Lab Rat
(First draft, subject to constant change.)
Chapter 1
John heard the chirping of birds, felt the sun on his face, thick damp grass soaking his t-shirt as he lay on his back on a hill. He didn't remember falling asleep here, in fact, he didn't remember falling asleep at all. Last thing he remembered he had been merging into traffic on his way home from work. He opened his eyes and sat up, he found himself in a large park he could see several huge buildings on the skyline and hear the constant background hum of traffic.
There didn't seem to be anyone around, the area he was in was fairly wooded with a stone bridge sporting decorative wrought iron lampposts over a good-sized creek. This was a far cry from anything in the tiny backwater town he lived in. He stood and brushed himself off, there had to be some sort of decent explanation for why he was suddenly in a wholly unrecognizable place...hmm and time, it had been night last he remembered. He didn't feel hung over or drugged so that wasn't it. Besides he had been saving that for the weekend.
He checked his pockets. His keys were missing, usually on a carabiner clip in a belt loop. His wallet and pocket change were there still as well as a small swiss army knife, his phone, plastic lighter, plastic comb, and a half pack of smokes.
He checked his phone as he walked toward the sound of heavy traffic, it wasn't just dead it was fried...all it displayed was worrying lines and colors in random patterns.
"Fucking shit, I can't afford to buy another phone!" he rolled his eyes as soon as he said it a little ashamed of where his priorities lie. Waking up in a strange place, without a car or a clue and his first worry is his phone is broken. He wasn't truth be told all that worried about calling for help but how he was gonna watch youtube and play phone games. There had to be an explanation for all this all he had to do was find someone and get them to call his parents, hmmm come to think of it he didn't know either of their numbers without his phone...the police would do. Once he found a paved path it wasn't long before he heard voices, the creek seemed to empty out into a small lake or pond up ahead. Rounding the treeline he was about to yell out to get someones attention, what he saw froze him to the spot and strangled his yell for help into a surprised squeak. All the voices he had been hearing weren't human! There were dozens of animal people! He saw a horse woman in a tank top that was at least 8 feet tall eating a sandwich at a picnic table with what looked like a goat in a sun hat...it even had holes for the horns. A bunch of little fuzzy ones were playing in the water while some sort of huge rodent watched them...it looked like an 800lb hamster to him, in a bikini...she shifted her weight to look directly at him.
John gaped at them all, mouth wide open...then he looked around frantically hoping to see movie set lights, a camara...anything to tell him that this wasn't real. He looked back at the hamster thing...capybara came the name from the back of his mind...gods her tits were huge. For some reason, this snapped him out of his stupor, and he jumped into the semi-cover of the trees.
The capybara shrugged and went back to minding her children...uh...pups? What were they called? Either way the other animal...people didn't seem like seeing him was anything out of the ordinary. Was he dead, did someone drug him, what the hell was going on! He looked around more thoroughly, there was a parking lot near the beach...lots of cars parked there seemed much bigger then he was used to, there was a rest area type bathroom with a sign for showers with a men's and women's room sign identical to the ones back home except for each stick figure had fox ears. This had to be some sort of joke.
The more he watched the worse the joke got. The animal people came and went when finally he saw some humans come around the corner, two attractive blond women wearing matching workout tank tops and shorts in hot pink having a jog. John was about to breathe a sigh of relief until one of them came to a halt, the other running toward the lake was brought up abruptly and gagged, they were leashed by collars and being led by a giant...some sort of moose.
"Woah, girl! Settle down, I can't get the leash off if you won't stop straining like that! Be good like your sister rrrr!...be good!"
The one who strained didn't let up and was now gasping and trying to get to the water despite practically hanging herself. She made excited half childlike half animal grunts and gasps, the other one sat patiently while their owner tried to untangle the misbehaving one, as soon as the leash clicked she was off like a shot. "PLAY!" she screamed while the other tilted her neck up to her owner waiting to be unclipped.
"Good girl Maya, always the best aren't ya." He unzipped a fanny pack and produced a bone-shaped treat for the other woman who wolfed it down happily. The moose patted her on the head, "Go on and have fun now." She nuzzled his hand and jogged toward the water where the other woman had just hurled herself in at full speed with a giant splash.
John shook his head...this was fucked up. He quietly watched for an hour to get some idea of where he was and what was happening, lots of the animal people walked by...some walking humans on leashes, some of the humans were naked...one guy even squatted and took a shit on the grass. His fox owner dutifully cleaned it up and put the bag in the trash. Another of the animal people, some sort of ferret or weasel played ball with a young black teenager for the better part of an hour. The weasel threw a tennis ball for him endlessly...the second the ball was out of his hands he would yell "BALL!" over and over until he threw it. All the humans he saw so far were smaller than him, none bigger than 5 feet tall, while all the animal people were huge, most of them 7 feet tall, some as big as 10.
He was so screwed, he had no idea what to do or where to go. He couldn't talk to anyone, and from the looks of things those humans couldn't help him out much...unless he felt like a rousing game of "PLAY!" or "BALL!". He was probably going to have to spend the night in the park. He had never so much as been camping before...unless sleeping in the back of his car because he was too drunk to drive home counted. He sat distracted by the two women playing in the water, one had managed to wedge her bottom halfway up her ass and get her top around her waist. While she was trying to dunk the other one...who, being a sport it seemed was playing along.
The capybara was gathering up her kids and packing away their things, she looked again to the woods...that human was still there. She noted the two humans playing in the water and headed over to the picnic table with the moose on her way out.
"Hey there, just thought I'd let you know there seems to be a stray human hanging out around here. You might want to watch your humans, I think its a male," she said with a tad of an accent. She pointed to the woods where John was doing a fairly poor job of staying hidden.
"Oh hey, what do ya know...yep there he is. He doesn't look like he's been stray long, clean clothes...hair. He's a big one for a golden ain't he! Hm, no collar though. Either he got away from someone or they dumped him here."
The capybara nodded. "Yeah, it's sad. Some people are just irresponsible. Once they get old they just dump them and get a new Pup. Shameful really." She sat at the bench, her brood of kids taking her distraction as permission to grab a few more moments in the sand.
The moose gave her a good once-over, noting the way she was leaning toward him...yup. "That one doesn't even look that old, I'm sure someone out there is looking for him. I'll just give a quick call to parks and they'll find whoever misplaced him." He took out his phone and looked up the number. Both his humans had come out of the water, the one who had strained against the leash shaking off and spraying him with water. The well behaved one pointedly sat directly between her owner and the Capybara.
He helped the wild one pull up her tank top and fixed her wedgie, and patted the other one. "Maya, come on now." He ruffled her wet hair and produced another treat for her...she eyed it then the capybara in the bikini, eventually taking the treat and sitting by her sister who tried to steal it from her! The moose produced another one. "Anna! hah got greedy and jealous here, but still, wouldn't trade them for the world."
"They are sweet, always thought I might get one for the kids. But with just me, it seemed like more then I could handle. Takes a lot to care for humans I hear..." She smiled as the moose made his call to animal control.
"Oh they ain't so much trouble, I've never been afraid of a little extra work." he turned to his phone giving it his attention for a second. "Ah, yeah there's a stray hanging out here at metro park beach, male, big, wearing fresh clothes, gotta be someone's pet. Uh huh. Been here as long as I have...sure. Yeah, Alex Martian...uh huh, feel free. Bye."
The Capybara touched his hand, "Hmm Alex huh? My name is Maria, and that was a nice thing you did...I have to drop the kids off at gymnastics...but in after that I have some time to kill." She grinned and leaned forward across the picnic table.
Alex smiled getting an eyeful, Maya didn't look happy, and Anna tried to steal another treat from his fanny pack. "Coffee sounds good, how about I add yer number."
Maria grinned widely. "Yeah, coffee sounds nice."
He watched a deer and a fox get out of the van both male and while the fox was about his size he looked way faster then him...right about now John was really wishing he had jogged between high school and now. He ducked into the trees more but realized he would have to hide in the woods if he was going to get away that way...and he bet these guys could just sniff him out or something. Besides he didn't feel very confident about his ability to live for any length of time in the woods, unfortunately playing a shitload of "Don't starve" was the extent of his woodland training.
John had a plan...a bad plan, but a plan none the less. He came out from cover and walked directly toward the two animal control...animals. Who stood slack-jawed at the huge, to them, human approaching them. He waved slowly as he did. The deer had one of those noose on a stick deals and the fox had a regular leash. Both had what looked like either tranq guns or tasers on their belts, John couldn't tell which. He mustered up his biggest, dumbest looking smile and when he was within range he yelled "HI!" in the cheeriest voice he could. He felt like a moron...but he probably was so he might as well go with it.
The fox elbowed his partner, "You ever see one do that before? Spot ya and just come right for ya waving and sayin hi like hes doin a trick?"
"Nah man, plus he's dressed weird, like some sorta work uniform...I've seen a lot of strays whose owners play dress up with em but this is new."
The fox waved back putting on a big smile as well. "Heya big guy! Come on over here...come on! Be a good boy and come with us! We'll get you home and get you a treat for being so good!"
John struggled to keep the big dumb grin on his face. "Treat!" he did his best copy of the moron girls at the park.
He was within 10 feet of the pair and heading toward the back panel of the van.
"Dude this is creepy, he hasn't broken eye contact this whole time...he looks...I dunno man, seems friendly but he gives me the shivers," said the deer.
"Just open the back, he'll be easy." The fox produced a treat from his pocket that looked like a fake bacon strip and waved it for John. "Easy, just come...come right over here and sit." He patted his leg and John started walking toward him...keeping his dumb grin on...the deer opened the back of the van and as soon as the fox turned his back he was off like a shot past them! Through the parking lot and directly toward city traffic!
The deer stumbled and dropped his keys, the fox was a lot faster then John had figured but he still caught him flat-footed. He took off at a run after the human dropping the treat and swearing the whole way. "FUCK! Dumb bastard is gonna get himself hit by a car!"
John heard the two cussing behind him, and the slap of boots quickly gaining, all he had to do was make it to that busy intersection with all the street vendors he figured! Then he...OH fuck! He felt the fox snatch a handful of his t-shirt and pull. John yelped and let out an involuntary "AH! Fuck you!" He pulled roughly and ended up in a tangle with the fox on the ground.
"OOF! Man yer owner taught you some nasty stuff now come on! Let's go!" He very nearly had the leash over John's neck when a final tug ripped the sleeve off John's shirt, he was up and into the road in a flash.
OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT! John thought, even that short sprint had him huffing and puffing, he swore if he got out of this he would quit smoking and playing video games non stop every day. He ended up on the hood of a car, several honking at him. He rolled off and frantically thinking what to do spotted a big bus slowly starting to leave the stop heading straight for him...YES! He had a slightly better plan then before! He took off running again and took a turn around the front of it.
The deer and fox had waited for traffic to clear, watching the human take off past the slowly moving city bus they pounded into the intersection...only to find no human. "What the fuck! Where the hell did he go? He's only the biggest damn human in the city and he was running hell bent for downtown! He didn't just pay bus fare and head to Chinatown!" yelled the fox.
[New as of Jan 3 2019] ------------------------------------
"Uh...Shit man, beats me he was goin this way knockin into cars and shit...maybe he ducked into a building or somethin?" Said the deer sounding pretty unconvinced.
"Fuck man... let's check the stalls and vendors maybe he hid under a car or something." spat the fox.
When the bus turned the corner John jogged out from behind the slow-moving behemoth and took the shortest path he could directly back into the park! He was wheezing for breath, that was probably the most he had run in 8 years. Staying in the trees he followed a path until he found a drinking fountain and looking both ways he jogged toward it a stitch in his side making him limp. He slurped greedily till he thought he might be sick...then completely forgetting his promise of earlier tapped a cig out of his pack and lit it.
John unenthusiastically shuffled for the cover of some thin bushes and sat heavily puffing away. "Shit man what the fuck am I gonna do, this is crazy! Frickin giant animal people. Maybe if I just close my eyes and think of home I'll just wake up." Couldn't hurt to try, things couldn't get more crazy or stupid anyway.
So there he sat, eyes closed hands on his head, exhaling out his nose. When he opened them there was nothing new he still sat at the park. Only now there was a little lion cub staring at him with wide eyes holding the hand of a truly giant lioness wearing an expensive looking pants suit. The cub pointed.
"Look momma! Someone taught that human to smoke! Doesn't he look silly like that!"
The Lioness tugged her daughter along past him, he could tell she was surprised as well. "He certainly does not! Smoking is extremely bad for him, and especially for you. And if I ever catch you so much as thinking it is acceptable you will be grounded forever. And that is much better than the punishment that should be given to the irresponsible person who taught the poor thing that. Besides, he probably doesn't even know what he's doing, just a trick to try to get attention."
John stared the lioness directly in the eye slowly lifted his cig to his lips and took a long drag on it, exhaling a satisfying cloud. "Smoke," he said with an annoyed tone. Seemed like the other humans would just pick a word they liked and say it constantly, like an even more annoying parrot. Fuck it. If he was going to keep himself from getting carted off to a human pound and getting his balls snipped off he would play along...but that didn't mean he had to like it.
He kept eye contact even as the lioness hustled away her kid, who craned her head over her back to watch him as she was pulled away. John relented and gave her a little smile and a wave, Wasn't her fault her mom was a bitch...or whatever the cat version of a bitch was. He got a quick conspiratorial grin and wave back...ha, kinda a cute kid actually. sigh oh well...time to find something to eat. He took the last few puffs of his cig and put it out, staring overlong at the butt that he had just stubbed out on the grass...hmmmm, that might work. But not over by the beach, those animal control guys were probably still looking for him.
Chapter 2
After knocking her glasses off the nightstand and clawing the carpet blindly for them she got up promptly tripped over her tangled comforter and managed to stub her paw. She stripped off her panties and sleep shirt and got into the shower...just in time for her 4th alarm to start blaring from her phone incessantly. She hung her head and shook it slowly...another fantastic morning. She turned on the shower, the water pipes making a strange vibrating clunk and jumped giving a startled squeak! Freezing cold water sprayed her...Through the wall, she could hear her neighbor close her door. Damn it all, if only she had gotten up with her first alarm she could have still gotten some hot water...she grumbled and hissing through it all managed to wash quickly.
She practically jumped out of the shower, well more climbed...the old style clawed tub edge came up to her chest and headed over to the sink. She had to pull a painters step ladder over to it and pop it open and climb all the way up to the fourth step just to open the medicine cabinet...she took out three pill bottles and closed it, staring overlong in the mirror.
Kim was a deer mouse, she had light gray fur covering her entire body, slightly lighter white on her front side that was short and soft. Right now it looked dull and matted. Her dark brown eyes were large, round, and to her looked black...also like they were going to pop right out of her head like some bug-eyed freak. She could see the dark bags under her eyes even through her fur. Her ears were big, even for her species and stuck out stupidly under her messed up dull brown hair...it was supposed to be a pixie cut, but had been so nervous when she had gotten it she had given conflicting directions to the stylest...it looked like a military father had tried to cut his sons hair in her opinion. She sighed and topped off the whole steaming mess with the cherry on top, her huge round coke bottle thick glasses. She wanted cute wire rims...but her prescription was so bad she had to have thick frames to support the monster lenses. At least she got to have pink.
She tried to square her shoulders and force a smile, grinning with her overlarge buck teeth. She covered them with a tiny paw and her shoulders sagged. She looked at her chest...practically flat as a board. Everything on her was small at only 4'9" 80lbs she was considered handicapped she was nearly head and shoulders shorter than both her parents and all of her many siblings. She frowned and took her pills drinking directly from the faucet, and brushed her teeth with disdain. Everything on her was tiny, except her giant stupid teeth, her big dumbo ears, and her ugly bug eyes. She spat into the sink with enough force to splash her chest with her toothpaste spit. She closed her eyes and counted to 10. Maybe the morning would be better once her meds kicked in and she had some coffee.
After she had dressed for work and after getting her coffee and a nutbar she stood at the door...she did her deep breathing exercises and unlocked all 6 of her deadbolts one at a time...those little chains were worthless, she still had one just in case she ever had to talk to someone through the door. however, a steel reinforced frame with flat plate brass facings you couldn't so much as slid a paper through were functional and perfect. She straightened her beige skirt and took a deep breath as she opened the door...she had planned to stride through it to meet the day with some shred of confidence. Instead came up short when she thought she heard someone in the hall...she slowly peeked out, then stuck her nose out...and quickly darted into the hall slammed the door behind her and skittered toward the stairs...with any luck, she could avoid...sigh nope.
"HI Kim! Great morning ain't it! Cold for spring through my shower ran out of hot water right at the end, The super should really do something about that huh?" Said a giant female gator who pounded her bulk toward Kim who couldn't help but flinch and cower against the doorframe of the stairwell afraid of being stepped on. She didn't even come past her massive pursuer's thighs.