Seph Sorts her Targets

”Seph, it’s important to make connections. When you’re working towards rejoining society, having friends and acquaintances is a must!”

Hob House

Mister Ugard
As the Master of this guild, it would be remiss to monopolize his time. A ‘best friendship’ cannot be possible. However, ‘Idiot’s Guide to Management’ says it is best for leaders to be friends with important subordinates. Proving my worth to the guild is an easy way to assure ‘friendship’.
How cunning, Mister Ugard.

My personal analysis of the Master is positive; he is kind and humble, and seems truly dedicated to his ideals. Sad, sometimes, when he looks out over the city. Perhaps searching for someone? Dissatisfaction with his tools? Smarter than me by far, so his kind facade may be deception, but all records point otherwise.

Still, it is hard to believe a man lacking magic could be so content.

Friendship Potential :)

Mister Falk
A recent addition to the guild, the wandering knight. Looking into his past has turned up little except for a few old clippings of solo missions being stolen by an unidentified mage, and a photo associated with the defeat of the White Eye Bandits.
Will need better sources than old newspapers and copies of Sorcerer Magazine. Crippling information inferiority. Maybe some sort of ranged scouting demon? No, that would violate parole.

Cannot say much of personality and disposition. If this were an enemy dossier, I would die of embarrassment. Still, seems determined and dependable. As a weak mage, he is reliant on physical combat - ask for training? His magic is quite interesting, simple in application yet rather deep in effectiveness. Still, he relies on it alone… Maybe I could create a Demonic Origin in secret for him. Would that be considered generous? Too forward? Too invasive? Scrap the plan.

Regardless, we lack similarities and shared interests, which is supposed to make friendship difficult. Professionalism should suffice.

Friendship Potential :|

Fiore
What an irritant. Waltzes into the guild like she owns it and proclaims royal status. “Oh, gaze upon me and my 300,000 Jewel apparel made of 500 Jewels of cloth. Please, look long and hard at my incredible ‘inherent talents’. My superiority? Self-evident in how little I do! Please, lick my shoes clean, I got them dirty dancing atop my bloodstained wealth.”

Headlines, Ibuki - your ancestors were bastards and blaggards that squeezed their power from the common people of the land, and the inherited blessings you flaunt are little more than a brand showing your ancestor’s devotion to the abominable gods. You display your treachery to the rest of your kind within your very veins. Were it not for the laws of this land, I would have- No. I should at least attempt civility…

I should do something nice for her. Maybe find her some pants.

Friendship Potential :(

Moon’s Watch

Mister Mond
All of my information on this guild has been derived from their Sorcerer Magazine spreads. The validity of tabloids cannot be trusted, but what choice do I have!?
They’re coming over for tea and all I know is from a damn magazine!? And the guild leader just talked about ‘doing good’ for the entire interview!

Perhaps I should see this as a test of my quick thinking skills.

He wears a mask - maybe we can find common ground in looking strange? No, most humans won’t find that flattering!
I’ll just stay quiet and hide in a corner somewhere. Maybe if I can watch him closely first I will figure out what to say.

Friendship Potential :?

Miss Perrons
The Watch’s Ace, though surprisingly secretive about it. The alchemist from nowhere. I find Black Magic and Alchemy to have some similarities in practical applications, but considering the moral alignment of the guild I doubt she will be interested in comparing notes. She is on record as using curses, so maybe I can find my chance there?

Friendship Potential :)

Mister Yam
One of the guild’s S-Class mages, and something of a mascot, judging by the color spreads. Young. I haven’t dealt with children in so long. Last time was the hostages, I believe? I kind of miss it. Not the hostage part, the kids. It's been a while, a real long while.

Hm, his village was destroyed? We have that in common, though that does not seem like a good opener. “Hello, I too have no kin, how’s it going, fellow orphan? Lose any more family lately? Haha yeah, my brother keeps dying over and over too.”

Friendship Potential :?

Mister Nol
“Prodigy Becomes Corpse to Avoid Death”. A hard to miss headline, since even the recent magazines reference it. However, I can’t imagine we will get along well. We may be worms in the same cow, but we parasitize different meat. Then again, maybe I’m just psyching myself out needlessly. We have a lot of similarities, and there should be no harm starting a conversation. After all, I don’t need to worry about him dropping dead.

Friendship Potential :|

Mister Sid
Why do the cats in Fiore talk? What’s more, only some are able. The street cats I vivisected had no speech organs or magical ability. Is it a mutation? Some sort of separate race? Do sufficiently magically-capable cats develop the capacity for speech? It doesn’t work like that in other animals, I’ve checked fairly extensively. Do they like fish? Are they like real people, or just possessing a semblance of personality?

Oh no, if this cat is able to talk to his lesser brethren, he will learn of the vivisections. I will need to silence the witnesses.

Friendship Potential :(

Miss Meliadne
Moon’s Watch has two of these things, natch. Why would they not? I believe this one is more conventionally cute, otherwise I could not tell the difference.
Wait, it can shapeshift?
How will we be able to tell if any normal human around is secretly a cat? Shouldn’t this be a more pressing issue!?

Friendship Potential :(

Miss Lovelace
It was an honest relief to spot this one in the background of the pin up spread. Those telltale scars of self-experimentation! I’m sure we’ll have a lot to talk about. Necromancy is one thing, transformation magic another, but nothing can replace being elbow deep in guts.

If that’s not grounds for a solid friendship, then all of those “self-help” books have deceived me.

Friendship Potential :D

Chrysalis

Little Miss Pose
The Guild Master of my first ‘friend’. While I do not know much about her, I have heard that she had been cursed, and her guild disbanded. I should be nice to her, her story is grim.
However, she is small and adorable, and such things tend to flee from me. I may need a cunning approach so as to not spook her. Where did I leave my skin, again?

Friendship Potential :D

Miss???
I think we really hit it off! It’s strange that a “hero of justice” would join a so-called Dark Guild, but she must have her reasons. I am looking forward to meeting her again.
It is shameful that I know scarce more than any regular headline reader, however. I should inquire. Subtly. Ask Mister Ugard for tips.
Friendship Potential :D

Miss Albus
Who the hell is this? Did she join five minutes ago or something?
All of my analysis, thrown to the winds. Again the gods vex me with damned coincidence!

Friendship Potential ?????

Hag’s Hex

Missus Escher
The other major guild in Balsam. Her magic tastes nice enough, so it is likely quite vile in nature. Additionally, she is an enemy of sorts towards Mister Ugard, so fraternization would be discouraged. At the same time, if she is made a ‘friend’, then perhaps the issue between them would be resolved?
In any case, I should treat her warily. She is more socially able, and thus cannot be trusted.

Why is her chest so fucking big though!? Cannot be natural, not that I have personal experience in that field.

Friendship Potential :|

Mister Starr
One of the Hag’s Hex workers. I do not like his magic, it reminds me of… Anyway, he is a wage laborer, and treacherously killed his former Guild Master. Pretty shite friend material.

Friendship Potential :(

Little Miss Thadraw
Doesn’t this violate several child labor laws, including the ones about night work? I ask because I never believed I would need to look into this at any point in my life.
Then again, Dark Guilds do not obey the law, so what's there to be surprised about?

Friendship Potential :(

Other Notable Mages

Mister Stone and Mister Tree
“Battle of the Kaiju deep in Fiore!”, huh?
This land is just full of the strangest creatures. Apparently, these rocks are legal citizens. The weirdest beings we had in Caelum were the fallen angels and wandering spirits, and we didn't give those legal rights. I guess the demons I left behind count too.

Wait. I can’t just… leave that issue alone, can I? Damn.

Anyways, I do not know what I would talk about with the sentient guild halls. Would they even notice me short of a magical assault? If one dies, would reanimating them be necromancy or terramancy? Questions I'm not sure have useful answers.

Friendship Potential :(

The “Saintess”
I had already started looking into how to mail explosive lacrima through the postal service, but as it turns out, this “religion” seems to worship no gods. I don’t get it. What’s the point? Some sort of circus?
Still, keep your pamphlets far away from me.

Friendship Potential >:(

Mister Bunkan
Despite this man being deeply entangled in the legal mess that is my stay in Fiore, and thus I should be thankful, I do not believe we will be friends. I don’t believe he is fully human, either. Perhaps some sort of complex alchemical automaton, it would explain most of the discrepancies. I could imagine some bright spark in the royal family constructing a bureaucratic machine and letting it run rampant, resulting in this “man”. In time, the plan will replace us all with stamp collecting Machias.
All joking aside, I intend to evade Fiore’s tax system as soon as I am able, so I believe we will be at odds in the end.

Friendship Potential :(

The Other Mister Stone
I was first introduced to this one when he sent out letters to every mage he could find, explaining why he is superior and would defeat them in battle. Honestly, mine was rather charming. May he have good fortune on his ridiculous quest.

Friendship Potential :)

Mister Garl
The “Help Wanted: Warlord Crushing” advertisement was certainly eyescatching. I wish him well, though I believe we will both be too busy to interact.
I just hope none of the warlords were my fault, that would be embarrassing. I mean, what would the odds be? Can’t have released that many demons…

Actually, maybe I should look into this one, after all.

Friendship Evaluation :|

Mister Henri
A strange sort of mage, who doesn’t believe he is one. The alternative is that he’s right, and he just does that. Either way, volatile. Additionally, people who can throw me into the sun are somewhat intimidating. I will politely avoid this man, I think.

Friendship Evaluation :/

Miss Flamey
A figure that’s shown up in several of these magazines. A visitor from afar, with the capacity to replicate magic. I don’t have much to fear there, as most of my magic is Holder, but by the same logic, I don’t have much to interest the traveler…
Still, it would be nice to make the acquaintance of a fellow foreigner. And magic discussion is always fun!

Friendship Evaluation :)

Mister McShade
A mercenary mage, for hire. Those are always useful for distracting targets while you go after their weak points and/or family. I shouldn’t do that anymore, but an extra set of hands is always useful. Sometimes you don’t want to risk losing an actually useful asset.

However, this isn’t a tactical evaluation! This is about friendship, and it is frequently written that you can’t buy friendship. Ergo, it is not to be between us.

Friendship Evaluation :(

Seph Lynnesgrave

Do I qualify as a guild on my own? I think the rock beings tried that, but I don't think it worked very well.
Still, Mister Ugard says it is important to be friends with yourself, and he has greater experience in these matters.

Banshee Dusk
My larynx replacement. A true Mass Murder Curse Magic, in the style of the legendary Lullaby! Except this one is on the fourth variant and I still can’t manage to get the controls right, not even getting into the inferior lethality.
I would be working on finding a different vocal system if it wasn't so effective despite it all. I will freely admit I don’t understand how “normal” people work, but speaking in many voices tends to disturb them, much less the rest of it. Plus they sometimes die of painful death if I get too excited. But in the end, the advantages are worth it.
Maybe I should get it some nice tree sap, if I recall right this design variant enjoyed that sort of thing. A reward is due for brave service.

Friendship Potential :)

Gazer Network
My eyes. I have a lot of these, because Eye Magic-based curses are simple and effective, and compound well with extra sources. Additionally, they give me an excellent field of view. They don’t complain much, either, though I’ve noticed that my methodology has some flaws with bright light. I should forgive them that, though.
Instead of replacing them, I should try sunglasses first... but how many will I need?

Friendship Potential :)

Drumbeat Core 3
Third heart. This one has been a problem child, and hasn’t meshed with the Black Gullet magic as well as I’d hoped. When I’m distraught, it attempts to pump extra blood into my eyes, which just causes a disturbing leakage. If my reasoning is correct, it’s likely trying to assassinate me. Will need to replace or curb rebellious tendencies.

Friendship Potential :(

I think that’s enough, I’m starting to feel ridiculous, and I could be here all day just counting the integrated demons.

Bastly Ugard slipped into the side room as soon as he heard the ominous droning stop. He had asked Seph to make some new friends, but what could she have been up to?

The answer seemed to be a mad sprawl of papers, illuminated by the burning purple light of curses. There, newsprint; here, magazines; bound together by twitching vile strings that criss-crossed the room. The faces of various famous mages were pinned to the walls by nails of curse, disfigured by strange markings and grotesque expressions. Some practically glowed from the power invested, others were crossed out with a brutal hand…

It was madness.

“Seph, what is all this…?”

The thing in question contorted, pointing most of the eyes in Bastly’s directions.

“M̷̛̛̭̯͑̀̾͠ȃ̵̘̞̪͙͜s̴̩͕̈́̆́̿͐͗ṯ̷͎̯̝̣̝̩̈́̏̓́̕͝͝ḙ̷̥͙̳̺̒r̵̗̼̊́̋ ̵̨͙̗͇͐U̸̖͕̇̉̋̽̐̈̚ĝ̴̫̫̮̏̇̇̋ả̶̰͉̟͕͌̀͠r̶͚̹̃̈́̓̒͝d̴̺̻̤̲́̎̕!̴̠͛̑̽̎̚” it spoke as several voices, “ ̸͖̟̳̭̮̐T̶̟̥̙̩̝̼́̋͝h̷͙͍͇̊̏̈́̾͝è̴̖̲̱͆̾͊̌ ̵̲͉̝͇́́͐̔ċ̵̘̉̉͑ő̴̢͕͉̬͍̐́̑̓̏̀ǹ̴̨̮͙͕̀̅̽̈́̾j̶̫̰̝̫̰̺̜͂͑́̂̌̓ù̶̩͕̤͖̈̃͜͜r̷̼͔̟̭̀̐̄̋̈a̶̢͍͎͎̘̙̺̓͝t̵̥͔͔͈̩̐͒ȋ̸̧̞̗̚ǒ̷̤̤͚̥͔̜ͅņ̵̠͕͉̘́̇͘͘͜ ̷̣̲̬͍̗̩̗͋̅́̌͌͘͝ơ̴͉̙̙̱̻̦̝͌̏̐͒͑̿f̶̧̠̻̱̅̈́̚͜ ̸̘̞̪̘̈F̴̨̥̤̆̀̒́̈́̉r̵̗͕̻͍̈̋̈́͠i̵̢͙͕͚͍̩͊̎͐̌͐͜͠͝e̷̱͐͋͋n̶̪͙̪̗̒͋d̴͚̯̎̊͒̉̄̔̚s̷̼̅̾͌̈́̇ḩ̷̧̪̖̞̺͒̈́i̴̠̠͎̦̺̤̅̌̋̏p̷̳̫͖̣̠̤̃̓ ̸̰͒̽̀̾̑̅͗ȟ̶͎̣̝̳̓͗͠a̷̲͔͕̟͖̽̐̓̈́̆ͅs̶̡̝͉̜̘̖̄͂̋ ̷̟̼̪̗͍̑̀̅̕b̸̡̥͗̂̚ē̶̝̟͉͚̟̯̱̇̃͘g̸͔̒̈͛͝ų̴̠͓̞̯̱̂͌n̸̞̠͒̐͂̐̕͠!̷̲̏̈́̄̕