Kig-Urumi's Island Getaway - a /jp/-focused TG TF story
Part 2 - "The World of a Balanced Meal is Made From Dairy"
Meiling scratched her head, sighing in a tone that could only be described as awkward. “Okay! It's only been about 5 days since we got here & we already have our first… uh… “incident” I guess you could say.”
Before the two laid a scenario that was both unusual & predictable from a mile away. A herd of low level goat furniture were nonchalantly just having an orgy with some of the dolled up captives in broad daylight. It was a little hard to make out who was even there, but Battler & Hong could somewhat make out what appeared to be a Futa(?) Reimu receiving some sloppy top from Sakuya. They didn’t even know that was possible but I guess skies are the limit when you’re stuck in the palm of two psycho bitches who can seemingly do anything. Battler swore he could see a Higanbana character or two in there. He could also see…
“Wait… is that…? Oh no fucking way this guy is here too.” Battler snickered.
“Hmm? What's here?”
Meiling’s gaze was guided by Battler’s pointer finger. It appeared to be Rika Furude (or rather somebody cursed into the silicone mold of the character) getting her back blown out by one of the many beefed-up goats.
“Hgnn… This is so F-Fucking Redditpilled …Y-Yeah, that’s it! I bet the losers responsible for this are one of thooose filthy RedditcOOOOOOOOOOrd~!” was all Rika could pant out before a large delivery of satanic goat sperm got blasted into her ass. From her physical appearance being covered in bruises and dried-out moist spots, it appears she’s been getting hot ‘n busy for a while.
“Oh shit! You think we should we help him or-”
Battler chuckled. “Nah. I have no idea how or why he’s here, but it’s a fitting fate for someone like him. Glad to see at least one good thing come out of this experience.”
“Damn… That is a very strong thing to say about someone.” Meiling replied, ever-so slightly mortified. “What on earth did that guy do to give you such intense opinions?”
“He committed the worst crime of all: being an annoying shitposter in my favorite general.”
Meiling nodded, inquisitively holding her chin. “Ah okay nevermind that’s actually pretty reasonable-”
Battler suddenly shot upwards. “SHOOT! I just remembered, What time are we supposed to arrive at that guy’s place again?!? The one who's stuck as what's-her-face cow from Touhou.”
(Makeshift Map of Hell - By Meilinganon)
knock knock knock
…
*(OG Urumi Art by 0-den)
Urumi opened the door with a wide enough smile on her face to light up an entire room. “Aha! Melilng! Battler! Glad you two could make it. What kept 'ya so long?”
Battler nervously chuckled. “Uh, Hey! Glad to see we’re finally at the correct house. Sorry about that wait. We… um… How do I put it…”
“Cat got your tongue, hun~?” Urumi chuckled, teasing.
“No. We got distracted by people getting too intimate… in public.”
“I can confirm! I was there and she forced me to look in closer detail as this one couple-”
Meiling’s tangent is cut short as she notices Urumi’s confused expression. “Hmmm? “She”? You mean Battler, buttercup?” Asked the big boned bovine. It looks like Hong forgot that not everybody is on the same mental page here. “Oh yeah yeah! Meant to say “He”. S-Sorry about that. Accidental slip of the tongue.” she would say, rubbing her sweaty palms together.
It was hard for the poor soul stuck inside of the beloved Chinese leg day menace to stay in line of his chosen character. It's not like he absolutely couldn't play the role or anything, he knew Hong like the back of his hand thanks to his hard drive spanning years of high quality Hong Smut, but the looming paranoia of getting so “into it” that your conscience gets silently overwritten or something was too much for either him or the femanon inside Battler to ever fully try & commit. Thankfully, whatever act they were performing now seemed to work well enough to never draw suspicion from the cow.
Urumi laughed again “Oh no problem! I'm an experienced adult youkai and even I'm a bit flustered over how frisky everybody is getting these days. Makes me wonder where on earth some of these youngling’s manners went. Anyways, what're you two doing idling out there? C'mon in, I'll make you some grub.”
And make she did! The Cow cooked up & delivered at least 3 different types of yummy delicious sautéed fish. The aroma was both disgustingly salty & deliciously tasty. But actually eating it was very… uh… unbearable? Thanks to the mask forcefully embedded onto their faces, everything that enters their mouth gets corroded and then given an unpleasant added texture (thanks, whatever wearhouse Beatrice smuggled these things from) that really sowered & devalued what should’ve otherwise been a great tasting meal. Well, should’ve been for Battler and Meiling. Urumi seemingly didn’t notice anything tasting funny from what the two could tell. Or maybe she was just used to it at this point unlike everybody else? Seemingly to discourage abstaining from sexual intercourse, basically anything that isn’t you-know-what tastes like this now because it’s forced to touch something that feels like it was made with Nintendo Switch cartridge coating. And that’s not to mention the other questions this alone raises like the increasing concern over where the food & drinks even go after swallowing. This was only one of the many strange, headscratching effects Kigifacation provides.
“Y’know, I wonder if I’ve been fired from my 9-5 yet. Can’t exactly manage a Gas Station when you’re stuck in Cosplay Hell.” Meiling accidentally blurted out, trying to start any kind of conversation she could to help distract her from the looming horrid aftertaste in her mouth.
“Hmmm? Have you not been getting enough sleep lately, Meiling? Last I checked, Gatekeeping the Scarlet Devil Mansion didn’t operate under those hours. Infact, are any of the other Scarlet members even on this island? Their mansion isn't on here and I haven't seem any else of 'em hanging around.” Urumi asked, confused.
“Uh… You know, the... One thing I should...”
Before Meiling could pull an excuse out of her rear, the coo-coo clock in the kitchen rings. It was now 7:00 PM.
“Shit! Would you look at the time! It’s been 2 and a half hours already? Time to bonce!” Meiling said, sprinting towards a window.
"Meiling, wait-"
Before Battler can finish his sentence, The hong opens up a window and hops out, subtracting herself from the awkward situation (that she herself helped make) as quick as possible.
"Oh that stupid..." Battler muttered. “I swear time here flows significantly faster when you’re not looking. I'm sorry for making our leave as quickly as we arrived, Mrs. Ushizaki. Really should've handled this better.”
“Honey, it’s fine! You can slow your roll. Today might've not gone as well as we hoped, but it's not the end of the world! I’m not gonna make ‘ya drown with the fishes or anything like I used too when I was younger, if ‘ya need anything again just stop on by. I’d be glad to help.” Urumi smirked.
“Okay Okay, But you mind if I ask just a small question before I head out?”
“Knock Yourself out!”
“Alrighty then.” Battler said, gulping. Urumi couldn’t help but wonder what could possibly be big enough of a question for someone that they need to prepare themselves. OOH! IS IT A LOVE CONFESSION?!? Please be something like a crush confession! Those are always enjoyably sweet 'n spicy. She's been in quite the choclatey mood recently, so one of those heart-shaped candy packs would really hit the spot.
“Uhh… Does the name “Anon” ring a bell to you? L-Like the word Anonymous.” Battler asked, scratching his head.
(OG Battler piece by momofukki on Pixiv)
Urumi’s face held on a blank expression for a second or two before it shifted to one of astonishment. “...You a psychic or somethin’? Just a couple days ago I had this strange dream. Well, it wasn’t that weird in retrospect. It was just an average one about flying teeth & the tooth fairy. But it was made weird by everyone calling me “Anon” for some reason instead of my actual name. You also experince something similar to this recently? If so, then this cow theorizes these are like one of those freaky “previous life” visions. Heard Miss Byakuren also had one of those recently.”
“Nah, Not at all! Just have decent intuition.” Battler joked. “Anywho, thanks for having us over. I’ve been having a bit of a shitty week but this was actually quite enjoyable, helped make it feel just a little bit better. I'll leave you to it, see you later!” and with that, Ushiromiya (and I guess Hong) left the premises.
"Cya later, Battler! Hope we can meet again soon!" Urumi said, waving before shutting her front door. What a great day. But now, it's alone time. What to do now...?
…
“Ooooh… Maybe it was “Anon” for me cause… like… Anon-MOO-us!” Urumi said to herself. Quickly sending herself into a hard bellylaugh over her own stupid pun.