The Great Bulk, Part 5: Dumb and Dumber
The Meeting
In the time after Foi, Makuhita and I mostly trained, his meditation only improving marginally. After our funds began to dry up, we looked for any requests from more seasoned teams that needed back-up, and found one. Unfortunately for me, they wanted to meet at the local pub. Not only did I loathe drunks, but I knew Makuhita would rack up a tab that could blot out the sun.
The night we were to talk, I sat with my partner and watched him fill the insatiable, yearning void that was his stomach for at least half an hour. I counted each and every bowl and plate he cleaned – the bodycounts totalled seven and ten respectively; the wanton decimation of the food before me only being interrupted by the arrival of our prospective business partners.
In front was a Roserade, scanning the venue with their ruby red eyes. Their body appeared relaxed, but their stare betrayed a state of alertness. Right behind them was an Empoleon, carrying itself tall and proud; their appearance harsh yet regal. Finding what they were looking for, the former gave a signal to their parnter, and they approached our table.
The Roserade sat down, their partner remaining behind them and keeping an eye on the rest of the bar. “Team... Yin-Yang, yes?” The floral Pokemon asked.
“Yes, that is us,” I replied. “You must be Team Masquerade, then. I'm surprised you know who we are.”
Roserade snickered, amused by my inquiry. “I'm the eyes of my team. I keep an eye out for danger, and on any notable happenings within the Sand Continent. You're a most unusual duo. First, you catch Thievul, who was said to be impossible to pin down, then you take out an entire gang you possess a type disadvantage over. Foi's leek was able to demolish just about anything – how did you prevail against him?”
I shook my head. “Me? If you're implying Makuhita is useless, that is not the case. While it is true that I tracked down and defeated Thievul on my lonesome, it was a team effort to take down Foi's gang. We had to cooperate with some caravan guards I ran with before, and even then, it was the hardest bounty we ever had. If it weren't for my partner, we would've failed.”
Roserade frowned, skepticism apparent in his gaze. He scrutinized Makuhita, whose face was still covered in crumbs. “I'm certainly not implying that he is, but for the sake of making sure he's honest, I gotta ask how he did it. Did he eat his leek whole?”
My partner shook his head. “Nope! We disarmed him. If I didn't do that, he would've flattened me into a pancake.”
Our potential client laughed at his words, pounding the table with one of his arms in his mirth. “That's the smart thing to do, but seeing you squished would've certainly been a sight! There's certainly more to you two than meets the eye – You're clearly both good enough to help us.” Reaching behind him, Roserade nudged Empoleon. “Hey, big guy. What do you think of these two?” He asked.
Empoleon turned around, staring down at us. “They don't look completely useless, although I don't know what the skinny one has, that you don't – remember when we tried tracking Thievul down for a few months?”
His partner smiled, looking almost nostalgic. “Yep. You were still a Prinplup, then. I wish we could go back to those days, but that isn't why we came here,” Roserade finished. His razor-sharp eyes looked straight into mine. “We're after a particular bounty, you see. There's two brothers, a Magmar and an Electabuzz, that have been attacking villages all on their lonesome. They're quite formidible opponents with a sizeable bounty on them, yet Emps and I can't fight them alone.”
“It's because of type stuff, right?” Makuhita butted in. “You don't wanna get burnt, and the big guy in the back doesn't wanna get shocked.”
“Precisely,” Roserade confirmed. “We need assistance if we are to prevail. If you accept our job, the profits will be split 50/50 – with both of them turned in, that should amount to about 7,500 Poke for both of our teams. Are these terms acceptable?”
Makuhita and I nodded in unison. “Terrific!” Roserade beamed. “It'll be three days before we leave. It'll give you two time to stock up, but in the meantime, do tell us about yourselves.” He poked Empoleon. “Emps, no one here's a threat. Stop being so serious and relax with us for once in your life!”
The bird turned around, looking rather irritated. “They're beneath me, but if you insist, I'll talk,” he uttered. He elected not to sit down on the stool behind him, and it was for the better – he'd likely crush it under his own weight. “What're your deals?” He asked.
“My background isn't too interesting,” I replied. “I used to work as a caravan guard. It was boring work. I switched to bounty hunting at my partner's urging. This profession pays better, and it offers me more chances to improve my martial and spirital prowess. As for him-”
“I can't remember anything,” my partner butted in. “A bird Pokemon, can't remember which; tried abducting me, but dropped me on the ground. I landed head-first and now I got amnes-”
I glared at Makuhita. “Again with these stories? You change the origin of your “concussion” constantly, and I know for a fact that you had no signs of physical trauma when I found you! I don't know why you continue to insist on playing games like these.”
I looked back at Roserade, who was currently stifling a laugh with one of the roses at the end of his arms. Empoleon looked as grumpy as ever. “Your partner is an idiot,” he said bluntly. “Although, Roserade annoys me like that sometimes as well. He cares more about mingling with others than getting the job done. He's always been like this, ever since we first formed our team. How many years has it been again?”
“Seven!” Roserade answered. “I remember when we weren't even evolved – they thought scrawny guys like us couldn't make a proper team, but look at us now!”
“Don't remind me of that,” Empoleon chided. “I was weak and pathetic. It's better that those days are over.”
“Now now, Emps, don't forget what I told you!” Roserade fired back. “It doesn't matter how big or small you are – the toughest Pokemon can have the most innocuous exteriors! Besides, strength isn't everything. Do I need to remind you of who always wins in our spars?”
Empoleon looked down at the table, averting his gaze – I swore he looked ashamed. “Forget it,” he responded. He hardly spoke for the rest of the night, while the rest of us continued to hang out. Makuhita challenged Roserade to a drinking contest later into the evening, which the former won. I collected my partner, and Empoleon did the same with his. He gave a simple nod of understanding before we parted ways for the night, showing that someone even as reserved and prideful as him could express sympathy.
The Encounter
The days before we left passed without much incident. We stocked up on items and discussed tactics during this time. When we departed, we took a boat to the Southwest, where they were last sighted, and tracked them down to a settlement named Snowdrift. It was easy for Roserade to track them down via the trail of destruction left in their wake, but at the same time, he was bothered by the cold – the region we travelled to was an outlier for the Sand Continent, as it was frigid instead of hot. Upon interrogating the locals, they told us that the two outlaws we were after mostly stuck to the local bar, using their strength to force the staff there into giving them free drinks.
Entering it, we saw our targets at the front, bottles of alcohol littering the counter and floor around them. Behind it, an Abomasnow worked, looking scared out of their wits. It was almost comedic, considering they towered over the two criminals. Roserade walked up behind Electabuzz and tapped them, the Electric-type turning around and squinting at them. “What do you want, shrimpy?” He slurred, getting up unsteadily to his feet.
“Oh, it's quite simple,” Roserade replied. “The four of us are here to arrest you. I'm sorry to say this, but your little party's over.”
Hearing his declaration, Magmar got up as well, steam beginning to escape from his beak. “This is too precious. You want to arrest us? Don't you know I can burn you up, little rose?”
Electabuzz slapped the back of his brother's head, shooting a glare. “Can you make yourself sound any less gay? You've already got what looks like a butt on your head, we don't need people thinking-”
Magmar shot a plume of flame from his mouth, hitting Electabuzz in the chest. “I'm not being queer, I'm being intimidating! You wouldn't know anything about that, with how dull your fighting style is!”
Electabuzz grit his teeth. “I told you not to shoot your fire inside of buildings, you ass-headed goon! Did you forget that your big brother isn't immune to burns?”
Roserade and Makuhita chuckled to themselves as the two brothers argued, seemingly having forgotten about us. Empoleon, however, walked up to the two of them and leered at the space between them. “Stop your petty squabbling,” he commanded. “Now, are you two resisting or not? If you are, make your way outside. I do not wish to cause more property damage than necessary.”
Electabuzz and Magmar looked at each other. “I'm the big brother, so I call dibs,” the former exclaimed. “We're doing this outside, I'm not gonna get trapped again!” Our party marched out of the bar, our two bounties drunkenly stumbling after us. As soon as the four of us got out of the door, Magmar shot another gout of fire, this time at Roserade. The more experienced bounty hunter lept off of the ground to evade it, landing smoothly nearby. He wagged a flower-tipped arm at the Fire-type, as if to scold him.
“Don't get ahead of yourself, now. It's gonna take more than a cheap shot to nail me!” He cheerfully admonished. In a fit of rage, Magmar bellowed out more embers, but Makuhita intercepted them with his bulk, looking oddly at ease.
“Huh, this hurt less than I thought it would,” my partner mused. As the two outlaws clumsily maneuvered around us, Empoleon nailed Magmar with a Hydro Pump, the oddly duck-like Pokemon being launched back several feet. Seeing this, Electabuzz lept in and hit Empoleon with a Thunder Punch, causing the formerly immovable bird to stumble back. I began channeling Aura into my limbs, meanwhile Roserade began to fire barrages of Magical Leaf at Electabuzz, perhaps hoping to wear him down.
The leaves chased him as if they had a will of their own, every last one cutting into him, but as an already tough bandit with his senses dulled by booze, he was hardly perturbed. He began to shoot Thunderbolts at Empoleon, rage burning in his eyes. “I'm the only one who gets to hit Magmar, you stupid bird!” He yelled. “I'm gonna cook you so thoroughly, he'll be jealou-”
Electabuzz's eyes widened as he felt Roserade's arm jab into him, pumping toxins into his bloodstream. He was then hit with multiple Venoshocks, the poison inside of him already amplifying their power. Yet, the yellow menace still stood, and gripped his opponent by the throat. “Y-you think you're clever, don't you? Your trick probably would've worked on my little bro, but I'm better than him!”
Like the intoxicated fool he was, Electabuzz was leaving himself open. I lept forward and punched him clean in the jaw, forcing him to drop Roserade to the ground. Before he could utter another word, I struck his chest with as much force as I could muster, causing him to stagger. Seeing his chance, Makuhita Tackled the already off-balance Electabuzz, forcing him to the ground with his weight!
My partner drew his arms back, ready to attack with one of his trademark Arm Thrust barrages, but before he could do that, both he and his target were engulfed in flame – Magmar had re-entered the fight, and he looked even more infuriated than his brother was! Still on fire, Makuhita drew close to Magmar and grabbed the larger Pokemon. In a feat of strength, he flipped him upside-down and slammed the Fire-type head-first into the snow below, much of it melting due to the outlaw's own elevated body heat. He followed this up by climbing on top of him and pelting him with Arm Thrusts. They were the bread and butter of Makuhita's fighting style, it seemed.
I watched the scene with Empoleon, who was badly charred, marvelling at Makuhita's sheer recklessness. A couple seconds later, Roserade joined us. “This guy's one of the most stubborn I've seen!” He said. “Not even Emps could shrug off getting set on fire like that.”
Empoleon grunted, reaching into his bag and retrieving two Orans. He passed one to Roserade and grunted. “I'm surprised you two can keep up,” he muttered, pecking into the restorative fruit his flipper held. After a couple minutes of being beat upon, Magmar finally stopped moving, prompting Makuhita to climb off of him, and retrieve some healing goods of his own from his pack – an Oran and a Heal Seed, likely to soothe the pain of his burns. He stuffed both into his mouth simultaneously and stood next to Roserade, loudly chewing for a few moments before swallowing.
“Is that it?” Makuhita asked. “Weren't these guys supposed to be big shots? S Rank guys, or whatever system this place uses?” He eyed Magmar and Electabuzz's bodies with concern, and that is when I could sense something about their Auras – they weren't unconscious.
“Get back!” I yelled. “They aren't finished yet!” Just as Makuhita and I had figured, the bodies of the two outlaws were consumed in pillars of light, their Reviver Seeds activating and restoring their vitality.
Electabuzz looked at his brother, grinning maliciously. “This is why I told you not to throw away the seeds we stole, Magmar!” He told him. “Now, how about we give them an encore?”
Magmar nodded. “Sounds good to me. The first thing we should do, is show that little birdy our idea of a good time!”
Electabuzz shot a glare at Magmar. “Don't put it that way, you idiot! We're trying to beat these Pokemon up, not proposition them!”
This was going to be a long night.
Burnt to Ash
Right after scolding his brother, Electabuzz shot a few Thunderbolts at Empoleon, followed by Magmar engulfing him with a Flamethrower. He emerged from the initial barrage barely standing, with Electabuzz beginning to close the distance, electricity sparking around his fist. Makuhita lept into his path, however, and pulled him into a bear hug.
Meanwhile, Roserade was dodging Magmar's plumes of flame masterfully, although he couldn't get close enough to attack. Aiming to give him an opening, I converted some of the Aura in my arm into energy for a Psybeam, the thin pillar of energy impacting against Magmar's side and causing him to flinch. Using this opportunity, Roserade let loose a flurry of arm-jabs into him, although they didn't seem to have much effect at first. Swinging his arm, Magmar knocked his opponent away and breathed in for another Flamethrower, only to begin to sway and stagger about – my ally must've poisoned him.
I rationed out another bit of my Aura, using it to fuel another Psybeam. This time, it hit Magmar's head, and in his confusion, Roserade used more Venoshocks, causing the duck-like Pokemon to jitter from the sheer pain he felt. However, our bounty was far from done – lava gushed out of his mouth and gathered around him, washing over all in its radius, Roserade included, in a single Lava Plume. It almost got me as well, but thanks to my levitation, I was able to avoid it.
Landing outside of the ring of doom Magmar had spewed, I scowled. My enemy was far too destructive for me to attack up close – I either had to shoot at him from afar with Psybeams, or come up with some sort of plan. Seeing Roserade's dire condition pressured me even more, and seeing no recourse, I reached into my bag.
I retrieved a Blinker Seed. Reaching my mind out, I lifted it up using telekinesis, and launched it straight towards Magmar. He attempted to burn it to cinders mid-air with a Flamethrower from his beak, but I used my psychic prowess to make it go around his attack, and hit him from the side. The effects were evident – the outlaw looked around, unable to find a target. He waded across the cooling lava in a vain attempt to find me and once he left it, I struck.
I burnt through a good chunk of my Aura, leaping up and hitting him as hard as possible in the head with a Brick Break. Magmar stumbled around for a few moments and then dropped to the ground, magma drooling from his beak. He was out – he wasn't going to be getting up again. With the lava having fully cooled, I ran over to Roserade, aiming to see if he could still fight. As I picked him off his feet, his eyes opened. “I'm done for,” he rasped. “I'm too burnt to fight. Set me down, you need to help our partners.” I did as he instructed, and scanned the area for their Auras. I picked them up in no time at all; I began to rush to their position as fast as I could.
Static Cling
What I saw was most concerning. Empoleon was flat on the ground, numerous electrical burns on his person. The sequence of events was evident – he was weak to electricity, and with his lack of agility, he was a sitting Ducklett for Electabuzz. Makuhita, meanwhile, was struggling to hold on. Numerous bruises and burns littered him, although his opponent was by no means uninjured. I lept by my partner's side and shot a glance towards him. “Roserade and Magmar are down. It's up to us,” I told him. He gave me a silent nod, the both of us knowing what we had to do.
My partner charged Electabuzz with a Tackle, but unlike before, he met it, the two Pokemon colliding into each other. The latter was the first to recover, sparks forming around his index finger. Before he could fire off any moves, however, I slugged him in the side, causing him to flinch. Makuhita used this window to assault our outlaw with more Arm Thrusts, aiming to send him off-balance.
Sadly, Electabuzz held on. He grabbed Makuhita and threw him away, then fired a Thunderbolt from his finger straight at me. As I was slightly fatigued from exerting some of my Aura earlier, I was too sluggish to dodge. The force of the move sent me straight onto the ground, eliciting a yell from my partner. ”Damn it!” He shouted, his arms trembling in barely restrained anger.
As he shook, Makuhita's body began to, strangely enough, shift in shape. It became just the slightest bit defined; a small amount of muscle forming on him seemingly out of nowhere. Since when did he know how to use Bulk Up? Electabuzz was perplexed by this new development as well, his brain still trying to comprehend what had just happened as my partner closed the distance, his face contorted in rage.
The moment he was in range, Makuhita grabbed Electabuzz, the outlaw struggling in vain against his increased strength. My partner threw his opponent to the ground and began to pelt him with more Arm Thrusts, each impact causing notable pain. As soon as Makuhita let up, Electabuzz quit struggling, unable to fight any more.
Makuhita still looked irate, but instead of beating upon Electabuzz further like most would assume, he got up and began to breathe deeply. “It's okay,” he told himself. “You're better than him. Don't stoop to his level.”
My partner walked over to me, helping me up. “Are you okay?” He asked. I nodded, and retrieved some rope from my bag. Tying the two outlaws up was a trivial task, and after Team Masquerade recovered, we all sailed back to Sahra.
Epilogue – Making Connections
Both of our teams walked into Magneton's office, us escorting Electabuzz while Team Masquerade handled Magmar. The Deputy's three eyes looked in seperate directions, taking in all of the new arrivals. All the while, the outlaw brothers argued amongst themselves.
“It's your fault we're here!” Electabuzz shouted at Magmar. “Maybe if you focused on actually aiming your attacks and thinking more than five seconds ahead, you could've fried that little girl and helped me with that bulky freak!”
“No, it's your fault!” Magmar replied. “Your fighting style's too bland and underpowered! Maybe if you zapped that Makuhita with more voltage instead of punching him and relying on those weak Thunderbolts, you could've helped me!”
“It's called conserving your energy, Magmar!” Electabuzz shot back. “You shouldn't waste all of your energy on a single enemy! If I wasn't busy defending your dumb hide, you would've been too exhausted to fight off four Pokemon in a row by the time you were done with the first two!
Empoleon and I looked into each other's eyes in a moment of silent understanding. He slapped Magmar with a flipper, while I mimicked the motion with Electabuzz. The both of them quieted down, allowing Magneton to finally get a word in. “IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, ROSERADE,” he greeted in a loud, buzzing monotone, seemingly unphased by the shouting match that had gone on seconds before. “I SEE YOU BROUGHT IN THE TWINS OF TERROR. I PRESUME THIS WAS A COLLABORATIVE EFFORT BETWEEN YOUR TEAM AND TEAM YIN-YANG?”
Roserade nodded. “Yep. We almost didn't get them, though – Emps and I got seperated into bad matchups, but our little buddies pulled through. We agreed that we'd take the bounties of these two and split them fifty-”
“Sixty percent goes to the other team, and fourty percent goes to us,” Empoleon interrupted. “They deserve extra. They can punch above their weight. Even if they look feeble, they clearly aren't; especially that Makuhita. You could drop a building on him, and it wouldn't knock him out.”
Roserade laughed at Empoleon's comment. “I can't believe it! I've been trying to drill it into you not to underestimate folks ever since we started, but it was the fat dude wailing on a guy while on fire that convinced you! What's next, are you finally gonna start taking my advice?”
Empoleon's beak curled into a smile. “I know, I need to fix my speed,” he admitted. After these words, Magneton handed over a sack of Poke to both of our teams – ours was slightly larger, as per Empoleon's request.
“I need a drink,” Empoleon mused. “Are the three of you joining me?”
“Yep,” Makuhita said. “I need something to take my mind off of getting set on fire and nearly losing my temper. I haven't gotten that close to having an episode in years.”
I shook my head, as did Roserade. “As much as I'd like to join your festivities, Emps, I had more than enough to drink last time,” he told his partner. “In fact, I got an idea.” He pointed one of his roses towards me. “How would you like to fight me, Asana? I could teach you what I know about footwork – I'm like an encyclopedia on the topic!”
I smiled, happy to take up his offer. “That sounds nice,” I muttered. “I never thought an actual professional would take the time out of their schedule to teach me. My partner and I haven't even been at this for a year, yet.”
“Well, firstly, I owe you one,” Roserade responded. “For another, you new guys need to learn the ropes somehow. Do you know why you probably haven't seen head or tail of Magnezone, lately?”
I shrugged. “Well, there's been a real boom in criminal activity lately,” Roserade responded. “I have an idea that could help cut down on it, but the problem is that getting multiple veterans of our trade to live under one roof and co-operate is like herding a bunch of Purrloin. It's a dream of mine to open up an academy, you see – there, those new like yourself could learn how to put up a fight against criminals. It's a crying shame that some of the professionals that would be best suited to teaching either want ludicrous payment, or think everyone else is beneath them.”
”I CAN VERIFY THOSE STATEMENTS,” Magneton unexpectedly chimed in. ”THE SHERIFF IS UP TO HIS RETINAS IN PAPERWORK, AND SOME OF THE SAND CONTINENT'S BEST DO DEVELOP A SENSE OF ARROGANCE. THERE ARE SOME GOOD ONES, THOUGH, AND I HOPE THAT YOUR GENERATION CHANGES THE CULTURE FOR THE BETTER.”
“Well, Deputy, I'll try my best to make our dreams happen!” Roserade beamed. “Now, Asana, how about we go practice, hm?”
Roserade began to walk out of the office, and I followed close behind him. As soon as all four of us exited the room, I could hear Electabuzz and Magmar starting up yet another argument. I couldn't wrap my head around how the Deputy could stand such a cacophony, but that wasn't my problem anymore. It was his, whether he liked it or not.