
While the stairs to the entrance seemed manageable from a distance, they appear to have been built for something other than humans, as the height of each step is uncomfortably tall.
You can still walk up it, but you get the feeling Leon might have a little too much trouble.
You decide to pick him up before he can run off and get himself hurt on them.
It's surprisingly easy, even for how small he is.
"Ah! What the fuck are you doing?"
I don't think you can get up those stairs on your own, bud.
"Why not? They're just stairs, fucking put me down!"
You're 4'1'' at best, dumbass.

You don't have any trouble at all carrying Leon up the extreme stairs, which is as unexpected as the ease with which you picked him up.
Then it occurs to you. Leon wasn't the only one who got transformed by the process that brought you here. You have Paladin stats and Paladin physique.
Thanks to your lack of creativity.
As you reach the top you realize what you thought were Greek-style columns are actually huge stone dicks.
They're covered in faint, red, pulsing ley lines which fade in and out and occasionally an ethereal rune or sigil like the ones that defaced the corebook drifts out from the surface like a mote of dust and fades away.
Leon produces a strange chattering, hissing sound.
"Aw dammit, I can't whistle."
He tries again with the same result.
"I would have whistled sarcastically at these dick statues"
"and said 'you think this was for some god of chastity?' You would have laughed."
You're pretty sure these pillars aren't Vanilla Obscura.
"What makes you say that? It's not that far out of character for these kinds of tabletop games."
All the runes and glowy shit give it away.
"Glowy? These things are the drabbest self esteem compensators I could even imagine."
Leon doesn't see them? That must be because Paladins get some passive power you skimmed over.
Or it's in the whole volume of occult homebrew you ignored.
"All this sun could have fooled me, it's cold out here, especially with the damn wind."
"Let's get inside"
It isn't cold at all. It's a perfectly clear day in what feels like late spring.
Leon must be cold-blooded now. Neat.

At the back of the temple you see a giant glowing inscription on the wall.
TO RETURN WHENCE YOU CAME, A CARNAL EXALTATION MUST BE MADE.
Leon's able to see it, as he says "Those cult losers made an entire mountain into a degenerate sex temple just to be the quit game button?"
In their defense, they only had to write it down. And they might have retrofit it into something that already existed.
"Maybe we can convince some Elf bitch to let us spitroast her here, and bring her back with us. Haha."
That was awkward and you could tell his mouth was moving faster than his brain. He even said Haha. Like a text message.
He didn't even sound like he actually wanted to go that route.
"Or... I could suck you off right here and be done with this, no homo."
Something tells you that won't be enough. And Leon sounded much less apprehensive about that one.
You reply with Yeah! Haha. Like a fucking text message.
"You know what. Let's go try to find some other way out. It probably exists. Sure."
We shouldn't go looking around until we're sure we're going to have enough daylight.
Scanning the temple you see a side hallway and decide to check it out.
It's mostly just a blank corridor in the rock, but there's a room at the end with a heavy looking door.
Pushing it open, you see it's a beautifully appointed bedroom, by the standards of 1988.
Red velvet everywhere, a huge 4 post bed with sheer fabric hanging on it. Wood effect furniture. It was clearly designed for 'romantic' scenarios.

Another attempt at a whistle issues from Leon.
"Shit. That's just going to have to count as a whistle from now on."
He repeats the sound.
"I won't be cold in here, for sure. You probably will though."
Why?
"You'll have to sleep on the floor or something, the carpet does look nice though so it won't be too bad."
He's calling dibs on the bed?
That's not fair, he's the one built for sleeping on cold, damp, dirty cavern floors.
"We could share, if you insist. Faggot." He says, approximating a smile with his reptilian countenance.
"Maybe you just want an excuse to get closer to my huge nuts. Homo, Fruit, Fairy, Gay-boy."
With each label he loses his composure a bit more and struggles to get the last one out.
While Leon's distracted with his superlative laughter over the mediocre joke you notice more glowing ley lines on a section of wall at the back of the room.
That's the most obvious illusory wall you've ever seen.
You poke at it with the sword you've had sheathed on your side this whole time.
That fails to accomplish anything so you decide to use more force.
It's a normal door made to be seamless with the wall, your strike moves it out of the way with ease and you lose your footing on account of facing no resistance to follow through your swing.
You stumble through and see it's a relatively modern bathroom, albeit in a fantastical gothic style.
Featuring the world's edgiest claw-foot bathtub.
Every surface in here is covered in the same ley lines. It's pretty clear now that they indicate what comes from the creepy homebrew and what doesn't.
Those lazy fuckers did retrofit the temple. Which had a weird porn bedroom in it already?

"Why the hell did you break that door? It doesn't even look like it locks."
Leon asks, his face wet with crocodile tears from the intensity of his laughter at his own joke.
You broke the tracks in which the door was supposed to slide back and forth in. It's not going to be possible to close it again.
"Oh hey a bathroom. You didn't do that so I'd have to watch you bathe, did you?"
You thought the door was an illusory wall, and you had no way of knowing there was a bathroom behind it.
"What gave you that idea? It's clearly a door. With a handle and everything. Don't make me laugh again, I can't handle it right now."
It was covered in that glowing shit again, that's how you can tell what's original to Obscura and what was added later.
"I still don't see it, brah."
Oh, right.
What was that about Leon watching you bathe?
"Uhh, just another dumb fuckin' joke... Don't worry about it."
Speaking of that, this armor's pretty gross and sweaty, and you're not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
As you remove your armor you realize the extent to which you've also been changed. You'd make Zyzz wonder if he was giving enough dedication to his fitness regime.
And your dick's definitely bigger than it was before.
Awesome.
At the same time Leon was taking occasional peeks which you never caught.
Somehow this place had hot water and a stockpile of many kinds of fancy scented soaps.
One is labeled "Fascinus" which is probably fake Latin for "An object of interest"
Whatever it is, it's the one that doesn't have a name that sticks out as inherently sexual to you, so you go with that.
It smells pretty good, too. Masculine, herbal, rather than floral.
As soon as you wet the bar, Leon shouts from the other room.
"Holy shit, I can smell your soap from here!. It smells fucking incredible!" "First thing I'm doing when we get out of here is try to find something like it."
Do lizards usually have such a good sense of smell? Probably.

Once you're done, you realize you're a fucking idiot and don't have a change of clothes.
And there's no way you're sleeping in the armor. It's still nasty. You're going to have to find normal clothing as soon as possible tomorrow.
Hey, Leon?
"Let me guess, you're a dumbass and forgot that you wouldn't have anything to change into?"
"And you want to know if it's cool with me if you sleep naked?"
"Welcome to my world, pal.
Try not to enjoy your time here too much."
For a while you attempt to keep your distance from each other and minimize the weirdness of your situation.
That all goes out the window when Leon's arm brushes against you. He suddenly jolts awake and says
"Holyshityou'resowarmandI'msocoldIneedyourbodyheat"
And pulls himself onto you, making as much contact as he can.
You were a bit afraid of this. But you understand, he's cold-blooded now, it would be cruel to leave him uncomfortable.
"mmmAndthatsoap'sstillfuckingamazingIcan'thelpmyself"
Maybe you should have gone for another kind of soap, as it seems Fascinus has fascinated Leon. Maybe it's magic, or maybe one of the herbs you smelled was koboldnip.
Just think of it like having a pet sleep in your bed,
Don't think about how he has his arms and legs wrapped around you.
Don't.
Think.
About.
His.
Huge.
Balls.

That night you're beset by countless dreams of Leon, not as he is right now, but as he is in the real world.
You're forced to confront how appealing you found his hair all along. Acknowledge the handsomeness of his face in a way you hadn't before.
Develop an appreciation for the male body, his male body, in a way you never even considered before. Overnight, the man you had previously regarded only as a friend, has metamorphosed without any inherent change, into something for which you have a new fondness. Before the oneiric hand forces you to contend with the parts you've never seen, you're awoken by Leon himself.
"Hey, wake up, the sun's rising. I can feel it."
"Oh, and sorry about all the touchy feely stuff. I don't know what came over me."
"It's like I had no choice."
"Then I had all these crazy fuckin' dreams. This place is doing something to me, man."
As you sit up on the edge of the bed, you ask him what kind of dreams he had.
"Just normal ones, but a lot."
'normal' doesn't sound "fuckin' crazy." He needs to be honest with you.
"They are normal. You know. Dreams about the people around you. But it's like I was getting a bunch of panning shots and feeling feelings I don't usually feel."
Does he mean you? The way you usually are?
"Yeah. How did you know?"
"My dreams were making me feel like you, of all people, are the most... appealing... I've ever seen."
"I didn't dream about your dick or nothin'" "I woke up before that. Thank God."
You had the exact same dream about him.
Wait. "of all people?" "Thank God I didn't see your dick?"
What's that supposed to mean?
"Nothing, I-I just didn't want to make it weird, I didn't know you had the same dream."

Let's head out and try to get a feel for our options.
We don't know how much daylight we'll have, and we need to make the most of it while we can.
"We'll have plenty of time. I can feel the sun. It's like I'm in tune with it."
He is a "Solar Druid" after all.
"That's right! I forgot about that. I wonder if I can shoot Solar Plasma balls like a Kamehameha."
Not at level one, maybe he can pull off a dollar store version of Yamcha's Sokidan.
"That's the Spirit Ball, right? You're such a weeb."
"I always thought it was cooler than the Kamehameha anyway."
You quickly don your armor and exit the temple.
Leon has a much easier time getting down the stairs than he would getting up them, so you don't need to carry him down.
Besides, you don't know what to do if he catches another whiff of that damned soap on you while you're carrying him.
There's a dirt road starting from the front of the temple, it must lead somewhere. Probably a town or village.
You follow it uneventfully for only a short time before a projectile fired from above you sticks into the dirt just in front of Leon, who foolishly took the lead against your warning.

You hear a surprisingly stereotypical orc-goblin-troll-English-football-hooligan voice from above you shout.
"Oi. Look what I's gots meself 'ere. A fresh man-fing to gnaw."
Partway through his introduction the creature jumps down and the same ley lines that tell you something's wrong appear all over the goblin and runes issue readily from him as he floats upward again slightly and begins to shake and jerk in midair.
The goblins here are unusual, with patchy, coal black skin and bulging sickly yellow eyes. He's only wearing loose scraps of fabric as a confused gesture at decency. All of his major joints stand out distinctively thanks to his extremely thin limbs. His posture is hunched and you can see the vertebrae of his spine through his skin.
"See, that's a fucking Kobold. Not this shit. I will admit I'd gladly take this over that though." Leon remarks.
The occult seizure that took the goblin subsides and he speaks again with an echoing tone of corruption behind his voice.
"Cor!, the man-fing's got a Qu-i-i-ite fine lizzyboy for me to FUCK! I's a lucky boy, I am."
Leon has cracked under the threat of violation and is cowering behind you.
Come on, Leon, it's just a goblin.
"Easy for you to say! It just wants to eat you! I see a dirty fuckin' goblin that wants to use me as an onahole and who knows what else! Fuck! FUCK! CALM DOWN!"
Leon responds and takes a step back.
He shakes his head a few times and slaps his face a few more.
"Alright, I'm ready. Let's roast this fucker."
Now a few paces beside you Leon grabs his right wrist with his hand upturned with the left.
He attempts to concentrate magical energy into the palm of his right hand, straining.
"AAAAA!" "AAAAAAA!" "Come on, fuckin' AAAAAA!"
Some part of that counted for his turn as the goblin begins charging at him.
You dive into the goblin's path, protecting Leon. With the impact, you're launched backwards into a tree. Shit. Ow.
"Anon, no! Fuck! Fuck you, you grody piece of sh-!"

Before he can finish his sentence a huge ball of fire erupts from his mouth and ignites the goblin. Who falls over on the ground screaming incoherently.
Returning to your feet as fast as you can, you limp as quickly as you can force yourself to the burning creature. Drawing your sword, you plunge it through the goblin's heart.
A cloth pouch appears on the ground. It contains a few gold coins and a small scrap of low quality steel.
That must mean the random encounter's over. Good. That goblin probably broke one of your ribs.
It hurts to breathe.
"Anon, are you hurt? I can heal you, remember?"
Don't worry about it, Leon. Just a little -ugh- bruised.
He shouldn't waste his daily heal on such minor damage.
"I think I can shoot more fireballs if I have to. I think I know how they work."
Good, what was all that gesturing shit you did?
"I thought you said I could use a spirit ball? Why didn't it work?"
That was a joke. You didn't think it would be relevant so soon.
He can use that cool mouth beam attack like Nappa, though.
But... You should probably drop the DBZ talk. It only serves to mislead you.

Did Leon actually expect to be able to shoot a Kamehameha? And he calls you the weeb?
"Shut up. You used to try to do it too as a kid. I'm 100% fucking sure."
Point taken.
You're slower going along the road after getting battered like that.
You manage to reach a town.
There's absolutely nothing unexpected about it though.
Which in itself is unexpected. You were preparing yourself to navigate a mass of vulgar contrivances created for the amusement of edgy esotericists.
No ley lines. No sigils. No seals.
A village which is entirely within the design of Realms Obscura.
Looking for a clothing store, you pass a blacksmith in his outdoor forge.
He calls out to you.
"Ach, hello there lad. You seem like the adventurous type. What with that armor and Kob-o of yours. I have need of ya.'"
You could hear the 'u' in the word armor.
Leon's more preoccupied with that potential slur, however.
"Kobbo? I fuckin' hate the sound of that."
His intuition is proven right as the blacksmith responds.
"You've got a wild one there, don'tcha, boy. Calm 'em down or leave'm outside while we talk business."
"So. Do you be needing money there, lad? I've got an unusual task I need seeing to."
You probably do need more than a few coins. You might as well hear him out.
"Well. It is a wee bit hard to believe, but I think the goblins are makin' their own bloody steel!"
"Their raids are leaving all the hallmarks of tools produced with informed metallurgy."
"Shovels with harder edges. Knives that cut our ropes cleanly. It's new and I don't like it."
"The job is this, get me a sample of their steel, so I can figure out whether they've come into a cache of stolen tools, or if they're making their own."
"That sit right with you, lad?"
Hey, you already have the item you need! It's a mixed feeling when it happens in video games, but right now you're more than glad for it.
Yes. it sits just fine mister blacksmith.
In fact, the goblin you slew on your way into town was carrying this.
"You are a true prodigy my boy. An' to think I had took you for a buggerer, and a LIZARD buggerer at that. I thank you kindly."
You receive 15 coins and a new sword. Probably worth putting up with that guy for. Even if you didn't already have the quest item.

That said, you hope that was the only quest the blacksmith gives you.
He seems like the kind of asshole that's so casual about the impolite shit he says he doesn't even realize it pisses people off.
Then again, Realms Obscura was published in 1988. And it sounds like a lot of it was bouncing around the author's head for years. Maybe that's par for the course here.
You're mentally preparing yourself for the patronization you're likely to continue facing as you come upon the local clothier's shop.
It's a small, old looking stone building with a clay tile roof, tucked away into a void in the back of a block of tightly packed Norman Style buildings.
In a courtyard full of branch-made effigies and markers and carefully placed stones which look like they're part of some highly complicated sun dial. From the roofs of the surrounding buildings there are lines on which large assemblies of light splitting crystals are hung, Somehow calibrated to work with the stones in the ground.
The clothier must be a sun worshipper.

"Anon, is it cool if I take a second to... uh... take this place in?" "I feel like I kinda have to. Weird, I know."
Leon sits down in a large circle of light, surrounded by five smaller ones of various colors, each made of sunlight projected through the complicated assembly that surrounds you.
He begins to glow in the light, with the same incandescent quality of his solar magic.
He rises into the air, above the nearby buildings by a sizable margin, growing brighter as he does, becoming too brilliant to look at.
This is probably a good thing, right?
There's a sound reminiscent of thunder as the light around Leon is forced away in a luminous ring, and he begins falling to the ground.
You manage to catch him without needing to dive, but it's close. He's unconscious.
As you do, an Elf woman with an elegant appearance comes with a sense of urgency. out of the shop.
"Ah, It's been some centuries since I've had a Kobold seek this place out for the Anointment. I'll be right there to-"
"Oh, how unusual. I take it you two are travelling together as equals? If you've been treating that Kobold as your property, human, I'm afraid your opportunity to persist under that assumption is at an end.
What? No, Leon's definitely your equal. What just happened to him?
"He has taken in the Sun's own knowledge. Become anointed by magic itself with a power that you cannot constrain."
"Quickly bring him inside. He needs my help to recover. The Anointment is a harsh process."

The interior of the clothier's shop looks even older than the exterior. The interior walls are made of some kind of wax-treated packed earth. The roof supports are a single branch of unstripped wood that looks as if it was forced to grow into its current shape.
There are racks of fabrics and textiles, most of which seem mundane, but a few seem to have inlaid patterns of glowing curves and shapes.
They aren't the same as the ley lines you've usually seen. Except for one, a small scrap of black silk.
"In the interest of polite conduct, would you mind telling me your name, human?"
It's Anon. In the same interest, you'd appreciate hers.
"I suspect that you'll also find yourself frustrated by A-Morilhaglywddin-El" (ah-MOR-il-haw-gla-wi-th-EL)"
"The human folk of this town seem to struggle with my name, choosing instead to call me Amoril."
Does that offend her at all? You'd like to be as proper and polite as possible considering your friend's life depends on her at the moment.
"Your consideration is appreciated, and I did take offense lifetimes ago, but even if you did offend, I wouldn't hold those I am duty bound to account for your transgressions."
Duty-bound?
"After the literate races discovered the Temple of Dawn and Dusk and the Kobold society that once lived here-"
That wouldn't happen to be the temple you just came from, would it?
"You did come from there? I had suspected as much. I presume that you're both from another world, one which exists outside this one?
"And that you know very little, and are not here by your own choice?"
Yes, Ma'am.
"I've seen others like yourselves before. It has been quite a while, however."
"I never got the chance to treat with them at length before. They were usually only here to make quick purchases. And none among them were Solar-aligned Kobolds as your friend is. My services were simply not required."
Leon is resting on a small cot, being regularly dabbed with aromatic oils and having his temperature managed by a rag that Amoril is diligently keeping moist. He's in bad shape.
"Long ago, this shop was the only structure for quite a way in any direction, aside from the Temple, of course. I was the first to settle here, charged to be the representative of the Sun by the Elven High Council."
"The native Kobolds responded in a profound manner to the calendar stones I had erected."
"Their culture believed that the Temple of Dawn and Dusk was the means by which they could transcend what they called "The Mutual Tyranny"
"That they could leave the bonds of this world and become pure by forsaking the benefaction of the Sun and the promises of the Moon."
"Until the Human Lunarian colonists created a hostile environment, pairs of Kobold pilgrims would come to me to learn the secrets of the Sun to aid them in their journey."
"There was no road or town here, and the way to the Temple was beset by great tribulations. Magical creatures, sworn to protect it, insurmountable terrain, challenges of wit, willpower and, strength."
"Then, overnight, this nameless town had sprung up all around me."
"Mind you, overnight is not an exaggeration used in contrast to the duration I had been here before. It was built overnight."
"That was but a few days before the first outsider appeared. A man in a long black hooded robe. He seemed to be excitable and proud of himself for something I couldn't place at the time."
"He barged in and left another robe here to be mended, but never returned."
That must be the source of that strange scrap of black silk she has.
"You can see the strange foreign magic which pervades it?"
You can, and you believe it's a sign of things which have been changed about this world by a potentially sinister, and objectively degenerate group of people from your own world.
Amoril, your world is a fiction created for the amusement of creative minds in the world above.
That's why things changed so quickly sometimes.
And, importantly, the book in which this world is contained is defaced by sigils and stamps of a dubious nature.
Something about that defacement opened a connection between your worlds.
"By the very rays! You're looking for a way back then?"
You know exactly how to get back if the situation gets dire. But you're looking for another option.

Leon begins to wake, asking in a disoriented fashion,
"What the fuck was that...? Why do I feel like I know everything?"
The confusion and grogginess disappear as he shouts,
"Holy shit, Anon I understand how magic works, perfectly! This is fuckin' insane."
"It's like the light goes in, and it doesn't leave necessarily, but it's not there when you use it, it uses you and that makes what you want the same as what the sun wants so it does the magic for you but you still have to understand it and it doesn't have to be in the sky and it can't actually move but you can make it-"
Leon, you're not making sense. Calm down and organize your thoughts.
"Oh yeah, you wouldn't get it. Maybe I could 'share' it with you later."
Is he propositioning you? You should defuse this.
Yeah, haha. Leon, this nice Elf lady made sure you didn't fucking die in the process of comprehending all that arcane knowledge. You should thank her.
"You're right, God, I'm being such a dickhead. I'm really grateful for your help Madam A-Morilhaglywddin-El"
How does he know her name? How did he get it right the first time?
"Bleh. I'm fuckin' wired-out. What did you do to me anyway?"
"I don't care, thanks again. Let's get out of here and find another goblin or some shit, I have an idea"
You still don't have any clothes other than your armor. We didn't come here for him to have a weird spiritual awakening.
"You won't need 'em Anon. It's fine. Let's fuckin' go already!"
Leon's practically pushing you out the door.
Well, as much as he can weighing next to nothing and being 2/3 your height.
Uh, I guess we might see you another time Amoril?

What was that about Leon?
It's not exactly like it's out of character for him to get impulsive like that or get distracted by some passing thought he has to entertain.
But it's not usually such a big deal. He's never totally shut down a conversation in the middle or dragged you off somewhere on a whim.
"The second the sun sets, I'm fuckin' powerless, and I have shit I'd like to show you."
"Honestly, I'd rather avoid spending the night anywhere other than the Temple, that's part of it too"
It's probably not even noon yet. And if push came to shove, you'd probably be able to keep him safe for one or two random encounters if they happened to occur after sunset.
"It's 2:38 PM, we have less than six hours of daylight."
"2:39."
"It's not a short walk. It took us an hour to get here. It'd take at least that long to get back if we didn't stop for any reason."
"Here, give me your hand."
Ok?
As soon as he grips your hand, a current of orange light and heat surges up your arm and concentrates on your left side. It's much more controlled than the healing Leon performed last time. It lingers at a temperature with a hair's breadth of difference between discomfort and pain. You can feel a couple of your ribs shift and fix back into place.
The next breath you take feels like it's the best you ever possibly could.
"Did I do that right, Anon?"
"I mean, I'm pretty fuckin' sure I did. But you know, just to make sure?"
His daily heal has gotten a lot more refined.
"That wasn't the daily, as long as the sun is out, I can use as many of those as I want. I guess that means you weren't scared I was gonna incinerate you this time, huh?"

Leon doesn't even give you a chance to respond.
"Come on. We've got randomly generated asses to kick."
"You're gonna think I'm so cool" he says under his breath, possibly thinking you wouldn't hear.
It's also possible he definitely wanted you to hear it and make it sound like he didn't.
Is he suddenly interested in you and stumbling over how to deal with it? This world might be changing the both of you, because you're not as put off by the thought as you would have expected.
Or, it's always been there and the change in context just made it easier to entertain.
He did offer to suck your dick earlier, entirely unprompted.
Either way your emotions have been stirred in an unfamiliar way and you don't have time right now to process it.
In an effort to break the tension, you jokingly ask him why he didn't try to make a move on Amoril. For that remark he made yesterday, he was quick to clear out of there.
You can tell by the look on his face and the sudden drooping of his tail that he hadn't even remembered saying that and just recalling it embarrasses him.
"Oh, uh, yeah. I respect her waaay too much to even... entertain... that idea. Yep."
He laughs awkwardly.
At least he didn't say haha out loud again.
A projectile fired from above you sticks into the dirt in front of you. You're at first startled, then struck with a sense of deja vu.

A voice you're pretty sure is the same as the goblin from earlier but pitch shifted down shouts:
"Oi. Look what I's gots meself 'ere. A fresh man-fing to gnaw."
Repeat encounters already?
The goblin who jumps down onto the road this time is much more conventional in appearance. This time his skin is green and his eyes are red. Other than that, it's functionally identical.
The goblin floats briefly in the air surrounded by corruptive influence and glowing slightly.
The next remark he makes is different however.
"'Old on a tic. This man-fing looks like he'd be a waste just to eat 'im. 'e'd be a real pretty one if ya put a few bruises on 'im. These righteous types always have the best moufs. I's a lucky boy, I am.
Leon was right, it's a lot more intimidating when you're threatened with violation.
You know you can handle him though, a lot more than 0 still isn't much.
Leon remarks at your reaction to the goblin's 'favor'
"Gets under your skin, doesn't it?"
"Here's the plan. I'm going to cast a Convection Current that you'll ride way up into the air."
"The goblin's going to keep his attention on me, because I'll still be on the ground."
"Then you'll drop down and perform a plunging attack skewering the fucker."
"What do you think? Sick as fuck, isn't it?"
As cool as it sounds, it seems like a bad idea. You're still going to hit the ground pretty hard.
"As long as you hit the goblin, you'll be fine. It'll be dope. I promise."
You draw your sword and try in vain to prepare yourself.
Leon makes a strange gesture and you're lifted into the air much faster than you were expecting.
The goblin begins to charge at Leon. The current stops and you begin falling.
You do your best to shift your weight to track your target and point your sword downward.
You close your eyes out of instinct before impact.
Your sword strikes the goblin in the right upper arm, the severed part flies off in an arc!
You land on your feet perfectly fine, somehow.
The goblin screams in pain and fear, but retreats only a few steps.
That was probably the most stylish execution of any task you've ever done. Or possibly ever will.
"Your aim was a little off, Anon. Great job for having that just suddenly sprung on you, though."
Leon breathes a small ball of plasma into his hand. Is he trying what you think he's trying?
Holy shit, he totally is. He tosses the fireball at the goblin striking it in the chest.
The goblin is lifted into the air as the ball makes a 90 degree turn straight up.
The improvised Sokidan quickly flips to drop the goblin and follow him down, ramming him into the dirt with additional force.
The goblin is subjected to overkill as Leon drags the goblin through the dirt with calligrapher-like strokes.
The fireball bursts and leaves the goblin a burning heap in a small crater.
Leon, you're fucking incredible!

"That's not even the fuckin' half of it, bro."
"I was going to save that last trick for the next goblin, but seeing as you had an unfortunate moment of doubt that dialed back the spectacle a bit. I figured why not stick to the program anyway?"
"I am not going to miss my chance."
Is this some kind of complicated effort to win you over?
Leon notices the confusion on your face.
"Uh, Uhh... I'm not gonna miss my chance to be your coolest friend who you'll spend all your time with because I'm so cool, yeah."
"I'm such an idiot sometimes. The way I said that, it was almost like I was c-crushing on you or something. Haha."
Leon's about to say more but he stops before he even gets part of a word out.
His attention is drawn to the woods running alongside the road.
He sniffs the air intently.
"You smell that?"
You don't smell anything but a slight whiff of the goblin corpse still burning, some distance behind you at this point.
"No, it smells important, somehow. I can't fucking explain it."
"I'm gonna go check it out. You can hang back here or head on to the temple if you want."
Splitting up is definitely a bad idea and his sudden suggestion that you should is concerning.
Leon runs off through the trees, presumably following the scent.
You only manage to keep up with him for a short time, slowed by your equipment.
He remains in your line of sight despite his speed advantage.
Then he makes a series of sudden turns and you lose him.

You pick a direction and stick to it. Even if you can't find Leon, you'll probably be able to make it back to the road.
You travel by dead reckoning for a while before you notice that there's a smell of something burning. Something more pleasant than the goblin from before.
It's impossible for you to determine the direction of the source. You keep an eye out for signs of smoke.
As you proceed, the smell becomes stronger and you're able to tell it's strikingly similar to the soap that Leon responded so strongly to before.
That seems like a pretty good indication that is essentially koboldnip.
What if it's bait for a trap set up by anti-Kobold locals?
Amoril did say Kobolds originated here, and you know they're not popular in town.
You call out to Leon, hoping he'll respond in some way, at least to give you some idea of which way to go.
Nothing. You're getting substantially worried now.
You never thought you'd ever have to navigate by smell in a potential life or death situation.
But you have to try.
As long as the smell doesn't get weaker, you're probably going the right way?
Suddenly, you hear a hiss in the brush to one side. Then a chattering sound.
Then, before you have time to process the potential threat, a small figure quickly circles around you and leaps on your back.
Struggling to remain upright, you stumble through the brush before losing your balance and landing on your back.

Getting back on your feet, you turn around and see a group of Kobolds around a proportionally large fire.
They're systematically tossing bundles of plant stems on the fire.
None are clothed, even to Leon's extent.
Speaking of Leon, he's elevated on a throne of sorts, made of stacked flat stones.
"Oh hey, Anon, cool you could make it. These guys know how to fuckin' party."
"You smell that shit? I'm losing it over here, man!"
The largest one chatters at him.
"Oh yeah. Don't freak out, but you're gonna have to get over here, and I'm gonna have to bite you as hard as I fuckin' can."
"It's either that. Or they all beat the shit out of you and throw you on the fire. I tried telling them you're cool, but they're paranoid you're here to sacrifice them all to the moon."
As you navigate through the small crowd who seem loathe to let you through, Leon explains.
"That whole 'Anointment' thing? These guys felt it. So they... uh. Metaphorically. Stuck their necks out and started burning all this squamateria partially to celebrate some jackass. Me. Being brave and stupid enough to actually go into town in broad daylight to get that cool-ass powerup. And also to draw said jackass in to officiate stuff they've been putting off for a long time."
"I managed to mill through all their marriage ceremonies, belated coming of age rites, a few divinations before you got here. Normal stuff."

He did all that in the maybe 15 minutes it took for you to find him?
"They're not very complicated people."
More chattering and hissing erupts around you.
"Shit, they're getting impatient. Get over here."
You weave past the last of the small crowd.
"I don't think I can bite through your armor, and I don't think you want me to try."
This situation is putting you on edge enough already, so you fumble a bit with the buckles of your chest plate.
At least you're spared any feelings of self consciousness you may have had in the real world.
"You mind giving me a boost, Anon? I don't think it counts if I bite your leg or something."
This is both ridiculous and harrowing. You lift Leon in an unintentionally lewd fashion, his large ass is simply the most effective place to find purchase without constraining his movement.
Of course this surprises him, and he releases an uncharacteristically girlish moan.
It might not be possible for an expression to convey a greater amount of embarrassment.
Alright. You're as ready as you'll ever be for a short lizardman to bite you as part of some esoteric ritual.

Leon takes a second to line himself up, the hesitation serves to bolster your anxiety.
Then, his many extremely sharp teeth dig from both sides into your shoulder.
You're struggling to fight the urge to drop him.
And perhaps even more suddenly, the pain recedes. The world seems to fall away, and Leon with it.
Then you see flashes of... yourself?
It's like you're going back through time. Through Leon's memories of you.
The bookstore, your own voice calls out "Hey Leon, come check this out!"
The night before the Magic tournament, running through some scenarios together to prepare.
Every time you make eye contact -with yourself- you are struck by a strange feeling you can't quite place.
A discussion you'd forgotten you even had about whether or not you should get a gym membership
Leon asked you to lift your shirt for a second. As the other does, you're hit with another brief jolt of emotion.
"Nah, you don't need it. If it's for your own sake, fuckin' go for it. If it's just because you think it'll make your, uh, prospects better, don't bother."
"You won't get much farther like that than you would right now. People are less superficial than you think. At least the ones you actually want to be around."
Then you're taken back to the first time Leon stuck around after a 3.5e session with your group. It's all just small talk and discussing the game, but the whole time you're overwhelmed with the same feeling and you can hear Leon's heartbeat so loudly that it's making it hard to pick out what you were actually saying.
Has- has Leon... liked... you this whole time? He's gay? You never would have guessed.

The world comes crashing in around you, as if with great velocity, from an unfathomable distance.
You're back to yourself, and to the pain of Leon's teeth in your shoulder.
Leon, I can't- you manage to speak before your arm gives out on the side he's biting.
The other arm moves quickly to make up for it, but his teeth lose their grip on you in the process.
A distressing volume of blood pours from the wounds, but Leon was prepared to put his hand on your neck.
The healing power surges through your blood vessels and each deep puncture is healed with a sensation that implies the very matter of the sun is welling up within them, no evidence remains of the ordeal.
The tribe of Kobolds surrounding you erupt in unison to a cacophony of whistling, chattering sounds that you hope are an indication of approval.
You place Leon back on the stacked stones and make a slight show of kneeling before him as if offering your fealty. It just feels like the right thing to do.
You look up and give a smirk to make it clear you're not entirely serious.
He asks, "You didn't happen to see anything that... changes your opinion of me, did you?" "I'd hate to lose a friend like you."

Things will change only if he wants them to. You'll give any expectations he has a shot.
Either way, you won't abandon him.
You know how he feels, literally.
And... figuratively. Maybe it wasn't some corruptive influence that caused those dreams you both had.
Maybe allowing yourselves to be so close for once awoke something in you, something you like, that feels right.
"Are you saying you like me too? For me? Not this girly-ass Kobold body?"
You are, and you'll have to get a better look at him when he's back to normal to know whether you like him just as much that way.
Or if you like him more.
"Ah, shit. I can't handle this. Dammit. Look. I've never fallen for anyone as much as I have for you, Anon. It's really fucking me up and I could never understand why."
"I think it's the whole fuckin' 'love at first sight' thing some people get. It wasn't that fast, but it's the closest thing I have to the words for it. I figured I wouldn't be lucky enough to even have a chance with you."
"That statistically or whatever, you were probably totally straight and I'd turn myself from your friend to 'your one gay friend who really flattered you that one time.' "
"Or that I wouldn't be welcome anymore if I told you how I felt."
"But, fuck. I- I can't believe you're even willing to give me a try. I am SO grateful, man. I know it's not like me, but I'm having a hard time keeping it together here."

Leon breaks into laughter in catharsis.
Honestly, that wasn't the reaction you thought he was struggling to hold back.
It's cute. You don't feel like you need to hold yourself back from thinking that anymore.
You ask him what's so funny?
"I saw your memories of me, and the whole time, I was like: Shit, he might not even realize he's attracted to me, it's too subtle."
"Then I got to this one where you were losing your fucking mind over how I smelled. And you were clueless it had anything to do with me.
"I heard you thinking 'I must be coming down with something, I feel weird.' Meanwhile I know it's that stupid gimmick cologne I bought for that VtM session we had that one Halloween.
"And you guys had me running up and down the stairs to get shit for you because I was the only one who DIDN'T wear a ridiculously inconvenient costume."
"Anyway, that's what really clued me in. Fag."
You had forgotten that entirely.

So, what are you going to do now?
What does Leon WANT to do?
"If you're not too self-conscious, I'd vote we act on our mutual homolust. The uh, present company, is sort of waiting on it."
"Those marriages I performed? Technically, we were one of them, and the local culture is big on "immediate consummation" The Kobold with the highest rank, me, gets the honor of going first."
"If that's not cool with you, I can just tell them to go ahead and we'll find somewhere more pri-"
You suddenly, as if with no power over yourself, pull Leon in to kiss him deeply.
It's not exactly comfortable or ergonomic, his protruding crocodilian mouth is hard to work with.
Backing off for a moment, you ask him to try shifting his jaw off to the side.
That works, and you have much more access and are less threatened by his teeth.
His mouth and breath are strangely cool. His snakelike tongue seems to have a mind of its own.
"You have NO IDEA how many times I've had dreams like that."
"I think we'll both enjoy it more when I'm back to normal, though. That is, unless you're only down to fuck me because I look like this right now."
You're not going to complain about his current liable-to-make-a-straight-man-question-his-sexuality figure, but you already told him that you would be at least as happy with him the way he usually is.
You will admit you're getting a lot of enjoyment out of squeezing his fat ass, intentionally this time, as you lower him to the ground.
Leon's the perfect dick sucking height.
He realizes this as well and wordlessly and deftly undoes the buckles holding your leggings up to reveal your dick which has to this point been straining against the lining, padding and leather with an uncommon vengeance.
"Damn, is it usually like this? I don't think I- like real, normal me- can handle it."
Nope, you've been given a buff in that regard.

Leon does not hesitate despite his stated apprehension.
He takes about half of you into his mouth, which is to say the least, exotic, cool but humid, his tongue winding around you with careful movements.
Then, it extends out of his mouth and wraps around the rest of your shaft like some strange decorative ribbon, the coils coordinating to maximize your stimulation.
A warmth wells up from the back of Leon's throat and it washes over you, suddenly the feeling goes from novel and exotic to conventional and luxurious.
You don't know how much more you can handle and make sure he knows it.
"Come on, you can't be that much of a quick shot, bro."
You're not. Maybe it's because he's such a professional cocksucker.
"It must be talent, I've only had 4, maybe 5 other items on my resume. Three of those were one time hookups that made me question my life choices. That wasn't my kind of life."
"You good now?"
You think so.
"Pick me up again, I have an idea."
If it's like his last idea, you're in for something special.
"Stop, there. Let me tilt back a little."
He flips his loincloth up to reveal a vertical slit, surrounded by a ridge of the same thick, silky skin as his sack. That's special, alright.
Speaking of, are his balls usually that huge?
"I think so, it's just that the rest of me is smaller, so they look fuckin' gigantic. That's one thing I never expected to relate to Peter Dinklage about."
Why does he know that?
"The trivia nights in the places I tried hanging out for a while tended to get like that."
"Are you gonna stay distracted, or are you gonna get to plowing?"
Oh, right.
Leon's slit is almost uncomfortably hot, and impeccably smooth and pliant. You've definitely been missing out.

After a few thrusts, two short, narrow, spade tipped dicks pop out of the slit.
They quickly harden after a few more.
You remark that they must have split the difference between them.
Leon looks up at you, embarrassed.
"They're both... the same as I was before." Ah
There's nothing wrong with that, it's kind of cute.
"That's what they all said. Then they all called me a sissy- mm -bitch for it."
Does he not like that?
"I always bit my tongue, y'know. We were always already into it by that- hha point."
You do mean it though. There's merit and a specific appeal to smaller dicks.
Historically, there have been times and places where you'd be ridicule material for having a cock like the one you're jamming in his slit.
"Why do YOU know THAT?"
A stupid internet cartoon.
"I thought I'd be getting more out of this. You enjoying it?"
Less, now that you know he's not feeling much.
Otherwise, holy fuck yes. It's almost perfect. It's like fucking the concept of silk itself.
"Oh, really? Neat. I'm not gonna make you quit now, then. You'll just have to make it up to me later, dude."
You're already planning it. It IS how you'll be getting home.
"I mean, like, when you're done."
"Maybe show me if you're any good with your hands, or your mouth?"
Leon's tone and the image he generated in your mind push you over the edge.
You absolutely fill the space around his dicks with your cum.

"Hey, you wanna clean that up?
Oh, definitely. But only about half for right now. You have an idea of your own.
You set Leon back down on the throne and have him lean back.
You get on your knees, this time without irony and with a serious sense of purpose.
You slurp some of your own semen out of Leon's slit.
This is definitely 100% gay now. It feels good to accept that.
Most of the remainder is pooled around the hemipene on your right.
You tentatively lick at the escutcheon-shaped head of the left one.
Leon's response is intense and visceral. It's very clear he hasn't had that kind of contact from another person very often, if at all.
You give him a moment, then reach up and lubricate the right dick with the rest of your cum.
It is, to say the least, no challenge to fit in your hand. But that's ok.
You have to change your technique though, going with more of a gentle pinching grip.
Then you take the left one into your mouth. There's not even an outside chance of triggering your gag reflex.
Meanwhile, Leon's completely out of his element and doesn't know what to do with himself, squirming and making cute noises.
"This is hhh fuckin' wei- iih -rd. It's like I uhhh only ha-A -ve one dick, and your h-aaaAh-nd is in your mouth or something."
His stamina isn't very high, as he popped in the middle of saying that.
"Aw, damn. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it, man, I've never been... treated... like that before. I'll do better next time. If there is a next time."
"I guess there has to be at least one next time. Haha. Really though, I wish I wasn't like this." "God, and I projected my own insecurity about it on to you. I'm not exactly the fuckin' model of sexual prowess, am I?"

He doesn't need to be. There's nothing wrong with Leon being Leon. If there's stuff he wants to be better about, you'll be glad to help him, and even if he's never quite where he wants to be, it doesn't change your feelings for him.
"You're just saying that, aren't you? You'll put up with anything for (ph-Wheew~) this."
He gestures over himself.
"As soon as I'm back to normal you'll start realizing I'm not perfect and little fuckin' nitpicks will build up at the back of your mind."
"And I know I'm not good enough at the sex stuff to make up for all that."
He's actively trying to sabotage himself?
You never would have suspected Leon of all people to have issues like this.
The relationship between you has never been dependent on anything like that before, and it's not going to change.
You already know he's not perfect, and there's nothing wrong with that. You like him- Fuck it- Love him for all the ways he's not.
Nothing in recent memory has made you happier than seeing him enjoy your affection. That's more than enough for you, and you'll stick to that even after you're back to normal.
It feels like a void in your life has been filled by this whole experience, you never really got women and now-
Wait, did he just whistle?
"Huh? Yeah, I did. (ph-Wheew~) (ph-Wheew~)"
That's it. Your emotional monologue of personal development is derailed by something only worthy of a sensible chuckle.
That's kind of fitting though. Neither of you tend to get this dramatic, it's only natural that the smallest thing could snap you out of it.

"I AM gonna have to hold you to all that faggy shit you just said, you know? If you start flaking on me, you won't hear the end of it."
"Maybe I'll use my fuckin' spooky gay powers all those moralist types think we have to indoctrinate you into the agenda."
Leon's really trying to get you with an at least 15 year outdated joke that wasn't even funny in the first place?
"I think it still counts as 1988 in here. Technically I'm a trendsetter!"
More like cocksucker.
"That doesn't even make sense. And you're a Double cocksucker anyway!"
Hey, you only sucked the left one!
Your aimless argument is cut short by grunting and chattering behind you.
"I guess they got tired of waiting on us to clear out, huh?"
There are several pairs of Kobolds currently engaging with each other in a markedly crude fashion, with no sense for sensuality present in any of them.
Surprisingly, some of those pairings are male/male, and they seem to have taken inspiration from you.
They were expecting you to put on an exhibition for them but wanted privacy for themselves?
"They would have kicked things off as soon as you stuck yourself in me, but since you're human, they didn't know if that was the polite thing to do."
"Then HSSSTSHH over there took one too many glances at his new wife and that all went out the window."
You decide you're not interested in sticking around to watch the Korgy, the sun's going to be setting soon and you don't want to run into another random encounter without Leon's cool powers.

Returning to the road, you notice a rolled up parchment just lying in the middle of the path.
You unroll it.
It's a scroll with stuff written on it, probably a quest item.
I know you can help me, I've been trapped in...
You're not interested in anything but getting home right now.
The walk back to the temple wasn't very long, if Leon was struck by his olfactory distraction any closer, you would've gone on ahead like he suggested.
"Hey, do you mind heading up to the entrance without me? I'm gonna make it up these stairs without any help this time, make them my fuckin' bitch.
You're glad to, this is probably the realization of some internal struggle he's had this whole time. Conquering it might even reflect on him in the real world.
Nope, he jogs over to one of the sheer walls beside the staircase and casts a huge convection current that lifts him effortlessly to the landing. He just wanted to poke fun at you for taking the hard way.
He's had enough personal growth for one sucked-into-an-obscure-tabletop-corebook experience.
Have you?
Maybe Leon's right about you only being attracted to him because he's a girly shortstack lizardboi.
You ask him what he wants to do. Should you get straight to that 'Carnal Exaltation' the back wall is loudly demanding of you?
Should you take a break and leave that for tomorrow morning?
Is he even ready to give up his cool solar magic powers yet?

"I'm pretty fuckin' tired of having cold blood at this point, dude. The magic helps, but I'm not exactly used to having to divide my attention like this."
"And I don't think it's, uh, advisable, to waste any more time."
Says the Great Scaled Wizard King who intentionally wasted time to show you how cool he was.
The expression and stammering from Leon tell you he has genuine concern, and fear that he's made your predicament worse.
"Aw FUCK. I... I wasn't thinking. It only just fuckin' now occurred to me that this is like Jumanji or something, and we could have been here for 30 fucking years by now."
He's only just realizing that now? Wasn't he the one to make the comparison in the first place?
"I did, didn't I? I think I was thinking of the reboot with The Rock."
That probably has someone getting trapped for years too, you've never seen it.
"Neither have I. I've never seen the original, either."
He pauses for a moment, resulting in a tense silence, especially considering the topic of discussion.
"Y'know what? Let's just treat this like it's real time AT WORST. For all we know, it could fuckin' send us BACK in time. Who knows how this culty shit works?"
"I'm gonna go get myself in order in the spooky bathroom. Hopefully it's stocked with more than fancy-ass soap." "You... You just hang loose for a while. Try to get yourself back in the mood, alright?"
That's easier said than done. And you find that you make more progress to that end; not by picturing Leon's ludicrously "broad featured" girly Kobold body, or by reflecting on the totally unique and irreproducible sensation of fucking his magically heated lizard slit this ordeal has privliged you to experience.

Instead, anticipation and fantasies of the consequences of your experience here set your heart to flutter in a way that only barely starts to mimic what Leon's memories shared with you. The prospect of holding Leon, the real Leon, close to you. Looking into his eyes and seeing him in a way you hadn't before.
In essence, a stream of cheesy romantic gestures and contrivances appeals to you more than the lewdness and vulgarity the defacers of this world laid out.
Knowing how Leon feels about you, feeling it for yourself. It would be almost cruel if you didn't at least give him a chance.
He's one of, if not the closest friends you've ever had. And going back to normal after all this isn't really an option.
Your best chance of keeping him in your life is by embracing the new paradigm between you.
Drifting apart- trying to pretend it didn't happen would hurt both of you deeply.
There's love here. The only question is: What kind and in what proportion?
You'd go to the ends of the Earth to find out.
You're pulled back from your mental tapestry of possible futures by Leon's own voice.
"Hey, Anon! Those culties wrote in special Kobold Lube, labeled: Korgy! That's pretty funny. When you made that joke, I was like- Damn, he's clever. Then it turns out these guys did it years ago."
"I'm not accusing you of stealin' it or whatever. I, uh, know you couldn't possibly have. You never checked that cupboard."
"...Anyway. Are you ready, bro?"

In a lot of ways, you aren't ready.
You're not ready to deal with the responsibility of possessing Realms Obscura and the world it contains.
You have no idea what you're going to do with it.
Do you keep it for yourself?
Destroy it?
Disclose it responsibly?
Post it to /tg/ like you were asked and let it undermine several fields of science and most major religions?
What you are ready to do though, is share what comes next with Leon, no matter what happens, or what course of action you take, you'll be together for it.
All of that flashes through your head, and you're only able to respond with a delayed
...Yeah.
How does he want to do this?
"We might not get this kind of opportunity again. We might as well indulge in the cool fetish shit while we can."
"You know, the size difference thing? I think that's what they call it."
"I want you to just pick me up and use me like a fuckin' sex toy or something."
You didn't expect that, considering how he talked about his previous experiences.
"I do like that kind of stuff sometimes, but when it's every fuckin' time with every single fuckin' guy... It gets to you."
You sit on the dark stone alter-plinth-obelisk-thing bathed in an ominous but somehow also tasteful red light that seems to issue from nowhere in particular.
Having removed the lower portions of your armor, the surface you expected to be cold and hard instead has a hearth-like warmth.

Leon squeezes some of the lubricant that retroactively stole your joke into his hand.
It's a strange milky yellow color. If you didn't know it was lube, you'd think it was some kind of skin care product.
On top of the apprehension that the unusual color gives you, you're also paying more attention to the geometry and texture of Leon's hands.
To be honest, they're intimidating at best.
Rougher than most parts of him seem to be and certainly more so than the parts you're already intimately familiar with.
His fingers end in sharp looking points.
Leon recognizes the concern on your face.
"Oh. Haha. I usually get told I'm great with my hands. I don't know if technique can really make up for this mess though. We'll have time to do this the right way later."
Despite his best efforts, keeping his fingers as far from your shaft as possible, you can't help but feel tense as he coats you with the substance.
"Alright, man. I'm ready when you are."
You lift him onto your lap, facing you.
"Is it OK if I face away from you? I really wanna lean into that feeling of being USED."
It's a little disappointing, but you'll let him make that call. He did get the short end of the stick in all this.
You make sure he doesn't fall as he turns.
He's standing on your thighs, hovering over your dick.
His hole looks like it'll have all the best things in common with the slit that hides his own pair of small, exotic. cocks.
In contrast, his huge, smooth, virile-looking balls seem to urge you to obsess over them. As much as you'd like to lick- and nigh on worship them, you settle for reaching out and playing with them.
This elicits some seriously out of character sounds from Leon.
He wasn't expecting you to do that, but he's loving it.
The skin is silky and elastic in a way that makes it hard to bring yourself to stop.

It's time you got to the pressing matter at hand.
Pressing your dick into his matter in your hands.
You slowly lower him onto yourself. The whole time, Leon's issuing what is essentially one long gasp.
Worried you might be overstimulating him, you stop and support his weight, and ask him if he's good.
"Yeah, I just ah haven't felt anything like that in a looong time. Listen, if I need you to stop or take a break, I'll tell you."
"Unless I say stop, I want you to fuckin' do whatever comes to your mind to me. Like I'm nothing but an object to you."
Leon suddenly drops the rest of the way down onto you.
As you start lifting him back up, you realize he's not even trying to help you. He's really committing to the passive thing.
The sensation is close to what you felt in his slit, but there's resistance from all sides. Pressure comes in and releases as you move.
He can't stop himself from reacting in that way. As you slowly move him up and down, he's trying hard to contain his grunting and moaning.
As you get faster, he has less success in doing so, and a stream of sound you never expected of him is released.
Taking deeper thrusts, now you feel yourself passing a slightly firmer spot. You're not certain, but that's probably his prostate.
You adjust your pattern to tease at and linger over it.
Contrary to Leon's intentions, you want nothing more than to give him the best experience you can.
You can tell his tongue is hanging out of his mouth at this point by the way his noises have changed.
A few strokes later, Leon speaks up.
"a~Alrig~ht. St-op. Stop!"
You do so abruptly. Is he ok?
"I'm fine. I just need to... catch my breath. I was kind of concerned I'd have to be happy with just my heart being satisfied with you. Now I'm fuckin' sure the upside-down heart will be too."
Upside down?
"You were just looking at it. You know, the nutsack?"

That kind of makes sense, if you stop and think about it.
It's as poetic as it is absurd to have sprung on you in the middle of an intimate moment like this.
Leon turns his head to look at you.
"Did I get too far into the weeds with my nerd shit? I've done that a couple times. I get on kicks of learning about obscure stuff for a couple months at a time. I forget most people don't fuckin' do that. And if th-"
You would have kissed him there to shut him up, but it's not an option on account of the ergonomic difficulty you had doing so before.
You silence him with a small peck instead.
Leon responds with an embarrassed "E-he-he-he, right, later."
He's taken by surprise as you suddenly lift him completely off of your cock.
But you both take great enjoyment in your respective sensations as you spear him right back on, as far as he'll go.
You finally take Leon's original suggestion to heart as you let your less considerate urges take control.
After you take him for a few full length passes around your shaft, you adopt a quicker pace.
You're driven right up to the edge, reaching a point of desperation for release.
You add the motion of your hips to your thrusting in an unconscious effort to satisfy the last part of you that's holding out.
You've never experienced anything like this, the idea that you'd have to struggle, not against the urge to cum too soon, but instead fighting for every last bit of sensation you can.
Your efforts are rewarded, however as orgasm seems to send shocks reverberating through your whole body as you pump more pearlescent gobs into Leon than you have patience for.
You pull out of him and greedily jerk several more onto his ass and tail.
You notice that he's left a small V shaped streak on the stone floor in front of you.

Finally released from the grip of the chaotic sea of sensation that had enveloped you, you realize that you're still in the temple.
Did the carnal offering fail? Did you do it wrong? Oh God, what if the people who wrote the way out only planned for straight people to use thi~i~i~iiiiii
Your vision swims and your head falls backwards as you fail to hold yourself up.
You fade into an unwelcoming darkness and linger there in an indescribable stillness for a time.
Eventually you begin to notice a high pitched whine slowly intensifying in volume, and the void around you grows brighter and brighter with a piercing red light.
Just as the ringing reaches a point that tests your sanity, it begins to quiet, and the redness begins to recede.
Blinking a few times, you recognize what you're looking at, a D20 and D10 on a table. Your table. In your basement.
You're home.
You turn your vision across the table, Leon's here too. He's himself again, if not a little disoriented.
He shakes his head in an attempt to drive off the daze. "What the fuck? What happened? I didn't just have a crazy fuckin' prolonged seizure or something caused by cosmic rays or something, right? You were there? We... I..."
Suddenly, your vision stabilizes and your vestibular upheaval subsides.
Your eyes meet Leon's
You are completely taken by a need to hold him as close to you as you possibly can.
Clearly, he's experiencing the same. Wordlessly, you both shoot up from your seats and rush around the table to embrace the other.
After a moment of assuring yourselves that neither of you will drift away.
You simply say:
I knew liked you a lot better this way.

--end--