Enter the Federation – Ending

Hours had passed and the sun began to set, its pink and orange hues spilling across the horizon. Within the Clover Guildhall, Federation President Alakazam waited impatiently next to a Chatot with a grudge and a nervous “Guildmaster”. Lliam the Meowstic’s entire guild hinged on the ability of the oddball individuals he called his guildmembers to successfully complete a mission concocted by a manipulative and prejudiced proctor.

Said proctor, Alakazam, scoffed as he waited for the teams to come back. “Ha! Face it, not even one of those pathetic groups has returned,” he lambasted, disgusted by the human masquerading as a Pokémon. “You may as well concede now and save me the trouble of enduring this farce any longer.”

Breathing deeply, the Meowstic eased his nerves to maintain his composure and ignored the president’s verbal assaults. “They will be able to do it. Only 6 of the 48 hours allotted have passed. There is no need to give up hope so soon!”

Alakazam turned his head away from Lliam and looked at the guild entrance. “You filthy humans just love to waste my time.” Bound by the rules and restrictions he set, the president continued to wait for the groups’ return.

* * *

Exactly 30 minutes later, a group of three entered the guildhall, draped in one large blanket. Chespin, Wooper, and Gus the Oshawott carried over their bottle cap to Alakazam, who promptly snatched it from them. He checked the paper on the inside of the bottle cap. It was bright green.

Alakazam seemed genuinely shocked for a second before saying, “Well, I suppose it is only natural that a few humans get lucky.” He motioned to the blanket. “Now then, I assume you got that near the rift.”

“Yes…” Chespin responded hesitantly while tightening the grip on the blanket, his heart sinking at the thought of what Alakazam would say next.

“Hand it over!” Alakazam demanded as he began to reach for the blanket.

“Hell no!” Chespin shouted. “We did your stupid test and passed! This is our prize; we found this blanket fair and square!”

In the midst of the argument, Gus kept his lips sealed and snuck out of the guildhall, making his way to the docks for some R&R. He was relieved that his prize, the soda, was safely stored in his stomach and outside of Alakazam’s greedy claws.

“If that object was found near a rift, there is a high likelihood that it came through it!” Alakazam explained angrily. “Therefore, I will be taking the blanket off your hands, so we may further our research.”

“Over. My. Dead. Body.” Chespin showed no fear, defying the president’s wishes as his determined glare pierced through Alakazam’s soul.

Wooper interjected, “Please Mr. President, is there any way you’ll let us keep the blanket? We worked really hard for it.”

Before Alakazam could deny Wooper’s request, Chatot squawked, “Just let them keep it. You gave no instruction or prior notice that groups would be expected to turn over anything except the bottle cap.”

“What was that Chatot?” Alakazam asked coldly. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”

Chatot quickly stepped back and shut his beak at the deep scowl on Alakazam’s face, worried he would be disciplined—or worse, lose his position as Guild Management Director.

Lliam smirked, having found a way to defend his guildmembers. “That’s right. The test was to seal the rift, which the group has accomplished. Therefore, you have no authority over what my guild does with items they find that are completely unrelated to the test.”

Outnumbered one to four, Alakazam saw there was no reason to pursue this line of discussion further. He relented. “Fine! They and any other group that returns may keep anything found during the test, so long as they return the bottle cap.”

With his vines, Chespin caught Wooper in the air as Wooper literally jumped for joy. “We did it!” Wooper cried. “We get to keep the blanket, Chespin! Isn’t it great?!”

Chespin breathed a sigh of relief as the feeling of fatigue washed over him. “Yeah, and after the day we’ve had, I’m thinking we break it in right now.”

Chespin, eager to combine their cotton beds with his prize, carried the blanket and his partner off to their dorm. There, he collapsed from exhaustion.

Seeing that Team Cozy’s mission was a success, a fragment of the pressure exerting force upon Lliam’s heart had been eased.

* * *

Three hours later, a group of four returned with a triumphant grin on each of their faces. In front of the group was Charm the Charmander of Team Oracle with her partner, Natu, flying above and behind her. In the back was Sneasel of the newly named Team Brave and her partner, Booker the Ribombee, who was sitting atop her head between her ear and feather. As the group approached, Alakazam caught a glimpse of the shiny silver trinket wrapped around Sneasel’s wrist. However, as he couldn’t simply take it from her, he did not bring it up for discussion.

Charm revealed the two teams’ green bottle cap in her hand. Her tail flame sparkled brightly. “Hey, Alakazam!” she sang. “Look what we got! A new cap for your collection, haha!”

She flicked the cap toward the president’s face. He said nothing as he waved his hand. His telekinesis stopped the bottle cap in mid-air, then it sharply changed its trajectory and dropped into Alakazam’s clutches. All the while, his eyes shot daggers at the four Pokémon who had defeated his challenge.

“Looks like we win,” Sneasel boasted. “Shoulda thought twice before testing the Clover Guild. Ain’t nothing we can’t handle!”

Booker nodded in agreement. With no hint of his partner’s mocking tone, he said, “Um... I guess we should th-thank you for sending us on that job, Mr. President. It was v-very difficult, but... the four of us got closer in the end.”

“Exactly,” Natu quickly chimed in, as he landed on Charm’s head, imitating Booker and Sneasel. “Us guildmates are a lot closer now, and the guild is better than ever. Bet you didn’t expect that, huh?”

Alakazam kept his face stoic. “No, I did not. What gave you the impression that I would ever care about camaraderie between trash?” It didn’t take Natu’s psychic powers or Booker’s Aura-sensitivity to clearly sense the fury brewing in the president’s mind.

Sneasel’s cocky demeanor quickly shifted toward anger. “Who are you callin’ trash, you… you… SPOONER!” she shouted, trying to mimic the style of human insults.

The Guildmaster easily maintained a straight face, as he was used to putting up a façade. However, Booker and Charm had to exert every ounce of energy to hide their smiles and stifle their laughter, while Chatot tilted his head, perplexed at the strange word Sneasel had uttered.

The president used his telekinesis to reveal the two spoons he had on his person. “Yes, I do have spoons. I’m surprised that a Pokémon who chose to ally themselves with humans is smart enough to realize what spoons are.”

Sneasel gritted her teeth and held up her claws, ready to attack. “You wanna take this outside?” she asked.

“If a single claw so much as touches me, I will fail the proposed guild immediately, then have you arrested and thrown into a dingy cell to be locked away for years.”

Booker immediately leaned over to quietly whisper into his partner’s ear, “Don’t let it get to you, we already won.”

Realizing her partner was right, Sneasel put down her claws, and the group headed upstairs to celebrate their victory over the arrogant psychic.

* * *

No less than five minutes later, with a bottle in his hand and his signature pervy smile, Cyndaquil strutted up to Alakazam, Chatot, and Lliam. “What’s cookin’ good-lookins?”

Chatot rolled his eyes and Lliam’s heart rate spiked, while Alakazam had the same scowl he always did plastered across his face.

“Where is the rest of your group?” the president inquired. “Are they too afraid to face me because they failed?”

“As it so happens, we—”

Chatot butted in, “Ha, if there is one team that I can count on to crash and burn, it’d be yours! That bet is as good as won.”

“Well of course, a team entirely composed of humans was doomed to fail; it’s only natural,” Alakazam explained.

Cyndaquil held the bottle in the air. “Actually, we sealed that rift easily.”

“Come again?” Alakazam asked.

“If you insist, just let me—”

“Enough of this!” Alakazam shouted. He used his psychic abilities to rip the bottle cap from the bottle Cyndaquil was holding. To Alakazam’s surprise, its paper was green.

“I-im-impossible,” Chatot stuttered. “There is no way you could have done this. You must have cheated.”

Cyndaquil put his right hand over his heart. “Hey, don’t sell us short. Team OnlyPhans never cheats.”

“We’ll see about that…” Alakazam replied. With his psychic abilities, he peered into the mind of the fire-type before him.

“(SEXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)” “(I hope that Lapras will let me ride her again.)” “(Is Alakazam a top? If so, I can work with that.)” “(Chatot is definitely the guy who watches from the corner.)” “(The Guildmaster would be into wand play. I bet he would start with a pounce wand then we could use a two-edge wand at the same time and the slow wand could make it last longer. Then a blast wand would be the grand climax)” “(I’d never tell Phanpy that I always follow behind him to see that plump rear in action.)” “(Speaking of action, I wonder if I’ll see any tonight at the bar!)” “(SEXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)”

The psychic energy emitted from Alakazam ceased immediately as he quickly stepped back from Cyndaquil.

“See something you like?” Cyndaquil asked, winking at the president.

“Disgusting!” Alakazam shouted, caught off guard by the pure essence of degeneracy that lurked within the fire-type’s head. “He truly is a filthy human. Get out of my sight before I decide to break you.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Cyndaquil smiled.

Lliam looked at him and pointed toward the door with a violent gleam in his feline eyes. Cyndaquil was keen enough to take that as a sign to leave, so he spun around and made his way to the bar to meet up with the rest of his team.

Chatot tapped on the president’s leg, asking, “Hey, did you see any evidence that they cheated?”

Alakazam, after regaining his composure, responded, “Unfortunately, no.”

The Meowstic exhaled and his heart rate returned to normal. “That means Team Misfits was successful.”

Chatot crossed his wings in a huff. “I still think they cheated.”

* * *

After an hour passed, an intense aura began to approach the guildhall. A Combusken, wrapped in bandages, slowly entered the room; he was sporting an adhesive eyepatch on his left eye and closely followed by a Smeargle.

“In here…” KFC the Combusken guided Ross the Smeargle into the center of the lobby. KFC picked Ross’s tail off the ground and had him hold it in his hand so the green paint from his tail wouldn’t be tracked all over the guild floors.

The duo stood face to face with Lliam, Chatot, and Alakazam. As his thousand-yard stare indicated, Ross was beginning to accept that this world was not a dream. “W-who are they?” he asked in a semi-audible whisper.

“KFC, what happened to you?” the Guildmaster inquired in a high-pitched concerned tone.

“Lliam…” KFC ignored Lliam’s previous question and tapped on Ross’s back, nudging him forward. “Can you deal with him? He’s a new arrival... a human.”

“Oh, great! There’s even more of these filthy things,” Alakazam scoffed.

While Lliam wanted to press KFC for details, the humans took priority. Lliam replied, “Certainly.” Then, he grabbed Ross’s arm and started to pull him upstairs to his office for a quick guild orientation.

“Wait!” Alakazam demanded. “If you leave my sight, I will assume you are cheating and fail—”

Before the president could finish his warning, a violent aura expanded within the guild lobby. To those who could sense it, it was almost suffocating. As KFC’s harsh aura exuded from his injured body, he glared at the president with extremely potent ferocity. KFC pointed up the stairs and Lliam continued his trek up to his office.

Alakazam looked down at the Combusken. “Well, if there is something you want to say, then spit it out!”

“Eight…” KFC mumbled, visibly shaking with rage.

“What was that?”

“Eight innocent Pokémon were killed today! And all because you couldn’t do the one thing I asked of you. Instead, you pawned my request off to some retarded Wigglytuff!” KFC shouted. Chatot’s face turned red and he covered his face with his wings in utter embarrassment. KFC continued, “Instead of letting me go stop those raiders immediately, you had to distract me and everyone else here with this Federation crap all because you couldn’t keep your human hate boner down for one day!” KFC’s head suddenly drooped, and his voice quieted down. “And the worst part is that one of them got away.”

“I will not say that I don’t deserve any blame,” said Alakazam. “However, you got distracted and you let one of them get away. Most of the blame lies on you.”

“(Dammit! I want to argue with him, but I can’t. He’s right; it’s my fault…)” KFC realized. “I’m still too weak.”

Alakazam, understanding the severity of the situation, calmly said, “Regardless, this is indeed concerning. If your tribe is beginning to mobilize outside the Water Continent, that could cause a lot of issues. Hmm…” Alakazam paused for a moment. “Very well, I promise to make this problem my highest priority. However, that does not change the fact that you need to get stronger. You wouldn’t want to disappoint your late predecessor, would you?”

KFC clenched his scarf. “I could never disappoint him…” KFC picked his head up, making direct eye contact with the president. “But I swear I’ll see the promise I made through to the end, no matter the cost.”

“Good,” Alakazam nodded. “Then the next time we meet, I expect substantial improvement.”

Even though his body was exhausted and injured, KFC stormed off to the dojo.

* * *

Four hours later, a Numel named Ronnie crashed into the guildhall, screaming in a high-pitched and squeaky voice, “HEY GUYYYSSSSSS! WE DIIIIIIIDDDDDD IIIIIITTTT!”

Kaiji the dark-furred Meowth entered and quickly scrambled to rein in the out-of-control fire-type. “Do that again and I’ll be putting you on a leash, got it?” he exclaimed.

Kris, an Absol with a broken horn, quietly slipped into the room while Kaiji finished pinning down the foolish Numel. Kris became more apprehensive with each step closer to Chatot and Alakazam. The native Absol in the back seemed particularly unstable, and Alakazam had no particular desire to figure out what sort of mental unwellness plagued him.

“Sorry about that!” The Meowth said in his natural accented voice as he led the Numel, by the ear, to face the president. “This one here has issues with impulse control.”

Due to the recent Capim Town reports, Alakazam was already vaguely familiar with the merchant in front of him. Kaiji, though that was likely not his real name, sold a wide array of unconventional wares of deceptively low value, which Alakazam assumed to be the main reason the unauthorized guild was not completely broke. As the president glared at the feline, it was easy for him to see the sleaze that emanated from the dark-type.

“This is what you wanted, right?” Kaiji asked as he fished out the bottle cap from his bag. Then, he flicked it straight up into the air, an instinctual habit he had developed, before catching it in his paw and handing it over to Alakazam for inspection.

The President of the Federation took great care in inspecting the green paper on the inside of the bottle cap. To Alakazam, the Meowth served as a near-perfect example of everything wrong with humanity, but the victims of his scams never seemed to catch on. Unfortunately for the president, he could not apprehend the con artist, as the tricks he pulled were outside the scope of the limited anti-fraud legislation.

“WHHAAT’S THE HOLD UP?!” The Numel shouted impatiently, radiating a stupidity so potent that Alakazam felt his IQ passively dropping just from his mere presence; Kaiji, no doubt, had nothing but contempt for native Pokémon stewing within him.

“Quiet, you filthy simpleton,” Alakazam snapped.

Ronnie, being entirely oblivious to the importance of aggravating the president any further, opened his mouth halfway ready to speak. Upon realizing this, Kaiji forcefully held his maw shut.

Unable to find any signs of a trick, Alakazam believed the bottle cap to be legitimate. “By some unholy force of nature, you three somehow… passed.”

"DOES THAT MEAN I GET A RAISE?!" Ronnie shouted.

Quickly, the Meowth covered his ears, preventing the Numel's grating tone from blowing out his eardrums. As the ringing sensation in Kaiji's ears faded, he noticed Alakazam looking down at Numel with a visceral hatred. He knew that it was imperative to get out of the President's sight as quickly as possible. In his business voice, Kaiji lied, "Actually you get a bonus, it's in an envelope on your bed as we speak."

Ronnie dashed faster than he ever had before toward the non-existent money. Kaiji and Kris followed in pursuit before Alakazam could say one more word to them.

"Filthy humans..." Alakazam muttered as if his mind was focused on something else.

* * *

Several other groups returned over the course of 24 hours, all of them successful in the mission they were assigned. As the final team handed in their green bottle cap, Alakazam’s jaw dropped. “H-how is this possible?” he stuttered.

“Darn, I owe that Combusken a hundred grand,” Chatot muttered worriedly. “Wigglytuff isn’t going to be happy about this. Hmm… maybe I can ease his tantrum if I can get my talons on a few perfect apples.”

Guildmaster Lliam turned to Alakazam as a wave of massive relief washed over him. “You should have had more faith in the Clover Guild,” the Meowstic said with a smile. “When the going gets rough, we will always pull through.”

From his bag, Alakazam pulled out a piece of paper and a small packet. Then he clenched his fists and, using all his willpower, forced himself to read the words on the paper aloud: “Congratulations on passing the Federation Entrance Exam. It is with great pleasure that we offer you admission into the Exploration Team Federation. With your acceptance into the Federation, you will have access to our network of connections, resources, and services. In addition, you will receive custom-designed Exploration Team badges for all teams associated with your guild. As a Federation-approved guild, we expect you to uphold our traditions, values, and unblemished reputation.”

Alakazam scowled as soon as he finished. “Reading that almost made me vomit!” he exclaimed while handing Lliam the packet. It contained a form for general guild information, a form for the guild badge and custom team ranks, and several other miscellaneous documents. “Please fill out and sign these then send them to the Federation HQ on the Water Continent at your earliest convenience.”

Lliam rubbed his eyes and yawned as fatigue from this stressful day dropped on him like a sack of bricks. “I’ll send these out tomorrow morning,” he mumbled.

“Do not think for a moment that I don’t have my eye on you humans,” warned Alakazam, as Chatot perched on his shoulder. “However, for now, I suppose it’s for the best. Trash should be piled tightly together instead of scattered all over the world, dirtying up the place.”

With that, the president placed his two fingers on his forehead and instantly teleported away.

* * *

Late that evening, Lliam gathered all guildmembers into the guildhall’s lobby, even waking up the few who were trying to sleep. The room was in an uproar as everyone was on the edge of their seats, waiting to learn of the exam results.

“Ahem… Attention everyone,” the Guildmaster exclaimed, and the guild quickly went silent. The sudden silence only caused the tension to build. Although everyone who participated in the exam knew that their own group had passed, nobody knew the success rate of the guild as a whole—except for the Meowstic who, deep down, was taking great pleasure in Alakazam’s defeat. “The final group for the exam returned from their mission, successfully. In fact... every group was successful! We passed!”

The silence was once again shattered as the guild erupted with cheer. Some members were jumping up in excitement while other guildmons shyly clapped. One popped open a bottle of champagne, then immediately began to drink it straight from the bottle. In contrast, one member stood off to the side, tired and confused, and another silently walked off back to the dojo. But overall, the guild was the very image of celebration.

“Hold on,” Lliam said. “There is still one more thing we need to take care of. I’ve filled out everything for the Federation registration except for the team ranks section, so I thought it is something the guild could do together.”

The crowd pondered for only a mere second before somebody blurted out, “Newfag Rank.”

Lliam instantly regretted his decision.

One after another, absurd rank names were blurted out: “Normie Rank”, “Trips Rank”, “Cozy Rank”, “Kek Rank”, “Sage Rank”.

The joke names quickly turned into a hot debate, but after a solid hour of arduous deliberation and petty squabbling, the Guildmaster had somehow managed to form a coherent team rank system. He stood before the guild members and announced the list.

“In order from highest to lowest, the ranks go…
OP Rank, which is reserved for me;
Gold Clover Rank;
Clover Rank;
Based Rank;
Cozy Rank;
Kino Rank;
Kek Rank;
Sage Rank;
Quads Rank;
Trips Rank;
Dubs Rank;
Normie Rank; and...
Newfag Rank.”

Everyone present seemed to agree with the order.

“How are you going to decide what rank each team is?” a voice in the gathering inquired. “Because some of us have been in the guild longer than others.”

Someone else chimed in, “We shouldn’t base it on time in the guild. Heck, there are Pokémon here who don’t do any requests.”

“Who cares about that? I’d say the guildmembers who prepare the food, organize the items, and clean the guildhall do far more for the guild than the Pokémon who do one E-rank mission a week.”

“Clean the guildhall? Organize Items? That’s a laugh! This place is filthy, and the storage room is a disordered disaster. Ranks should be decided by a fighting competition.”

“Hey!” Lliam raised his voice, too tired to mediate another argument. “I’ll put together some system based on guild contributions later.” He took a deep breath while flipping through all the registration files. “Okay, I think that’s everything. It’s been a long day so it would be best if we—”

“Party time!” someone screamed, cutting off Lliam’s plea to have a quiet night of rest.

The most energetic guildmembers sang, danced, ate, and drank loudly, until the sun rose. Nobody in the guild got any sleep that night, but they didn’t mind. For now, their Federation problem was a thing of the past.

[THE END]