ENTER: A Caucasian girl sitting at a table beside her shorter, half-Japanese husband. There is a Japanese couple opposite her. The man is blonde and gregarious; the woman is quiet and slightly blurry. There is a green dragon perched on his shoulder. You know who they are.
INIGO MYOGA: - you sure you don't need anything, Noah? Nothing at all?
NOAH ABRAMS: You ask Noah this every week.
INIGO: Okay, okay. Just checking.
The conversation hits a lull. NYORO HOGE looks down at her cup. INIGO fidgets. SALLY MCCATHY narrows her eyes.
SALLY, exasperated: Is there something you want to tell us?
INIGO: YES!
He jumps to his feet, chest thrust victoriously outwards as he raises a fist in the air. Before he plants his left foot on the table, HOGE places her hand on his thigh, and he wilts slightly before perking up again.
INIGO: I, INIGO MYOGA, AM GOING TO BE A FATHER!
NOAH gawks. SALLY's expression freezes.
SALLY: What?
INIGO: Yes! Isn't it wonderful?
NOAH: Ah, well, that is -
SALLY: We're pregnant too. What a coincidence.
HOGE, flatly: Yes. What a coincidence.
The two women narrow their eyes at each other from across the table. Oblivious, INIGO reaches across the table to pump NOAH's hand enthusiastically.
INIGO: Congratulations, Noah! Didn't know you had it in you!
SALLY, quickly: Oh, he always had it in him. We didn't start trying until recently.
NOAH: But -
His voice abruptly cuts off as someone steps on his foot hard. SALLY glances at her husband faux-innocently and turns back to INIGO and HOGE.
SALLY, sweetly: You and Hoge have been trying for a while, though, haven't you? Good for you. How long has it been? Two, three years?
HOGE: Not very long.
Her voice is frigid.
CUT TO: INIGO and NOAH lifting a family to safety as floodwaters rage below. They've gotten the manoeuvre down to a science at this point, and even have the spare capacity to chit-chat.
INIGO: - and that was when Hoge told me that she didn't need to take maternity leave, since she wasn't drawing a salary and thus wasn't covered by the employment statute.
He laughs.
INIGO: Isn't she great?
He glances at NOAH. For the first time in a while, the other man looks slightly troubled. Unease rises in INIGO's breast.
INIGO: Something wrong, Noah?
NOAH, looking up: Oh! No, no, no. Nothing's wrong. Noah was just thinking... would it be possible for you to stop telling Hoge about how Sally's doing? With the pregnancy and all.
INIGO looks confused. NOAH hurries to explain.
NOAH: It's just that, well, you know. They've never really liked each other -
INIGO: Oh, but they've saved each other's lives DOZENS of times -
NOAH, raising his voice: THAT BEING SAID!
They drop off the family and soar back down to retrieve another group. Dozens of tiny beacons flare in the dim light, each one representing a single household. NOAH and INIGO pick up another family.
NOAH, calmer: That being said. Noah's concerned that pregnancy might be making Sally more volatile.
INIGO: You can say that again.
He is clearly thinking about HOGE.
NOAH: And she's focusing her ire on the closest available target. Whom she meets every week.
INIGO, scandalized: But our weekly meetings are a cornerstone of the agency!
NOAH: You literally just sign checks and pass Noah a list of names. It could be done via email and you know it.
INIGO: So you think we should stop meeting every week so Hoge and Sally don't see each other?
NOAH: Or exclude them somehow.
He thinks about it as they drop off the next family and pick up another one.
NOAH: On further thought, Noah doesn't like the idea of excluding Sally. Perhaps we should just stop meeting and communicate by email.
INIGO, doubtfully: If that's what you think is best.
CUT TO: HOGE, sitting in her office. It's a nondescript building on the outskirts of the Kyoto business district. Anything of note relating to organized crime in the Kansai region invariably passes through here. There is a knock on her door, and she looks up, thumbing a button under her desk. Her SECRETARY enters with a hamper. HOGE raises an eyebrow.
HOGE: What is this.
SECRETARY: The Taoka clan sent it. As congratulations.
HOGE: Put it in the drawer.
Her SECRETARY bows, places the hamper on the coffee table, and unwraps it. Without glancing away from her desktop, HOGE opens a drawer at her elbow and leaves it open. Her left hand periodically delves into it and emerges with a sweet treat of some kind, which she stuffs into her mouth mechanically. Her right hand keeps typing. Once she is done unwrapping the hamper, HOGE's SECRETARY begins to shift its calorie-rich contents into the drawer one-by-one. As she moves behind HOGE's desk, she sees that her superior's stomach is already visibly rounded.
HOGE, noticing: It's quite big, isn't it. For four months.
SECRETARY, stammering: Ah, that is...
HOGE: We were surprised as well.
Very briefly, a faint smile flickers across her face.
HOGE: I imagine a lot of people are going to be very surprised.
CUT TO: NOAH, sitting on a stool in his large garden. His hands are draped in a pair of thick rubber gloves. A shadow falls over his face, prompting him to squint and look up. INIGO is there.
NOAH: Inigo?
INIGO: Noah.
He sounds pained.
INIGO: Please don't ask me to sit down.
NOAH: Why?
INIGO: Hoge found out about our plan. We're going to have to resume our weekly meetings. She has, uh, something to announce.
NOAH makes a face.
INIGO: Please, Noah. She twisted my balls. I don't want to put the family jewels through that ever again.
CUT TO: SALLY, NOAH, INIGO and HOGE at a table. INIGO is grinning. NOAH is solemn. SALLY looks puzzled and a little hostile. HOGE is, as usual, expressionless, but there is a very noticeable aura of smugness radiating off of her.
INIGO: Anyway, now that that's done, Hoge and I have an announcement to make.
HOGE: It's twins.
She leans back, running a hand faux-modestly over her protruding belly, and very deliberately does not look at SALLY's growing chest.
NOAH, glancing at SALLY: Oh. Congratulations.
SALLY: What a coincidence. We're expecting twins too.
HOGE stiffens. A vindictive smile spreads across SALLY's face. She isn't even bothering to hide her glee.
SALLY, even more smugly: Very fortunate for both of our families, I'm sure.
HOGE, strangled: Yes. Quite.
CUT TO: INIGO and HOGE in bed. INIGO is drooling onto his pillow. HOGE is staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, a howl echoes into the night. INIGO jolts upright, GIGAN fluttering to his shoulder.
INIGO: Whuh?
HOGE, eerily calm: It's just Sally.
INIGO: Huh?
HOGE: She and Noah are...
INIGO: Oh.
HOGE: Yes. They've been getting steadily louder.
HOGE sighs.
HOGE: I can't beat her on volume.
INIGO visibly brightens. GIGAN shoots him a warning glance, but he ignores it.
INIGO: I've got an idea.
CUT TO: SALLY straddling NOAH in their bedroom. She is wearing only a modest bra; her growing womb extends almost to the bottom of NOAH's hairless pectorals. She's pretty sure that she's growing faster than HOGE. (Not that she's been tracking the circumference of her belly obsessively or anything.)
SALLY, through gritted teeth: Just a little bit - yes - yes -
As NOAH shifts slightly, she tosses her head back and yells in ecstasy. As the sound peters away, another scream replaces it. The couple pauses, nonplussed.
INIGO, distantly: AH YEAH, HOGE! JUST LIKE THAT! JUST LIKE THAT! OH, SWEET MOTHER OF -
The crucifix above their bed falls onto Noah's head.
CUT TO: HOGE in a dressing gown, bleary-eyed through her thick spectacles. She's wearing a pair of fluffy pink slippers as she pads out into the garden, where NOAH is sitting on his usual stool, weeding the lawn. He looks up at her, revealing a pair of extraordinarily heavy eyebags marring his angelic countenance.
HOGE, quietly: I'll tell Inigo to stop if you tell Sally to stop.
NOAH, just as quietly: Deal.
CUT TO: A gang of hardened CRIMINALS cower in an alley as a silhouette advances on them. They're bleeding from a number of bullet wounds, and they've run out of options. Quivering, they raise their guns and fire off a few shots as a Hail Mary. The silhouette easily deflects them with an imperious hiss, and as it steps into the light, the CRIMINALS suddenly pause.
SALLY: What?
Her tunic and scapular have been specially lengthened to accommodate her increasingly unwieldy belly. Her cincture, too, is almost invisible beneath the great globe of her stomach. As she waddles laboriously forwards, she glares at them and levels her left arm-barrel in their general direction.
SALLY, through gritted teeth: I said. What?
One of the CRIMINALS swallows.
CRIMINAL 1: Uh. You're leaking.
SALLY glances down at herself and sees that two damp spots have appeared on her chest. She looks up, sees that the CRIMINALS are trying to run, and fires off several dozen warning shots. (No such thing as overkill.) As the sound of the gunshots reverberates off the walls of the alley, the CRIMINALS skid to a halt and raise their hands above their heads, trembling.
SALLY, breathing heavily: Okay. Nice try. But you're coming with me.
CRIMINAL 2, under his breath: Can't believe we got beat by a pregnant woman.
CUT TO: Black.
HAILEY CHANG: - and that's when I called Hifumi's mother a cow.
Her voice fades into the distance as the sprawling grounds of INIGO's mansion solidify into a clear image. The atmosphere is festive. GIGAN lopes into view, toting a plate of refreshments; INIGO's carrying another. As he searches for HOGE, he is accosted by SOUJYUURO IMAI, who looks apologetic. Even his third eye looks faintly embarrassed.
IMAI: Thanks for hosting this, Inigo. Ashleigh sends her regards, but she's -
INIGO: Don't worry about it, man! She's here in spirit!
He hurries on to another knot of people, but JUNICHI TAKAGI catches his elbow.
JUNICHI, in a whisper: Where's the smoking corner?
INIGO: Where's your kid?
JUNICHI: With Chris and company. Listen, I haven't had a cigarette in five days -
INIGO: Go straight, turn left twice, then right.
JUNICHI: Thanks.
INIGO finally arrives at his destination. His and GIGAN's plates are swiftly unburdened of their contents as he looks around the circle. The first person he sees is BOBBY SAMSON, whose hand is entangled loosely with MINNIE KIM's. He isn't looking at him, but MINNIE is, and she nods at him as she pops a small sandwich into her mouth. INIGO nods back, grinning.
BOBBY: - I'm just saying, it takes all sorts, but I do appreciate having a little more to hold at night, if you know what I mean -
MINNIE slaps his forearm, scandalized.
MINNIE: Bobby!
BOBBY: What? I'm just being honest.
He's talking to CHRISTOPHER CAIN, whose attention is partially split between the current conversation and FAITH KANG, who is sitting cross-legged on the picnic mat in the centre. There are four toddlers crawling about atop the mat, burbling gibberish, and FAITH is having the time of her life entertaining all of them. Standing a little to the side is MAX NGUYEN, arms folded over her chest, staring down critically at a toddler who can only be her child. She feels INIGO's gaze on her and turns to him, eyes glittering.
MAX: Where's Junichi?
INIGO: I didn't see him.
MAX, snorting: Yeah, right.
INIGO swallows as she advances on him despite MAX being at least a head shorter.
INIGO, quickly: Okay, he's at the smoking corner.
MAX: Same place as last time?
INIGO: Yeah.
She nods and brushes past him without a word. INIGO withdraws from the throng and resumes hunting for HOGE. He passes a lavishly-decorated table in the middle of the lawn, with NOAH's prize flowers scattered at painstaking intervals along its exorbitant length. Each chair has a name-card placed in front of it. As he passes SALLY and NOAH, he sees that she's surrounded by a bunch of her fellow churchgoers, whom INIGO was obliged to invite as well. A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN is holding forth at length on childrearing.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN: - crucial that your hips are wide enough, dearie. And breast milk - why, I'd swear by it, I really would. Wouldn't want your babies to go hungry, would we?
SALLY laughs awkwardly. The MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN looks her up and down assessingly. INIGO suddenly realizes that he's come to a halt.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN: Now, I'd say you're alright on that front, but -
She lowers her voice. INIGO doesn't allow his expression to waver.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN: That other woman, the one whom you're sharing this place with - I didn't get more than a glance at her, but my word, she's skin and bones! So narrow-hipped, and flat as a board. I shudder to imagine how those children will come out -
INIGO, flatly: Whoops.
A glass of water falls down the MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN's front. GIGAN flutters back to INIGO's side, a tray dangling from its claws. The churchgoers gasp and immediately get to work mopping up the mess. A few of them take one look at INIGO's face and blanch.
INIGO, coldly: I'm terribly sorry. I wasn't looking.
He sweeps off and finds HOGE sitting under a tree beside CHIHIRO MITSURUGI. Neither of them are talking, but the silence is comfortable. INIGO produces a freshly-restocked tray of finger food and plants it before them atop a GIGAN-shaped table.
INIGO, gallantly: Some light refreshments, my ladies?
CUT TO: SALLY stumbling into the living room of her home and collapsing onto the couch, which groans threateningly as she puts her full weight on it. NOAH comes down the stairs, yawning.
NOAH: You're back.
SALLY grunts as she unwinds her cincture and yanks it out from underneath her huge belly. Reaching up, she pulls off her veil and then her coif with a whimper, revealing that her hair has been plastered to her scalp by sweat. Her stomach is almost ridiculously full, and gurgles as she palms it.
NOAH: I stayed up for you.
SALLY, panting: Thanks.
NOAH: You really shouldn't be exerting yourself.
SALLY: I'm fine. The physical activity is supposed to help.
As SALLY heaves herself to her feet, she removes her scapular and tunic in one smooth motion, allowing the pile of fabric to puddle on the floor. In nothing but a white, semi-translucent shift, she waddles ponderously to the exercise ball in the corner of the room. There is a small pouch in her hand; as she settles on the exercise ball and begins to bounce, she removes a capsule from inside and swallows it dry. Each capsule contains a number of herbs advertised as labour-inducing.
NOAH: Any luck?
SALLY: No.
She grits her teeth and bounces even harder, squeezing each word out with each bounce.
SALLY: I'm... going... to... get... these... babies... out... before... Hoge... if... it's... the... last... thing... I... do.
She stops and turns to NOAH, who's leaning against the wall, arms folded.
SALLY: Am I going too far?
NOAH: You're both overdue. Noah thinks some friendly competition is just the ticket.
CUT TO: HOGE, seated at the head of a table beside INIGO. Apart from the two of them, the room mostly contains a bunch of hard-looking YAKUZA, each of whom have a dossier in front of them. She's wearing a blazer, pants, and a blouse - all maternity, of course. The blouse is straining at the seams, and has ridden up slightly to expose the underside of her hugely swollen stomach. Fortunately, she's sitting down, so no one can see it.
INIGO: Let's move on to the next item on the docket. The Bratva have been making incursions into Hokkaido, and the syndicates up north have been braying for a response. We have a plan, naturally, but I'm opening the floor to see if anyone has any suggestions.
HOGE shudders. She's slightly blurrier than usual. Wincing, she arches her back involuntarily and gasps as a button pops off her blouse and skitters across the table. INIGO turns to her.
INIGO: Babe?
HOGE shakes her head. Her outline is staticky. Her belly throbs from where it's sitting heavily on her lap.
HOGE: When this is over.
INIGO: Are you in labour?
HOGE, dragging the words out: When. This. Is. Over.
INIGO bends down slightly, his fingers tracing the underside of HOGE's chair. It's wet. He jumps to his feet.
INIGO: This meeting is temporarily adjourned.
CUT TO: The bright, sterile lights of an upscale Kyoto hospital. INIGO and NOAH watch as HOGE and SALLY are loaded onto their own individual hospital beds. They're in neighbouring wards.
SALLY, through gritted teeth: Is Hoge getting an epidural? I'm not getting one if she is.
NOAH: Sally, if you need an epidural -
SALLY: Just. Ask. Inigo.
NOAH sighs and heads out. In the next room, HOGE is waddling from one end of the ward to the other, breathing deeply and evenly. INIGO hasn't changed out of his suit. A couple of nurses walking by do a double-take. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.
INIGO: Come in!
The door opens. NOAH's there, but he's accompanied by IMAI and ASHLEIGH KATSURAGI. ASHLEIGH is enormously pregnant; if HOGE had thought that she and SALLY were huge, ASHLEIGH dwarfs them both easily. She's so massive that part of the weight of her belly is being spread across a combined harness/walker contraption that she is using to ambulate. The sight is so astounding that HOGE almost forgets that she's in labour until the next contraction hits.
IMAI: Hi.
ASHLEIGH, much quieter: Hi.
INIGO: Wow! You're huge!
ASHLEIGH speaks in a whisper, as though it pains her to speak. HOGE isn't surprised. The sheer size of her womb must be making it hard for her to breathe.
ASHLEIGH: Sorry I couldn't make it for the baby shower.
IMAI: Bed rest. Quadruplets, you see.
INIGO: No, no, no. It's fine! Don't worry about it. And congratulations!
HOGE: Yes. Congratulations.
ASHLEIGH smiles at her gratefully, then winces as a kick ripples across the stretched-taut skin of her womb. It's even visible through her gown. HOGE grimaces in sympathy.
INIGO: Do you want to sit down?
ASHLEIGH: Don't think I'd be able to get back up again.
IMAI: We just heard that you were here and thought we'd say hi. Is Sally in the next room?
NOAH: Yes.
IMAI: Then that's where we're going next. Good luck, Inigo, Hoge. And congratulations.
INIGO: When are you due?
ASHLEIGH: Any day now.
IMAI: It's been a week.
ASHLEIGH, insistently: Any day now.
After watching ASHLEIGH trundle back out with a mix of horror and awe, HOGE goes to the bathroom. Then, over INIGO's vociferous objections, she waddles to the door, steps out into the corridor, and comes face-to-face with SALLY. They make eye contact. SALLY glances over her shoulder at ASHLEIGH's retreating silhouette, then looks back at HOGE. They both wince as the contractions hit simultaneously.
SALLY: Truce?
HOGE: Truce.
CUT TO: HIFUMI TAKEDA, entering a rowdy dive bar in the Kyoto suburbs. He catches BOBBY SAMSON by the shoulder; the two men slip into conversation as they head for the bar.
HIFUMI, shouting: I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE HAVING A BOYS-ONLY REUNION.
BOBBY: ME NEITHER.
Everyone in the bar is shouting at the top of their lungs to make themselves heard over the throbbing music. As they reach the bar, BOBBY loops one arm around HIFUMI's shoulders and shoves a glass of whiskey into his open palm. HIFUMI toasts the American and drinks deep.
HIFUMI: HOW'S THE KID?
BOBBY: SAME OLD, SAME OLD. HITTING ALL THE DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONES, OR SO MINNIE SAYS. YOURS?
HIFUMI: OH, YOU KNOW. KEEPING US BOTH UP ALL NIGHT.
BOBBY: AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.
Something catches his eye. It's NOAH. His face has gone completely red, and he's leaning against INIGO's shoulder. HIFUMI stares, incredulous.
HIFUMI: WHAT'S NOAH DOING HERE?
BOBBY: HE'S THE REASON WE'RE ALL HERE.
HIFUMI: WHAT?
CHRIS and JUNICHI lurch over, arms looped around one another's shoulders. They are both obviously completely drunk.
CHRIS: NOAH'S PREGNANT.
JUNICHI: YOU MEAN SALLY.
CHRIS: SAME THING.
They grin at each other. HIFUMI abruptly remembers the whole sordid story, recounted to him at length by HAILEY, who heard it from FAITH, who heard it from CHRIS, who heard it from INIGO and SALLY and probably HOGE too.
HIFUMI: OH. OH FUCK.
BOBBY: YUP.
HIFUMI: WE'D BETTER GET HIM AND INIGO SOME MORAL SUPPORT.
BOBBY: YUP.
HIFUMI: AND ANOTHER DRINK.
BONUS SCENE
CUT TO: A secure facility. Two pairs of shoes, belonging to GLOWIE #1 and GLOWIE #2 respectively, tramp over the grilles, causing a metallic clanging sound to reverberate.
GLOWIE #1: - didn't really need her to be converted, but that's just how Subject #405's quirk works. Anyway, the end-result was that we got our hands on a sizable crop of viable ova.
GLOWIE #2: How much did you harvest?
GLOWIE #1: Enough.
The two men come to a halt as the walls fall away, revealing a small crowd of scientists hustling and bustling below. At the centre of the space is a large tank filled with a treacly green fluid. Floating within the fluid is a comatose woman. Although the colour of the fluid masks it somewhat, her hair is a very dark shade of blue, and she is clearly very tall. The scientists below have to crane their necks to catch a glimpse of her blank, slack face. Electrodes and other, more invasive diagnostic instruments stud her body.
GLOWIE #1: Subject #405 shaved off a fair amount of weight in the process, but she's still a big'un.
GLOWIE #2: Mhm.
GLOWIE #1: The artificial wombs were serviceable, but our most outstanding successes were born organically.
GLOWIE #2 glances at the tablet in his hands. The numbers don't lie.
GLOWIE #1: But we need to control them. That's where you come in.
GLOWIE #2: How did her previous handler control her?
GLOWIE #1: Ties of blood. Nature and nurture. They were mother and son.
GLOWIE #2: Mother and daughter, now.
GLOWIE #2 looks back down at the woman suspended in the tank. Her stomach is grotesquely swollen, and so enormous that it would be nigh-impossible for her to move under her own power if she were to be woken up. (Which is vanishingly unlikely.)
GLOWIE #2, almost to himself: Grandmother and granddaughter.
GLOWIE #1, impatiently: Whatever. Can you do it?
GLOWIE #2: Yes. I'll need access to the subjects from birth, of course. Pre-birth, ideally.
GLOWIE #2 turns to his colleague.
GLOWIE #2: Brain implants. Synthetic glands. Hypnotic suggestion, prefrontal conditioning, perhaps a lobotomy or two. Anything in there that sounds particularly objectionable to you?
GLOWIE #1: Nah. Whatever works. Sandy's a Level 5 project.
GLOWIE #2: I'm sorry?
GLOWIE #1: Level 5 project means we can do anything we want with her.
He smiles. All teeth.
GLOWIE #1: Anything at all.
GLOWIE #2: No, I mean Sandy. Why that name?
GLOWIE #1: Hell, I don't know. That's just what the scientists call her. Less of a mouthful than Subject #686. Why?
GLOWIE #2: Oh, no reason.
The camera PULLS BACK, passing through the ceiling of the facility and revealing that it is concealed beneath what appears to be a dilapidated shack surrounded by trees. The camera PULLS BACK further, rising into the air faster and faster even as more and more trees crowd into view. Eventually, the coastline of a continent begins to become visible, and then the arc of the globe. BACK, BACK, BACK and away, until there's only a little blue dot suspended in a sea of nothing.