Lion Spills His Spaghetti by anonymous

Lion and loin are one letter apart

COINCIDENCE?! I THINK NOT!!!1!!1!

Imagining a big lion guy clumsily telling this to a human guy in an attempt to flirt with him warms my heart and makes me chuckle.

Ywn live by a big pack of lions
One of them, the local princeling of the pride and a posterboy 'bro', is an enormous flirt
He will literally flirt with anybody
The lionesses, the women of literally every other species, his lion bros...
He even flirts with the elderly women in town as a way of flattering them
He's immensely popular and pretty much everybody treats him like a golden boy (which is fair you guess, his fur is literally the color gold...)
Except there's one person who he noticeably does NOT flirt or act chummy with you
Yeah, it's (you)... the new human in town
Every time you're around and he notices you, he gets very quiet and he spends a lot of time just... staring
Sometimes he won't even respond when you address him directly, he'll just stare at you with a an unreadable expression, his mouth slightly open
The other 'lionbros' assure you "it's just because he's never met a human before, Anon! He just not sure how to act around you!", but it's some cold comfort
It's kind of sad to admit, but for you to be the ONLY person he doesn't flirt with...
... it hurts in a really weird way
Fine, who the hell cares if the smoking hot 10/10 most eligible bachelor lion man with the attractive voice doesn't flirt with you?! N-not you!
And so whether you even really intended it or not, you've started avoiding him and his bros, and have made it a point to quietly leave whenever they show up
And for a time, you almost forget about the whole stupid thing
Until one day, everything suddenly changes
It's Mr. Perfect-Lion-Man
You don't even know how he found out about your favorite literal hole in the wall bar, but he's here
And he's bee-lined it straight to you
And he's hitting on you
And it's awkward
PAINFULLY awkward
"I-is this seat taken? I must say, you've really caught my skinterest, Mr..."
Oh god you're physically in pain
You just sit there in stunned silence as the lion realizes his opening maneuver was a total flop
He nervously gulps as a few of your friends, sitting nearby start chuckling in amusement at the whole spectacle
"... err, y-you're Anon, r-right? I don't think we've met before!"
More stunned silence, but your posture relaxes a bit when he reveals he at least knows your name
Seeing this and apparently taking it as a win, he leans in a bit more and continues his game
"I've never met a human before, but your hair is a lot like our manes, all the action on top! I wonder, is your hair the only thing humans like 'on top'?"
...
Sensing that was going way too far way too fast, his feline pupils constrict and his ears flatten a bit before nervously continuing:
"Uh...! A-and your fingers! They're so different from our claws..."
He actually takes one of your hands into his enormous paw and gently appraises it, eliciting a blush and soft gasp from you and more giggling behind you as the crowd watching everything unfold quickly grows
"Fascinating. Soft, textured like Damascus steel, and pleasant to hold...", he croons, tapping one of his claws gently on on your lunula and then asking "tell me, have I hit the nail on the head?"
Urrrghhh that was so bad...
But the crowd seemed to think it was a good one, and a few of your friends are even wolf whistling at the two of you
Sensing his fortunes turn, he leans in even further with a confident expression and a toothy grin, his enormous fangs on full display, and goes in for the kill
"So handsome, would you let the King of Beasts play with the Most Dangerous Game this evening?"
Everybody in the bar is silent as they all look at your stone cold neutral expression in anticipation of your answer
His mane feels like cool silk as you first make contact, slowly turning warmer the closer to his muzzle your hand draws, and you swear you can feel him shiver a little before he regains his senses and backs away, getting a whiff of what smells like vanilla as his crimson mane sways from the motion
And it's not just his mane that's crimson now, the flesh of his ears are burning as his fur bristles slightly
The entire bar is howling and hooting at the reversal you've put on him
You decide to tease his reaction by pointing out that whether it's flirting or, apparently, more intimate matters, it seems 'the King of Beasts' can't take what he wants to dish out
"W-wait, that's not...! I mean I wouldn't mind i-if..."
When he sees the amount of people looking at him about to admit he'd take it up the ass for you, he gets cold feet, however, and gets silent
What's the matter kitty, cat got your tongue? Or were you 'lion' about all of this?
Too embarrassed to muster a retort, you decide to call it there and waltz out, telling the dejected lion better luck next time
You were not, however, expecting that there would indeed be a next time
MANY next times
You're not sure if it's just because he isn't used to taking the L so spectacularly or if he really does see something in you, but the lion continues to try his luck on you almost every day with about the same level of success
After his last attempt at the bar met a similar end with some really bizarre joke about 'lions' and 'loins' being one letter apart, he's now found you at the local park while on your daily run and is literally chasing after you
With less people around, you decide to take the opportunity to ask him why he's even bothering
"B-because- huff- I think you'd be a really prime-mate...!"
... that was so horrible you shouldn't have even asked
So after leaving the lion huffing and puffing and looking particularly dejected, you decide to approach and ask one his pride what gives
"Whaddya mean 'what gives', Anon? Are you goin' bananas on us?"
NOOOO IT'S SPREADING
"Hey now, don't go ape shit!"
You curtly inform (read: scream autistically) the other lion that humans aren't even in the same genus as gorillas, but when you turn around to leave you see that lover boy's caught up to you again
"Hahhh... hahhh... b-bro he isn't a gorilla, he's a hominin..."
Hm, he's actually correct-
"Anon... hahhh... please just give me chance! I NEED you homin-inside me!"
AHHHHHHH YOU'RE GOING HOMIN-INSANE!
"P-please Anon! I'm sorry if i've offended you somehow, I wasn't trying to! I haven't been able to get you out of my head from the second I first met you! Just give me one chance, i'll make it up to you, I swear!"
Even though he's a feline he's giving you the most powerful puppy dog eyes you've ever seen
...
Okay... fine... you figure he's shown enough contrition...
... and he is quite the catch
You inform he you'll give him a shot, on the condition that he quit it with the flirting with everybody (and with the puns)
"R-REALLY?! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUANONISWEARYOUWON'TREGRETITI'LL-"
You tell him you'll see him at lunch tomorrow for a date, and that he should probably wear a pair of shorts that can cover his erection next time
"Gh...! W-well that's just because every time i'm around you, you turn me into a homo-erectus!"
NNNNNRRRRRRRGHHHHH