aThis is proof. Suspicious Anon is cute.

Clown Days 1.5

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I. Inigo's Apartment

Recommended Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNMfvWwDClg&t=1s

It was a chilly November morning in Kyoto. The last leaves of autumn clung to the trees, their vibrant hues of red and orange adding a touch of warmth to the crisp air. Hoge gazed out the frosty windowpane. The rising sun glinted off rooftops and cast a warm glow in Inigo's apartment. They had gone back to grab some things before their trip tomorrow.

"You ready to go? Did you find your spare glasses, yet?"

From the kitchen, Hoge called back distractedly, "Not yet."

"Huh? I gotta make a quick call but you should check the blue whale."

"They are not there."

"They could be!"

"Why would I leave my glasses there?"

She unzipped up her bag, finding nothing but the Marumaru helmet, her spare kunai, a pocket guide to Osaka, and a few securely stored notebooks.

"I dunno. You should just check."

He grinned and planted a quick kiss on her cheek to appease her as he passed. She waited until his footsteps receded before moving. She had been slipping lately. Her neatly organized world thrown into chaos by the clown and this internship. She followed Inigo's directions. Of course that's where they probably were - but no way would she admit to being so clumsy.

Where did she put the whale? They had two and one always stayed at either her dorm or Inigo's apartment. On the nights when they went on their vigilante runs, they would end up at Inigo's. Junichi would crash on the couch, while they stayed in the bedroom.

She scoured the dresser drawers to no avail. Wait, did she place it in Inigo's closet by accident? She started rummaging through his sets of black suits and red ties.

How many sets of the same outfit did he have?

With a quick "Yosh!" she retrieved the blue whale from underneath his shirts. And sure enough, her glasses were attached under it. Hoge frowned. She should put his things back neatly before he sees the mess she'd made. But as she went to close the closet, a decorative notebook embossed with drawn-hearts and the words "Girls-Stats #83" caught her eye.

A large Popsy bookmark stuck out in the middle. It was one of Inigo's weird notebooks. She had perused through them early on in their relationship. They contained scarily accurate graphs and recordings of the females in Shiketsu. But there was something about how this one was hidden away. She opened the notebook at the bookmark.

Wait.

She flips back into the book, page 66

This is all

She flips to page 3

For me...

She continues to flip through the book.

Page after page.

Is this what he does all day, instead of studying? I'll have to lecture him later.

She tried to act irritated but her vision blurred, and she found herself smiling goofily.

Footsteps sounded from the other room.

Panicking, Hoge shoved the book back and slammed the closet close.

"Forgot my bracele- whoa, you alright?" He paused at her frazzled state.

"Yes. I'm okay," Hoge said nervously. "I'm only excited. I've only been in Osaka once, and I was very small."

Inigo's gaze drifted to his bookmark sitting conspicuously atop his dresser.

"You sure, it's just that?" he asked lightly, eyes glinting knowingly.

Hoge's mind raced. "I almost dropped the whale. I don't want him to break."

Inigo just smiled indulgently. "Fair enough. Glad you found your glasses."

She's trying so hard to hide it.

He nodded towards the closet "Mind if I grab my corded bracelet real quick?"

Hoge tensed. "I can - I can get it! I don't want to leave your stuff messy. You go ahead."

'Cool, thanks. We should hurry to the train station. Popsy's waiting. If we're late, she'll put us in Janna duty for a week."

With a final amused glance, he sauntered off. She quickly replaced the notebook and grabbed his bracelet.

Hoge hurried after him. As they got on the elevator, she turned to him. "Oh, you brought my camera, right?"

Inigo raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?" Then he grinned widely. He inched closer, fingers touching her cheek.

Hoge's blinked twice. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Inigo shook his head, chuckling. "Cuz' ya never asked me to bring it."

Hoge flushed.

"It's a good thing you didn't read past the bookmark, Coru-chan."

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II. Smokin' Sexy's Dojo

"This is bad..."

Inigo Myoga felt the brisk air nip at his cheeks. He paused, glancing quickly around the dojo and then back at the scene in front of him. His friends were half-dead, and the room was filling with corpses fast. Both from people he knew, and from the endless waves of enemies streaming their way.

He turned his attention back to his mentor, across from him. She was laughing. Not at him or anyone in particular, but at the dark avian machinations that was unfolding in front of his eyes. Akagi Senpatchi, also known as Popsy, had just finished a really long villain speech. The kind of theatrical monologue inspired by personally experiencing them in her hayday.

"Holy smokes, it was the dang birds! They're behind King Milo's assassination!" Bobby exclaimed, his breath visible in the cool air.

Nestled comfortably on zabutons surrounding a warm kotatsu, Inigo and three of his friends listened intently to Popsy, his childhood idol, pro-hero mentor, and now dungeon master. The room had the faint aroma of green tea, as light snowflakes drifted lazily over the Sugiyama Dojo. Inigo leaned forward, eyes darting to the flickering map conjured by Hitomi and Gigan, and the monsters menacing their party. Beside him, Bobby and Hifumi were debating their next course of action.

"More than that. They're responsible for the curse," Christopher noted, rubbing his chin. He was strikingly serious, having already filled half of a notebook just to keep notes on the current campaign.

Eyes closed, Hifumi nodded seriously. "Damn, bro. We should've known. There were claw marks in the ruins... and egg shells in the tomb. We gotta take them out if we're gonna save the 'Five Princesses'!"

Inigo grinned, jabbing a finger at the map. "I totally called it! It had to be the birds! Alright bud, time to blast the Owl Witch!"

Christopher frowned, adjusting his character sheet. "Uh, slight problem. I'm out of spell slots."

"What? But you're our wizard, bro!"

"Yeah, remind me why I'm playing the squishy mage again?" Christopher sighed, rubbing his temples.

"C'mon, every party needs a brainy caster type!" Inigo slung an arm around his shoulder. "I'm the devilishly charming bard, Bobby's our noble paladin, and Hifumi..."

"Is a barbarian who's gonna crush everything in this room! I RAGE!" Hifumi flexed enthusiastically.

"Hell yeah!" Bobby held up a hand for a high-five, which was eagerly met with a resounding smack.

Akagi cleared her throat. "If you boys are done, it's time for combat. Roll Initiative!" She waved grandiosely as Gigan swooped in, forming into miniature bird monsters.

"Bobby, you're up first! What's Sir Broseph the Brave gonna do?"

Bobby puffed out his chest. "I'm charging in and leaping off my horse to smite the falcon beast!" He rolled the dice with a flourish. "Aw yeah, 18! What'd that get me?"

Akagi made an exaggerated squawking noise as Bobby's paladin figurine crashed into the bird-man, sending feathers flying. "Well I'll be plucked! A solid hit from solar boy! That's one down, but there's five more. And they're coming for your caster." Akagi started to roll more dice. "Critical Hit! That's 187 damage to Cain! How much health do you have left?"

"...Seriously?" Christopher groaned, burying his face in his hands. "We're level two."

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Just outside in the dojo gardens, Ryusei, also known as Smokin' Sexy, took a long drag from his cigarette, the ember glowing in the gathering dusk. He exhaled a plume of smoke, watching it dissipate in the chill. He inspected his fellow pro-hero, Ernst Hennig, aka Impakt, standing next to him. The man's athletic frame was silhouetted against the dojo's pond, his stance tense despite his casual blue-yellow jogging attire.

"You sure about this?" Ryusei asked, his voice low and steady.

Ernst skipped a stone across the dojo pond's surface, the ripples spreading outward like the consequences of the choice before them. "I wouldn't be here if plans weren't already in motion. Saurus is leading."

Ryusei glanced at the folder full of documents he was given. The anonymous leak had called themselves "Tofu". He remembered that name from one of his old cold cases. Can they really trust this info?

"Seiryu and Rosethorn are already approved. I just need to know if you're in," Ernst said.

Ryusei shook his head before glancing back towards the apartment. The sounds of dice rolling and excitement filtered through the walls. "And Akagi?"

"I didn't ask her is because of her 'condition'," Ernst said. "But if she's getting better, we could use all the help we can get. The kids are enthusiastic, but at the end of the day, they're students. We need more pros on this. Ones with experience," He clapped a hand on Ryusei's shoulder. "Consider it."

Ryusei's eyes stayed on the window, where he could see Akagi cackling maniacally as she unleashed another wave of avian adversaries on the groaning boys. She was really attempting a TPK.

A sudden shout from Hifumi split the air. "Aw c'mon, a critical fail? Stupid dice!" The outburst and laughter hung in the air, and Ryusei's eyes went soft. It was that kind of innocence that they were protecting. He glanced at the twenty-something man next to him. Even Ernst himself was just a kid. A few years back he would be in school like Cain, not standing here trying to correct the mistakes of the past. He took another drag and sighed. When did he become such a pensive old man?

Ernst broke the silence. "You were there that night, right?"

Ryusei's jaw clenched, and he took a drag to ground himself against the tide of memories. "Yeah. We got dispatched from Kyoto on the second day. Same team as Slipstream and Spray Bottle Man. Kraftwerk was leading us."

"What was Area 19 like?"

Ryusei's eyes unfocused and he stared into the middle distance.

"It was like a living nightmare. If hell exists, we left it in that place."

Ernst nodded grimly. "My old man believed the same thing. He never came back to Japan after that. I don't think he ever shared what really happened with anyone, but I found it in his notes."

Ryusei crushed his cigarette under his heel, the ember dying out like so many hopes that night.

"We can't let it happen again," Ryusei muttered, blowing white smoke through his lips which circled around his chest. "Whatever it takes."

"So you're in?"

Before Ryusei could answer, another burst of laughter erupted from the dojo, followed by Popsy's exaggerated villain cackle.

"You've defeated the Owl Witch! But ooooh - the magic mirror still shows a dying rose! Aaaand - that's where we'll end today!" she announced.
"A damn cliffhanger?" Bobby groaned.
"Hey, no potty-mouth!" Akagi chided.
"Aw, c'mon! It was just getting good!" Hifumi protested.
"Popsy-domo! Let's play another hour," Inigo pleaded.
"Nope. You kids already extended twice!"
"What if we order a pizza?" Christopher suggested.

Ryusei's eyes met Ernst's. "Yeah," he said softly. "I'm in, but don't expect much. My main priority right now is teaching Cain. Just like you have a responsibility to your own interns."

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In the main room of the dojo, Enrst, Akagi, and Ryusei had just started their 3rd round of drinks over a televised sumo match. Meanwhile, the clatter of wooden swords echoed from dojo's dueling halls as the boys practiced their sword forms. Sweat glistened on their brows.

Hifumi and Christopher faced off in the center of the room, their bokken raised. With a sharp cry, Hifumi lunged forward, his blade a blur. Christopher parried, but Hifumi's superior techniqued overwhelmed him. In seconds, Christopher found himself disarmed.

"Not bad, Chris," Hifumi grinned, lowering his weapon. "Your form's improving. Try keeping your elbow in more on that last block."

Christopher nodded, panting. "Thanks. How do you make it look so easy?"

Hifumi shrugged. "Lots of practice. And maybe a touch of natural talent," he added with a wink. Then, his expression turned thoughtful. "You know, it's interesting sparring with you. Your kenjutsu is pretty different from my kendo training."

"Oh?" Christopher raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "How so?"

Hifumi twirled his bokken absently. "Well, in kendo, we focus a lot on specific striking zones and precise techniques. It's more... structured, I guess? We have set ways to score points in matches."

Christopher nodded, understanding dawning. "And kenjutsu is more about practical combat application, right?"

"Yeah," Hifumi's eyes lit up. "Kenjutsu feels more...fluid. You guys have more variety in your techniques, and you're not as constrained."

"That makes sense," Christopher mused. "Ryusei-sensei always emphasizes adaptability over rigid forms."

Hifumi grinned. "Yeah, I can see that in your style. It's pretty cool, actually. Makes for an interesting challenge when we spar."

"Even if you still kick my butt every time?"

"Hey, give yourself some credit," Hifumi laughed, clapping Christopher on the shoulder. "You're improving fast. Maybe next time, I'll only disarm you in ten seconds instead of five!"

As they reset their positions, Bobby piped up. "Speaking of practice, how're your internships going? Any exciting patrols lately?"

Inigo laughed, twirling his bokken absently. "Oh man, last week we were chasing these horse purse-snatcher, right? And Popsy used her quirk to make the sidewalk all slippery. Long story short, we ended up creating a long impromptu Slip 'N Slide right across a busy intersection."

Bobby doubled over laughing. "Dude, that's amazing. But get this – Impakt had us doing rescue drills, and he let us do some of his old Kraftwerk car stunts. The ones in the video we saw."

"Whoa! Wait, you just let a car crash into you?"

"Yep, well not very fast at the start."

"Guess who was driving the car," Hifumi grinned.

"Bro!" Inigo and Christopher exchanged looks. "I want to run over Bobby too!"

The laughter was interrupted by Akagi poking her head into the sparring hall. "Hey kiddos, any of you seen Rika? She ain't back yet, is she?"

The boys shook their heads. "Nah, Popsy-dono," Inigo replied. "Hmm, Rika-san left for her lab with the girls hours ago. They haven't returned."

Akagi frowned, concern flickering across her face before she masked it with a grin. "Ah well, I'm sure they're fine. Probably just got caught up in some gadget test or other. Carry on!"

As she disappeared, Inigo rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Christopher glanced over, then did a double-take. "Uh, Inigo? Your nose is bleeding."

Inigo blinked, touching his upper lip, he glanced at his phone. "Huh. So it is." A sly grin spread across his face. "But I think I know where they are... Rika and the girls went to a bathhouse!"

The others stared at him blankly.

"Think about it," Inigo continued, his voice taking on a lecturing ton. Gigan sighed and transformed into a map. "Rika's lab is exactly 3.7 kilometers from here. The nearest bathhouse is 1.3 kilometers before that. Given their departure time of 3:47 PM, factoring in Rika's average driving speed, and allowing for a standard deviation of 5 minutes for traffic lights, they would have arrived at the lab at approximately 4:11 PM."

He began pacing. "Now, considering the nature of Rika's experiments, which typically involve motor oil and smoke, we can assume they'd require thorough cleaning afterward. The lab's shower facilities are notoriously unreliable, Kaga and I only got cold showers the last two times we were there. Therefore, the most rational course of action would be to visit the nearby Sanjunsu bathhouse, which just reopened the other day, it boasts a 4.9-star rating on Yelp which is pretty high for the downtown area. And now I'm bleeding. It makes sense! Hoge is naked. Somewhere out there is paradise on Earth!" Inigo's eyes flashed.

The others groaned collectively. Christopher pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why are you only this smart when it comes to perverted stuff?"

Bobby nodded, looking disturbed. "Yeah, man. It's kinda weird."

"I dunno, bro! Why am I the only dude in 1-D that's not a prude??" Inigo pointed accusingly.

"We just keep it inside, man," Hifumi shook his head, a mix of admiration and concern on his face.

Inigo shrugged, "Besides some mysteries are simply more... motivating than others. For my second clue, I saw this tweet three minutes ago!"

He holds out his phone for the others to see.

"Eh, who is that?" Bobby scratched his head.

"Our classmate. She sits in front of Inigo," Christopher chimed in.

"Wasn't that Victor?"

"You did a presentation with her for Hijack-sensei...."

"Nope, still don't ring a bell. You sure she's in our class?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Bro, how many followers does Tame have?" Hifumi asked.

Inigo put away his phone and reached for his laptop. "A lot. She's been live-tweeting the Rosethorn internship with Sora. Tame's locked in for real."

"Well dang. Two million?!" Bobby whistled. "That's more than Impakt's."

"I think most of her followers are bots," Chris followed. He glances at Inigo who's typing wildly. "What're you doing?"

click click click

"I asked Tame if she would install something for me, and then she showed me how to access it. She's like super nice, dude." Inigo answered, typing away.

"What does that mean?" Bobby asked.

"I'm hacking Tame," Inigo grinned and pressed the final key.

Inigo's screen flickered to life, revealing a cozy tea room. The girls were dressed in modest robes, sipping green tea. To Inigo's surprise, Rosethorn's stern face filled the frame, her eyebrow raised questioningly, behind her stood Rika Eichi. Tame's eyes had enlarged and turned into a screen, displaying the dojo room.

"Sneaking a peek, huh boys?" Rika winked.

"Myoga! Is that you?" Rosethorn exclaimed.

Near the back of the room, the girls waved cheerfully laughing. "Hi guys!" they called out. "You missed all the fun!"

Inigo panicked. "Uh oh, it's two-way! Everyone shush!"

Chris facepalmed. "Dude, turn it off!"

"I'm trying!"

"We should... go," Hifumi frowned, backing away. "C'mon Bobby!"

Bobby was too busy laughing to move.

Inigo hissed. "I think this thing is stuck!"

Rosethorn's voice cut through the chaos. "Cain! Takeda! Sampson! I hear you! What's going on?"

At that moment, Smokin' Sexy and Impakt walked in, curious about the commotion. Inigo, in a moment of panic, swung the laptop towards them.

Rosethorn's eyes widened. "Ryusei! Ernst! What in the world? You're looking at us too!? What do you think you're doing!? And drinking on the job!"

"It's not what it looks like!" Ryusei protested, hands up defensively. He quickly hid a can of beer.

"We were just... uh... supervising!" Ernst added lamely.

Rosethorn's voice took on a dangerous edge. "Oh really? Supervising what exactly?"

The boys and men exchanged panicked glances.

"Strategic retreat?" Hifumi suggested.

"Strategic retreat," the others agreed in unison.

As they scrambled for the exit, Rosethorn's voice echoed behind them: "Don't you dare run away! We're having a serious talk about respecting privacy when I get there!"

The group sprinted down the hallway, a tangle of flailing limbs and shouts.

"Next time," Inigo panted. The others turned accusingly to stare at him. He shot them an apologetic grin, "maybe we stick to board games?"