"Respect Your Elders!"
*Ymous walked into the Human Village's alleyway, if the rampant rumors were true then this is indeed the place.
"A human at this time of day? What a fascinating sight..."
(OG pic made by chako_(chakoxxx) on Pixlv)
Ymous had always heard about this place in hushed whispers. Apparently, every Wednesday, there's a yōkai lurking who could provide the strangest of wares. The items rumored to be sold always seemed to change depending on who was asked, but the general ideas stayed the same. she leaned against the wall and looked at him intently.
"So what brings you here? What is it you are looking for, if I may ask? Almost everything I have has been in quite hot demand recently. Do keep in mind that my wares are very... weird."
The stranger then smiles slyly, pulling out a variety of trinkets and tools from her dealer coat. "Are you looking for charms embedded with luck? Perhaps... A magical pen? Maybe a small mirror?" A shadow passes over her eyes "You are not looking for... A love potion, I hope?"
"Nope." Ymous said, shaking his head. "Well... I guess if you tried stretching the truth enough, you could call it one."
The stranger in the alley tilts her head to one side, a confused expression on her face before quickly relaxing "Phew! Good. They don't work at all. It just isn't as... Genuine as it should be. Buyers always say "It feels shallow" when they come to return it. It's never been very good at what it does and I’m not sure why it’s in such especially high demand." The odd figure seems to be really relieved before she takes out another small tool, this one looking like a small bottle.
"...So what are you looking for, if it isn't a love potion? “Medicine” that the girl with the purple hair considers off-limits to sell?"
"It's uh... Shit, I didn't think I'd get this far, I'm starting to get cold feet. I'm sorry." Ymous bumbled. He averted his gaze from the weird lady. Checks out. Ymous was never really a people person.
The stranger released a chuckle. "It's alright, most that come to me are often just as scared as you are, especially nowadays with all those love potion stories going around. They aren't to worry about though. Now, are you SURE you don't need anything?
"Fine. I'll tell. I'll tell. There is actually something I’m interested in purchasing, but I’m not sure if you have something like it."
A big grin spreads across Mamizou's face as she leans in to listen. “Ohohoh~! Challenging my abilities as a top of the line shopkeeper, are we? Well you have my attention! Watcha need, kid?”
"...I want something that'll help me switch bodies with a monster."
The tanuki’s eyes widen slightly, a small tinge of surprise in her voice as she tilts her head towards the boy
“Ex… Excuse me? Switch... Bodies? With a... Yōkai?!”
"Yup."
“Ah... But, may I ask, why? It is extremely... Uncommon for a human to want to do such a thing…” Mamizou asks, rearranging her figure and posture. Ymous had really gotten her full attention hook, line and sinker now.
"Besides giving me an excuse to stop overworking myself on rebuilding that damn bar Fujiwara burnt down, just curiosity I guess. I remember reading this one manga chapter from the library a month ago that featured it & suddenly I've been hooked to the idea since. Like what if I WAS the little blond shithead with the hairbow who comes out at dusk to eat people and she were the normal human instead? Would I still be me or would my will be overwritten with hunger pangs?"
“Interesting, so you want to know what it feels like to be something of inhuman origin, yes? A sort of curiosity?” Futatsuiwa chuckles. “So then... You believe, or rather, fantasize about yourself becoming a yōkai?”
"I mean, not permanently or anything! Not only do I doubt my target is very keen on staying as me for long, and I'm afraid of accidentally leaching some of their worst traits if we stay scrambled too long. The less we talk about what happened to the last guy to successfully become a full yokai, the better. The things Reimu supposedly did to him still give me the night terrors."
The mischievous look in Mamizou's eyes turned to an amused one. “Yes, she did quite the number on him. Poor guy. Apparently he didn’t even plan on causing any harm to the Human Village. So, you only want to be a yōkai for a short time? How long is this short amount of time, then?”
"I imagine anything over a week is when things start becoming permanent, so I'd say that's the absolute limit." Ymous said, scratching his head.
Mamizou laughed at his way of tone delivery. “Nice Niiiiice… This seems easily doable. Though the question still stands, with whom do you want to switch bodies with, exactly?”
"Well like I said before, there's that "Lumia" chick or whatever. The one that tries and fails to eat mankind. Would be interesting to see what’s going on in her noggin."
“Yes, I believe I know who you are talking about. Her name is Rumia. You wish to switch bodies with her?” Mommyzou asked.
"Well she's only one of the options I've thought about. There's Remilla's maid with the incredibly acrobatic body from The Scarlet Devil Mansion. Always wondered how it’d feel to move around as her. Mistress Kanako from the Moyra Shrine would be cool, but might be too problematic for her faithful followers. Kogasa Tatara is definitely up there..."
“So you have many other options in mind. But then that raises the question, which one are you actually going with? You can't choose all 4!” Momizou asked, raising an eyebrow.
"WAIT WAIT WAIT! I just remembered, I think my top choice is one of those Tanuki I've been seeing lurking around the village more often as of late. I remember seeing this one tease Aya & let me tell you, that shit was hilarious! Plus a lot of them are on the "more mature" side per say, which hit my weak spot for older folk. If I had to pick any, I’d go with that one specifically."
The disguised figure tries holding in her laughter as best she can, but her smile fastly becomes a grin as she processes the boy's words "Oh? “More mature", hm...? Would you be interested in changing bodies with me, then?”
This single line caused Ymous to do a double take. “Huh?”
The trickster's grin is wide, almost too wide for her face as she leans forward, raising an eyebrow towards the boy. With a simple snap of the fingers, the salesman is engulfed in a puff of glittery smoke. It quickly fizzles away, revealing Mamizou’s true form. Donning her normal outfit. “Sonny… That Tanuki was me.” She says.
( OG pic made by ksk (かそく) on pixlv )
"Oh... You're that... I uh... thought you looked familiar. Small world."
The trickster continued her wide, almost ghoulish grin. “Did you now? I guess you also think I’m "mature" and "hagtastic”, correct?
Ymous has no words.
The tanuki giggled, leaning forward again, now almost completely invading his personal space. “I suppose that means a yes? Can’t say I was expecting this answer. How amusing...”
Shitshitshitshit SHIT! Ymos didn't think the conversation would lead to something like this! How do you let her, a monster, down easy!?!
“Uh... Maybe this wasn't the best idea... Not trying to say you’re ugly or anything! But… uh… I'm sorry. I can still take that magical pen if... If you-”
The Yōkai's playful smirk continues to turns more and more teasing and mischievous. Her eyes are glinting with unbearable smugness.
“Aww, Why are you regretting your words~? The offer is still standing wide and proud.”
Futatsuima continues to watch in delight as Ymous repeatedly fumbles his words. It's so... What's the word... Adorable? To have somebody strung at the palm of their finger. She expected just another lonely & hopeless romantic looking for easy love going in, but someone willing to give up their humanity for somebody unhuman? Now that's interesting.
and interesting things deserve to be capitalized on!
Mamizou pulled out a heavily stylized smoking pipe from her toolkit. Looked like it was bought from a casino or something. It had poor engrish on it reading "FREAKY FRIDAY - MILE IN THEIR SHOES engraved on its design. The yōkai takes a deep breath in and puffs out smoke in Ymous's face while he’s distracted. If it's really like how that mountain lady described it should work, then...
The smoke wafts around the human's face as the trickster leans in and whispers, letting the human feel an odd sensation in his mind. Her whispers are like that of a snake's
“Oh honey, letting a youthful hunk like yourself crush over your local grandma of all things? You really don't know what you’ve just gotten yourself into.”
“Whuh... What did you-”
Ymous tries to squeak out more words before he accidentally inhales some of the smoke. It does not do him any favors mentally. Just one whiff and suddenly It feels like his gums are... Rotting?
A wicked grin grows on the yōkai's face, amused by the boy's confusion and sudden discomfort. She laughs, but this laugh contains a significantly more malicious essence to it.
“Oooh, that’s the stuff! Sannyo wasn’t kidding! Looks like this puppy is already doing its job quite spectacularly… now PUCKER UP!” Mamizou says before taking forcing herself onto Ymous's lips, blasting another puff of the pipe directly into Ymous's face.
“ACK HACK Stop! cough cough You damned ack hack cough”
Ymous couldn't even notice it at the moment, but a layer of smog had swallowed the entire silhouettes of the two alleyway dwellers. No doubt this is part of the smoking pipe's "special" attributes. The yōkai chuckled, finding this situation quite amusing. She can feel the magical energy growing around her and Ymous, and she can't help but continue to grin and laugh again and again. Oh, the next few days are gonna be so fun.
Momizou’s voice begins to take on a raspy and deeper tone as an apple of adam begins making itself known in her throat. She puffs out one final smoke to celebrate. Anymore and she might accidentally make them stay switched for longer than intended!
The creature leans backward once more, waiting for more of the smoke’s magic to finally take effect. The smog only continues to grow around the alleyway, until the two silhouettes are nearly indistinguishable from eachother. She can feel the smoke quickly morphing her form into something more masculine. The air inside the smog had become extremely heavy and thick, and the boy she was teasing could feel himself becoming more and more cloudy. more loopy. more... feminine.
“Cancel... The... P-Please I… Fuck it, I need to lie down." Ymous said, collapsing to his knees. His position accidently revealed a throbbing erection through his pants. He could barely keep himself conscious anymore, let alone think straight for the life of him. The hell was in that pipe from the Mountain Casino?
The yōkai's grin grows wide once again, as she adjusts her glasses & takes time to analyze the human's constant sudden changes in personality. She licks her lips as she continues letting the mist fill the alleyway.
“Ah Ah Ah! No backing out now. Especially now after showing me what you’re packin’~”
With a few more seconds of silence & a sudden "POP" noise, the mythical exchange concluded. The smog cleared near instantly, revealing what looked like Ymous standing where Mamizou was seconds ago.
It worked.
The yōkai smiles to himself. “Ah... So this is what it is like to be on the other side... Interesting. I’ll need to study this with my… Well, actually I guess I’m not related to tanukikind anymore.” laughed ”Ymous”. The yōkai's attitude returned immediately as she leaned down to inspect “Mamizou’s” now unconscious body. She has a hearty snicker after noticing the only possible evidence left of his old identity was a moderately-sized cum stain in his pants. Must be a quickshot, this one.
“Oh my, it seems like that really wore you out. Poor thing. Well, even if you can’t hear me right now, thank you so much for your purchase Mister! Hope you enjoy the new, mature you~!”
The Tanuki-turned-Human takes out her normal pipe once last time and puffs out some cigarette smoke for the last time, before leaving it next to her old body as she exits the alleyway. Not a single soul outside the alleyway none the wiser to what just happened.
…
…
…
“U-Uhm... Good Afternoon, Reimu! Lovely weather today, eh?” Ymous said.
Yeah Yeah, Good Afternoon my ass. What are you plotting this time, you old coot?”
(OG pic made by szl_2000 on Twitter)
Reimu paused for a moment to look at Mamizou... She’d wanted to spend her Saturday relaxing at home with friends but recently had been flooded with reports from worried residents of a confused beast running amok in the Human Village. It was almost like fate that one of the first people she finds on the scene is the obnoxious and crafty Mamizou Futatsuiwa.
However, something wasn’t adding up right. The nuisance looked stranger than usual. It was an odd feeling to describe. They had the face of that tanuki,, sure. Yet it felt like if you were to ask them “what her favorite food was” or “who her best friend is”, she’d get it hilariously wrong. Almost like an Imposter.
“I sense something odd from you… Even moreso than usual.”
Ymous laughed nervously. "What? Do you think the great Mrs. Futatsuiwa is ugly now or something? I expected better from Gensokyo’s savior! No wonder people only like you for your pits."
Reimu was taken aback by his words, however she tried her best to hide her sudden irritation.
“Uhh... No. I never said you were ugly. But now I’m even more convinced to think you aren’t who you say you are. May I ask you a question?”
"You don't think I'm me? You gotta really be off your rocker or something." Ymous deflected, sweating profusely. “Did Marisa put you under some kinda spell again?”
Reimu frowns, as her irritation rises. She takes a step closer to him than she was before.
“U-Uhm... Reimu, sweetie... There’s no need to get so confrontational, I-”
“Oh don't you "sweetie" me!" Reimu remarked snidely. She continued to get even closer to Ymous until she was within arm's reach and could look him directly in the eyes. Pausing her approach, she takes a brief moment to scan the odd version of everyone’s least favorite hag with her eyes.
“I've had to interact with that runt of an old doormat more then I'd like to admit as of late, and last I checked, her eyes weren't navy blue. Either prepare to endure pounds of needles where the sun don't shine or tell me what's really going on here. Now.”
“I... Uh…”
“One more chance to be honest....” Reimu said. She was having none of it today. Nobody interrupts her weekend cookie baking and gets away unscathed.
“OKAY OKAY! My name is Ymous Burlington! I’m a normal human male who was really interested in what it would be like if I switched bodies with a cute Yōkai like Lumia, okay? There, I said it. My strangest secret drove me to indulge in that infamous rumored devil market and now I’m stuck as this… chick! I’m dazed and confused and weirdly horny and I smell like shit now and have an unbearable craving for saké despite loathing it beforehand and… J-JUST PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!” Ymous cried. He was on his knees begging at this point.
“Ah ha... See? I knew there was something strange about you.” The ‘Mu said. She crossed her arms, feeling very proud of herself for being able to see past the act. “So, putting your… questionable backstory aside for a moment, do you know where your bodysnacher thief went? Any clues or leads? This could be bad if the method used to hop bodies gets out there.”
“Sob No… I blacked out mid-swap. When I woke back up, Futatsuiwa had long since left. If it makes you feel any better, It was mostly consensual, I suppose. I was basically asking for it thanks to the way I went about everything.”
“Oh goddamn it.” Reimu thought, releasing one of the biggest groans of her career. This problem was gonna take a lot longer than she’d like.