Bitey Bastards
"Runt, what are you doing?" Riku asked, holding the bridge of his nose.
Runt responded without interrupting his activities. "Cleaning the new girl, teach! She's all dusty."
It was true, too. The class had tried to get Cube into a stall, but she was slightly (significantly) too wide and ended up cracking the plastic walls. Runt wasn't a huge fan of plastic, it tasted too artificial, but he had it so rarely that it was like a treat, or thanksgiving dinner. Point is, he couldn't just ignore it.
The nose-grip turned into a full facepalm. "What did I tell you about licking people?"
Runt paused, staring into the abyss as he considered the question for a few seconds. It blinked first. "Only in emergencies, right?"
"What? No. Get off of her."
"But she's fine with it! See?" Runt pulled away, revealing Cube's slightly jerky vibration.
"Now, Runt."
After only a little further complaining, Runt withdrew into his portion of the classroom - the quantum wavefunction of all space not currently occupied by something else.
Riku walked up to the shaking Cube. "Sorry about that, Runt means well, but he's, uh-" Actually, he didn't have a good way to finish that sentence. "-I hope that everything's alright. If you need to be excused, go ahead, I'll talk to Runt later."
Cube responded with a burst of noise that rattled the window and had Riku hiding a flinch from his burst eardrums, then flew right out the door, taking out a chunk of the doorframe as she passed.
I really hope this was a one-time thing, Riku mused, weakly chuckling despite himself. I don't want to have to put up a sign.
Hisa was halfway through her third readthrough of the excessive force regulations (it was really important to remember, after all) when Suki came crashing into their stall, clothes disheveled and hauling a huge dead snake.
"Did something happen?"
Ssssssuki sssssshot Hissssssa a venemoussssss glare assssss ssssssshe adjusssssted her jacket. "What doessssss it look like, geniusssss?"
"Hehe, sorry, dumb question." Hisa returned to her notes, idly feeding a miniaturized shark summon another cookie. She didn't get the calories, but she did get the taste, so junk food was a win-win situation.
"It'ssss jusssssst ssssso annoying not having a plasssssse to get rid of thesssssse." Suki stared at the snake in her hand. Then she looked at the shark. She jerked back to the snake, then back at the shark again.
"I can imag-"
"Thossssssse thingssssss can eat?"
"Yep, they're fully functional sharks. All of the powers and then some! Wait, are you implying-"
"Yessssss!"
Suki shoved the snake into Hisa's arms and gave her a hopeful look.
"Well," said Hisa, making the first of many terrible mistakes, "if it'll help you out."
With that, a shark rose from the ground, gobbling up the snake instantly.
Halfway through, the chewing slowed to a crawl, as the taste hit Hisa like a truck.
And it was wonderful.
The delicate balance of flavors, the tender muscle and delicate marbled fat mixed with the iron tang of the blood and-
Distantly, Hisa remembered reading that snake could take on a variety of flavors based on what the diet of the snake was. A lot of animal food products worked like this, but it had stuck with her. She could guess that Suki didn't eat right, exactly, because the whole thing was wrapped up with a strong sweet aftertaste. Just like Hisa preferred.
Yes, Suki tasted incredible.
No, no, hold on, that's not right. Hisa shook her head, returning back down to earth. She just never ate an animal so fresh before, usually it was overcooked and refridgerated, there was nothing particularly special about this, so there was no good reason to go about eating your friend's dead clones. It's just not proper, what would other people think? Stop right there, Hisa! Looking around again, somewhat lost, she saw Snack Dispenser she meant Suki doing a little dance.
"Corpsssssse Dissssssspossssssal get! When classssss endssssss, letssssss get the other one!"
Hisa's resolve shattered like glass. There was more?
Riku tried to enjoy his lunch period, he really did. Unfortunately, the day had him all tense. He'd had to take Umeko to the nurse's office after she had tried to gnaw on Richard's head and got a mouthful of spines for the trouble. Neither would explain why, either. Was it one of those stupid social media challenges the kids were doing nowadays?
Whatever. He just pecked at his meal, drank some shitty bottled tea, and stared out the window. Today's salad had worms in it - he hated them, the texture was unbearable, but the health benefits to bird mutants were pretty well-studied. Just one of the unfortunate realities of mutant life. He wasn't getting any younger, and the less stress on his one good wing, the better.
At least the kids are getting along. He spotted the two shy girls, Cube and Kyoko, running around outside. Well, floating in the case of the first, but the latter ran along right behind her.
Wait.
Riku closed his eyes, counting to ten.
When he opened them, the cube was darting around at several meters in the air, and the white puffball moved with it, arms and legs flailing in the breeze.
When he finally got them down to earth and released Kyoko's tongue from it's frosty attachment with some hot water, they were a few minutes into the next period. Kyoko muttered something that sounded like "Everybody else was doing it" before vanishing into a hole Riku swore wasn't there that morning, while Cube just sort of accelerated into the air, rapidly vanishing into the distance.
"Know what? I'll be back in ten minutes. Discuss the reading amongst yourselves", Riku'd said upon returning to the classroom, heading off to the teacher's lounge for some quick respite, and forgetting to assign anything to read.
Distracted as he was, he also missed Suki and Hisa sssssslipping out right behind him.
"Well, there it issssssss."
The two girls looked at Suki's dead body, currently folded in half and stuffed into a cafeteria trash bin, complete with banana peel.
"Yep, that's a corpse."
Suki was just glad Ulmeyda wasn't here, he got weird about unused meat.
"Ssssssso, are you going to get get rid of it?"
"In a sec, I have one of my sharks fetching something. Hey, there it is now!"
"Huh? Issssss that a bockssssss?"
Instead of answering, Hisa rummaged in said box for a moment, then striking a pose with something in her hand - a bottle of barbeque sauce. "Tada!"
With that, she flipped it over and dumped the entire contents onto the corpse. Quickly, it was attacked by several smaller sharks, tearing away at it piece by piece. The sight of yourself getting mobbed by several large predators is incredibly disturbing to watch, but that same unnerving factor drew Suki's full attention.
"...You can taste through the ssssssharks, that makessssss sssssensssse. Ssssstill creepy, though."
Suki waited for a response, and then waited some more. None came. She turned to Hisa, a question on her lips that died when she saw the glassy look in the other girl's eyes, and the faint line of drool running down her face.
Despite herself, Suki shivered. Perhaps Ulmeyda wasn't the only one that got weird.
A tragic accident, the nurses had told him when they called over intercom. The boy was lucky to be alive.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Skycarver stormed in, zeroed in on his student, and perched himself on the chair right next to the bed. The old man futzing about nearby sensed his foul mood and got out of the way after some brief britishisms about tea and time machines or whatever.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Skycarver eyed the patient critically, and the stoic hero mask fell away. It left behind just Riku, worried and disappointed, and frankly very angry.
"Runt..."
He paused, letting the beeps play out.
"The f-" Deep breath, Riku. "Shidehara of all people? What were you thinking?"
Runt groaned, opening his eyes a sliver, shaking off the terrible death-mask look he had fallen into as he rested. Somehow, he managed to cough out a few words. "I've... learned my lesson, teach. Won't touch Slimenuts again, promise, ha. ha."
Hisa splashed water on her face. She was in the bathroom - not 1-F, thankfully - after her talk with Suki. The Suki that didn't want anything to do with her all of a sudden. Was it something she did? Something she'd said? What was it? Hisa splashed herself again, trying to clear her head. Today was a mess.
Alrighty, take a good look at yourself.
Hisa stared at herself in the mirror. She looked fine, albeit moister than usual.
You're fine, it's just a small mistake somewhere.
We can patch it up!
Hisa smiled.
Use your PR training!
Her smile broadened.
As the kids say, "rizz her up!" You're fun, you're friendly, you're the very model of a hero student! Go out there and make up with your snack(e) food friend!
Hisa's smile was dazzling, her pose was calculated, and everything said "Trust me, I'm a hero." That would hopefully convey her emotions properly.
Now, back to the cafeteria...
Five minutes of talking and Hisa was chasing Suki full tilt through the halls.
Running into Skycarver, heading back from Runt's bedside, was unfortunate. She'd probably have caugth up without that.
"SSSSSSEXUAL HARASSSSSSSMENT CANNIBAL!" screamed Suki as she slipped past Riku, pointing at the girl chasing her. Then, she vanished into the corridors of Shiketsu, as Riku turned towards the apparently more pressing concern, spreading his wings to block the entire hallway.
Hisa slowed to a stop, riding shark abruptly splattering into vapor beneath her, sending her sprawling on her ass in front of her teacher. She waved her hands in the air, gesturing in random places in a vain attempt to deflect his stare.
"It's not like that!" she cried, "I only want her for her body!"
About an hour after the end of class, Karaburan slid past a broken doorframe into Classroom 1-F.
"Hello Washizawa-san, I was hoping to check up on how your first week was go-" her voice trailed off as she took in the freshly printed poster and the slumped-over Riku.
He just sighed. "Please, don't ask."
Class Rule #1 - No Tasting Classmates (This Means You)