Other Legend of Zelda Greentexts:
Link's detention
I'm really disappointed in you, Link
how could you screw this test up so bad?
you've been studying for months and you still know nothing about our kingdom!
our official language is not Portuguese and it never was!
our chief export is not tungsten! there is no tungsten here!
our capital city is not Winnipeg!
in fact, it's pretty much the opposite of Winnipeg!
our national pastime is not motorcycle repair, it's horseback riding!
I'm starting to think you're failing these tests deliberately because you enjoy being sent to the breeding pens as punishment!
well, from now on, you're stuck here breeding me!
until you start taking these tests seriously, I'm gonna wring you out like a wet sock after every class!
also, stop drawing naked pictures of me on the chalkboard, I know it's you!
my butt is not that big!
Link and Tetra's unborn firstborn
hey Link, remember that night at sea?
we got drunk and took a bath in a rainbarrel under a shinin' Moon
and then we made loud sloppy love for hours
the crew didn't say anything but I bet they all heard
we spied land that morning and we had good luck ever since
I think we're having a son
I think he's gonna be a sailor
an' I bet he'll spend his days traveling to distant lands and loving strange women
one day he'll sail home an' he'll step ashore with a black-skinned woman on his arm
or maybe a Zora princess
maybe even a Deku maiden, who knows?
our boys will carry our name and our blood to the far corners of the world
I'm hungry again, can you cook up some burgers?
Young Link gets the ara ara treatment
I don't rightly know how we did it, girls, but we brought Young Link forward in time!
that means we get seven years of watching the little guy grow up into the fucking machine we all love!
now all we gotta do is decide who gets him first!
I vote for myself, Link and I have a lot of horseback riding to catch up on!
n-no! he's supposed to rule Zora's Domain with me!
we even got married, just ask him!
well, I'm the princess of Hyrule and I say I have the royal right to take the virginity of any boy I choose, and I choose Link!
w-what do you mean, he's not a virgin?!
who the hell is Saria?!
hah! I promised him a special gift that I never got the chance to give him, and he's getting it tonight with interest!
y'know, Malon, you mighta taught him to ride
but I taught him to shoot from horseback!
f-fine then, let's just ask Link
well, who do ya want first?
me, right?
well, you better make a decision before we all jump you at once!
Tetra's unwanted finery
ugh, what a pain in the ass
didn't know most of my time as a princess would be spent primping and preening
I guess no one 'round here wants a tomboy princess
'cept Link, of course!
think I'll let him pull all this princess crap off me
then we'll wrestle over who gets to be on top!
boy, I feel better already!
Sentimental drunk Tetra
hic
y'know Link...
maybe I'm just drunk
maybe the moonlight is makin' me crazy
but I allus knew I'd fall in love at sea
kinda scared it'd be with some dirty sea rat or a Navy man or somethin
I allus wanted a hero like you to come along
a white boy like you
sweep me offa my feet
make a princess outta me
an onnest girl
hic
you listnin, Link?
I guess you don't talk
s'okay, I c'n tell you unnerstand
don't hafta say it
feel your heartbeat unner my hand an' I know you love me too
hic
so here's to us!
to th' wind that blows
to th' ship that goes
and the lad that loved a pirate!
hic
Sentimental hungover Tetra
mmm, that was the best night of my life
head hurts, huh?
I believe ya
never seen anyone drink a quart of rum and still be able to fuck my brains out like that
you just might be the toughest, saltiest sailin' man I ever met!
heehee, you look goofy as hell with your hair all messed up like that!
cute though
come on, Link, a stroll on the deck'll do ya good
nothin' cures a hangover like cool breeze and sea spray
our lookout says he spotted land, we can lie on the beach and drink lemonade in the shade, sound good?
when you're feeling a little better we can make love again
Tetra wins
mmm, he sure loves tomboys, doesn't he?
I bet that tanned skin and cocky attitude of yours drives him crazy
I know he likes my big butt and soft belly, but don't worry
I've seen how he looks at you and I know it's true love!
he fucks my brains out all the time but you're the one he wants to grow old with
oh, I've tried, but I just couldn't steal him away
I've kissed him as deeply and lovingly as I could
tried imprinting the smell of my hair and pussy on him
he just cums inside me and dreams about your eyes and your smile
looks like you win, captain!
sail off into the sunset with him and populate some far land with your children!
Sharing Cremia's bed
c'mon, Hero, you're probably tired from spending all night saving us!
slip into bed here and have a good restful sleep!
oh, Cremia?
she's pretty tired too
she's just upset you're not resting beside her
heehee, sorry Cremia, my bed's too small for the three of us!
...
Cremia's bed?
that's not a bad idea, her bed is probably perfect!
that settles it, you're spending the night here and we're all sharing Cremia's bed!
let's go, Hero!
We're gonna need a bigger island
just don't quit, do ya, honey?
gonna hafta move to a bigger island if you don't slow it down
our firstborn already brought a dark-eyed girl home and knocked her up
from the look of her she's getting triplets, just like me!
a few of his brothers like gazing out at the sea
they're gonna be sailors too, I bet
let's go out looking for a big island to retire on!
let's get one with a waterfall or something
Stolen Gerudo clothes
whaddaya think, honey?
stole this from that Gerudo fortress we stopped at a few days ago
I think it's missing a couple pieces
oh well, I think it looks pretty cool!
I don't know how to bellydance, but I'm sure I'll figure it out!