At 5AM on March 20th ，2025 ，I was abruptly woken up by my mom who was crying & hyperventilating while trying to explain what was going on．She said that my dad was unconscious in the living room & that he had what she believed to be a seizure at the time．In this moment I was half asleep & very dissociated．I think about 5-10 minutes later we were told to go into the living room so we could talk to the lady who was going to help us & take us to the hospital．We walked out of our room (me & my sister) & I stood in the hallway listening & trying to gather myself．That specific moment was when I had the realization of what was happening & finally snapped out of my drowsiness．All these feelings started rushing through me ，it was like "holy shit this is actually happening" ，along with lots of panic & worry．I have never been good at comprehending my emotions ，let alone understanding them & in this moment I was so overwhelmed by all of it that it was almost way too much for me to handle．

We all decided to go to the hospital．All I could think about during that entire drive was things I wish I could've done with & said to my dad．I thought about things we used to do when I was a kid ，I thought about so many memories to the point that I could not stop crying．Me & my dad used to be so close when I was young．I was a huge daddy's girl ，but since I've grown older ，I sort of strayed away from that & became very introverted towards everyone．My mom often told me how my dad wanted to talk to me more & get to know the me I am today ，he wanted to know all the things I liked & form a better relationship with me．I never got to do that．I just sort of stayed the way I was & never really talked to him personally．I wish I did．I regret not trying to．In the hospital we got to see him．They let us know that he was in a medically induced coma meaning he was unable to move & talk at the moment ，but he could hear us．I got to tell him that I love him & that he would be okay．They told us that he had flat lined for about 30 minutes in the ambulance & ended up coming back after．That's insane．He was truly fighting through it all．( ´ ᴖ ｀ )

He was then transferred to another hospital which specialized in heart related things & had a cath lab ，which was needed for his procedure．While we were sitting there waiting for what felt like hours of absolute hell ，we heard an announcement that was letting staff know there was a code blue in the cath lab．(Code blue means flat line) In this moment there was so much panic & worry going through me ，my mom & sister were also feeling this way ，I was so numb & ended up dissociating heavily．The hospitals chaplain had walked by while this was happening & helped us so much．She asked the doctors if the code blue was for my dad & later came back & said it was ，but reassured us he was going to be okay．She had us go into a more private room that had a couch & a couple chairs so we were all able to sit．We then had a few doctors come into the room to let us know that everything was okay．We waited even longer & had got another announcement for a code blue ，which again ，was my dad．This time he came back immediately after & was back up & ready for the procedure．A lot of the stuff after this is a huge blur because of how delirious & fatigued I was．All I remember is seeing him being moved out of the cath lab & down the hall where we got to speak to him again．He was transferred to another hospital．I ended up staying home for the rest of the day due to chronic pain issues．

I stayed home the next day until my mom called me & told me & my sister to get ready ，as she was going to come home & pick us up so we could all go to the hospital．This was because they were going to tell us if he was braindead or not ，so we needed to be there．Almost exactly the moment we got there he ended up coding blue again．Having to see this happen right in front of your eyes is so terrifying．The doctor there told us that he had swelling in the brain．This didn't mean he was braindead ，however ，it is not good at all．We sat there watching him be given CPR & shocks ，it was so painful & terrifying to see & I cannot get the image out of my head even if I tried．We then heard a doctor tell the others to stop doing CPR ，I was confused & scared because I didn't know what they mean't．My mom & sister started crying & I sort of began to realize this mean't he was gone & they were unable to help any longer．I think this was genuinely the worst feeling I had ever felt in my entire life．It was like my heart just dropped & shattered into a million pieces that stabbed me over & over again．I sat there dissociating & feeling completely numb．I got to touch him & tell him I love him before we left．His face was pale & his lips were slightly purple．He was so cold．It was terrifying & it hurt so bad to see it．That entire car ride home was such a blur ，I don't even remember anything that happened the rest of the day．I was so out of it & in a complete state of denial & shock．This is something that you usually assume would happened by the time you were atleast 40+ ，but I am only 16．My dad was 46 years old ，he did not deserve to go this early at all．

There are a few things that did happen after he passed that I would like to share．Almost immediately after his passing ，we saw a mourning dove land on the windowsill & sit there for about a minute or so．If you didn't know ，it is believed that mourning doves appear when someone is grieving the loss of a loved one & may be a visit from the person who passed．They are said to bring a message of hope & encouragement ，as well as a sign of new beginnings．I think thats so beautiful．A little while later my grandma heard the little jingle they play when a baby is born．Just yesterday my mom came to me & told me there was a mourning dove on our back porch．It ended up staying for a little while ，later moving to the ground． The moment she took her phone out for a picture ，it flew away．

I miss everything he would do with me & my sister ，I miss when he would take us out & bring us to fun places just out of the blue ，I miss when he would come home at 2AM with snacks for us ，I miss all of his stupid Temu orders ，I miss when he would say goodbye & I love you before he went to work ，I miss when he had helped record me & my cousins first YouTube videos ，I miss all of the silly faces he'd make ，I miss him so so much．

To further explain ，my dad had a very sudden heart attack caused by a blood clot in his main artery．This heart attack is called a widowmaker．My grandpa had this same issue ，however ，it was noticed way sooner ，meaning he was able to get rid of the clot before the heart attack could happen．Unfortunately my dad was not so lucky．Both me & my sister will be getting checked for this since it is hereditary．