i am done and tired of trying to amend or fix stuff and i honestly don't care anymore how you guys see me. you guys will make everything i do out as attacks and hate as the slightest drop anyway. i tried to like you all and care for you as people but honestly why should i anymore when most of you made it clear to me you don't treat me as a person at all and i am just a punching bag. i am not without fault but i tried my best to amend for my mistakes and earn forgiveness and fix the errors i created but i can't anymore and i am tired of constantly getting mentally and physicly ill from all this. i didn't even attack anyone or some shit at all and i won't apologize for having done nothing this time either. i am also done with always having several people join together when talkign me down. and for what i said in thread, you guys were the ones that started this secrety BS and invite only server thing and only naming "the creator" towards me instead of jsut talkign to me like a normal person. but sure, spin it the way you want, i already know that this is all my fault anyway and i don't care.

even more so that you guys don't even give me a chance to properly explain myself, attack me over it and then jsut go away, treatign yourself as the victims in this and carign for each other and reassuring yourself that you are the hurt ones while i get to sit around alone, feeling like shit alone on my own.

i am done with alice and constantly getting fucked over, constantly treated liek garbage, cosntantly getting misattributed in what i say or try to say. i was so happy when jsut a few days ago we managed to fix that misunderstnading because i had tormented myself for 2 days in what i wrote you but it seems that the points still stand when you immeaditly lay out what i wrote in thread as a perosnal attack on you when i didn't even knew who "the creator" was because no one fucking told me. but you only care to judge me on the worst possible thing anyway, its the same with the palte thing, when you talked me down while i was having an argument with hoschi and such. even yesterday you come in for one post only to ecxuse yourself that basicly just came down to a "yeah sorry this happened" onyl to not even give me a chance to explain myself because in the end my side didn't even matter in the first place making sure i get to sit there and rot in the aftermath fo it all.

i am done with panon, a man who over and over says he is a friend but will drop everything in order to attack me personally, saying it was a msitake and next time you will not do it and defend and treat me liek a friend then attack me at the next opportunity again. you don't talk to me for weeks at end and then each time the only interaction is when you come in and either join in either to put me down or go out of your way to get me after you amde sure to talk with others before about how bad i am it seems. even yesterday you immeaditly attacked meand that i attacke dalcie on purpose and when i explained i didn't knew who this "creator" was and i didn't mean it as an attack you call it bullshit, even at the end you can barely muster the slightest of thowaway apologies only to immeaditly say you don't evne c are what i think and then accuse me of the next thing before you leave. but i guess ic an consdier myself lucky that you at least were so honest yesterday to make clear that in reality you enver considered me a friend or a bro to begin with nor ever would anymore anyway. you say you did all fo that because hwo bad it made alcie feel but you don#t even give a shit about my health or how this made me feel at all, i couldn't sleep at all because of this and basicly been puking all day due to the constant stress and ancxiety from this and the stuff that followed.

i am done with moonafic who always says he doesn't liek the drame but who came in with panon to make sure to apply pressure because god forbid only a single person confronts me and then make sure to leave by saying howe much he hates this shit and he doesn't care for what my side anymore anyway to make sure to drive home how shit i am in all of this and then the rest of the day jump in with dragoon and agent41 whenever i had some talk on the old cord with someone and instantly derailing the talk with some weird poltical talk or "bully dragoon" act to make sure that despite you guys having a place you can talk in peace away from me tha ti can't even jsut have a chat on the odl cord about mundane stuff.

same for dragoon in that last regard and also for someone that says how much of a friend he is but then actually doesn't give a fuck and the only time he ever felt like engaging a talkw ith me was about soem neo-nazi stuff because clearly as the german i am the expert of this and revel in it. same with when i asked you to please clarify the part of the statement in the thread about the misunderstanding you and alice created about me bullying you, you for some reason kept refusing to do so till the bitter end. i honestl wonder if you purposly wanted to make me break up my interactiosn with alcie then and there tbh.

and same for meatbro in regards to applying stress and also makign sure that it gets driven home by stating "All the kusogakis are on leave, Pain" to make sure i know how bad my supposed attack was and to make me feel bad because clearly hwo they feel is important to him but how all fo this fucked with me and stressed me out despite him having been there when panon attacked me doesn't matter at all. also with whatever BS he is talking about me with PG in the background that he mentioned in the catalogue about how "Malicious and dishonest" i am. yes, i do occassionally check emat threads out or bump then so i saw that, thanks for makign sure i am the villain there too.

i am done with mepman who for half the project treated me like some asshole and when i thought we finally got stuff aside instead the things i talked about gets completly missaid in the cord about how i accused people of rigging the divegrass vote when i never did that. and even when i made myself clear with the volcanoe thign and that, no, i don't hate the maps you amde and such and only named it as an example of double standard because you guys made such a huge point about realism and such and why i am stupid for my worries, whiel you then draw tit mountains and naked woman rivers, which are far from realistic. and when we cleared up that talk and you even said you won't judge me for my disagreement with warsuner and even said you would support me when others force volcanoe stuff on me, when i then alter wanted to retroactively apologize for my anger whit the divegrass poll talk we had because it jsut really was bad timign when your eached out to me because the rigging thign jsut really ticked me off because last league the divegrass thing was one of the few thigns we all enjoyed greatly together as a whole and that menat a lot to me, i then instead learn that you blocked me. so if you already made clear you don't want to itneract with me anyway then why should i care anymore?

i am also absolutly and totally done with warsuner, i don't think there is a single person i got so much shit over time than you. and not jsut that, even when you came to /voms/ on fo the first things you made was to make sure to break up the only ever written down agreement i had with alice because she doesn't even want to write treaties with me whiel she will write romans with other people, despite it not really having any real effect on you at all only to then go, "yeah actualyl i don't wanna care about trade anyway and will jsut do it through alice." jsut to drive it home and cutting me off right form the getgo. same with the landwar of the phase war were you insistent that i don't get to be involved with at all. and then also the absolut epersonal attack from you on me when alice posted a not even remotely finished version of the plate change i wanted to propose and how i am an absolute inconsiderate asshole for even daring to make a proposal, A PROPOSAL. but honestly that is not even what annoys me at all because that is towards me. no what really changed my midn about you is when YOU, the person always saying how shit everything is because peopel attack your friends and don't just let you guys have fun, and i udnerstand the frustration agaisnt the schizos because it truly was BS what was thrown agaisnt you at times. while YOU changed 2 natiosn in a way that its only really fun for you and your friends disregarding everyone else in the project and their fun, and then even goign so far and write a hate piece and archviing it as canon piece of the world, because of a disagreement you ahd with clocks and 3beat. and don't come me with that bullshit excuse of it had no relations at all and the kronie in the story cannot be clocks because he is form nasfaqg because it snot liek he calls himself CLOCKS or nasfaqRONIE and you totally just choose a deadbeat and kronie by chance and not because of clocks and 3beat.

and in that same regard i am absolutly dissapointed in everyone else for letting that be archived and even goign so far and defend it when it is clearly what it is. don't act like you don't see it or soem shit, you all are old enough. her elet me link it to you once more so you can read it again: https://rentry.org/Plutoronii-and-Arkeus and then let me ask you, is this what you guys udnerstand under "fun" and writing together as a thread fora project?

i am also done with OG who said we are friends and wanted to do stuff together and watch some series together but then not even once so much as spoke a word with me anymore and i can only assume doesn't even knwo who i am anymore at this point.

i am also done with organic who after months of not talking when before he jsut treated me liek shit or air at best came and wanted to do something together and get sutff out of the world but when i then propose soemthing and ask for feedback jsut get a "yes" and get forever ghosted.

and honestly there are more who i am done with that don't give a shit at the end of the day and sit there and probably having a good laugh or jsut think "ugh retro and his BS menhera again, this is getting tiring." and for some my stuff might come off as constant overreaction but from my side if i don't have issue with one person than i got some with the next and its been a constant thing for a while and its really drainign me and breaking me down, i am shitting blood, i am puking, i get panic attacks and i am jsut overall mentally and physicly exhausted, i even had suicidal thoughts at one point or another and it jsut really has worn me down to a point that i jsut cannot anymore

but don't worry because this is the last time i will msuter care for all of this, i don't care if you hate me or are "scared" of me or feel like you need constantly treat on eggshells around me then from here on out i don't give a fuck anymore and will treat you in kind.

the fact many of you can easily overlook issue sof others like panon, alice or warsuner that have enough emotional outburst themselves but somehow i have ot be upholden to some different standard and cannot jsut be treated normally or as a friend jsut the same as all the rest jsut shows the absolute double standard many of you ahve between your true friends and those you just casually throw that word towards and jsut how absolute two faced soem of you really are. go and sit in your discord as the patriotic and true contributors of the project and look down on the outcast and scum liek me and cunt because at this point, cunt has shown me more kindness and even apologized for panon attackign me jsut because he convinced bme back on the server so we can watch divegrass together and play monhun when even no one could msuter a single word of kindness when i felt mentally and physicly at the end.

to anyone else that treated me always liek anyone else, if all fo this makes you disgusted of me and not want to interact with me anymore, that is fine and fair and i won't hold it against anyone, simply also treat me like and thats it.