/Advanced: Monster Hunter!/'s Short Greentexts (Part 4)
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An ongoing collection of the multitude of bite-sized shorts that creative anons have posted throughout the years. Some of these works have made the rounds in the form of screencaps, but are still included for the sake of consistency. Not exhaustive in the slightest.
>Why are there multiple bins?
Rentry has a 200k character limit.
Quoted text = context
External links are NOT guaranteed to be worksafe.
MONSTER
Kulu-Ya-Ku
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>find a struggling wild Kulu hybrid girl out in the Ancient Forest
>terrible at getting her claws on eggs, always gets chased off or caught and thrashed for her troubles
>take her under your wing and teach her the fine art of egg running honed from your early years as a hunter
>with her strength returned from the eggs and your pointers, she becomes an egg-stealing champ
>wants to pay you back any way she can
>she ends up becoming your handler
>brings back eggs at a steady rate while you're out hunting
>some for her to eat, but mostly for being deposited in the delivery chest to serve as a steady income of village points for you
>she also becomes your gf, and eventual monster wife down the line, when the two of you inevitably hit it off
>she likes to joke that now it's HER eggs that you're after and you're going to have to get "creative" (in the bedroom) if you're going to pull a fast one over her
>the constant squawking of your Kulu kids scrabbling underfoot as they play keep-away with the egg plushie you got them serves as proof that this is one delivery you completed with flying colors
Kushala Daora
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i wonder what kind of flowers are Kushala's favorites.
I want Kushala to educate me on various flower types.
>the Kushala on the mountain has been rather withdrawn, the barrier that guards their nesting place is set up like an iron wall of wind
>people already keep their distance from elder dragons, and kushala are seen as the most antisocial of the bunch, and thus are given the widest of berths.
>what they dont see is that up there on the mountain is a beautiful botanical sanctuary that has an elder as its guardian.
>tons of uniquely rare flowers of every color flourish and grow under the careful watch of their steel protector
>despite this, there is only one person that they've willingly lowered the barrier for, you.
>through very long and careful negotiation, you've convinced them to let you help tend their garden. claws are great for tilling and weeding but might as well be a brick when trying to handle the more sensitive plants.
>and thats where you come in, trimming, watering and general care, making sure there isnt a pedal out of place.
>in the early days when you started, you could feel their petrifying glare on your back constantly, claws ready to strike you down if even the smallest of flowers showed signs of duress.
>but over time, you feel you've earned their trust, now they sit by your side, quiet, relaxed and completely enamored by your work.
>its a rare thing to be seeing an elder dragon being so calm given their nature, you can for sure feel this prized garden means a lot to them, and now you too by extension.
>as you finish up for the day, you wipe the dirt from your cheek with your dirty glove, only to be met with the cold lick from a rusty muzzle
>when you turn to face them you see that they've placed a beautiful blue & violet flower in front of you, almost like a reward.
>its an exceedingly rare dragon rose, only handed out to those who've earned the honor of being a lifelong friend to a monster.
>you're surprised to see that they are aware of such concepts, but you're very thankful either way, to both them and the garden you both built.
Mizutsune
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All hunters must first pass the TBT (Tama Banana Test) to confirm whether they are gay or not.
What does it entail? I'd like to go out and find a willing partner to study and practice with before taking this exam.
1) The hunter is thrown into an Arena with a trained and willing Tama. The Tama will attempt to seduce the Hunter, in a variety of ways. The Guild will check if the Hunter is attracted to the Tama (Sanity check).
2) The Tama will lie on its back and present its slit to the presumably heterosexual hunter. The Guild will check if the Hunter is willing to have sex with the Tama (Monsterfucker check).
3) Sexual intercourse shall proceed normally. The Guild will check the Hunter's performance and reactions, with special emphasis on duration.(Health check).
4) After a while, the Tama will reveal to the hunter that it was male, displaying his banana, and trying to seduce the hunter even more. The Guild will check the hunter's reaction (heterosexuality level check).
Results:
If after discovering that he had sex with a male Tama, the hunter runs in terror out of the arena and tries to escape, he is 100% heterosexual. He will only get an approval to fuck 100% confirmed female monsters, like Black Diablos, Lunastra, Rathian or Jaggia. Special compensation will be offered to the hunter: have sexual intercourse with a real female Tama, for the inconvenience caused.
If the hunter finds himself even more attracted to Tama and wants to continue having sex, to the point of wanting to be mounted by the Tama (regardless of the size difference and that he is very likely to be impaled to death), he is 100% gay. He will only get an approval to fuck 100% confirmed male monsters, like Rathalos, Jaggi, Teostra or Rathalos. However, he must act with caution, as not all male monsters are gay and having sex with them could lead to death.
If the hunter is hesitant to continue having sex, then he has a greater than zero percentage of being gay. This is the most interesting case, as Tamas love to tease such hunters: from full body licks, to fronting their banana on the hunter's body. In some cases, they force the hunters to hug their banana, or even coil it around them.
Pukei-Pukei
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>Coral Pukei gets unreasonably aroused when you drink her tail water
>your Coral Pukei-Pukei GF is always getting after you because dash juice and demon drugs are not a suitable replacement for drinking water
>so she's made it her personal mission to join you as your personal handler to make sure you take better care of yourself on your expeditions.
>while trudging through the jungle one day, you can feel the extra humid air drying you out like a piece of mosswine jerky
>you reach for your trusty canteen only to realize you forgot to fill it before setting off for the day
>you sheepishly mention it to your partner and they shoot you a look through squinted eyes, but also flaunt a smile because she foresaw this and brought extra supplies for just such an occasion
>she mentions that there is a clearing up ahead and you both can set up a spot to rest while she makes you some refreshments
>but as she walks in front of you, the rustling leaves and jungle breezes go quiet as the only thing you can focus on is her massively engorged tail
>it's probably only for her but when you think about all the cold, crisp and clear water sloshing around inside your chapped lips and dry throat beg you to take action
>as she bends over to put her backpack down and set a blanket, her tail unknowingly razes up to you at the perfect head height
>your survival instincts take over and you grab her ballooned tail, she lets out a surprised yip as you plant your lips over her "nozzle" and take a huge drink while squeezing it like a big water balloon
>its the sweetest most clean water you've ever drank, like true ambrosia. but as you come back to reality you realize you might've overdone it
>she's lying panting on the floor, knees buckled, face bright red, tongue flopped out and a large stain has formed in the crotch area of her shorts.
>you realize what you did and decide to be devilish and tease her again, massaging the inner parts of her tail nozzle with your tongue as you take another swig
>your Coral Pukei-Pukei GF is always getting after you because dash juice and demon drugs are not a suitable replacement for drinking water
>so she's made it her personal mission to join you as your personal handler to make sure you take better care of yourself on your expeditions.
>while trudging through the jungle one day, you can feel the extra humid air drying you out like a piece of mosswine jerky
>you reach for your trusty canteen only to realize you forgot to fill it before setting off for the day
>you sheepishly mention it to your partner and they shoot you a look through squinted eyes, but also flaunt a smile because she foresaw this and brought extra supplies for just such an occasion
>she mentions that there is a clearing up ahead and you both can set up a spot to rest while she makes you some refreshments
>but as she walks in front of you, the rustling leaves and jungle breezes go quiet as the only thing you can focus on is her massively engorged tail
>it's probably only for her but when you think about all the cold, crisp and clear water sloshing around inside your chapped lips and dry throat beg you to take action
>as she bends over to put her backpack down and set a blanket, her tail unknowingly razes up to you at the perfect head height
>your survival instincts take over and you grab her ballooned tail, she lets out a surprised yip as you plant your lips over her "nozzle" and take a huge drink while squeezing it like a big water balloon
>its the sweetest most clean water you've ever drank, like true ambrosia. but as you come back to reality you realize you might've overdone it
>she's lying panting on the floor, knees buckled, face bright red, tongue flopped out and a large stain has formed in the crotch area of her shorts.
>you realize what you did and decide to be devilish and tease her again, massaging the inner parts of her tail nozzle with your tongue as you take another swig
Valstrax
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Party games with monsters!
>In the middle of the festivities with the other anons and their monster partners, you feel a small tug at your pant leg
>its a tiny palico thats dressed rather sharply, they shuffle through their bag and hand you a letter
>its slightly burned and and crumpled but its binding is held in place by some kind of shiny silver scale?
>excusing yourself from the larger group you take a short walk while gently cutting open the bindings on the envelope with your knife
>more red dust shakes free from the letter as it folds down, it has an overwhelming scent of something familiar mixed with charcoal
>dusting it free you look it up and down as you barely manage to make out the chicken scratch of whatever someone wrote for you
>"Dearest Anon, i've decided that we're going to play our own little game"
>"I call it [Hide and go Airstrike!], aren't i a genius?"
>"by the time you're reading this i have already left the roost and am heading towards you at approximately Mach 1"
>"you have about 10 minutes to find somewhere to hide before i grab you for snuggles"
>"there are no limits to hiding places inside or outside, it wont stop me.."
>"Forever your lovable Argent Comet -Val"
>you feel your heart sink as you realize whats about to happen, the anxiety in the air could almost be cut by a knife.
>and just when you thought it couldn't get worse, your phone violently pings to get your attention
>Automated AWACS Alert
>Ambush Imminent, seek shelter immediately!
>T-Minus 3 minutes until projected impact
>"...not again."
Vaal Hazak
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{Vomit}
With all this talk about Vaal Hazak, I always wondered... How does one kiss Vaal?
I understand that the inner jaw is the actual mouth. But what do you do with the other one? Do you stick your head (or your body) through the hole in the lower jaw to kiss the inner jaw?
>the ominous figure draws in, dwarfing you, skeletal wings spreading to either side during that last approach
>your "first date" with Vaal Hazak is at a close... and now is the time to prepare for that final gesture,
>a kiss, though, surely as you expected, a most grotesque and revolting kiss by any conventional standard
>you've barely managed to hold your stomach through the night, constantly assaulted by the horrid sights and smells surrounding this particular elder
>but you persisted on sheer force of will, riding the hints of such a beautiful being underneath those nightmarish curtains of flesh
>something so desperate to be loved, to be cradled and held close, wanting a soulmate no matter the species,
>But, this was it, though. Oh... this was really happening,
>those massive, gnarled double-jaws parted in front of you, and...
>you opened wide, inviting, letting that sickening tongue slide down your throat, feeling the incredible arousal countered by the wisps of death surrounding you
>the tip of Vaal's tongue curls up right next to your sinuses, and at once you feel the full force of sudden primal revulsion.
>In a split second you have to make a choice;
>tear your head out of those dangerous, enveloping fangs to desperately gasp for air, or
>give into cries of you body, and your tortured nose and stomach
>the latter quickly wins out, and...
>you vomit, violently.
>directly down into vaal's throat
>..."OH SHIT I'M SO SORRY" your gurgling words involuntarily spring out,
>You manage to pull out, but only silence is returned to you
>silence, followed by heavy, labored breathing,
>and a rapid, deafening heartbeat, claws tightening around you,
>a hot, bulging cloaca swelling out between those legs, drooling so profusely that a pool forms on the ground underneath
>you hear the meaty squelch of Vaal swallowing your vomit... then making eye contact with an unmistakable "FUCK ME" look
>Gog, what a fucking pervert of a dragon you managed to snare today
MULTIPLE/MISCELLANEOUS
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Miscellaneous
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So what are the ecological benefits to fucking the monsters?
As shared in this travelogue, fucked monsters are largely docile, resulting in an alternative method to calm a rampaging beast. Sometimes, all a Lucent Nargacuga needs is an outlet for her sexual frustrations! That same log also points out a hidden benefit to fucking monsters: it is a fast and easy way to gather monster materials on the fly, such as shed scales and "monster fluid".
Of course, any licensed Monster Fucker is obligated to check in with their local Guild office before hand! A village needs to be able to handle fending off a clingy Elder Dragon, or even a long-term residence from such a beast if our Monster Fucker decides to settle down for a married life—an all-too-common occurrence between Monster Fuckers!
Now, does anyone else from the class have a question, before we return to our lesson on the history of Monster Fucking in the Hunter's Guild?
Oh me, me! I-I have a few questions...
How does one get started in this "monster fucking"? What are the recommended monsters to practice this activity? Does The Guild offer some service? How do we know if a monster would accept us as their... uh, companion?
We'll be having a "101" course on that branch of the guild soon enough. We do have a moment however... I'll answer your questions briefly, in order: on-boarding for Monster Fucking comes only after your earn your Hunter's License. Once you graduate you can sign on for extra courses here at the academy. There's extra coursework for any vocation here; I'd recommend them for all Hunters! There's no recommended monster for "fucking" in much the same way that we have no recommended monster for "hunting"! Your local guild office will judge which jobs you can and cannot handle, just like a regular Hunt. What was your next question...? Ah, yes... If you want to know whether a Monster is accepting of your advances, I suppose you'd better attend those post-graduate lessons, and see if you can earn a Monster Fucker's License! Reading a Monster's body language is not a small task, and a subject I could not possibly describe sufficiently in a short summary. If you really want to learn more, hit the Canteen and see if you can catch someone willing to regale you with some of their more...uh, shall we say, "carnal" conquests.
All right class, it's time to continue our lessons in "Esoteric Arrow Coatings"! Please turn your attention to the plials that were passed out by my lovely assistant while I was answering Anon's questions. Feel free to crack it open; take a whiff! Quite unpleasant, yes? That phial contains a "Dung Coating", the purpose of which I will be explaining to you shortly... Oh, and do try to remember that the chemistry of a coating only becomes fully active when struck with violent force... Try not to drop your phials if you value your good social standing here at the Academy, yes...?
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So is there a reason I SHOULDN'T fuck the monsters?
I must say, you are one of the most persistent students I've had in years! Since class is over for the day, I should have time for a few more of your questions. I'll start by saying you shouldn't start a fuck you can't finish! Across the years, many humans have started a relationship with a monster that ended poorly for their locale. For that reason, only the Guild can approve a "Monsters Fucking" quest, or monster fucking activities. If a non-hunter wants to start a relationship or is already in one, they should get approval from the Guild to continue. Too many times across history has a jealous Dragon razed a village to the ground, or a hungry lover eaten her neighbors out of house and home! Er, where was I...? Yes, there are other reasons NOT to fuck monsters! You need an unusual tolerance for punishment, and a LOT of endurance. Monster lovers aren't easy to endure, unless they have a lot of practice at being gentle. You also need a VERY keen eye for which monsters want a good fucking to begin with, and you need great skill to to understand a monster's body language, as well as to communicate your own. Many fuckable monsters will also simply be beyond your level of skill. Many monster fuckers will struggle with a simple Jaggia... Found the next day fucked halfway to death in a pile of Jaggi and Jaggia! (Oh, to be young again...)
Basically, your local Guild office will keep tabs on which listed Quests may have a fuckable monster, and you'll need a Monster Fucker License before the Guild will divulge any of that information. Then, you can accept the Quest just like any other...your very own Monster Fucker Quest!
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For me it's definitely the idea of hatchlings. I'm not yet that distanced from reality to think I could create biological offspring with monsters.
Yeah but what if you COULD? Would you still feel that way?
>being roughly ridden by your Elder Dragon wife on the night of the consummation of becoming official mates
>finally, after what seems like the 10th round, your balls donate what little offering they have left to the warm, squeezing temple of her body and you collapse, with her rolling off to the side so as not to literally squish you
>basking in the dehydrated, exhausted afterglow, laid on your back, you glance over to see her laying on her side, looking maternal to your human eye with a claw on her belly
>"...I wish we could have hatchlings..." you breathe out with a sigh and jolt when she suddenly stiffens
>"Do you think we cannot?" She growls, with a slight hint of anger, her previously content demeaner darkening as she levels a fierce look at you
>"Well, we're different species--"
>"I AM AN ELDER DRAGON!" she cuts you off with a roar, jumping to her feet, bristling with indignant pride and an AoE blast that nearly blows you across the ground
>before you can fully comprehend what you've done, she steps over you, lining herself up in the same position as before
>you can feel the heat from her body as warmth washes over your crotch and droplets of hot fluid drip onto your thighs and lower body
>your body reacts with basal instincts, not that you could even resist stiffening when her head comes down next to growl into your ear
>"Our hatchlings will rule this land."
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get swooped up by a massive adult monster and carried off
get deposited into the eager claws of a much younger looking monster, that is still much larger than you
tfw you realize you were claw-selected to be a shiny new action figure toy for a monster's huge kid
>you probably weren't the first hunter to be kidnapped, and you likely wont be the last
>you find out there are many more like you, all shoved into one shoddy looking "toybox" in the corner of the den
>a motley crew of hunters new and old, and even a few smaller monsters too, all in seemingly rough shape
>before you can get your bearings and get a sense of whats going on, a scaly claw grabs you by your legs and lifts you into the air violently
>as you reel from the whiplash you see them extend out a large finger claw and scratch something into the boot of your leg armor
>if it wasnt for all the blood pooling into your head you would try to make sense of whats going on, but they drop you back into the box before that happens
>"welcome back" says a hunter, wearing a very old and well worn set of rathalos armor
>"dont worry, you've just been marked, same as the rest of us, you belong to them now"
>you remove your boot to examine the sole to see what kind of mark they were talking about
>a single word, that echoes with dread
>"Fatty"