An Onobots desire for /meat/

A spark is born

On a bench in one of the many harbors sit two Onobots silently awaiting a possible shipment of carrots when suddenly one starts a conversation out of the blue:

„I feel like our presence on barbecues is not strong“

„What do you mean RR-1028?“

„I mean that one of the greatest get together our country has, has us barely being featured at all RR-1012“

„well I guess that is just natural, we do not need sustenance and thus cannot partake much in the talks about the greatness of the food featured“

„But still, just because we cannot take in the food ourselves does not mean we cannot be more prominent in the event itself, what for example we bring our finest carrots to the barbecues, surely this would make us the star of the event.“

„Sadly not, I do not understand it myself but from what I have heard of older bots, carrots seem to not meet the standards that are common for barbecues.“

„I do not understand, I thought the point of barbecues is to roast food, carrots should be perfectly roastable.“

„From what I gathered, while roasted vegetables are fine the main goal is to roast meat specifically“

„Hmm that should be easy enough, I recall them throwing out rats and other small rodents regularly from the castle. That should be quite a lot of meat for us to get a foothold onto the barbecues.“

„Sadly not, I heard that bots tried this in the past but were thrown out from the barbecue for it. Not every meat seems to suffice for barbecue either.“

„Hmm... this seems tougher than I expected, maybe I should hire a meat expert from the populace“

„I would assume all knowledgeable people in terms of meat within the country are already involved in the barbecues. I do not calculate a high chance of success this way for you.“

RR-1028 ponders on this for a while before he proudly exclaims.

„Wait, that's it! If I cannot find an expert within the country than all I got to do is find someone outside the country.“

„...what?“

„I shall find the biggest expert on meat I can, and then I shall make Onobots the star of barbecue with meat that no one shall ever have tasted before. Hahaha the success of this is already guaranteed by all calculations I can come up with.“

As the RR-1028 makes off with his new grand plan RR-1012 is left behind in disbelief.

„you know RR-1028, we might both have our OS copied from the same unit, but I feel like I understand you less and less recently“

Gathering Intel

„I have come in search of the most knowledgeable scholar with regard to meat that you have!“

A booming voice echoed in the grand entrance of the spiderlike temple.

After some confused looks among the scholars, one scholar in purple robes dares to address RR-1028

„Pardon me, sir bot, but what exactly are you looking for?“

„I am in need of a scholar that knows about meat“

„Umm, ok? As in food, I assume?“

„Edible meat, yes, I need to know where I can find the best meat possible in the world! It is of great importance.“

„...sure, I think sister Amanda should have some knowledge in that field, may I guide you to her“

„of course, bring me to her as quickly as possible“

As the two start walking, a big sigh of relief overcomes the rest of the scholars, and some even show some thumbs up as approval towards the brave scholar for getting rid of a potential disaster that overzealous Onobots can bring with them.

After some walking through book filled passages, the duo arrives at a table, where a short woman with long silver hair, in the same purple robes as the rest, is sitting among papers strewn around her.

„Amanda, we got a guest here who would like your knowledge about food of different nations“

„IEEE“ a small shriek and a sudden jump takes Amanda out of her work

„Oh? OH! Hello, good sir, madam? Bot, yes, I have traveled a fair share myself and gathered material of food across the world, yes? Yes! Can I help you? Oh, I should let you talk first, shouldn't I?“

„Greetings, I am RR-1028, and I am seeking the best possible meat I can find for a barbecue“

„Hmm? Wouldn't it be easier to just get it from the butchers here? We got some good meat ourselves, if I may say so.“

„NONONONO, that is exactly the problem, I need meat that one cannot get here that can even surpass what the Hillers bring to barbecue.“

„Ohh hmm, that sounds difficult, but interesting! Let me see what I can come up with!“

As the two started getting into their element, the unnamed scholar silently made his retreat, glad not to be a part of this anymore.

„Alright so I guess the first thing I can come up with would be some meat from /ag/, it is a place known for delicious food to the point that no one has ever managed to go there and not leave weighing a few pounds more.“

„hmmmm, while that does sound interesting, I am not sure if food that would hinder the work efficiency or health of our people would be the right thing for this, OUT!“

„Huh? Already dismissed? Well alright then, hmm... oh, I think you will like this, how about /ggg/, they would have a grand selection of fine fish fit for a barbecue!“

„Traveling to the queen's most beloved place sounds tempting, but fish is a different word than meat, so, OUT!“

„Wait, what? No? Out for that? Uhh, ok then, how about the Owl Republic? I hear we recently started on diplomatic relationships with them, so soon this should be a very stable trade route with cattle that we had not before.“

„No, I cannot wait till that is done, I need this now, OUT!“

Exchanges like these kept going for a bit between the two, with one suggestion after the next being rejected for one reason or another. While initially being delighted at the conversation, Amanda soon started to hold her head in her hands.

„Honestly, if you're that unsure without even having seen anything yourself before, you might as well travel to /nasfaqq/ and take a look at their market with your own eyes... moooh“

„Wait, what did you just say?“

„Huh? What did I just say? Oh yes, /nasfaqq/, it is one of the biggest markets of this world, so they probably have something for everyone? Wait, is this it?“

„That idea is brilliant, we are sure to find something that way, we shall board a ship there immediately and do just that!“

„Woo-hoo, I am glad you liked my idea sir bot, I hope you will be successful in your search... wait... we?“

But before Amanda could fully grasp the situation, a robotic arm heaved her up and dragged her to the port.

A fateful meeting

Somewhere on the market of /nasfaqq/ a peculiar bunch is walking the streets as a curious RR-1028 looked hopeful towards the little Scholar next to him.

„So, how is it?“

„I don't know, fine I guess? Nothing special really? Oh! But I do like the spices, I think?“ She answered while holding a meat kebab in her hand, chewing slowly on a piece of it.

„Again? I sure was hoping we finally got a hit, this turns out to be way harder than I imagined it would be, I was so sure my plan was foolproof.“

„Not to be rude, buuuut, I have eaten so much meat it kinda is starting to blend all together and just taste like, I don't know, meat? Yeah, meat!“

As they continue to walk, she starts to hold her belly in her hands with a pained expression, a signal of just how much she was forced to eat so far.

„Honestly, I feel tha little misses, I sure am a heavy eater me self, but I think even I am at me limit here, could we at least stop lugging these chests with us, they be starting to get as heavy as a hags plenty bosom.“ Behind the duo a man in the clothes of a ship's captain, whose bright red hair and beard make it seem as if his face his ablaze, together with a bunch of hearty sailors, is following along carrying big wooden chests between them. Each of them too is holding their belly with their free hand, showing that even they got forced one too many meals by RR-1028 already.

„I am afraid that is not an option. A merchant told me about how important it is to react as quick as possible to trading, apparently smithed goods are such sought after that you have to purchase them while iron is still hot and being worked on!“

Upon this statement all that greets RR-1028 is a round of baffled looks from the sailors as they stand silently for a moment, with a sigh however they quickly catch themselves and continue following the pair, a sympathetic look of the sailors towards their captain is all the consolation the burly man gets.

„If I could have a moment of your time“ a new voice came from a man approaching the group, he wore a friendly smile and at a glance seemed like an inconspicuous man from head to toe.

„Yes? How may I help you?“ RR-1028 responds the man.

„My name is Quenti. It has come to my attention that a big metallic man and his group are looking for high quality meat in larger amounts, would this happen to be you?“

„Ohh, indeed, I am looking for the finest meat possible, do you happen to know a place where I can purchase such?“

„Indeed, this is why a was out, looking for you, if I may ask you to follow me, I would like to bring you to an establishment that will hopefully live up to your standards.“ gesturing to follow him Quenti started to walk off.

„Aye, this be stinking hard if ye ask me.“ the Captain said in a hushed voice while grimacing.

„Do not worry Captain, I have not registered any changes in the Air that would indicate a foul smell lingering, if I notice a change, I will inform you.“

And with these words, the group started following Quenti for a while until they reached a restaurant, that at first glance seemed nothing special. Table and stools seemed of average quality with a bar that seemed to have all the regular drinks with nothing too fancy, since it was not lunchtime only a handful of patrons were dining but none of the food they were eating seem to hint at anything extravagant either. It was almost disappointingly normal, to the point that Amanda was already dreading having to eat yet another average meal. The Stranger however went further to a Door with heavy lock and took out a key from his person to open the door.

„Now, beyond here is our VIP area, but I fear it might get too cramped with all these people, so I hope you don't mind if the others could wait out here and enjoy some beverage while we continue on?“ he said with a smile that would indicate only the best of intentions at a glance, hiding whatever motives lay beyond it.

„The Crew may rest, I have no problem with that,“ as cheers from the crew erupted, happy to not having to carry chests for a while, „Amanda however will have to come with me in order to verify that the meat is fulfilling our needs.“

„I see“ he says almost to himself as he probes Amanda from top to bottom with a sharp glare uncharacteristic of the man so far. Noticing this, Amanda tries to hide a bit behind RR-1028 to escape the glare and tries to look away herself.

„Well I think it should not be an issue, please do come in. Cusi, if you could inform the chef to have one more meal for our special guests prepared and if you could make sure that their friends are taken care of.“ While leading the duo further in, he gave a quick order to a waitress who simply responded with an affirmative nod and quickly hurried off.

Once inside, the atmosphere changed drastically, revealing a room dressed up only in the finest of garments and furniture. One singular table was placed in the room, leaving space only for a handful of people to eat at it.

„I hope it is to your liking?“ Quenti asked while preparing some chairs for the duo to sit down in.

„Wooow, this room is gorgeous, isn't it? It sure is!“ as Amanda was taking in the sight, RR-1028 simply stood still.

„If you want to trade luxury items, please have the captain outside refer you to some of our merchants, I have no interest in any of this right now, none of these things are made of meat.“

„Huh? Excuse me? No no, this was not what I meant with liking, the food will arrive shortly. Please, do have a seat while you wait.“

A short while after sitting down, a man in chef's clothing arrives from a side door with 2 dishes in hand. A big and juicy looking steak on each is placed in front of Amanda and RR-1029 respectively as the chef gives Quenti a quick glance and a small nod. With an inviting gesture, Quenti signals that it is fine to dig in.

“WOAH, what is this? THIS IS SOO GOOD! I can't remember the last time I had something so nice!” Amanda could not help but exclaim after taking a bite, she gleefully started cutting piece after piece and stuffing her face with the steak, not caring much for appearance. Quenti could not help but look satisfied with himself as he took in the sight of Amanda, but his smile and the color on his face quickly faded and cold sweat started appearing instead, when he returned his attention to the Onobot who was just sitting there silently, squishing the steak with his finger occasionally probing it with his fork.

“Uhm... is there anything wrong, sir RR-1028? Is the meal not to your liking?”

“From what I can gather so far, it seems to be fine. This is indeed meat, and density as well as composition seem to be well within the desired parameters. Is the Taste truly excellent, Amanda?”

“YES!”

“Is that so?...” noticing Amanda not caring for the behavior of her companion and continuing her meal, Quenti started to relax again, not expecting the next words.

“Everything seems to be as we want it, so how much human meat could you potentially sell us?”

As RR-1028 asked his question, it took a moment for both Amanda and Quenti to fully digest his words.

“HUMAN?!” Amanda immediately stopped eating, trying to spit out what was still in her mouth while looking shocked to the core.

“Yes, from my analysis of the meat, I can only come to the conclusion that this must be human meat.” RR-1028 replied calmly.

“This is wrong! Humans cannot eat other Humans!” Amanda exclaimed pouting.

"Ah, I see. Please don't worry about it, ma'am Amanda. I can guarantee you that our experienced chefs are well-qualified for preparing it. The meat is no more hazardous than, say, beef or mutton. Indeed if I'm to be blunt, I would say it's healthier than many meals in... less refined establishments."

"From my Scans i can also see no issues in that regard, it should be fine for consumption." did the Onobot agree

"No, that is not the issue, you cannot just eat People, thats morally wrong!"

"Ah, so that is your objection." Quenti paused for a brief moment before continuing with his calm tone, as if the answer had been prepared and recited numerous times. "A common belief, regrettably. While morality is ultimately a matter of personal belief, if I may, I would still recommend ma'am Amanda to reconsider it."

"While we might have a... certain reputation among the people of the world, I can assure you that every piece of meat served on our plates come from someone willingly offering them. I wouldn't dare to bore you with details, but our establishment insists upon serving only the highest class of meat we can obtain. As such, every one of our sources of meat is treated well - perhaps even better than many commoners - before they're processed." Quenti glanced briefly to the windows leading to the outside world, as if gesturing towards it silently. "And in exchange, we make full use of what they offered us for our esteemed customers. Ultimately, it's no more immoral than, say, people benefitting from their ancestors' sacrifice. In fact, I wager our kitchens likely spilt less unwilling blood than many such cases."

"I agree with him Amanda, and to me, it seems more efficient than how humans in the Retro Reich handle their dead. If I were to die, it would... sadden me greatly to know that my body would just waste away somewhere. I would like it much rather my fellow bots use my parts to repair themselves or to lay the foundation for new Onobots to be constructed." At those words, Amanda cannot help but avert her gaze to the floor. While maybe Quenti's standpoint is something she will have to think more about, the one of the Onobot is all too familiar to her and is something she simply cannot argue.

"Well, ultimately, the decision is yours." Quenti remarked, but decided not to push her further, leaving her in her thoughts as the conversation turned towards the business side of things.

"Well, it seems we have come to an agreement for now." as RR-1028 turns his gaze towards the man still standing at the window. "Now then, back to my original question about of how much you could potentially sell to me?"

"It depends on multiple factors, sir. With your approval, we'll be able to deliver them to your land, alongside some of our professional chefs to prepare them optimally. Of course, while they have their own preferred tools, they would still need access to kitchens to practise their expertise." Quenti pondered the question for a moment, making mental calculations on details of such a trade. "Do you have a rough estimate in mind? That might be a better place as start for our deal."

"Getting you kitchens will be no issue at all, I will have new ones constructed myself if it means securing professional chefs alongside it. The boon this will mean to my plan is too big to miss out. I would need to know how much usable meat per unit can be harvested, but if I were to make a rough estimate, I would say around five thousand should be sufficient."

"On average, I would say about 40% of one's weight is edible, although the amount of prime cuts is-" Quenti's concise, almost clincal explanation was halted as his mind processed the number mentioned by the Onobot. His professionalism allows him to suppress the more innate reaction to the implication, converting it into a polite chuckle at what must be their form of humour. "Oh, sir, you're too kind. I do hope that our cuisine can be enjoyed by the entire people of yours one day."

"... that said, I'm afraid that the sheer scale of logistics would make it infeasible." Following a brief pause, Quenti began to realise that it was probably not meant to be a joke, and continued his words before the silence became awkward. "The quality source of our meat are well-cared for, and their compliance allows them to be shipped just like esteemed passengers. However, it would still be quite difficult to ship thousands of them in a short period of time. The sheer amount of ships and servants required, not to mention fitting accomodations would be quite difficult for most to afford, I'm afraid."

"If you could expend some Caretakers to instruct our Crews then it should be possible to send ships of our own, that said however, expending so many ships for such a long time without them participating in active trade would be a strain even for us. If we could cut down on travel time perhaps but even using our most modern ships it would still be too long... or maybe if we can have them trade in other places beforehand hmm, but that would considerably slow down the time until we get to the actual goal. But I finally found what I need, I cannot just let this chance slip by!"

"Of course! We're always happy to share our knowledge with others. Still, the sheer distance might result in a noticeable degree of loss despite the best treatment we can provide." Quenti pondered, his gloved finger tapping silently against himself as he contemplate a solution. It did not take long for him to express the epiphany, though, even if his tone remained calm and professional. "Making use of the easterlies should help us cut down travel time. The journey from our land to yours would be long and sparse in people, but the way back across the other side of the globe might prove rather fruitful should you be interested in trading with your westward neighbours. Our friends in /risu/ should shorten unnecessary travel back to our main ports too."

"Oh? Could you expand further on /risu/? From what I understand, it is a region of dense forestry and people living a more grounded lifestyle. Reports of the place would not indicate how they would shorten travel time. I do not seem to fully comprehend" being intrigued by Quenti's statement, the Onobot could not help standing up and leaning over the table, too eager not to miss valuable information that could make his dream a reality.

"Certainly. The land of /risu/ is home to several kinds of squirrel people... humans with squirrel tail and ears, basically. Our people have a... complicated relationship with them, although nowadays our relations are quite cordial, I would say." Quenti rubbed his chin as he organised his thoughts. "A road across the isthmus has been built recently, so by making use of the port facilities on both sides, travel time of goods can be cut short, potentially significantly. This is considerably better than making use of the straits between the two main continents, both because of changing wind conditions and the occasional obstructions."

Hearing this, RR-1029 stood up excited and leaned in towards Quenti.

"This is perfect. If we can travel directly to /risu/ and pick up the humans from there, then we would save immense time. This is it. With this, the meat dream can finally become true. In fact, we could even bring trade goods to /risu/ and establish trade with them too, wich then would mean the travel becomes even more lucrative and thus, maybe if I can have a fleet crafted for use on the other side of the road we could even use it to trade on the other side of /risu/ more easily too. Well, but that would be a few years off, for now: meat!"

"Now, if I may be so free, when it comes to trade on the other side of /risu/, why don't you let us from Matiyotl handle that side?" Quenti offered his customer a polite, yet sincere smile as he dipped his upper body slightly to his words. This business would prove quite lucrative and beneficial, both for themselves and the powers behind them, „However, this would still bring the Problem of how such a quantity of cattle could be processed in your home country itself, one mere kitchen would sadly not be enough for such a case.“

„That sounds logical, but I lack the information to come up with a solution for it... Amanda, do you happen to have an Idea.“ following RR-1028's gaze to the side, Quenti could not help but grin in earnest. Not expecting the Attention suddenly shifting to her, Amanda was in the middle of shoving more meat into her mouth greedily.

„What? WHAT! Look it's tasty okay, and it's not like I can change what is done, might as well not let it go to waste!“ Pouting for a bit Amanda tried to hide her embarrassment at being caught, but after a moment caught herself and responded to the question at hand. „Well, we could set up facilities within the scholar areas that are more out of the sight of the general population and with some financial backing we could also include some workshops to produce and maintain any tools necessary. Any Bucko eating such a meal should be easy to get around... just like me, hmprf!“

„Excellent with this all Problems should be solved, right?“ Feeling satisfied RR-1028 leaned back in his seat.

„Well there a certainly some finer details to be worked out and all but sure, in theory this all sounds like a very nice dream, but I am afraid what we talked about is a bit above a decision that we here can just make, the financials needed alone is far beyond anything a person alone can handle.“

Being happy at having entertained his guest as well as gaining a potential trade deal for the future that he should bring to the attention of his country. Quenti gave a self-satisfied smile and wanted to let his guest continue their meal. RR-1028 however stood up and left the room only to return with his crew carrying their chests in.

„Do you think this would be enough to at least get things started?“

At these words, the sailors began opening the chests, revealing each to be filled to the brim with gold and gemstones. At the sight of the fortune in front of him, even Quenti's strong business facade crumbled completely and as sweat run down his pale face that was locked in a grimace of shock and awe, all he could muster were some quick words.

„Sweet Akira... I need to bring some people here right now.

Epilogue

A Captain with fiery Mane and burly build is looking on as his crew is loading up the last of some crates upon his ship.

„Aye Captain, Mate Jeff send me to tell you this be the last of the shipment till we get the cattle from the road tomorrow,“
One of younger Crewmates came confirming what he witnessed himself

„Aye, i can see, honestly it still amazes me just how lucrative this road has become, getting stuff across the world has become quite more easier, the merchants have been celebrating it nonstop since the agreement with the meatheads and the fuzzy squirrels.“

„too bad it means hardly a night in port tho, ey captain. Place seems so nice and peaceful really, would love to learn some more of it.“

„Eh, to each their own, i prefer some place with booze and quarrel a plenty.“ as the both of them take a nice and long look around the Port they are in, the Captain notices a trio of Risuners peeking around a corner and curiously looking at the sailors working.

„heh.“ a big and ugly smile comes across the captains visage and with a loud and booming voice he speaks up.

„Ya know, youngster, why don't ya take these here bag of gems and ask those nice ladys over there if they might got some time to teach you a thing or two about here if you are that curious.“

the Risuners jump at realizing they have been caught but as soon as they hear the captains words seem to look excstatic at the proposal and happily take along the young sailor, who seems a bit confused but happy at the situation, not yet realizing his fate. Meanwhile the Captain turns back to his ship where a bunch of veteran Sailors that happen to catch his words are already having a good and hearty laugh.