2024-09-12 【Just Chatting】 Your boss has returned!!!! Let's catch up about my NYC trip!!!
Stream URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1DG1iwL7tQ
Timestamps close but not verified for perfect accuracy (might be very slightly off)
Contents
Casual chatting section (NYC trip) part 1
0:05:51 caspurr catachibi
0:06:30 gonna be fanmodels after official model lol
0:06:54 model toggles
0:07:20 gremlin giggles
0:07:30 ehghfhfgngnfnh 🥺 me when I need to fucking shit myself lol
~9m NYC impressions
10m keep saying "first off" when on the 57th thing
0:10:41 JP is clean / NYC lol / [good ratings] but cleanliness -500/10, averages out to 0/10 / filthy bc nowhere to use the goddamn bathroom, shitting myself on the street
0:12:04 did i tell you the story of someone i knew, primary language jp / crammed JP phrases / got together and i was like ue (上) and they were like oh, up? / why did i bother
PL spoilers: mag/rio collab?
0:13:25 taiwan nostalgia / used to live in taiwan, think korea too as a baby / shanghai or hong kong, family traveled all across asia / in nyc, felt same nostalgia / not nostalgic of asia, of the city / this is like japan but kinda shitty
0:17:16 i'm a little soy boy
0:17:41 goddamn i had to shit myself so bad
0:19:11 put all concentration into keeping shit from exploding out ass / if i had to think i'd lose control
0:20:47 about to shit in a pile of trashbags
0:20:51 that's how desperate i was
0:21:27 took step towards dumpster and found a diner
0:22:15 bathroom is locked
0:24:37 no can't make it
0:25:29 started shitting before landing on the toilet, dicktip slaps the toilet
0:27:15 entered the afterlife & free from the pain
0:29:04 i gotta piss so fucking bad / need to not drink water
0:29:46 liked nyc more than jp / feel more at home amongst the assholes
0:30:43 exude aura of aggression walking down streets
0:31:12 "the fuck you doing??" i love that / low threshold for bullshit / "get the fuck out my way!" i like that / saw a fight on the street but i kind of like that / idk if it would be good for me to live in nyc / people crossed path in airport and went gtfo my way / never said that before (out loud at least)
0:33:10 han, ren, commander connor
PL spoilers: han = altare / ren vero = ais riale = flayon / connor = bettel
0:33:24 hung out with han & connor extensively, ren not many times
0:34:06 kept comparing everything to spiderman
0:35:14 best parts not even nyc, just hanging out in hotel room eating snacks & laughing w/ the boys
0:35:59 2 days enough, on the 3rd day... stopped looking at the city, was walking, needing to get somewhere, thinking about needing to piss and being tired
0:37:55 boat ride
0:38:33 i'm from 'colorado' / used to not getting scammed by street grifters / $10 to take pics with snake not as bad
0:51:52 hehe
0:53:50 can't die on a plane on 9/11 watching rick & morty
0:56:14 nyc let's see, talked about the food, talked about shitting myself & pissing myself, it was beautiful
0:57:02 shitting myself every day
1:03:28 i had headaches from how much i had to piss myself from holding in my--how much i had to use the bathroom
1:09:18 make u laugh, make u cry, speaking of that…
Serious (PL) talk section
Heavy PL hinting about the graduations, issues behind the scenes, inability to address/defend self/say goodbye, bitter fans, moving on, etc.
1:10:20 so many reasons to not come back / 'i was made for this' for this medium
1:10:49 been doing stuff online for 10-15yrs, done skits, animations, art, parody webcomics on tumblr, vlogging, done it all / as many different identities, brands, honestly reason i went w/ secret agent / feel like i've worn many disguises up to now / feel like i'm my authentic self / even though it's me i feel like i need to find a new disguise / hundreds of millions of views over 15 yrs, mill subscribers, but nothing has ever struck me like vtubing has, v lucky to exist at a time it exists, happy to find space to be in, be best self, ty for being there w/ me / nobody tell me i don't belong / gonna do it better than you've ever seen / as best as i can
1:13:15 thinking about it on the plane
1:13:41 goes w/o saying for ppl here but a lot i did not get to say, want to say, wish i could have said, but will not and cannot say / i know, frustrating to hear / a lot of ppl i had to leave
1:14:31 can only speak on my behalf, maybe done it in varying degrees here / especially going forward / don't want to speak on things that other party should need or want to defend themselves/chime in / on varying levels of severity / can only speak about myself / commit to do that to the best of my ability
1:15:57 so much happier now / made right choice to come back /maybe was always gonna come back
1:16:30 felt like walking through thick fog / now wake up with clear mind & eagerness to work and engage with life / to live, enjoy ppl around me
1:17:10 some things i can't forget about, people i think of, people you don't know, you'll never know, makes me angry / frustrating / try to imagine
pair this with additional talk about "people you'll never know" hiding in middle management around 1:04:20 in dec 5 menshi (click for link) a few months later
1:17:48 i'm sorry it had to happen the way it did but as already stated, mutual decision
1:18:51 don't want to say something that would have the other party want to defend / for myself, sorry i never said goodbye, wanted to say goodbye, wish i could have, but that--not being able to...was not anyone's decision, unfortunate i couldn't say goodbye / to ppl i had to leave suddenly, they have a right to f--sat with this for a long time / they're right to feel sad/angry/frustrated, especially during that time period but at this point 2024...i'm right here streaming right now / things i couldn't do that sucked for everyone involved / sorry / but at this point i'm streaming right now
1:21:39 talk about shitting & pissing myself, jumping around in circles ranting about anime, etc. / philosophy: meet halfway
1:23:06 i'm right here! kay? / philosophy's changed a bit on this / get sad bc i'm here now doing my own thing, excited for what we're gonna do, fulfilled with streaming, art, etc. / i'm ok, ppl here are ok / sad because i see some people and get sad / twitter FYP / some people are not ok / good to have memories, remember the good times, legacy, history, etc. / get sad because i want them to move on / easier said than done, obvs i have a part in that / whether that's watching me here or not / wish i could say this to them (maybe am in a way) / i'm here now / if u don't want to be here move on plz / makes me sad / [crying]
1:25:48 [fried/stuffy] / contributed to some sort of lingering & that's my fault [wavery] / wanted to speak up bc my philophy is it was mutual, try to be as professional as i can / hotheaded in past / when you reach an agreement u don't talk shit, keep mouth shut / frustrated, my friends get to say things and handle things and i can't / if i wanted to technically maybe i could but i'm not bc that's not how i operate / mutual agreement, can't be so loose on [...]
1:28:10 that being said i make references, some things ppl might associate w/ me / a lot of it is to defend myself, well not defend myself bc i don't need to / characteristics of myself, taste in media, interests, etc. / not gonna be afraid to say no one owns that part of me / my art, interest, style, part of me / things I did / want to be as careful as i can but i was given an impossible task and i did it somehow / team as strong as weakest member / something i don't think anyone else could've done
1:30:06 hard, early on, remember my discord, before anyone knew anything, people i knew shitting on me (they didn't know tho) / i coulda said no / but i did my part / no one owes me anything
1:31:08 when new ppl introduced into mix, things not going so well, tensions high / maybe i already knew that things weren't going so well [emotional again] / sucked it up, did best to bring them in & did a good job, especially without-- [hinted too hard and cut himself off 👀] / bad things going on at the time
new people assumed to be Tempus VG (lines up with timeline/hinting/menhera era back then). my guess at the part he stopped himself short is that it has to do with poor management (pair this with hints about leadership double duty at about 1:16:38 from dec 5 menshi (click for link) a few months later)
1:32:20 not saying anyone owes me anything bc of that but ....if u wanna find me, i'm here / i know i made a lot of references & will continue to do so bc things part of me but find me or move on plz / it's not right, it's sad. i get sad / not healthy / i feel protective but not mine to protect anymore / i see you guys & wish i could reach out & pluck them out but i can't
1:34:50 thx guys u guys are real nice to me
1:35:52 [crying] / tried to smile thru it but i draw the line when people say things that have no basis/untrue / wish i could say but for everyone's sake i won't / not trend or for money / career i left before that one to do it i was in the high point of my career, could go back but you don't get the momentum you had / i killed that career to do it / was making a lot of money / but wanted something else / just wanted a group of ppl to so things with & be a part of something...
1:38:59 frustration stems from / if u wanna watch me u can find me now, if not, leave me alone [blows nose]
1:40:10 i just don't understand what people think i wanted
1:40:51 [sarcastic] yeah i'm really gonna pull a fast one, ruin everything, stream w/o a model for 2yrs after, my master plan really worked out! really fucking great!! i really fucking showed them!! / what do people think i want? why would i be vtubing right now?
1:41:47 i'm really grifting getting the viewers I ALREADY HAD??? if i wanted that, do you think i would have chosen all this if all it boiled down to was wanting the same viewers? does that make sense?
re: grifting - common accusation of joining big corpo just to snag viewers and then dip
re: model - his original model mama graduated mid-project to join hololive which delayed his model even further
1:42:31 most frustrating thing, ultimately it's because i cared too much about it, tbh / not to say other people don't care as much as me but / i was told 'it's just a job' / not for me it isn't. that's my life, that's me. that's not my avatar, that's not my job. if that's how u wanna handle it...if you want an oshi that is just doing their job, that's not me and u can leave / to me it's not just a job / maybe that's on me for doing the job / i'll admit / ended up caring way more than i thought i ever could / still consider it a blessing, good thing it happened & that i ended up caring so much / lost love for a lot of things in my life, life in general, relationships w/ ppl, discovered music & art
1:44:29 [sniffle] happy to be here, model not even here yet, kind fans / only gonna get better / for everyone out there choosing not to be here / history/memories but ppl are suffering / pls just move on / or watch one of the others idk / i've already shown / i have nothing to prove, i still have it / if u don't want that / idk what it was u liked in the first place / or maybe i have a hunch / but i'm here streaming, came back, gonna try not to be 2cynical about it anymore but not gonna be afraid to lean into parts of my core character / someone else might own my face but they do not own my soul, my character
1:47:11 that was my face, you can say w/e u wanna say but i'm the one who wore it for all that time
magni's scuffed face
1:48:09 0 intention of... / wanna take more steps to... / maybe it's partly my fault bc tongue in cheek ways but some people truly believe oh man are they gonna do something, gonna hear his voice? no ur not gonna hear him with them, never ever / ppl hanging on like that / maybe that's my fault but plz it's not right it's sad, makes me sad
people hoping for magni cameos, especially since the boys met up IRL in NYC. iirc there were some mag hangout references made by the tempus boys which fueled the fans (and antis, who managed to bait angry twitter replies from prof/connor)
1:49:31 BUT if ur gonna talk shit about me ESPECIALLY if u weren't there from the beginning / i'm moving on but show some respect and don't say shit / if someone else had to do what i had to do, would we have even gotten far enough for you [new talents] to have joined?
newbie talents talking shit? 👀
1:50:21 not gonna say you owe me anything but don't come at me with that / u think if they just picked / sorry...if random indie male vtuber, if they threw him in / i'm celery mcgee / i like to sing songs and play valorant / what do you think would have happened / tried my best, leave me alone / ur welcome / one of the goals i had explicitly was to do my part so there was room to grow / i did that / now there's people there i didn't even know / sad in a way but that's a good thing
getting the starsEN branch off the ground
1:51:51 i'm gonna do my thing now
1:52:26 appreciate all the support, didn't expect to go on a tirade, hope i didn't say too much / feelings aside, want to respect mutual agreement as much as able to / w/o implicating anyone else / but I'm me I'm aggressively me
1:53:41 not much gonna change on my end / mentality / not gonna be bullied / not gonna change starting screen / you'll see some bits that evoke some familiarity, memories, but that's because i'm me / not stuff i comissioned, i made those, it came from my soul
1:55:11 [superchat] ah, the haters, yes / went on a tirade but message more for the ppl that were fond of me to begin with / most important to me
1:56:46 thx guys [emotional again] / emotional guy, sentimental / people pine for a certain feeling / get myself into trouble a lot but i think what everyone misses stems from authenticity / a lot of that magic, it's where it came from / at this point, not gonna double back on it
1:58:25 just gonna say / 'chemistry w/ this person is so great!' maybe it's because...what's the commmon factor? whoops, it's me. no? hm. curious...
1:59:29 just remembering i threw up a couple times in my mouth a couple times in NY, literally / haven't gone that hard in a while / maybe fall short sometimes but difference between self & others but in my mind when i say i'm the best i believe it / try to encourage friends, say they can't / u can i know u can / i know i can and i do / wish i could shake them / why u getting in ur own way / so many things against u, why make it even harder / having more confidence in myself, learning things, art & creativity / no maybe we shouldn't change the lyrics! maybe what I did was good / maybe I can do it
2:03:04 one regret / for "halloween" i had a "costume" u guys woulda loved it but don't think i can bring it back bc technically copyrighted / a shame /dwelt enough / i'll probably dwell again, reference something / oh you mean that incredibly lifechanging milestone, checkpoint of entire life? probably will come back as part of who i am / can't just be like fuck it say it's forgettable, check plz / ?? / 'uh thank god let's empty that recycling bin' no cmon
2:06:39 just wanna make stuff & share w/ u guys
2:07:17 lot of kind words / didn't mean to / knew i'd say something but didn't think it would tumble the way it did / ty
Casual chatting section (NYC trip) part 2
2:07:58 forgot, i was gonna say / i've done a lot of gay shit in my life, read some p disgusting stuff, no secret i'm not the most uh traditionally masculine person, read some things, seen some things. pretty gay / walking times square listening to empire state of mind / gayest thing i've ever done in my life / i'm filthy this is the gayest shit i've ever done / if these NYers knew they'd be like wtf gtfo
2:10:39 bounce in step then like / ough / negative karma
2:12:02 think that song is banned in NY probably
2:12:33 avoid politics in entertainment but i could not stop saying [trumpism]
2:14:20 he talks like i stream, like a streamer / goes through stream story in a trumpy way / talks stream of consciousness / sounds like he's just saying what he thinks of at the time / he talks like i stream
2:16:12 watched him for the first time
2:18:53 'what do the femboys eat then?' eating the dogs...
2:21:20 they can say what they wanna say, take my stream ideas, they can try, there's only one, the one and only...
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