Blind Date by writer number six
oh god i can't wait!
my friend set me up with a blind date!
he set me up with this guy.
he says he wants to go to a Denny's
thank god, no where fancy
oh damn he's almost here!
i text him: I'm at the booth in the back! table 12!
shit was the exclamation mark too much?
oh he's here!
oh no, it just, some snake dude... he's cute thought, wish i was on a date with him
oh! he texted back: I'm here!
ok so he is ok with the exclamation marks because he used one himself, we're good, i think...
ok, ok, calm down, you see the booth, just, walk towards him
wait is he..?
wait, is he?
A HUMAN?
A SNAKE?
"o-oh.... hi?" im way taller than him by way too much this is uncomfortable, and he's staring at me
oh no I'm starting
"h-hi..." i awkwardly wave at him and look away
when i said i wanted to "get out of my comfort zone" i didn't mean set me up with the only human you know! i meant, like, a water monitor or something
god damn it Jason why do i trust you for anything?
my tongue starts flickering, stupid snake genetics with stupid obvious nervous tics!
he's so hot, and I'm sweating so much lord help me, when i said i liked tall men this is not what i meant, i should have specified human...
god damn it Jason why do i trust you for anything?
also what's with that tongue? is he just hungry?
now he won't look at me? are all humans like this?
"so... I'm Zach, how are you?"
i look back "I'm- my name is fine- I MEan my name is anon, and I'm fine, thanks."
Jesus fuck get it together
I make a stupid smile
i laugh a little "that good to hear." i smile softly back to anon
i'm glad he's nervous too, whew
I'm glad he doesn't hate me, why would he, we just met? im feeling better now
"I've never gone out with a snake before!"
eeugh, bad vibes
i see his face change a bit, shit, that came out wrong
"n-no, i mean, because you have those cool..." i getter towards the sides of my head
"it's called a hood" please stop talking, or change the subject
"y-yeah, and y-you can fit a lot in that neck, r-right?"
uh oh
there's a mix of offense and embarrassment on his face
did he just call me fat, or a slut?
i grab a menu and pretend I'm looking at something
oh shit what did i just do?
thank god the waitress is here
"uh, I'll get a... Pepsi, uhhh diet?" now I'm self conscious, and i hate diet, so, so much
"I'll get a water?"
i look at him, he's still behind the menu
kill me now
"we're not ready to order, thanks"
oh god, that pause, he looked at me to see if I'm ready didn't he?
augh, i could put out a fire with my tongue flailing like this
oof, maybe i should fake a hernia or something? say that snakes get them easily? no that's stupid, or-
"hey, I'm, sorry about what i said earlier, all of it, i didn't mean to offend you or anything..."
"oh, yeah, that's alright" i put down the menu
"i just wanted to say that.." i take a deep breath, time to toss my hail mary
"i've just never been on a date with someone so captivatingly handsome, before, that's what I was trying to say" i try to act cool, but my face is quickly reddening, and and i don't hope that landed.
if i could blush i would be redder than him right now
"uh, i, wow, thanks, no one has ever said that to me..."
"and, you.... sorry I'm not a romantic"
"it's ok, Zach, was it?"
"y-yeah"
we sit in silence, before blueing at the same time
"um-"
"so-"
"sorry, you go first"
i forgot what i was gonna say "no, it's ok, you go"
"did you maybe wanna...?" i resist the urge to flicker my tongue furiously "wanna take our food and go somewhere else?"
i smile at him, he's got me "i would love to,and, i forgot what i was gonna say"
he laughs, but I'm a good way this time!
the waitress is here again
"oh, yeah I'll get the veggie omelet, to go"
"and I'll get the lumberjack breakfast, to go as well"
we get up to leave and i look up at this snake man and remember how tall he is.
hubba hubba
oh no I'm staring again
"oh, sorry for staring! i just-"
"was to captivatingly handsome? isn't that what you said?"
"uh- um, yeah!"
what a dork
maybe I will use this neck for this man
The End.