The Trash Bag and The Food Thief

I was excited today, It was Friday, not just any Friday, this Friday was special, why you ask? It's simple, today's Sloppy Joe day! I adored eating Sloppy Joes as a kid, the ones my Mom made were the best, my positive mood changed to one of confusion the moment me and Maddi stepped into the mess hall, everyone was in a serious uproar over something, and from the looks of it, it was 100% food related. I walked over to where the ruckus was coming from, looked over the counter, and noticed that the pantry and most of the kitchen had been ransacked, "I'm pretty sure this is the third time in a row that someone broke in this week" someone said.
"OK, we should defo check on Beast, he's probably having a panic attack right now." I said to my tiny companion, "You know we can't enter his kitchen, no one can!" replied Maddi. "I'm just gonna look in the doorway, don't worry bout it!", the moment I said that and looked in the doorway, my suspicions were proven correct, there he was on the floor hyperventilating, Ronnie was trying to call for help in that ungodly annoying voice, he sounds kinda different, but that's probably just me. I chuckled a little bit, and Maddi looked at me with slight disdain.
Just then, a swarm of Magnemites entered the lobby followed by two figures entered the lobby, One was short and slender with roses in her hands, and she was smoking a cigarette, Which was bizarre. the other was round and muscular and had a horn on their head. The two entered the kitchen, "P-Please calm down" the buff one said, "We're detectives from the Capim Town Heinous Crimes Unit, we're here to investigate." "You didn't have to announce it in front of everyone, Arceus..." the short one scolded her meek partner. She walked into the kitchen. "I'm Blanche, a detective from the CTHCU, I'll take over from here", The Numel blushes at the detective for a second and then exits the kitchen, all the while trying to not take his eyes off her body, "Crap, it's gonna be a pain to get answers outta this idiot. Might as well use the ol' sleepy-bye dust." From her rose-like hands, she produces a powder that instantly puts Beast to sleep, two of the Magnemites carry his passed-out body, "Take this dude back to HQ for questioning." As the Magnemites complied with the detective's request, she pointed to her Heracross partner. "As for you, Fatass, we're gonna go question the guildmaster of this shebang..." The Heracross gets pouty and replies, "My name isn't "Fatass", it's Noire!"

As the detective duo headed to the upper floor where Lilam's office was, I looked out the main entrance and couldn't help but wonder what the hell just happened, I needed to get some goddamn answers, Maddi chimed in, "I guess you kinda want some answers... huh?".
"Hell yeah," I replied, "Who the fuck were those two?", Maddi sighs for a moment, "They're detectives from the local HCU, the place where my daddy works, they mostly deal with Outlaws that work OUTSIDE of the mystery dungeons..."
"Wait, so you're telling me that crimes aren't just limited to mystery shenanigans?" I replied, "That's a shocking bit of lore dump.".
"The Roserade is Blanche, she's the kinda detective who's no-nonsense and just wants to get the job done over with as soon as possible, she's really abrasive and has, The Heracross is Noire, He's Blanche's partner, a rookie, he just started 4 weeks ago, although he's kind of an idiot, he's got a big heart and genuinely wants to see just prevail."
"Wow, how do you-" Maddi cuts me off, "How do I know so much about them? It's because my daddy told me about them, you dummy!~"

After that bizarre event, we went back to work, Later that day, Lilam called me over and said he needed to talk to us... in private.

"You wanted to see us, sir?", I said as we entered the office of the black-coated cat-like guildmaster. "Oh, it's the Jannies! Come! Come! Sit Down! Can I interest you both with a cuppa joe?". I accepted the offer, I'd take free coffee any day.
Lilam explained the situation to us, "OK, We got seriously bad news, with the HCU sniffing around, they're no doubt gonna find out about some of the more "degenerate" actions we've been doing, and once that gets out, this entire guild is kaput!"
"So what do you want us to do about it?", Maddi replied. "Why can't you get someone like Booker & Sneasel, or Team Misfits, or hell, I'm pretty sure even Gus would be more qualified for this than us."
"That's exactly the reason why I picked you two for this job!" Lilam enthusiastically replied, "You two are so basic & uninteresting that there's no way that the HCU will assume you guys as suspects! Kyukyukyu~"
"Basic? Uninteresting? You insensitive littl-" I stopped and took a deep breath. "All right, we'll take the job, but what's in it for us?"
"A raise!" "A raise...and a 1500g gift card to Sawsbucks!~"
"Sawsbucks?! That place has the best coffee in all of Capim Town!", we exited the office and headed to the lobby.
"But wait, how are we gonna get in?" Maddi queried, "Isn't the guild gonna be closed when the thief strikes?"
"Oh don't worry about that, I planned this out... I'm gonna lock you guys in here for the ENTIRE night!~ Good Luck!~", just as Lilam exits through the main entrance he slams it shut on us.

...

"For the record, I'm only doing this because of the Sawsbucks card! That Mint Chocolate chip frappuccino is like crack to me, ok?" I said to Maddi "This is gonna be a looooooong night." Maddi said, deflating like a balloon.

...

We didn't do much that night, we mostly just chatted about random things, Beast was still being interrogated so his kitchen was free for us to rummage through what's left of it, but then...
"Hey, Maxi, I know I feel weird for asking you this but..."
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever... dated... someone before?" the moment she said that I began to blush a little.
"Date? Wh-what d'ya mean by that sweetie?" I covered my mouth and pretended I didn't say that last part.
"Like... with other girls I mean..."
"Oh... well not really, I wasn't that much of a social butterfly growing up," I replied. "What compelled you to ask that?"
Maddi began shaking "Oh! Uh... it's nothing really... but I was wondering I-" Just then a loud noise came from the mess hall, no doubt that it was the troublemaker who was behind all of this
"Welp, there's our criminal, let's go Maddi!" Maddi jumped into my strap pouch and we rushed towards the noise.

"Ok, Dickhead! Your days of rummaging through other people's pantries are over!" I bravely proclaimed to the thief. But then I gasped at who or rather what the thief ended up being...

It wasn't a Pokemon at all... IT WAS A HUMAN!

An honest-to-god human girl! She looked around 18 or so, with pink eyes, she was wearing some kind of sweater with a black undershirt, jeans, grey socks, a pair of boots & had glasses on. Before I could sink into the surrealness of the situation, the girl pushed me out of the way and ran out of the kitchen.

"Hey wait! What the fuck is going on here!?" I shouted at the assailant, while I began chasing her. We chased her to the top floor's outdoor area. When we got there we confronted the girl who looked like she was waiting for someone.

"Why the hell are you trying to steal our food?" I questioned the thief.
"You don't understand I have to do this! I have to do this or else..." She stops for a moment when she notices something, "He's here" she exclaims.
Just then a voice rang out, and Maddi sprang out of my pouch. "Well now, looks like you've been caught Ms. Timpani. Such as shame..." A figure begins to appear in segments, revealing a lizard-like form. "A Kecleon?" Maddi said "From The Kecleon Bros. company? I should've known!" "Quite perceptive, kiddo!" The Kecleon sarcastically proclaimed. I was even more dumbfounded than I already was right now. "Ugh, can someone please tell me what the heck is going on here!?" I shouted out loud. "Hmm... okay then, I suppose you deserve an explanation." The Kecleon began to tell his story turns out our little thief here was hired by the Kecleon Bros company to steal various goods from various places around the continent so that they can resell them at higher prices, but that wasn't even the craziest part.
"And now, you know my story, why don't you tell them yours, Juni?", just then the girl's form suddenly began to shift into a puddle of pink glob of slime, bizarrely keeping the hat and glasses. The girl was a Ditto this entire time. "HeHe!~ This girl wasn't even a human at all, you've been fooled!" At this point, I was starting to get extremely pissed off. "Well now that you two know the truth, it seems I'm going to have to end your lives to hide it."

Maddi jumps off my shoulder and begins charging up electricity but then... "Hah! Sucker Punch!" The Kecleon knocks her out of the air and onto the ground, I try to rush over and check on her but the Kecleon transports behind me and grabs me by the tail, "You think it'd be that easy?! WE KECLEON BROTHERS ARE THE STRONGEST FIGHTERS IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD!", I was then flung over and crashed into a tree. I was about ready to pass out... but I had to do something... I had to... I had to... I... "graaAAAAAAAAGH" I ran as fast as I could and thrust myself into that faux-Gex asshole's body. Maddi woke up, and saw that both of us were on the ground, She then ran over to me and tried to wake me up...

"Holy shit, did I just... did I just use Take Down?" I proclaimed after waking up, "Well at least that Kecleon bastard has been taken out, but as for the ditto chick...", I turned around at the ditto, who was now crying we walked over to her, "Juni, was it?" I reached out my hand to her, she stopped crying for a bit. "Why? she said, "Even after all of that... why would you even care about me?! I'm just a random person, a person who's lived her life in this world surviving because she was simply human?", "So you are human!" Maddi chimed in, "Don't worry Juni, there are people at this guild who are just like you and we'd always accept new members.", the ditto sniffs and then reassumes her human form, "Really? they'd accept me?", "Yeah" I replied to her "I mean, you're talking to one right now!", she then stopped crying completely and began smiling, "Thank you", she said as she shook my hand "I've been alone for so long...", just the two HCU detectives, Blanche and Noire, entered the scene, with Lilam and Beast in tow.

"All right you little bastard, come out with our hands up!" She said pointing at us.
"She isn't the one you want! She's an intern who's working a night shift!" I proclaimed to the detective, and then I whispered to Juni, "Play along, okay?"
"Uh... Yeah!" Juni told the detective, "I was trying to find my way to the guildmaster's office until I saw that brute of a Kecleon rummaging through the kitchen, that's the real culprit!"
Blanche and Noire paused for a little bit, "Uh... ok then, looks like this slimy doofus is going away for quite a while." Said Blanche, as two Magnemites proceeded to take the Kecleon away. "Welp our work here is done, come on Fatass!". "Stop calling me that!" replied Noire.
Beast sighed, 'If anyone needs me, I will be in my room trying to sleep off everything that just happened.", he then walked back to his room muttering about the mess he was going to have to clean up in his workspace.
"Well now, isn't this a surprise! This might be the most obvious human yet!~ what's your name kid?" Lilam asked the girl. "It's Juniper Timpani, sir." she said, changing back into her blobby form "I don't know what I should do though.", "Awe don't worry about it!" Lilam said to the new recruit, "There's always a place for someone in the Clover Guild you just gotta find it is all! KyuKyuKyu~", the two of them walked back inside. I then yelled to him, "HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY SAWSBUCKS CARD YOU DICK!?", and just like magic, The gift card was transported into my hands. "Suh-weet! Mint Chocolate Chip Frappucino here I come bee-yotch!".

"Hey Maxi?" said Maddi. "Yeah?" I replied. "Did we do the right thing... I mean... she's still kind of an outlaw...". "Don't worry about it!" I assured her "I mean, it's not like there are any other outlaws in this guild!" I hope I'm gonna regret saying that someday. "Yeah you're probably right...", Maddi seemed pretty tired after everything that just happened, I was tired too. "Hey, the sun's rising, wanna come watch it with me?" I asked my little buddy, "I'd love that..." she replied. We ended up watching the sunrise together under a tree. It was beautiful, I think I wanna relax here for a while...