Brent Rambo: Squirrel Huntin'

Chapter I

MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY SYSTEM ERROR MAYDAY MAYDAY

Brent Rambo was awoken from his sleep on the Lammington hearing this. "Motherfucking Cunt!" he runs to grab his blaster and ammunition. "Brent what are you doing?" screamed Adalaide. "Getting the fuck outta here, Good luck dumb bitch." said Brent with a laugh.

Putting on his backpack he jumps out of the burning spaceship with his parachute. He lights up a cigarette as he parachutes to the earth Hmm where will I land, hopefully in the Candy Kingdom

As he hits the earth, he realizes he aint where he wished he was. Indeed, this was one of the worst parts to land in. Motherfucking Treerrats everywhere These primitives hated Sanalites. They tasted good, Brent remembered but he aint got time to worry about that.

A squirrel runs up to him and demands he surrender. In a high-pitched voice he hears. "Time's up , Cannibal Scum. We have you surrounded. Give your weapons up now and we will have mercy on you." The 200 cm tall man bristled with rage. He grabbed the Squirrel by the throat and says "We will see who kicks ass, My gun is bigger than yours like my cock is bigger than your dick." As Risuner starts choking, he pulls him tighter. "You motherfuckers will need a whole lot more firepower to beat me" then snaps his neck. He dodges Risuner arrows and fire starts mowing them down with his machine gun. The Risuners are terrified and flee but dozens are killed.

Lighting up another cigarette, Brent looks at his compass, I need to go Northeast.

Chapter II

Jungle sounds surround Brent

These bloody mosquitos are worse that the fuckin' Risuners! Brent thought as he traversed to the Northeast. He had been walking for 2 days now and had shot up Risuners multiple times when they tried to sneak up on him. One time when he was trying to get some rest, he found a Risuner woman trying to rape him, so he raped her instead before killing her. Fucking dumb bitch, I am the raper. Probably the best sex she ever had and she was tight as fuck. I'll be taken more of these whores as I go along if I catch them!

He stumbles into an upon grove and spots a small Risuner village in the trees in the distance. Those fuckers haven't spotted me yet, maybe I can get a jump on them and get some food. Brent sneaks up to the Village without making so much as a sound, he can here the Risuners laughing and having sex. Gotcha with your pants down, motherfuckers Quickly, Brent shoots his grappling hook up onto a tree next to the village and swings over onto a roof. But now he was spotted. Risuners screamed in horror as Brent came down guns ablazing. He breaks down the door of the biggest house he can find and finds himself a Risuner woman making dinner alone. "Oh no!" She screams in terror and puts her hands up. "Sit your pretty ass down honey, I ain't here to kill ya or eat ya. Just wanna have a nice little word with ya." she stops cooking as Brent sits down at her table pointing his M60 at her. She then sits down across from him and asks him "What do you want? Aren't you one of them cannibals! Were you the one killing everyone."

Brent lights up a cig, and laughs "Nah baby, I just wanted to say hi and your friends tried to kill me. Did it in self defense, nuthing more nuthing less. Now, I'll tell ya what I wanna do with ya. Get your pretty ass into the kitch'n and fix me up a meal for us." The Risuner does as he asks, she is utterly terrified but somehow turned out by this giant man who entered her house. She didn't have a husband and hadn't been satisfied by Risuner men in weeks. Maybe this killer would do the trick.

The smell of Rabbit stew rises, ah that's it, shit's good. Brent takes a look outside and none of the Risuners are even here anymore. Well, maybe I can get a goodsnight rest and some of that squirrel pussy tonight. Not like I will give her a choice hehe The Risuner woman comes out and brings the stew Smacks her on the ass "Smells fucking good, and your ass feels awful nice too." The Risuner blushes and says "Th-hank you". Brent starts chowing down on the rabbit stew. This is the good shit. "Hey, what's your name ya beautiful cunt, I'm Brent. Thank ya!"
"You're welcome, I am Claudia. I-its nice that you aren't going to eat my ass hehe."
"Nah, I'll eat your tight pussy though. Hows'd that sound to ya? I know you squirrels are horny fuckers and so I am."
"FUCK YES, Ah your cock must be massive. I haven't been pleased in a while."
"Heh, you can say it is. Bigger than any of these men you got around, they are fucking tiny fuckers aren't they."
"Y-Yeah..."
They both finished their stew and Claudia comes up to him seductively.
"Now it's time for sweet dessert baby girl, Cmere."

All night long the two fuck, and Brent sleeps until noon the next day. He finds the Risuner ready for more and gives her a goodbye fuck before he leaves again. When he walks outside of her house, the Risuners are shocked and run for their lives. Hahaha you fucking retards, Brent always win.
He then shoots his grappeling hook into another tree and leaves catapults to the ground Good food, Good fucking, Great sleep. Hella of a night', now let's get the fuck outta here.

Chapter III

In the middle of the fucking Jungle again

Man, I'll tell ya what, I am getting sick of these motherfucking mosquitos. When I get to the Candy Kingdom, I am bringing a fucking flamethrower to burn all of this shit down. It was now two weeks of fighting, fucking and wandering across Risu to safety. These Risuners were absolutely terrified of Brent but as he came closer to the border, a plan was hatched to get back at him for killing them and raping their women.

Brent stopped at a stream 5km to the Towa border. He drank from the stream and sat down for a bit. Man, what a journey this has been. Doubt any of the fuckers in Lammington lived, but if I find any, I got quite the story to tell As he washed his face, war chants came from the woods. Ah, shit here we go again. These damn squirrels never know when to let up. Pulling out a rocket launcher, he fires it into the woods, blasting 3 Risuners to bits. He then throws some napalm grenades into woods as well, catching a good dozen Risuners on fire. He laughed as he saw the little squirrels running around like Chickens with their heads cut off. You fucking cucks Then he opened up with his machine gun "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND, MR M60." He starts laying down walking fire as the Risuners flee "COME BACK AND PLAY WITH ME YOU DUMB CUNTS!".

As soon as he said this, an arrow hit him the back. He pulled the thing out and turned around to see a good 50 Risuners firing at him. "You picked the wrong day to fuck with me." Using his jetpack, he flys up into the air and fire 3 RPGS into the crowd, dispersing them immediately, with dozens killed. But they kept coming and his ammo was running out. Ah, you fuckers don't know when to let up. Oh well, I will show you I am just as good with the blade as me missiles Taking out his bowie knife, he is running towards the border like a madman, scalping several Risuners along the way. He gets hit by more arrows but they were just flesh wounds.

One particular big Risuner stands on a bridge on the river standing in the way of freedom. The 'roided up squirrel looked more like a Sanalite than a Risuner, and around him were 10 other squirrels. The Giant laughs "You made a valiant fight, Sanalite but your path ends here. I will mount your head over my fireplace as my greatest prize I ever captured. Get him boys" Thinking quick, Brent starts throwing rocks flying at the Risuners, knocking them 3 of them out. He then dodges a spear attack by one Risuner which kills the one who snuck up behind him. He fires the remainer of his ammon into the last 6, killing them all before he throws his gun to the ground and approaches the Giant barehanded.

"HAHAHA, You think you can come at me, no? You Be-AHHHHH" Brent delivers a punch to his chin so hard it shatters his jaw instantly. Brent then grabs the Risuner looking like a madman and says, "Oh I think I can come at you alright you bugger, Now It's time to meet Mori ya dumb fucker" and pludges the knife into his chest. The Risuner lays on the side of the road coughing up blood as Brent lights up another cig and walks over into Towa. Mission Accomplished, now let's get to the Candy Kingdom