Do any of you remember this YouTube Poop from around 2013 to 2015? I couldn't tell you who made it for the life of me, but I've been looking for it for a while now, and I think I may have actually found it.
Being a very young child with unrestricted internet access, I got my hands on a lot of shit that I absolutely shouldn't have. Typical old-school YouTube channels like Smosh, really violent and/or sexual Newgrounds stuff like "Brawl Taunts", "Sonic Shorts" or "Nin10Doh!"... And on the subject of Sonic, those weird fetish-y Sonic comics and games. You know the ones. But among this very much not-for-children content I came across in my youth, I found this YouTube Poop titled something like "(YTP) Spingebill Goes Postal". Something I distinctly remember was that I didn't know what the hell that meant until way later on in my life, which may have been through this video or me watching some video talking about "Postal 2" being banned or something.
The thumbnail, if my memory serves correctly, was pretty shoddily edited, reminiscent to those "SlendyBob" videos from around the same time as this one. It featured SpongeBob with a creepy-looking face facing the screen over a background of Bikini Bottom on fire.
Honestly, to a 10-year-old me, this looked fucking rad. I was massively into horror as a kid, and I still totally am, even with online horror nowadays feeling extremely sanitized, repetitive and homogenous. Though that's mostly speaking from the perspective of somebody like me who prefers a bit of edge in his horror, as opposed to cartoons for babies.
Anyway, tangents about our current, worse era of internet horror aside. The video starts off with an unusually well put together title card for its time, probably made with an online generator of some kind, or Photoshop. The text on screen said "ABANDON ALL HOPE" over an edited background from the show, the one with all the bamboo-looking pillars lined up with ropes on them. It was edited to be black and white, and it had a big red pentagram over it. It also had the production track, "House of Horror" playing in the background. Rewatching this after so long, I immediately knew where this was going.
Before I could even finish that thought however, only about two or three seconds into the video, it hits me with a split second jumpscare of an edited image of Squidward alongside that one scream I'm sure we're all familiar with, and I would be lying if I said it didn't actually get me. Something worth noting however, is that Squidward doesn't appear once in this entire video.
After... that, it jump-cuts to SpongeBob and Gary sleeping, which could've been taken from any number of episodes, but judging by the art style, I believe it was from Season 1 of the show. The music is slowed down by quite a lot, to the point that I could've barely recognized it as SpongeBob music. SpongeBob wakes up, and as he lifts himself out of bed, his eyes are revealed to be completely black, and it seemed like all the parts of him speaking were completely cut out, because he doesn't say a single word the entire time as he gets up and gets dressed.
SpongeBob opens his front door, and as he stands outside, he lifts his arms up in a way that would usually indicate that he's yawning or something. But in this case, his mouth turns into a big circle-shaped void as he lets out a big, distorted fuck-off scream and makes a big fire transition happen, like the animation from "Sonic 3" during the first mini-boss. After the fire clears, Bikini Bottom is shown completely in ruins, likely taken from the episode, "Wormy", as SpongeBob roams the streets and indiscriminately kills civilians in a variety of pretty detailed ways.
I was a little surprised by the editing in this, some aspects of it even looked completely custom animated. It felt like more effort than somebody would normally put into a YouTube Poop like this, but I was digging it.
After about five or six pretty goofy-looking death scenes of background characters, SpongeBob is seen cutting into somebody on the street with a saw before stopping as he hears a few looping screams taken from the show. The screams were of Patrick, and the camera pans to SpongeBob's right as I'm met with some of the funniest shit I think I've ever seen.
A .png of Patrick nailed to a cross, with blood dripping from the wounds in both his hands, legs, and his forehead, which I found pretty clever. The surprise kept coming as I hear actual, legitimate voice acting coming from SpongeBob. The actor was absolutely not doing any sort of SpongeBob impression I could think of, it was more of just a generic deep devil voice with a second, pitched-down layer over it.
"Still alive, tubby?", SpongeBob said with some of the most cringeworthy inflections I'd ever heard, keyframe-bobbing up and down. Patrick responded with the iconic clip of him saying "Please... have mercy!", and my suspicions of him perhaps asking for a mercy kill were confirmed when SpongeBob very jarringly switches from custom voice acting to official clips from the show when he says, "Nahhh, I don't really feel like it." It then cuts to an edit of SpongeBob's supposed "lost episode" that was actually just a bunch of cheap walk cycles, with orange skies and a fire .gif in the background as Patrick faded into said background, crying out for SpongeBob like in "Nature Pants".
Honestly? By this point I was laughing my ass off. This was some of the most tryhard, edgy shit I'd ever seen in a YouTube Poop, and I was the one who bore witness to that one with split frames of pony ass. True story.
SpongeBob eventually makes his way to the Krusty Krab, the scene now turned to nighttime with very little transition. I found all these inconsistencies weird when combined with the seemingly really high production value shown earlier, it really started to bug me. In the middle of the room stands Mr. Krabs, holding a motherfucking shotgun and pointing it at SpongeBob, and I felt a wave of shame crash upon me when I thought about how honestly, genuinely cool he looked here.
SpongeBob screams out for Mr. Krabs as he stands in the doorway, menacingly, before cutting to a close-up of Krabs and playing the clip of Jack Black shouting "fuck you!" as he starts firing shots at SpongeBob. After three shots are fired into SpongeBob, it switches to the creepy clip of him walking slowly towards the camera, taken from "Bummer Vacation". It was edited to add blood that wasn't even there at any point earlier, aside from the moment with the saw.
The shots end up not doing shit as SpongeBob reaches Krabs, and it cuts to a close-up of him screaming before having an axe slammed down between his eyes, complete with sounds of SpongeBob also screaming and a stock gore sound effect. I would like to point out that this axe was nowhere to be seen previously, but I digress. A dramatic sting played as the shot changes to Krabs in pieces on the floor, covered in blood with a pentagram underneath his carcass. The shot switches to the doorway again, with SpongeBob's back facing the camera. He turns around, and the so-called voice actor from earlier shouts "You're next!" before hitting me with an even louder jumpscare than earlier. And then the video just ends there.
Rarely do I have fun looking back at internet content from my childhood, as they tend to range from "so bad, it's good" to just outright painful. But to tell you the truth, I've got a weird feeling of closure and peace after having rediscovered this video. I showed it to a very near-and-dear friend of mine over Discord, and they were laughing just as hard at the video as I was. There wasn't even any deeper meaning behind the video that I could tell. All it really was is just goofy, senseless SpongeBob murder, and honestly... It felt like a breath of fresh air after seeing how badly recent horror content about SpongeBob tends to fail to me, and end up just feeling embarrassing to watch.
Whoever the creator of this video might've been, and wherever they might be now... I hope you're doing alright, because you've made a real memory for me, and I hope the same goes for you reading this. I just think we could all stand to gain from a bit more levity in our horror, especially nowadays.