Friends And Chumps Of Mine!
Chrysalis
Boss
Aye, that be my employer, size of my left pinkie and an ego bigger than the sun. She kept shovin' her guild's advertisement flier into my face, so here I am! Workin' with baddies sounds like a bad idea, at first, but imagine how much good ya can do if you show 'em right! And she promised me an ID, so why not, ey?
Mory's like me, sorta. Lost everythin', now wanderin' with not a penny to her name, tryna make it big. I get it! But she gotta relax. Bein' a big meanie ol' witchie won't bring you more friends, and trust me pal, I am not goin' to jail cuz of ya! But I am goin' to jail if somebody hurts ya.
Mitra
Since I had to earn my jewels somehow, I had to find chumps to join us, and guess what? First grave I turn to, I find some ol' history digger that joined with no questions. Got quite an aura going for her too! She's a nice gal and all, makes us funds with her fancy, uh, "bionics". It's like graftin' a flintlock to your arm, and it shoots if you think hard enough. She does that but on a wider scale.
Hope we can get close, cause I am gettin' sick of the guild hall bein' so lifeless.
Hob House
Mr. Bastly Ugard
I know him cuz he's Seph's boss, guy's got so many double chins that ya'll can hardly count 'em. He's rich though, said I can run for membership if I ever get bored of bein' "evil homeless lady", or whatever that means. Think he got all the beauty on the inside, coz I am not seein' how you gonna explain him lookin' so bad, but doin' so much good. Maybe he's blessed? Who knows.
What I know is that, if ye got no magic, that's a disability. Like havin' no limbs.
Bitchass
Mory's tryna teach me that there be blue-bloods around, people who rule nations 'n' stuff. Can ya believe that they're all massive assholes? All of 'em? This one, especially! Calls herself "princess", sees us all like we're some kinda trash. Heard her pappy kicked her out so she'll learn a thing or two, but so far, she's only been tossing a soap my way and told me to wash my "monkey ass". I ain't that brown, geez...
One of these days, imma prank this lil' bitch. Blow her whole world apart, in name of justice! "Ain't no weapon shall prosper against me", as the saying goes... Wait, why do I remember that?
Dude With a Beard
Never caught his name coz he runnin' around the hall like crazy, always on the job, always busy. Lad's nice, quiet, said Bastly be like his advisor because he's really smart. Wish I was smart like 'em, tired of bein' so peanut-brained all day. Also, get a haircut. Ya'll look like one of 'em seamen with scurvy and no teeth.
Sephie
My bestie! We met when she started blastin' all that evil darky spells and I had to put it down, then all shite got blurry and next thin' we were talkin' about ice cream. Real nice, ain't her fault she got cursed all like that. She be sayin' that people won't have to fear me no more if I prove myself, like she did, but I think that's a fool's game. I ain't sure, I wouldn't trust myself even if I had do. I am a strange gal, with stranger dreams.
But I ain't gunna stop till my bestie gonna feel safe, and we deal with all the bastards who hurt her before. Justice's oughta be dispensed for once!
F L E D I N G S H A D O W. C R Y O F A D Y I N G E N T I T Y.
M U C H T O L E A R N, Y O U H A V E. L I S T E N, A N D T H E Y W I L L K N O W Y O U R T R U E S E L F.
A S T H E Y L E A R N E D O F M I N E.
Hag's Assholes)
Vera Escher
Scary lady. I tried joinin' her spot before, but she kicked me out cuz I am too much of a "rough gal", apparently! And after I found out she's squeezing good people dry with her business, I couldn't help myself - trashed her spot one too many times, and got yelled at even more. Got a tab in thousands of Jewels I can't pay, becuz I got no email or sumthin'. But I don't do that no more, coz I think she be the only lady to scare the fear of the grand deity into my heart, like the one Saint lass spoke about.
She... she started touchin' me everywhere. Called me a #%$@^ cuz I wore no panties, started squeezin', massagin' my shoulders - held my tomato-red cheeks, like she was gonna chew me up like one. 'fraid to say this, but once she whispered on my ear, those dirty-dirty words, I screamed and ran faster than a locomotive, faster than I ever have. Haven't returned since. I-I don't know what's up with me, maybe I am some kinda weirdo but... I swear, I am never touchin' a gal in my life ever! I swear!
Axel Turdd
What a cunt. He ain't deserving of a description, that's how much of a lying, cheating scumbag he is - give him the chance, and he gonna suck on your luck like a strawberry juice, then leave you hangin' for some more cash to waste. I see his face again, I'll twist his luck up his arse and he'll be walkin' around with his underwear down his throat!
...He kinda cute, though.
Luckuv
Is that a real name, even? I don't have one, but I can tell that's some dumbass pun she thought up back at school. And ain't she too young for doin' this kinda thingy? I better investigate, better visit my demons again, or that dirty molestor's gonna catch all kids and make 'em waste their time on that stupid casino. Ya'll can't even win shit there.
Moon's Watch
Masked Mond
He lookin' like a queer, but he got one of the toughest crews in Fiore. Nobody's messin' with him, he got heavy-hitters and jewels blowin' outta his pocket. Don't tell no-one about it, but I kinda aspire to be like him. People hate me cuz I am a big troublemaker, right? But he's all cool, got a mansion, makes people safer 'n' richer...and he ain't got no magic to solve all his problems with a click. I am jealous, man. Better bite my tongue before anybody finds out, though.
He kinda cute, but do all guys in his guild use make-up? Is that a manly thing to do?
Witch
Dunno about her, heard that this guy's guild got a proper witch to themselves, and all she does all day is sit in the basement and cook potions. What's all fun in that? There's the punchin', the swingin', the explorin'? I know folk tend to drift to the idea that we alchemists are nerds, but it's not that bad. It just takes a lot of effort...and a lot of goat piss. Don't ask why, it just works.
Hope we can meet, I want someone to refresh my memory on potion-cookin' business. Maybe it'll make me some big cheese.
Yam
Can ya'll stop bumpin' in my chest, dude? I know ya'll cute and all, and you got too much fortune floating aroun' you, but I am done bein' embarassed by everyone again. Besides that, he's a sweet, shortie kiddo that needs to find his place in the world, like me! Them Devil Slayers never go out well, but I am sure ya'll can accomplish lotsa good.
Also, why you wearin' all that leather durin' the summer? You look so puffy, like a snowman.
Corpse-Man
A bloody lich on our hands, because the bastard can't accept the idea of dyin'! Creeps the hell out of me, but I heard he's passive, wouldn't hurt a fly 'less you start callin' him a "smoothbone". Racial slurs for skeletons is kinda weird, but I guess he must've earned it for all the skeletons in the closet.
HAHAHAHA! GET IT? Me neither, and don't go aroun' tellin' him I be sayin' trite like that.
Legendary Cat Sid
Been tryin' real hard to flex my brain cells for this one, but I can't recall no legend about a cat and a sid. At least he's a fast piece of kitten, could use a bit of confidence when walkin' with all that bravado. Please let me pet one of your kittens, please please please please!!
Meli
I trust no kitty that sees future, cuz I am sure that's the reason why my head's such a huge mess and I can't remember a thing. But first impressions kinda fooled me, since she's a bright bulb, brighter than the Sid with his lil' army of purring death machines. She's good at storin' info, so maybe she'll help me look up some archives about myself? Anythin's better than to walk with an empty brain.
Church of Scam
Saintess
She keeps buzzin' my ears off about the "great sin" and donations, but I ain't fallin' for 'em tricks. I am not that gullible, ya'll can't worship mana. It's like worshippin' an organ, it ain't there to be worshipped, it's there to make your body work and make stuff happen. You tryna treat our art as some kinda godsend gospel, and ya'll gonna start makin' lotsa fools with losta bad expectations about the world. Ya wanna make the difference, try helpin' folk in need before ya run a church.
... I am not talkin' about myself, am I?
BIG WOMAN
Saw her chew a glass full of eggs for her "bulking method". No further comment, think she be speakin' all for herself.
Fuck The Government (On Occasion)
Mr. Regier Bunkan
He's one of the fellows regulatin' magic all around the country, and he's been houndin' my arse ever since I blew myself up on one of the shopping districts and didn't pay my fine. We had a talk, about my torture and all - he's been a little sympathetic, but told me that if I wanna be legal, I better start pullin' my weight. Why not? Seems like a nice guy, for a creepy old man. I break a few faces, and he'll give me an ID, sounds like the sweetest deal in the world.
And nah, I ain't signin' no contract. I know how the devil works, old man.
S H E H E A R D H I M H A R K E N.
Important
Hilda Whatever-The-Fuck
She broke my nose once, then threw a pair of panties at me, tellin' me to dress "respectfully". Bitch, ya'll half-naked like me! I ain't hidin' an inch of skin more than I have to, this place be hot as hell! Learn sum manners, ya goddamn Devil-Slayin'-No-Good-Bitey-Vain-Bitch! And give me another pair, coz I tore my old one.
Busta Henri
Biggest bastard I've seen in miles, but his heart's even bigger! What a cool guy, helped me understand where the hell I am after I first broke out, but not before suplexin' my arse into the ground. I ain't mad though, that was fun! If he would teach me, I'd love to toss fatty bastards everywhere, I gotta put my biceps to use before I end up lazy 'n' fat.
I ain't gettin' fat, right? Right!?
Stone
He's been harassin' the local folk for a while now, allegedly livin' in some hobo cave where he's developin' high-end tech all the time. We've fought, once - he came into sum super-suit and started blastin' with all sortsa rockets around, wanted me gone for being a no-good fameless wench that got into his trouble, but I made him get lost! Say whatcha want about 'em fancy engineers and their tech, they don't like it one bit when you bring out the hot guns, like Water...water mixed with soap, actually. No idea why that worked, it just did.
Buddy needs to layoff his megalomaniac plans and settle down. With the way he's yellin' around, he sounds like he got a bigger grudge against everyone than I do, sometimes.
Y O U H A V E H A P P E N E D B E F O R E.
Niera Flamey
Bestie #2! She kinda showed up one day, gave me a free sandwich, and been touchin' me in all places, eugh... but it's all for a good purpose, ya see. She wants to see the strongest folk we got here, ya see, and I got into her eyesight ever since coz of that. Dunno how "strong" I am, but judging by how them "saints" start runnin' when my aura's all flared up, I'd say that old me must've done helluva 'mount of trainin' to get here. And I don't intend to stop the progress.
Her potions are the best. Yum, yum, I wish this stuff tasted good all the time.
IT.
EONS PASSED. STARS BURNED OUT. A NEW CLOCK STRUCK THE FINAL HOUR. IT BEGAN AGAIN.
THEY FASHIONED CHAINS. DECAY. WE WERE SEVEN, THE HEART WAS THE PALM OF OUR HAND. WE BROUGHT RUIN. RUIN CAME TO US.
YOU WALK WITHOUT PURPOSE. FREEDOM. A FALSE PRETENDER. VESTIGE OF A LIFE LONG GONE. KNEEL, AS YOU HAVE BEFORE.
SUCH IS THE LAW OF CAUSALITY.