Every Problem With SMGDS

Story:

Introduction doesn’t connect to the rest of the story. - Have it instead be the protag answering his friend’s email after multiple years. His friend sent him SMGDS saying he randomly found it on a site they used to browse together that’s shutting down and said they should beat it together. Being unsure about whether he should respond he thought it’d be best if he goes ahead and plays the game and takes screenshots of it as a way to “make-up” the years it took for him to respond. Shows he’s passive, sets up the friend for the ending, explains their relationship, gives a reason why the game isn’t well known, what his motivation is to play the game, etc.

Impasta has no personality (besides that time he screams when Cosmic Luigi falls into space). Eating things doesn’t count. - Have him be a trickster. He deceives the player. He’s easily made mad. When the protag collects Power Stars it infuriates Impasta.

Cosmic Luigi has no personality. - Have Cosmic Luigi pretend to be the player’s friend. The cosmic races are him occupying the player while Impasta goes to do other things. Eventually he does a race in which he leads the player to Impasta, using it as an opportunity to kill him. This is where the screenshots with the player are used instead. Have him express no emotion compared to Impasta. Cosmic Luigi tracks the player so Impasta knows where to go.

Impasta’s introduction doesn’t make sense and was only done because every EXE game has the “you-walk-up-to-bad-guy-and-then-he-goes-AHHHHH”-segment. - Have Impasta’s introduction be a planet he collected the Power Star from getting “????龜????? in orbit!” The protag goes there and sees Impasta walking slowly and his jump height less than Mario’s, seeing what the protag did. Impasta tries to use Launch Star, fails, has to get up through other ways. Impasta gets to where the Power Star once was, sees it’s not there, and sees him bash shit there in anger. The protag goes up to Impasta and waits for him to stop. Impasta stops, turns around to see the protag, and runs at him punching him. The protag is sent flying, emphasize the distance, and takes more damage than other attacks. Protag gets up, jumps onto Impasta, nothing happens to Impasta, protag bounces right off and lands above. Impasta’s “head” is looking right at protag yet doesn’t notice him, Impasta keeps looking around for where protag is. Protag tries to attack Impasta again, perhaps using a power-up that’s there which you would establish beforehand and from that show whether Impasta uses it or not and if so what happens to him, and from the protag getting the power-up he uses it on Impasta and sees it does nothing to him? This gets Impasta’s attention and he tries to run after protag, realizes protag is faster than him, and it’s at that point Impasta tries to get the protag by using his black hole, slowing down the protag? The stuff with Impasta encountering other enemies occurs during this and it does slow down Impasta, giving the protag a possible idea about what to do with him. This then leads into the question of the protag’s plans as a consequence of this, how he learns about Impasta’s weakness, etc.

Protag’s motivation as an archivist makes no sense and doesn’t go anywhere. - Remove it.

SMGDS being official or fan made has no bearing on the story. - Remove it.

Launch Stars don’t make sense and are conveniently placed. - The Comet Observatory is changed. There’s one big Launch Star in the middle. You click on a galaxy on the map and are launched there. Every galaxy has a launch star at where you land at the end near the Power Star, letting you get back to the Comet Observatory. Impasta and Cosmic Luigi can’t use Launch Stars. Show this in Impasta’s introduction as while he’s going around where the protag was he uses one and immediately hits the grounds instead of being launched.

No point in pause menu. - Remove it.

No reason to believe enemies would attack Impasta and Impasta would attack enemies. - While Impasta is doing something the enemies aggro to him and Impasta beats them up easily. If you want you could have the enemies aggro the protag, Impasta shows up, and the enemies switch to attacking Impasta. Make sure the enemies are different types and it’s not just goombas for example that attack him. You could even have the enemies fight each other and then when Impasta shows they stop fighting each other and aggro onto him. This shows Impasta and the enemies hate each other, Impasta is stronger than multiple enemies fighting him together with how quickly he kills them, and shows how the enemies hate him so much they go from fighting you or each other to fighting Impasta. You could even use that same concept of enemies switching aggro to show how much Impasta hates the protag. Even though other enemies he would normally fight shows up, he continues chasing you, showing that he hates you more than the other enemies.

Why don’t Impasta and Cosmic Luigi attack the Comet Observatory first? - Comet Observatory has a bubble around it. Cosmic Luigi gets there but sees Impasta.

Even if you are someone who has played SMG before you aren’t gonna know what all the references to cut content are which wouldn’t matter if it weren’t for those sections only existing so some readers can go “I get that” and don’t have any bearing on the story. - Remove most of the references as they aren’t needed and serve no purpose. Keep it to the bare minimum like Starman Fortress (and Peanut Galaxy which gets a single sentence as part of the joke). Replace the rest with original content that pushes the story forward and serves a purpose.

No point for the first-person stuff to be mentioned besides being a reference. - Remove it.

No point for the game to be on the DS instead of the Wii. - Have the top screen function as a map. It always shows every galaxy, telling you where Impasta is via “????龜????? in orbit!” Health is relegated to a corner of the map with coins, star bits, etc or doesn’t appear until the protag is hurt. Star bits could be removed for not serving a purpose in the story. Same thing with coins although they give life.

All the time the protag spends before the Comet Observatory is pointless as it doesn’t connect to the rest of the story. - Remove it. Have the protag wake up at the Comet Observatory.

No reason to care about the Comet Observatory being destroyed or Starman Fortress other than a “I get that!” reference. - Have protag constantly return to the Comet Observatory. Have it act as a safe zone Impasta and Cosmic Luigi can’t get to. Have Impasta discover the Comet Observatory and he sees in the middle the collection of Power Stars, realizing he can destroy the protag and get all the Power Stars by getting enough Power Stars himself to break through the Observatory’s barrier. For Starman Fortress have the player go there once due to the amount of Power Stars there is, Cosmic Luigi tries to send him away so he doesn’t keep investigating, the protag falls for this. While he’s at Starman’s Fortress he hears occasional thumping, shaking the galaxy. Later on the protag comes back to get the rest of the stars and investigates the thumping. The reason why protag investigates is because he hears the same thumping on another planet which contained a smaller version of Megaleg. This smaller version of Megaleg was ultimately defeated by Impasta but it did give him a bit of trouble. Cosmic Luigi shows up, tries to attack the protag, and the protag wins. Thumping is louder than before and more intense. Protag goes to the other side of the galaxy and sees Megaleg, his insides glowing to indicate the amount of Power Stars inside him. Megaleg is chained up. You have to show beforehand some instance of Impasta chaining up enemies and then releasing them. Maybe when the protag is lured into the trap Impasta sends enemies at him that are chained. They try to attack him before giving up and going after the protag. To establish the idea of why they would have Megaleg, maybe it would be to send it to the Comet Observatory as a way of destroying it? Would have to show some way of how it would be sent to the Comet Observatory. Maybe Starman Fortress and the Comet Observatory are on opposite ends and Impasta is destroying all the galaxies in the middle to make it a clear shot to which Megaleg can be directly sent to the Observatory?

No reason for protag to be especially scared of Impasta. - Done in introduction and setting him up to be scary.

No reason for protag to be scared of Impasta consuming him. - Have in protag’s first save file that when he dies he can’t get his lives back. Protag then dies from a black hole in a galaxy, sees his life counter drop all the way down to zero and he games over. Gets booted to the main menu and sees his save file has been deleted.

No reason for protag to not get 99 lives then keep attacking Impasta. - Have 1-ups and other ways of getting 1-ups like starbits and coins do not work. Demonstrate this after the protag loses a life and tries to get another one.

Why does protag assume Cosmic Luigi is Impasta’s minion and not brother? - Do not refer to the relation between the two. Don’t use brother but also don’t use servant or minion or anything like that. I don’t know how you would even demonstrate Cosmic Luigi is a servant and not Impasta’s brother.

Red Star is pointlessly used once just so it can be set up to be used at the end. - Have it used more in the story and have it be upgraded over time by the collection of Power Stars. After protag gets his first Power Star he goes back to the Observatory, deposits it there, and the Red Star spawns. Protag initially uses it, it lasts for a second, but as the protag gets more Power Stars it becomes stronger. Eventually gets to the point the protag launches off with it and uses it for the beginning of galaxies he goes to. When protag collects Power Stars also hint to the possibility that when the protag collects enough Power Stars something will happen to the Comet Observatory. In Mario Galaxy there’s the Power Star countdown. When it reaches zero you can fight Bowser. Repurpose that, every Power Star you get makes the number go down, but never have the protag get to 0. Adds intrigue, a reason for him to continue, what he considers the game to be, etc. Give protag another incentive to defeat Impasta by having the map on the top screen associate Impasta with how many Power Stars he’s consumed. Implies to the player that by killing him he’ll get all the Power Stars inside Impasta. You could also have the Power Stars reinforce the Observatory’s shield but that feels like adding more that’s needed, you need to solve for Impasta getting enough Power Stars to destroy the shield and any gains the protag has made. It’s also very conservative and enforcing the status quo isn’t very interesting.

Why doesn’t protag camp by a star until Impasta comes then kill him? - Remove the star. Only the Red Star exists which doesn’t cause invincibility although you could give it powers other than flight.

What’s the point in the protag getting Power Stars? In SMG it was to unlock domes. In SMGDS the domes are already unlocked. - As mentioned above have Power Star upgrade Red Star and they have some number go down which makes the protag think that by getting the number down to 0 that’ll be considered beating the game.

Grammar/Spelling/Words:

Run-on sentences. Not enough periods and semicolons. - Add them. Spell-check.

Improper capitalization (3ds instead of 3DS). - Fix it.

Words are spelled wrong (queue instead of cue, contraception instead of contraption) - Be less retarded. This and the two issues above are solved by rereading.

Adjectives that follow words using the same first syllable are unserious. - Don’t include them.

Impasta is an unserious name. NN is also stupid. Don’t suggest that. - Refer to Impasta as “the monster,” “the beast,” “goliath,” etc.

Gaylord is a one-off joke that doesn’t go anywhere. It doesn’t even really reflect the protag’s personality.

Prose too much for describing a video game. - Stop choking on a thesaurus. Use normal words. Adjectives should serve a purpose and not be gay fluff.

Other:

The DS images go into both boxes. - Use Paint to black out the parts that intersect it.

The health is almost always 7. - There has to be somebody that made a Mario Galaxy-styled 8. Try and find it, edit the images to make it 8 instead, and give credit to the guy who made the 8. You could also reduce the health to 3 to up the stakes.

Do you guys want to change “Galaxy DS PROTOTYPE” to something else? - We could just make it “Super Mario Galaxy DS” and drop the prototype part of it. It’s not like anybody refers to as SMGDSP anyway.